Time to share my story
- Thread starter Kathy (ImOut)
- Start date
Good twin
Floater
Since ImOut's not here
I can fill you in on the part where we met. She'll be back to tell you the part after she left. We met at Flag. I was married to my second husband and he was routing onto his OT elig or some such. He was pissed off at me and I at him so I got called over to Flag to get marriage counseling, or chaplain handling or whatever. Anyway, I was supposed to come over for the weekend and ended up staying a couple of weeks. My husband went home and I stayed to do a few of the Flag only Rundowns. I commented one day on session break that I probably should have brought more then one pair of jeans. The next day Kathy brought me a pair of jeans. She isn't really the Evil Twin, by a long shot. She has been good to me through more drama then any friend should have to endure. She always provides me with shelter and comfort. Most recently she led me here. I was a Scientologist for 32 years. I had no idea how to be out. This has been an amazing ride so far. I'm so glad I emailed Kathy when I decided to peak behind the curtain. She led me gently and with kindness and consideration. She let me take my time and make up my own mind. (her hubby too).
So, I know you are enjoying her story, and learning to love her too. You won't hear from her how truly wonderful she is. But it's true she is.
Good Twin
I can fill you in on the part where we met. She'll be back to tell you the part after she left. We met at Flag. I was married to my second husband and he was routing onto his OT elig or some such. He was pissed off at me and I at him so I got called over to Flag to get marriage counseling, or chaplain handling or whatever. Anyway, I was supposed to come over for the weekend and ended up staying a couple of weeks. My husband went home and I stayed to do a few of the Flag only Rundowns. I commented one day on session break that I probably should have brought more then one pair of jeans. The next day Kathy brought me a pair of jeans. She isn't really the Evil Twin, by a long shot. She has been good to me through more drama then any friend should have to endure. She always provides me with shelter and comfort. Most recently she led me here. I was a Scientologist for 32 years. I had no idea how to be out. This has been an amazing ride so far. I'm so glad I emailed Kathy when I decided to peak behind the curtain. She led me gently and with kindness and consideration. She let me take my time and make up my own mind. (her hubby too).
So, I know you are enjoying her story, and learning to love her too. You won't hear from her how truly wonderful she is. But it's true she is.
Good Twin
sallydannce
Gold Meritorious Patron
Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am completely relating to it!
Couple of things – your auditor farted? Too funny! You & I have much in common – like you I can smell a neighbors fart even when I have a cold. I admire the fact that you remained seated & upright in the PC chair. I probably would have said "f*** you, you farted, game over!" and bailed.
Like you I found the first year out very rough. I thought I’d slammed into menopause – without the pause if you get my drift. I was about as unsettled as a person can get. Emotionally all over the show. I had zero peace spiritually. What helped me was telling myself that even though I felt so distressed, I had actually felt worse when in scientology. Pretty pathetic straws to cling to but allowed me sufficient sanity to get through each day.
Anyway a mighty
to you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am completely relating to it!
Couple of things – your auditor farted? Too funny! You & I have much in common – like you I can smell a neighbors fart even when I have a cold. I admire the fact that you remained seated & upright in the PC chair. I probably would have said "f*** you, you farted, game over!" and bailed.
Like you I found the first year out very rough. I thought I’d slammed into menopause – without the pause if you get my drift. I was about as unsettled as a person can get. Emotionally all over the show. I had zero peace spiritually. What helped me was telling myself that even though I felt so distressed, I had actually felt worse when in scientology. Pretty pathetic straws to cling to but allowed me sufficient sanity to get through each day.
Anyway a mighty
to you.
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
I can fill you in on the part where we met. She'll be back to tell you the part after she left. We met at Flag. I was married to my second husband and he was routing onto his OT elig or some such. He was pissed off at me and I at him so I got called over to Flag to get marriage counseling, or chaplain handling or whatever. Anyway, I was supposed to come over for the weekend and ended up staying a couple of weeks. My husband went home and I stayed to do a few of the Flag only Rundowns. I commented one day on session break that I probably should have brought more then one pair of jeans. The next day Kathy brought me a pair of jeans. She isn't really the Evil Twin, by a long shot. She has been good to me through more drama then any friend should have to endure. She always provides me with shelter and comfort. Most recently she led me here. I was a Scientologist for 32 years. I had no idea how to be out. This has been an amazing ride so far. I'm so glad I emailed Kathy when I decided to peak behind the curtain. She led me gently and with kindness and consideration. She let me take my time and make up my own mind. (her hubby too).
