Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 2

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HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
....

<PART ONE of this thread can be found here: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21633-Top-100-Stupid-Moments-in-Scientology. M3375>



(REDUX): "Clears do not get colds" -L. Ron Hubbard


REGISTRAR
So, let me just add all that up and
deducts your IAS discount and also
give you the Sliding Scale discount
and if you pay today, I can also
deduct the very special Advanced
Payment discount. You do want all
those discounts, so let's get this paid
into your account today. Just give
me your charge cards now and
we'll get your eternity secured for you.


PRECLEAR
But you didn't tell me how much the
Golden Age of Tech Clear Special
Intensive was.

REGISTRAR
Oh, well, let's see, with the set-up auditing
you'll need two intensives. Your security check
is one intensive. We need a pledge of one intensive
in case you run out of hours. And then there's another
2 intensives for your Stability Rundown. And you have
been assigned Biff Bloughdown, our top auditor--so
the rate on his super standard Flag Only quality
auditing is 20% more than normal auditors. He
just returned from Flag, you know, and he's the top
auditor in the entire Ideal Org!

PRECLEAR
Well yeah, he's the top auditor in the org
because isn't he the only auditor in the org?

REGISTRAR
I'm going to ignore that Q & A and get right
to the heart of the matter. Do you want your
eternity or not? There a ton of other people
who are waiting for Mr. Bloughdown to
be their auditor and--

PRECLEAR
Okay, okay, okay--but you still didn't tell
me how much this Clear intensive is going
to cost. And why is it called the Clear "intensive"
anyways when have to buy all those other "intensives"?

REGISTRAR
The total is going to be 29,999 dollars.
I'll need those charge cards now.

PRECLEAR
Jeez! Thirty grand?! But I already
spent $ 159,000 to go Clear. Now
I have to spend another $29,999 to
find out if I really went Clear?

REGISTRAR
(coughs, sniffs, sneezes)
Well yes. And remember, the Stability
Rundown is in your special package too.

PRECLEAR
Yeah, I meant to ask you about that.
WTF is a Stability Rundown?

REGISTRAR
Well it is the newest breakthrough on why
a being loses their gain and rollercoasters. Everyone
who has ever been sick gets that so that they never
ever get sick again for the rest of eternity.

PRECLEAR
Isn't that just the PTS Rundown with a new name?

REGISTRAR
(sneezes, sniffles)
Let's not get into self-auditing
and self-CS-ing here. Ron states
that a being should not try to handle
their own case.

PRECLEAR
Isn't that like when Ron said in DMSMH that
"...a Clear does not get colds"?

REGISTRAR
Yes, exactly.

PRECLEAR
Aren't you Clear?

REGISTRAR
Certainly!

PRECLEAR
You have been sniffing and coughing
and sneezing for the past hour. Don't
you have a cold?

REGISTRAR
Um.....yes. But that's because I did
not have my Stability Rundown yet.

PRECLEAR
But how can a Clear get a cold if
Ron said Clears never get a cold?

REGISTRAR
Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body
is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic.

PRECLEAR
LOL. That sounds like bullshit! If you are
Clear why do you have a cold?

REGISTRAR
Um....well, I am PTS. Ron states that
a Clear is still a Clear even when they are
PTS and acting sick, reactive and abberated. So,
let's secure your Clear and Eternity now before
you get sick, reactive and abberated.

PRECLEAR
Wuttttt?

REGISTRAR
Listen, Scientology works. You'll understand
it much better when you are a Clear.

 
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Type4_PTS

Diamond Invictus SP
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

....<snip<<smo[
<snip>


PRECLEAR
But how can a Clear get a cold if
Ron said Clears never get a cold?

REGISTRAR
Well, the Clear is clear on the first dynamic. The body
is composed of MEST, therefore it is on the 6th dynamic.


<snip>​




LOL

I came across a book entitled "New Religions and the Theological Imagination in America".

Here is an excerpt below: (emphasis added by me)



It's basically saying the same thing as you. The implication being that a Clear that didn't happen to be occupying a body would not ever get sick. But because it is still necessary to occupy a body until reaching that OT level where the body becomes an impediment (as with Ron, due to the advanced research he began in 1986), the Clear still can get sick.

But why blame sickness on the body??

According to LRH, the body is only sick because the thetan is connected to an SP and so became PTS. The thetan is responsible for his own PTSness and sickness, not the body.

Their explanation in the Scientology Catechism totally doesn't make sense. :no:

But it's Scientology, so it doesn't have to. :whistling:
 
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guanoloco

As-Wased
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

The single sole source of all psychosomatic illnesses and sickness is the reactive engram bank.

