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It's real, real, easy to be in denial about something. I went thru a major medical episode recently, and spent about 3 weeks in the hospital earlier this month on 3 separate admissions. It sucked. I hate hospitals. First the operation, next the post op pain, and finally re admission for possible internal bleeding. BUT ... all thru December I had all the classic symptoms and pains. I could have saved myself a great deal of grief, pain, danger, etc. But I would have had to have paid attention, instead of being in denial and blowing off all the warning signs that I had. Why did I do that? I hate doctors, I hate exams, I hate having to deal with anything medical, etc. It's too easy to tell yourself that a persistent pain is just an occaisional twinge and means nothing.
I suspect that TC isn't deep down evil, just in extreme denial. He would have to have his face really rubbed in the shit before he would wake up and understand wtf is really going on and how he has been being used.
I'm sorry you weren't well, and I really hope you are better. I can relate to your story. But your denial is different than Cruise's because your denial effected you (and the people that love you.) It's not like the person who pulls down the shade and turns on the radio because they don't want to see the Jews being loaded into trucks on the streets in Nazi, Germany and hear the crying of children being separated from their parents. There is a kind of denial that is almost as evil as what is being perpetrated.
I'm curious, did you read the Vanity Fair article? If you believe the stories there are true, Cruise is much more responsible for abuses in the church than someone who just "doesn't know." In fact, there was one story I read, but I can't remember where, where he called a meeting of Scientology's elite to inspire them and later informed DM's office - because he felt he "had to do something" and DM was supposedly impressed and pleased. When Cruise is motivated, things happen. No matter what I think of him, he is powerful.
I think you make my point in that it is really hard for some of us to believe that he knows about each and every abuse and has just decided, "they wouldn't be (or have been) in that situation (Yaeger, Cook, Jentzch, Rinder, and others in the Hole) if they hadn't "pulled it in"?
My question is: Does that include abuses to children like Jenna Miscavige Hill? In the end, if you swallow LRH's philosophy without criticism and analysis, as I think Cruise probably does (he seems like a very black and white thinker - you're either IN or your OUT) then there are no such thing as kids in Hubbardland anyway, so how can their be child abuse?
I think a lot of us are going to have to rethink the person we thought Tom Cruise was. Otherwise we are enabling him, enabling DM. At this point, my argument is, if you support TC, on some level you are supporting DM, because that is where his focus is.