So, I know you are enjoying her story, and learning to love her too. You won't hear from her how truly wonderful she is. But it's true she is.
Good Twin
Yes, I took care of Good Twin when she desperately needed clothes. It was the least I could do.
Once she ended up staying with me. I don't remember how long I'd been living in Clearwater, but the unpacking wasn't completely done. And I didn't know where all my extra towels were (husband #2 had done the packing
, while I worked 3 jobs just before we moved) - any way, Good Twin nearly sent me towels, so that she would have a towel if she ever stayed at my house again. I later found the towels packed somewhere I would have never put them. OK, I'll be vain. I'm the best friend in the world.
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am completely relating to it!
Couple of things – your auditor farted? Too funny! You & I have much in common – like you I can smell a neighbors fart even when I have a cold. I admire the fact that you remained seated & upright in the PC chair. I probably would have said "f*** you, you farted, game over!" and bailed.
Like you I found the first year out very rough. I thought I’d slammed into menopause – without the pause if you get my drift. I was about as unsettled as a person can get. Emotionally all over the show. I had zero peace spiritually. What helped me was telling myself that even though I felt so distressed, I had actually felt worse when in scientology. Pretty pathetic straws to cling to but allowed me sufficient sanity to get through each day.
Anyway a mighty
Hi Sallydannce,
The pre-menopause is nothing to laugh at. But how I wish I could. I figure at my age, it can all just go away, but it's not. I keep wishing/hoping/praying/begging it to all just stop already. It retaliates and comes more frequently.
But, hope is in sight. My chiro is having me do a heavy metal test. Since I had mercury poisoning a fews years ago, it's likely the mercury is still in my brain and messing up the pituitary gland and hypothalamus gland - both have everything to do with hormone regulation.
As much as I don't want to have to deal with getting rid of the mercury, it will be worth it, if it settles out my hormones.
I wish I'd had the balls to just leave after she farted. I didn't.
Nor did I have the balls to leave the auditing room after she yelled at me. I did however contemplate how I could grab my purse, my shoes, etc., open the window, jump to the tree and climb down. Didn't think I had a chance in hell of making it and falling from the third floor didn't seem to be a solution.
The horrors we've had to deal with. Why, why, why??????
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
Part 6
OK, lets see if I can get through the rest of this. Strangely, the getting out seems the most difficult to write about.
Reading the internet for hours on end each day started in January 2006. This went on for what seemed like two months and possibly was for two months. All very fuzzy in my brain. The betrayal I felt from the CofS, the horribleness of my recent auditing. I'd had some review auditing in 2005 (possibly early November) - not good.
I was pretty sick with a yeast infection. It had been way over 24 hours, but my auditor is insisting that he arrive at my house to give me a session. He pulled "what would Ron do?". And I told him point blank that I'd tell Ron to shut the F up and I wasn't having a session. My 24 hours had started on Saturday, it was now Tuesday (if I remember correctly).
Anyway, I take a bath hoping for some relief. The phone rings, my auditor is on his way to my house. Oh joy! NOT. I'm tired, I'm not dressed for company, I don't want a fucking session.
Knock on the door, there's my auditor and another person I know from the HGC. Time to set up a room to audit in. Well, we start session and of course my needle isn't floating because I'm tired and I don't want a fucking session. Well, lets fly your ruds. Of course, that's pretty much all we ever do in session. Well, I'm sort of sitting on a withhold. I'd gotten shit faced drunk about 10 days prior. And I drove my car in that condition. (Wasn't the first time, just hadn't done it in about 18 years.) So we get into all of that and we run that back to when I was maybe 3 and my dad would give me the last tiny sip of his beer when we were at Colorado River water skiing. That's what we did in my family. It was a "pleasure moment" being on the water, getting sun, hanging with my dad and getting the last wee sip of his beer. I'm feeling that I'm F/N'g - not called and we get into how my dad giving me a sip of beer is wrong. Sorry, not wrong in my world.