This leads to hundreds of thousands of dollars handling the "being".

Eliminating the reactive engram bank makes it so the "being" can't get sick.

All injuries and illnesses and sickness are caused by PTS to SPs.

This leads to hundreds of hours and actions handling ethics (the "being") and others. It can and frequently does lead to hundreds of thousands of dollars of various handlings.

Eliminating the PTS sit and the SP makes it so the "being" can't get sick.

In the end the "being" is sick of L Ron, Scientology and handlings.

Eliminating L Ron, Scientology and handlings cures the "being" of this peculiar ailment.
 

Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

The single sole source of all psychosomatic illnesses and sickness is the reactive engram bank.

This leads to hundreds of thousands of dollars handling the "being".

Eliminating the reactive engram bank makes it so the "being" can't get sick.

All injuries and illnesses and sickness are caused by PTS to SPs.

This leads to hundreds of hours and actions handling ethics (the "being") and others. It can and frequently does lead to hundreds of thousands of dollars of various handlings.

Eliminating the PTS sit and the SP makes it so the "being" can't get sick.

In the end the "being" is sick of L Ron, Scientology and handlings.

Eliminating L Ron, Scientology and handlings cures the "being" of this peculiar ailment.

It's true! After I left the cult my episodes of becoming sick decreased dramatically. One could say I was PTS to the cult and lrh.
 

OutToe83

Patron with Honors
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

I used my remote viewing skills to observe some of the original research that Ron did back then. Here's a picture of him auditing one of those 270 original research subjects.



hubbard_emeter.jpg


Well, I have to admit, I've never heard a tomato sneeze.

But then, I can't tell a wog tomato from a Clear tomato. Not without an E-meter, anyway,
 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

LOL

I came across a book entitled "New Religions and the Theological Imagination in America".

Here is an excerpt below: (emphasis added by me)



It's basically saying the same thing as you. The implication being that a Clear that didn't happen to be occupying a body would not ever get sick. But because it is still necessary to occupy a body until reaching that OT level where the body becomes an impediment (as with Ron, due to the advanced research he began in 1986), the Clear still can get sick.

But why blame sickness on the body??

According to LRH, the body is only sick because the thetan is connected to an SP and so became PTS. The thetan is responsible for his own PTSness and sickness, not the body.

Their explanation in the Scientology Catechism totally doesn't make sense. :no:

But it's Scientology, so it doesn't have to. :whistling:



:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

Fantastic find!

So, let's review, shall we?

When a Clear gets a cold that Clears never get (i.e. "Clears do not get a cold" -LRH) they really don't have a cold--because the body has the cold. So even if the body is sick with a cold, the Clear doesn't have a cold.

Ergo, if the Clear dies of cancer, the Clear didn't actually die of cancer. Only the body died of cancer. I suppose by this reasoning, the Clear could be winning and writing success stories while they are dying of cancer.

In fact-----this is exactly what Hubbard's demented "loyal officers" tried to sell, isn't it? "HEY RON'S NOT DEAD, HE'S MERELY EXTERIOR"[SUP]1 [/SUP]Yeah, Ron's not dead, it's just that he's so unbelievably OT that he can't allow his powerful power to be stopped by a mere body. Thus, Ron sacrificed his own body(crucifixion) to to go to outer space (heaven) in order to research advanced OT levels and give mankind "eternity" (-- by dying for mankind's sins, to free them of evil and give them immortality). Sounds mighty Christlike don't it? LOL [SUP]





1[/SUP]
This technology is based on and originally researched by Monty Python (i.e. "Hey, Polly's not dead, he's merely stunned")
 
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Victoria

Patron Meritorious
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Ummm, I promise to visit that thread often if you want to start it. :drama:

Me too!
One day, ages ago I got my hands on what I considered a very juicy list of CIA assets.
David Miscaviges name was on it.
 

guanoloco

As-Wased
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

Fantastic find!

So, let's review, shall we?

When a Clear gets a cold that Clears never get (i.e. "Clears do not get a cold" -LRH) they really don't have a cold--because the body has the cold. So even if the body is sick with a cold, the Clear doesn't have a cold.

Ergo, if the Clear dies of cancer, the Clear didn't actually die of cancer. Only the body died of cancer. I suppose by this reasoning, the Clear could be winning and writing success stories while they are dying of cancer.

