Wow LA SCN. Thank you so very much. I shed a couple of tears reading your response. I wish I could just offload and cry into a bucket. God, there is nobody here to witness that, so why not. It will probably happen somewhere crazy, like Subway. That built-in truth detector of yours, of mine , of others: if that was all we took notice of, our lives would be taken care of to a large degree. 33 years. I salute you. You probably have heard this before, but I firmly believe that you were trying to help people for those 33 years, regardless of the latter detection of lies. When we are in the middle of something, we so much want it to be real. I wanted the Bridge. I wanted to come out the other side a free man. I firmly believed that was achievable. So did many others. I can only wonder what you got from your 33 years - and I would need to read your post - but I hope it was something tangible. I continue to search. I trust that knowing-ness that we have as much as possible. I hear you that there were times when yours was going off with alarm bells. I just wanted to love people more. Scientology was not the way to do that. I still believe that there is a way. I just have to keep looking. Much Love Greg
In case you haven't seen it. You might find this interesting.
An excerpt from Naked Scientology by William Burroughs, re. his experiences at St. Hill in the late 1960s:
I remember some old biddy dragging me into a broom closet... and asking me on the e-meter, "Do you have any unkind thoughts about L. Ron Hubbard? ... That reads. What do you consider that means?"
"He's so beautiful he dazzles me. I can't help resenting it sometimes."
In the words of Celine - "All this time I felt my self respect slipping away and finally completely gone. As it were, officially removed..."
Like an anthropologist who has, after unspeakable indignities, penetrated a savage tribe, I was determined to hang on and get the big medicine...
...I was ordered for a Joberg [Security Check] because I rockslammed [a type of 'read' on the e-meter] on a question, "What would have to happen before Scientology worked on everybody?" (I couldn't confront it.) The  Joberg http://www.xenu.net/archive/books/isd/isd-5i.htm ...is published for the first time in Inside Scientology http://www.xenu.net/archive/books/isd/isd.htm ...
..."That's it!" barks a sulky Sea Org lieutenant in the doorway of the Public Ethics Officer.
"Everybody line up for a Sec Check."
When my turn comes I pick up the cans.
"Do you consider St. Hill a safe environment?"
"Yes, of course I do."
"There's a read there. What do you consider that could mean?"
"Well, we're surrounded by suppressives. It frightens me to think of these devils all around us."
I was learning...
Scientology is the model control system... How did Hubbard do it? With the e-meter of course. The e-meter is, amongst other things, a reliable lie detector in expert hands...
Naked Scientology: http://www.apologeticsindex.org/Naked Scientology.pdf
John McMaster, the "world's first real Clear" of the 1960s, from a 1985 interview:
He [Hubbard] got the technology to a point where he had a sort of assembly line as he called it. And he told me he was putting all these square ball bearings on the assembly line, and then turning them into round ball bearings at the other end.
Burroughs, in his 'Naked Scientology', does express the view that there are some worthwhile aspects to Scientology, but refused the "invitation" to do the "OT levels," and was happy (relieved) to depart St. Hill when he did, never to return.