Well, nothing is happening in session, I think I have a dirty needle by this time. The auditor tries to fix that. Not happening. So, we end off session. No F/N called. Not happy at all about the session. Pissed as hell. When they are finally gone, I tell my husband what happened. He calls the DofP and explains that had he'd known how much worse I'd feel after the "session" he would have NEVER let the auditor in the house.
After a few days I go back to the Org for a clean up on that session. That doesn't go a whole lot better. And then I'm off lines until I see a doctor for the yeast infection that won't go away no matter what I do. I've seen a doctor, I've taken Diflucan, I nearly end up in the ER for my bad reaction to the drug. I still need to go to the doctor before I'm allowed back in session. Fuck you, this is a case situation you fucking idiots. (Yes, I'm very pissed about the entire thing at this point.)
During all of this, my husband's folders are supposedly being FES'd by AOLA. My daughter calls the DofP at AOLA and gets told the truth. His folders haven't been being FES'd, AHSO took them back. So basically, we've been being lied to for months. Lying bastards.
So, getting back to reading all the data on the net. Oh My God. Other's have experienced this same/similar crap. Husband and I aren't being singled out. WTF are they doing to their public? Just fucking with them on a daily basis?
So, now this is where I'm screaming H E L P in my head on a daily basis. How do I get out of all this bad, bad, bad auditing? How do I get better? This yeast infection is going on, it's getting close to a year with little or no relief.
Well, I figure I need to find someone in the field to help me. Someone outside the CofS. So I search for something that aligns with Scn, just not the CofS. I finally find the FZ/Ron's Org and there is the possibility of doing this in the US (I don't do international flights - I hate flying and I'd rather have my teeth pulled out with no Novocain).
OK, let's contact the FZ. Well, that takes some time - a month or so. I'm still dying inside. I still have the yeast infection - 12 months and counting. Finally, we speak to someone. She wants me to fly to her immediately so we can audit the yeast infection. NO, I haven't been on a plane since 1998 (it's now 2006) and people now like to blow up planes - not flying alone anywhere. And we aren't paying for two flights on short notice so my husband can come with me and hold my hand during the flight.
We make arrangements to fly to the person's location in another month or so. So, I get on the internet to find some other solution for the yeast infection. Let me tell you - Liquid Grapefruit Seed Extract is my best fix for anything at this point. I take the GSE (tastes like crap) and I take probiotics and I'm all better in about 2 - 3 weeks. And no, I didn't change my diet, because you technically can only eat about 5 things when you're fighting yeast. I didn't want to go thru that starvation again - done that years and years prior.
We take a "vacation" in June to go get service/auditing outside the CofS. All is good. With the exception that my dad is back in LA literally on his death bed. We get home late the Saturday before Father's day in June of 2006. Sunday morning I call my step-mom to find out how my dad is doing. Not good, don't know how much longer he'll make it. We're not showered, fed or dressed. We make it out of the house in less than an hour. I hit the freeway doing about 80 - 85 (you can do this in LA). My husband calls my step-mom to say we're on our way and we'll be there fast, since Kathy's driving like a bat out of hell. I hear thru the phone that my step-mom wants me to slow down. I start doing 90 (I drive an SUV, now I'm driving it like it's a sports car). We arrive at my dad's in about 30 - 40 minutes - usually takes 45 - 60. I don't care - I'm seeing my dad before he dies.
My dad died the following Thursday. Exactly one week after I had a dream that my step-mom called to tell me my dad had died. The only difference is that my step-brother called, because they've given my step-mom a sedative.
While we were gone getting auditing, my husband quits/looses his job. He hated it anyway. And at least he's home when we get the call that my dad died. He's available to me 24/7 during my time of grief. And I'm a little squirrel about money - always have some stashed for a "rainy day", we can survive without a pay check for about two months - plus our tax refund shows up.
All is good. But we're now are out of the CofS and we want the fuck out of LA. My dad has died, I don't have to stay in LA anymore. Husband is sick of LA. Let's move. So, we put our house on the market and we start looking for a place to live. Might as well go to where we can get auditing. OK, that sounds like a good idea.