In fact-----this is exactly what Hubbard's demented "loyal officers" tried to sell, isn't it? "HEY RON'S NOT DEAD, HE'S MERELY EXTERIOR"[SUP]1 [/SUP]Yeah, Ron's not dead, it's just that he's so unbelievably OT that he can't allow his powerful power to be stopped by a mere body. Thus, Ron sacrificed his own body(crucifixion) to to go to outer space (heaven) in order to research advanced OT levels and give mankind "eternity" (-- by dying for mankind's sins, to free them of evil and give them immortality). Sounds mighty Christlike don't it? LOL [SUP]





1[/SUP]
This technology is based on and originally researched by Monty Python (i.e. "Hey, Polly's not dead, he's merely stunned")

I never stole that stuff...my hand did it.

I never said that...my mouth did.

I never raped that woman...my weiner did it.

I am just as much a victim as you are as an innocent bystander...
 

Type4_PTS

Diamond Invictus SP
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

Fantastic find!

So, let's review, shall we?

When a Clear gets a cold that Clears never get (i.e. "Clears do not get a cold" -LRH) they really don't have a cold--because the body has the cold. So even if the body is sick with a cold, the Clear doesn't have a cold.

Ergo, if the Clear dies of cancer, the Clear didn't actually die of cancer. Only the body died of cancer. I suppose by this reasoning, the Clear could be winning and writing success stories while they are dying of cancer.

In fact-----this is exactly what Hubbard's demented "loyal officers" tried to sell, isn't it? "HEY RON'S NOT DEAD, HE'S MERELY EXTERIOR"[SUP]1 [/SUP]Yeah, Ron's not dead, it's just that he's so unbelievably OT that he can't allow his powerful power to be stopped by a mere body. Thus, Ron sacrificed his own body(crucifixion) to to go to outer space (heaven) in order to research advanced OT levels and give mankind "eternity" (-- by dying for mankind's sins, to free them of evil and give them immortality). Sounds mighty Christlike don't it? LOL [SUP]





1[/SUP]
This technology is based on and originally researched by Monty Python (i.e. "Hey, Polly's not dead, he's merely stunned")

I can attest this is all true as I checked out all their research in depth and even attempted to replicate some of their studies.

Here is some video of one of the original research subjects that you happen to mention, and one can see how an untrained eye could mistake him as being dead when that isn't the case:

[video=youtube;4vuW6tQ0218]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218[/video]
 

freethinker

Sponsor
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Don't laugh, this actually happens. I know someone who came back from doing OTIII and they were sick for a month. When he was asked about it, he said he was doing great but the MEST body was still getting used to things What???
:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

Fantastic find!

So, let's review, shall we?

When a Clear gets a cold that Clears never get (i.e. "Clears do not get a cold" -LRH) they really don't have a cold--because the body has the cold. So even if the body is sick with a cold, the Clear doesn't have a cold.

Ergo, if the Clear dies of cancer, the Clear didn't actually die of cancer. Only the body died of cancer. I suppose by this reasoning, the Clear could be winning and writing success stories while they are dying of cancer.

In fact-----this is exactly what Hubbard's demented "loyal officers" tried to sell, isn't it? "HEY RON'S NOT DEAD, HE'S MERELY EXTERIOR"[SUP]1 [/SUP]Yeah, Ron's not dead, it's just that he's so unbelievably OT that he can't allow his powerful power to be stopped by a mere body. Thus, Ron sacrificed his own body(crucifixion) to to go to outer space (heaven) in order to research advanced OT levels and give mankind "eternity" (-- by dying for mankind's sins, to free them of evil and give them immortality). Sounds mighty Christlike don't it? LOL [SUP]





1[/SUP]
This technology is based on and originally researched by Monty Python (i.e. "Hey, Polly's not dead, he's merely stunned")
 

Hypatia

Pagan
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

LOL

I came across a book entitled "New Religions and the Theological Imagination in America".

Here is an excerpt below: (emphasis added by me)



It's basically saying the same thing as you. The implication being that a Clear that didn't happen to be occupying a body would not ever get sick. But because it is still necessary to occupy a body until reaching that OT level where the body becomes an impediment (as with Ron, due to the advanced research he began in 1986), the Clear still can get sick.

But why blame sickness on the body??

According to LRH, the body is only sick because the thetan is connected to an SP and so became PTS. The thetan is responsible for his own PTSness and sickness, not the body.

Their explanation in the Scientology Catechism totally doesn't make sense. :no:

But it's Scientology, so it doesn't have to. :whistling:

I used to reproach myself for every single physical failing, felt I wasn't making the grade.
 