We can't sell the house. Fine, rent it out. We leave LA in late November 2006. The day before we leave, I send all our letters to the various Orgs that we have money on account at - lots of orgs. We drive for 3 days with two cats - one on drugs to shut her up, towing my husband's car behind us. Husband has to do all the driving - I'm too stressed.
We arrive at our new rental house. The landlord is a jerk, blah, blah, blah. Spent lots of money and time trying to sue him. We have a lousy lawyer and we loose that case almost a year later. But, we have to get a new place - we move again two weeks after we arrived in a new state. Just 9 days before Christmas.
Now for the real fun (read with sarcasm). The house we rent is 6 months old and out-gassing - fumes from new carpet, new paint, new everything. My hormones go nuts. I can't function to save my life. Plus, we're getting hit with Black NOTS on a fairly regular basis. Isn't life grand? Don't I have enough going on? Divorce/marriage, death and moving are the top 3 stresses in a person's life - Wow, I'm doing all three in 13 months time.
In the meantime, I'm trying to be sessionable. I won't get into all the details, but I'm not very happy with the person we are getting auditing from. But by the beginning of July 2007 I leave my new home and my husband - I can't take anything anymore. I go to a girlfriend's (my mommy person, since I don't have a mom, step-mom doesn't count) to chill out. At this point I start to look at Scn outside of the CofS. I'm not thrilled with it. I read some interesting books at my girlfriend's - God Rides a Harley (very spiritual) and some book from the 30s about the different types of love - unconditional love you get from parents, husband/wife love, parent (me) to child love (my daughter). I realize I never got unconditional love from my parents and I'm can't substitute my husband's love for that. COGNITION!
My husband flies to where I'm at, so we can drive home together and work on our relationship. I tell him I'm not sure if I ever want to do anything with Scn ever again. He's OK with that.
I'm busily working on my hormone issue. My mommy person tells me I need some girlfriends where I live - you think? I find a group of women on the net that meet for brunch once a month - oh, no, wogs! October 2007 I go, it's fun. I learn about another group and go to lunch with them the next day. Wow, I've been out of the house two days in a row having fun. I hook up with both groups and do lunch or brunch once a week. I'm starting to feel better - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I think about about November/December 2007 I find this message board. I lurk for a bit, but am afraid. Finally, in January 2008 I register here and start posting. Sorry, I don't remember who was posting about LRH from the 50s, but this is vital information for me. I was in Phoenix with LRH in the late 50s. I start remembering things from back then. Ron ordered my death in 1959. I know, shocking data.
March 2008 - I'm done with all things related to Scn! I inform my husband. Good, he's OK with it and doesn't want a divorce.
That brings us to now. I don't know what I'm going to do for my spirituality. I'm doing a lot of reading, checking out a lot of stuff. But, right now, I'm happy with where I'm at. I don't have all the answers and I really don't care.
We've bought a house in this state that we live. We're fixing it up. We should be moving into it in the next few weeks - who knew grout had to cure? And then I get to start playing in dirt again - gardening (my passion, my joy, my form of create) - all types. We have a huge back yard - a blank canvas for this gardening artist.
We have big plans for this new house. All of the floors have been re-done. The walls have been painted awesome colors - I'm sick of off-white from the rental we've been living in. The back yard will get a pool and tons and tons of plants. The side yard will grow vegetables. I may even get a puppy and piss off my spoiled rotten cats.
My husband has a wonderful job and makes good money. We do not want for things. And we aren't spending all of our money going up the CofS bridge. He still plans to do the FZ bridge and that's OK - it doesn't cost a bloody fortune. We can still have human comforts. And we'll eventually get all of our old CofS credit card debt paid off.
Life is good. I've fully come out. You all know who I am now. My husband and I are doing really good. We actually had a bit of a realization last night about a prior life in which we had been together (yes, I still believe in all of that).
I have girlfriends to do lunch with. I'm still working on health issues, but there is hope in the future that I won't feel like I'm 80 until I actually hit 80. I've met wonderful people here. And I've learned so much from all of you and I thank you all for sharing your stories. And I thank Emma for creating this board - wish I'd found it when it started in January 2006. But, I'm a firm believer in "we have to take the path we take".
I've taken mine and I'm still taking it and it will lead me to where I need to be.
OK, lets see if I can get through the rest of this. Strangely, the getting out seems the most difficult to write about.
Reading the internet for hours on end each day started in January 2006. This went on for what seemed like two months and possibly was for two months. All very fuzzy in my brain. The betrayal I felt from the CofS, the horribleness of my recent auditing. I'd had some review auditing in 2005 (possibly early November) - not good.
I was pretty sick with a yeast infection. It had been way over 24 hours, but my auditor is insisting that he arrive at my house to give me a session. He pulled "what would Ron do?". And I told him point blank that I'd tell Ron to shut the F up and I wasn't having a session. My 24 hours had started on Saturday, it was now Tuesday (if I remember correctly).
Anyway, I take a bath hoping for some relief. The phone rings, my auditor is on his way to my house. Oh joy! NOT. I'm tired, I'm not dressed for company, I don't want a fucking session.
Knock on the door, there's my auditor and another person I know from the HGC. Time to set up a room to audit in. Well, we start session and of course my needle isn't floating because I'm tired and I don't want a fucking session. Well, lets fly your ruds. Of course, that's pretty much all we ever do in session. Well, I'm sort of sitting on a withhold. I'd gotten shit faced drunk about 10 days prior. And I drove my car in that condition. (Wasn't the first time, just hadn't done it in about 18 years.) So we get into all of that and we run that back to when I was maybe 3 and my dad would give me the last tiny sip of his beer when we were at Colorado River water skiing. That's what we did in my family. It was a "pleasure moment" being on the water, getting sun, hanging with my dad and getting the last wee sip of his beer. I'm feeling that I'm F/N'g - not called and we get into how my dad giving me a sip of beer is wrong. Sorry, not wrong in my world.
Well, nothing is happening in session, I think I have a dirty needle by this time. The auditor tries to fix that. Not happening. So, we end off session. No F/N called. Not happy at all about the session. Pissed as hell. When they are finally gone, I tell my husband what happened. He calls the DofP and explains that had he'd known how much worse I'd feel after the "session" he would have NEVER let the auditor in the house.
After a few days I go back to the Org for a clean up on that session. That doesn't go a whole lot better. And then I'm off lines until I see a doctor for the yeast infection that won't go away no matter what I do. I've seen a doctor, I've taken Diflucan, I nearly end up in the ER for my bad reaction to the drug. I still need to go to the doctor before I'm allowed back in session. Fuck you, this is a case situation you fucking idiots. (Yes, I'm very pissed about the entire thing at this point.)
During all of this, my husband's folders are supposedly being FES'd by AOLA. My daughter calls the DofP at AOLA and gets told the truth. His folders haven't been being FES'd, AHSO took them back. So basically, we've been being lied to for months. Lying bastards.
So, getting back to reading all the data on the net. Oh My God. Other's have experienced this same/similar crap. Husband and I aren't being singled out. WTF are they doing to their public? Just fucking with them on a daily basis?
So, now this is where I'm screaming H E L P in my head on a daily basis. How do I get out of all this bad, bad, bad auditing? How do I get better? This yeast infection is going on, it's getting close to a year with little or no relief.
Well, I figure I need to find someone in the field to help me. Someone outside the CofS. So I search for something that aligns with Scn, just not the CofS. I finally find the FZ/Ron's Org and there is the possibility of doing this in the US (I don't do international flights - I hate flying and I'd rather have my teeth pulled out with no Novocain).
OK, let's contact the FZ. Well, that takes some time - a month or so. I'm still dying inside. I still have the yeast infection - 12 months and counting. Finally, we speak to someone. She wants me to fly to her immediately so we can audit the yeast infection. NO, I haven't been on a plane since 1998 (it's now 2006) and people now like to blow up planes - not flying alone anywhere. And we aren't paying for two flights on short notice so my husband can come with me and hold my hand during the flight.