Karen#1

Gold Meritorious Patron
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Yesterday the Cult sent me another Fake Threat letter.
The language was so wild, it did not sound like it came from a Law Office but Donkey Lawyer Burt Deixler signed it.

Here is the tissue of Lies.

CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION

VIA EMAIL AND U.S. MAIL

Karen De La Carriere
1935 N. Serrano Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90027
[email protected]

Re: Jones v. Sirens Media…Jones, Does 1-50

Dear Ms. De La Carriere:

We have been engaged as litigation counsel by Mike Jones. Mr. Jones, as you well know, is a Minister of the Church of Scientology and has been for many years. Please accept this assurance that Mr. Jones has made this life and religious choice knowingly and as matter of his absolute free will. He stands by and is well satisfied with his choice.

Notwithstanding the life and religious choice Mr. Jones has made, we have learned that you and co-conspirators Sirens Media…Phil and Willie Jones…and others presently unknown have agreed to engage in and have committed overt acts, including a series of tortious and criminal acts, in furtherance of the conspiracy to violate his privacy and to hold him out to his peers, friends and the public in a false light. Such conduct violates statutory law, case law and Article I, Section 1 of the California Constitution. And why have you violated Mr. Jones rights? To attempt to make money in a fake reality television program! If you had the capacity, you would be ashamed. Your disgraceful acts, and those of your conspirators prove, however, that you are not capable of being ashamed.

Let me summarize some of the misconduct you and your conspirators have engaged in with the goal of enriching yourselves at the price of humiliating Mr. Jones. First, you have created, disseminated and posted handbills with Mr. Jones name and likeness without permission and with the legend “MISSING” emblazoned. The handbills were delivered and posted in and around where Mr. Jones provides his religious services and resides. When delivered you and every single one of your co-conspirators fully knew that Mr. Jones was not “missing.” You and every single one of your co-conspirators knew that Mr. Jones was resident at a facility operated by the Church of Scientology and was engaged in his services as a Minister of that Church. What was “missing” is any sense of respect for his religion and his freedom to choose the path he wished for his life. You should be ashamed. But, that’s not all.

Not only did you seek to invade Mr. Jones’ privacy and hold him in a false light for the amusement of a television audience and for your private financial enrichment, but you and your co-conspirators doubled down on your lie and made a false police report that Mr. Jones was “missing” and or held against his will and that locating him was a police emergency. This, lie, intended to generate police activity to generate footage for a television show, of course violates the California Penal Code. You should be ashamed. But that’s not all.

Based upon the false report, the Los Angeles Police Department officer believed it best to have Mr. Jones call his parents. Imagine, a 42 year old man forced to call his “mommy and daddy” for the amusement of a television audience so that you and your conspirators could make money. This waste of taxpayers’ money and a police officer’s time of course led to the prompt conclusion that you and your conspirators had made a factually baseless report. You should be ashamed. But that’s not all.

Not content with merely lying to the police, after lying to the friends, peers and passersby near the Church of Scientology, once again you and your conspirators upped the ante with the goal of humiliating Mr. Jones. This time it was a false report to the State of California Adult Protective Services that Mr. Jones was being held “against his will” and that he was “injured.” This lie to a governmental agency is itself another crime. And the goal of creating another “incident” in furtherance of the goal of making money from a television program was furthered by a Social Worker paid by taxpayers forced to waste his time and the taxpayers’ money interviewing Mr. Jones. Of course, this lie led the Social Worker to conclude that the allegation was factually baseless. A waste of a public employee’s time and of the taxpayer’s money. And why? because you and your conspirators wanted to make money by humiliating Mr. Jones by invading his privacy and holding him in a false light.

Do not comfort yourself with the lawless notion that you and your conspirators may interfere with Mr. Jones’ adult and knowing decision to pursue a religion and lifestyle of his choosing by claiming that it is a “rescue,” or an “intervention” or a “deprogramming” or some other cover story to conceal your malicious purpose. Such conduct has long been held unlawful in California when the conduct is directed toward adults.

Mr. Jones is fine. Mr. Jones does not want to be “rescued.” Mr. Jones doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, your conspirators or anybody else who will seek to invade his privacy. And please understand that the law is long and well established that such “rescues” of an adult are against the law.

Let me make it clear and present your options in simple terms. If you do not immediately cease and desist your efforts to invade Mr. Jones’ privacy, and embarrass and humiliate him with the goal of making money for yourselves with your idiotic “reality” television show, we shall proceed with swift and sure legal action preventing your egregious misconduct and seeking compensatory and punitive damages for the humiliation and intentional infliction of emotional distress your tortious acts have cause and will cause Mr. Jones.