We make arrangements to fly to the person's location in another month or so. So, I get on the internet to find some other solution for the yeast infection. Let me tell you - Liquid Grapefruit Seed Extract is my best fix for anything at this point. I take the GSE (tastes like crap) and I take probiotics and I'm all better in about 2 - 3 weeks. And no, I didn't change my diet, because you technically can only eat about 5 things when you're fighting yeast. I didn't want to go thru that starvation again - done that years and years prior.
We take a "vacation" in June to go get service/auditing outside the CofS. All is good. With the exception that my dad is back in LA literally on his death bed. We get home late the Saturday before Father's day in June of 2006. Sunday morning I call my step-mom to find out how my dad is doing. Not good, don't know how much longer he'll make it. We're not showered, fed or dressed. We make it out of the house in less than an hour. I hit the freeway doing about 80 - 85 (you can do this in LA). My husband calls my step-mom to say we're on our way and we'll be there fast, since Kathy's driving like a bat out of hell. I hear thru the phone that my step-mom wants me to slow down. I start doing 90 (I drive an SUV, now I'm driving it like it's a sports car). We arrive at my dad's in about 30 - 40 minutes - usually takes 45 - 60. I don't care - I'm seeing my dad before he dies.
My dad died the following Thursday. Exactly one week after I had a dream that my step-mom called to tell me my dad had died. The only difference is that my step-brother called, because they've given my step-mom a sedative.
While we were gone getting auditing, my husband quits/looses his job. He hated it anyway. And at least he's home when we get the call that my dad died. He's available to me 24/7 during my time of grief. And I'm a little squirrel about money - always have some stashed for a "rainy day", we can survive without a pay check for about two months - plus our tax refund shows up.
All is good. But we're now are out of the CofS and we want the fuck out of LA. My dad has died, I don't have to stay in LA anymore. Husband is sick of LA. Let's move. So, we put our house on the market and we start looking for a place to live. Might as well go to where we can get auditing. OK, that sounds like a good idea.
We can't sell the house. Fine, rent it out. We leave LA in late November 2006. The day before we leave, I send all our letters to the various Orgs that we have money on account at - lots of orgs. We drive for 3 days with two cats - one on drugs to shut her up, towing my husband's car behind us. Husband has to do all the driving - I'm too stressed.
We arrive at our new rental house. The landlord is a jerk, blah, blah, blah. Spent lots of money and time trying to sue him. We have a lousy lawyer and we loose that case almost a year later. But, we have to get a new place - we move again two weeks after we arrived in a new state. Just 9 days before Christmas.
Now for the real fun (read with sarcasm). The house we rent is 6 months old and out-gassing - fumes from new carpet, new paint, new everything. My hormones go nuts. I can't function to save my life. Plus, we're getting hit with Black NOTS on a fairly regular basis. Isn't life grand? Don't I have enough going on? Divorce/marriage, death and moving are the top 3 stresses in a person's life - Wow, I'm doing all three in 13 months time.
In the meantime, I'm trying to be sessionable. I won't get into all the details, but I'm not very happy with the person we are getting auditing from. But by the beginning of July 2007 I leave my new home and my husband - I can't take anything anymore. I go to a girlfriend's (my mommy person, since I don't have a mom, step-mom doesn't count) to chill out. At this point I start to look at Scn outside of the CofS. I'm not thrilled with it. I read some interesting books at my girlfriend's - God Rides a Harley (very spiritual) and some book from the 30s about the different types of love - unconditional love you get from parents, husband/wife love, parent (me) to child love (my daughter). I realize I never got unconditional love from my parents and I'm can't substitute my husband's love for that. COGNITION!
My husband flies to where I'm at, so we can drive home together and work on our relationship. I tell him I'm not sure if I ever want to do anything with Scn ever again. He's OK with that.
I'm busily working on my hormone issue. My mommy person tells me I need some girlfriends where I live - you think? I find a group of women on the net that meet for brunch once a month - oh, no, wogs! October 2007 I go, it's fun. I learn about another group and go to lunch with them the next day. Wow, I've been out of the house two days in a row having fun. I hook up with both groups and do lunch or brunch once a week. I'm starting to feel better - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I think about about November/December 2007 I find this message board. I lurk for a bit, but am afraid. Finally, in January 2008 I register here and start posting. Sorry, I don't remember who was posting about LRH from the 50s, but this is vital information for me. I was in Phoenix with LRH in the late 50s. I start remembering things from back then. Ron ordered my death in 1959. I know, shocking data.