Please confirm no later than 5 PM PST on February 2, 2016 that you and your conspirators will cease and desist from your lawless behavior.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,

Bert H. Deixler​
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And here is Jeffrey Augustine's spoof

Threat Letter from Church Attorney Bart Dixslurper, Esq
Posted on February 1, 2016 | Leave a comment
CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION

Date: 1 Feb 2016
To: The Internet
From: Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
Re: OT Documents and Criminal J&D

Dear Internet,

We have been retained as counsel by the Religious Technology Center (RTC), the holder of Scientology trademarks and copyrights.

As the holder of Scientology’s confidential OT materials, it has come to RTC’s attention that you, the internet, have OT materials — which became public documents in a lawsuit — available for download at various websites which include, but are not limited to ~
http://kspaink.home.xs4all.nl/fishman/ot3.html
http://kspaink.home.xs4all.nl/fishman/ot8a.html
http://kspaink.home.xs4all.nl/fishman/ot8b.html

RTC has learned that you, the internet, have co-conspired with other internets to post these secret OT materials online in order to invade the privacy of Flag Land Base and the MV Freewinds.

These OT materials have been used to make money on the cartoon television show South Park and in fake documentaries such as Going Clear. This has been done to engage in Joking & Degrading about Scientology in the most cavalier fashion. Your disgraceful acts, and those of your conspirators prove, however, that you are not capable of being ashamed.

Let me make it clear and present your options in simple terms. If you do not immediately cease and desist your efforts to Joke & Degrade about Scientology’s OT levels and my client Captain David Miscavige with your idiotic and juvenile antics, we shall proceed with swift and sure legal action preventing your egregious misconduct and seeking compensatory and punitive damages for the humiliation and intentional infliction of emotional distress your tortious acts have cause and will cause Mr. Miscavige and all of Scientology.

Please confirm no later than 5 PM PST on February 4, 2016 that you and all other co-conspiring internets will remove RTC’s OT levels and J&D about Mr. Miscavige and cease and desist from your lawless behavior.

All rights are reserved.

Sincerely,

Bart Dixslurper, Esq.
ROFL.jpg
 
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Lord Xenu

Patron Meritorious
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Me too!
One day, ages ago I got my hands on what I considered a very juicy list of CIA assets.
David Miscaviges name was on it.



Okay, guys. What's the title of this thread going to be and where do we start? That's a juicy morsel there, Victoria. Miscavige a CIA asset? Tell us more.
 

Lord Xenu

Patron Meritorious
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology



I have seen that before and there's a lot of information, but I do wonder about McClaughry. In an interview on youtube (obviously filmed a while ago) he finds some of the GO tricks rather hilarious such as spiking a pregnant woman's toothpaste with LSD. Now how on earth is that funny? There also seems to be a thinly concealed anti semitic overtone going through his writings too.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

.

Cross-posted from another thread about the managers of "Independent Scientology" making their independent flock despise them just as much as ex-Scientologists hate the COS, lol.


How very true :roflmao:

Millstone Too has done just that: burnt off the goodwill from Slappytown escapees by employing "Standard Ethics" just as ferociously as the average cult 15 year old MAA would.:duh:

The "ARC-broken Field" is something that just seems to go with every enterprise that ever uses Hubbardspew.:yes:

The Power of Source indeed !!! :hysterical:



:clapping::clapping::clapping:

I believe you have discovered one of the "Basics" about Scientology--that (despite prodigious amounts of clay) Scientologists somehow never seem to find out about.

Here's another closely related, "self evident" Scientology Axiom. . .

"Scientology, having been conceived by an avaricious sociopath who had "cleared" himself of any vestige of conscience, is inexorably and ultimately destructive to all who fall within proximity of its unreasonable wake. Further, as Scientologists dutifully & dizzily sail their little planet-saving boats 'round and 'round in circles (to provide themselves with a sense of accomplishment)--they are met with the same self-destructive and devastating fate--by sailing directly into their own wake."

--Don Hubbard, from his best-selling book "The Problems of Wake".
Don, estranged twin brother of Ron Hubbard and Founder of the
Church of Hoaxology, is an internationally noted vagrant and
OH (Operating Hobo). [ref: photo at Avatar]
 

freethinker

Sponsor
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Well, you're the one who said it touched upon a situation in your life and mentioned it needed a new thread so how about "Once upon a time in a Bluebird Motor Home"?




Okay, guys. What's the title of this thread going to be and where do we start? That's a juicy morsel there, Victoria. Miscavige a CIA asset? Tell us more.
 
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