March 2008 - I'm done with all things related to Scn! I inform my husband. Good, he's OK with it and doesn't want a divorce.
That brings us to now. I don't know what I'm going to do for my spirituality. I'm doing a lot of reading, checking out a lot of stuff. But, right now, I'm happy with where I'm at. I don't have all the answers and I really don't care.
We've bought a house in this state that we live. We're fixing it up. We should be moving into it in the next few weeks - who knew grout had to cure? And then I get to start playing in dirt again - gardening (my passion, my joy, my form of create) - all types. We have a huge back yard - a blank canvas for this gardening artist.
We have big plans for this new house. All of the floors have been re-done. The walls have been painted awesome colors - I'm sick of off-white from the rental we've been living in.
The back yard will get a pool and tons and tons of plants. The side yard will grow vegetables. I may even get a puppy and piss off my spoiled rotten cats. My husband has a wonderful job and makes good money. We do not want for things. And we aren't spending all of our money going up the CofS bridge. He still plans to do the FZ bridge and that's OK - it doesn't cost a bloody fortune. We can still have human comforts. And we'll eventually get all of our old CofS credit card debt paid off.
Life is good. I've fully come out. You all know who I am now. My husband and I are doing really good. We actually had a bit of a realization last night about a prior life in which we had been together (yes, I still believe in all of that).
I have girlfriends to do lunch with. I'm still working on health issues, but there is hope in the future that I won't feel like I'm 80 until I actually hit 80. I've met wonderful people here. And I've learned so much from all of you and I thank you all for sharing your stories. And I thank Emma for creating this board - wish I'd found it when it started in January 2006. But, I'm a firm believer in "we have to take the path we take".
I've taken mine and I'm still taking it and it will lead me to where I need to be.
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
Thanks Kathy. It was beautifully written. (and your new avatar looks just like you)
GT
Thank you.
But as you know, I'm not blonde. That's what I looked like when I was 3.
Good twin
Floater
You're not? :confused2: uhhh, am I?
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
I haven't seen you in so many years, I don't have a clue.
And with how nuts I am with my hair, I have to look in the mirror to remember what color it is this month.:confused2:
Good twin
Floater
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
Exactly. And the point is: You can be happy outside the CofS. And you don't die from leaving the CofS. And you carry on with your life and you learn new things and you grow and you become a better you.
GreyLensman
Silver Meritorious Patron
Great story! Thanks for writing it.
Love the avatar, very fitting.
Love the avatar, very fitting.
nowout
Patron with Honors
Kathy, thanks very much for the story, it was eye opening and saddening for me, but fortunately has a great ending.
I was public for a couple of years, got on staff for a year & then the SO for over two decades plus.
Had no idea what public went through, it's amazing having to deal with these seemingly psycho entities of different orgs who don't talk to each other about their public!
I was public for a couple of years, got on staff for a year & then the SO for over two decades plus.
Had no idea what public went through, it's amazing having to deal with these seemingly psycho entities of different orgs who don't talk to each other about their public!
Kathy (ImOut)
Gold Meritorious Patron
Glad you enjoyed it.
You know how it is in the CofS - "everything is fine, stats are going up, our public is winning".
I relate to the kids stories, that were in the Cadet Org. I didn't grow up in Scn or the SO, but my mom basically left me to my own devices. My step-brother molested me. I wasn't allowed to see my father after that, but was lied to about his response to the molestation. Some parents just aren't fit to be parents.
But a person learns to survive and overcome the damage of childhood. And can grow up to be a contributing member of society. With a few quirks leftover from childhood.
Pixie
Crusader
Thank you so much for such a wonderfully written story, I am so glad you're now out the other side and happy and doing really well, long may this continue for you. Love your new photo too. You're brave to tell your story and I'm sure this will help others too. I'm really so happy for you.. thanks again.
