Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

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HelluvaHoax!

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WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS SO MIND-NUMBINGLY STUPID THAT NON-SCIENTOLOGISTS WILL
AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THIS IS JUST A WILD & WACKY PARODY. ONLY EX-SCIENTOLOGISTS
WILL KNOW THE SCARY-CRINGY-CREEPY TRUTH THAT IT IS LITERALLY 100% FACT.




THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGY GUARANTEES
WOGS
WILL BE 100% HANDLED IF THEY ONLY GO
CLEAR
(actual COS promo piece currently in use)

a0755868-28f2-48c4-a8b0-29504d752e4a_zpsfcdb1owe.jpg






THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGY GUARANTEES
CLEARS
WILL BE 100% HANDLED IF THEY ONLY GO
OT III
(because until then, they are "overwhelmed" by BTs that need to be exorcised)

a0755868-28f2-48c4-a8b0-29504d752e4a_zpsfcdb1owe.jpg






THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGY GUARANTEES OT IIIs
WILL BE 100% HANDLED IF THEY ONLY GO
OT VIII.
(because until then, they are still in the "valence" of BTs they missed on OT III)

a0755868-28f2-48c4-a8b0-29504d752e4a_zpsfcdb1owe.jpg







THIS IS WHAT OT VIIIs ATTEST TO
AND EUPHORICALLY CELEBRATE UPON COMPLETION


a0755868-28f2-48c4-a8b0-29504d752e4a_zpsfcdb1owe.jpg


BECAUSE THE EP ("End Phenomena") OF OT VIII IS:

"I NOW KNOW WHO I AM NOT AND I
AM INTERESTED TO FIND OUT WHO I AM"




.

 
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HelluvaHoax!

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...

PART II: "WHO AM I?"

a0755868-28f2-48c4-a8b0-29504d752e4a_zpsfcdb1owe.jpg




HELPFUL TIP FOR WOGS

Save yourself over $500,000 and 30 years--
You already have the full EP for OT VIII.



(It's kind of like Dorothy's ruby-slipper-tech of how to go home)


 

HelluvaHoax!

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PART III: "WHO AM I?"

.

BECAUSE THE EP ("End Phenomena") OF OT VIII IS:

"I NOW KNOW WHO I AM NOT AND I
AM INTERESTED TO FIND OUT WHO I AM"



There is a reason that Scientology promises to answer the WOG's question "WHO AM I?", but four decades later intentionally fails to deliver what they promised. In fact, Scientology REFUSES to answer that question.

REASON: Per "Senior Policies", Hubbard mandates that you both:


"ALWAYS ANSWER THE PUBLIC'S QUESTIONS"

--and--

"NEVER ANSWER THE PUBLIC'S QUESTIONS"


This is per the Hubbard Law of Commotion, discussed elsewhere on this thread.

The reason that the latter ("NEVER ANSWER....") easily wins out on the question of "WHO AM I?" is simple--because there is another policy that warns staff that if they answer a public person's question, it will "end the cycle" and "blunt their reach" (literally quoted).

Hubbard, if nothing else, was a specialist in the "mystery sandwich" and always leaving them panting and drooling to find out what mystically mysterious treasure lies behind the hidden door.

ERGO, even if Scientology's tech could answer the question ("Who Am I?") they wouldn't.

Thus, Scientology begins with a question and ends with a question. The middle part (lasting 3, 4 decades are more) is simply misdirection to make you forget the question--so you aren't upset when you never get an answer.
 

ILove2Lurk

Lisbeth Salander
. . .
"Save yourself over $500,000 and 30 years--
You already have the full EP for OT VIII."


9a.jpg
:wink2:
 
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JackStraw

Silver Meritorious Patron
...

PART II: "WHO AM I?"

a0755868-28f2-48c4-a8b0-29504d752e4a_zpsfcdb1owe.jpg




HELPFUL TIP FOR WOGS

Save yourself over $500,000 and 30 years--
You already have the full EP for OT VIII.



(It's kind of like Dorothy's ruby-slipper-tech of how to go home)



I knew some people who were informed they were "going 'over the rainbow" meaning to work directly with LRH.

I finally came to realize the the "over the rainbow" posting was a perfect metaphor for snc.

Dorothy met the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion, went to Oz and asked for help.

The Great and Powerful Oz told them that to get what they wanted they had to perform a great task: Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West!" (Spend upwards of $500,000 to get what you want)


They actually did that! They paid the price. When they came back they found out the the "Great and Powerful Oz" was actually a fumbling dottering old man .

When they demanded he fulfill his promise he gave substitutes: The Scarecrow wanted a brain. Oz gave him a diploma! The Lion wanted Courage, Oz gave him a medal. The Tin Man wanted a heart, Oz gave him a clock!.

He (Oz) promised Dorothy a trip home. He failed at that and managed himself, to escape.

Sounds exactly like Hubbard. Promise Clear and deliver - what? F*cking nothing!

You're not clear. You need to repeat level...

Over the Rainbow was a move to fantasy land.

Fuck the "Fuck OSA" Fuck Hubbard!

Jack
 

Out/Int

Patron with Honors
I knew some people who were informed they were "going 'over the rainbow" meaning to work directly with LRH.

I finally came to realize the the "over the rainbow" posting was a perfect metaphor for snc.

Dorothy met the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion, went to Oz and asked for help.

The Great and Powerful Oz told them that to get what they wanted they had to perform a great task: Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West!" (Spend upwards of $500,000 to get what you want)


They actually did that! They paid the price. When they came back they found out the the "Great and Powerful Oz" was actually a fumbling dottering old man .

When they demanded he fulfill his promise he gave substitutes: The Scarecrow wanted a brain. Oz gave him a diploma! The Lion wanted Courage, Oz gave him a medal. The Tin Man wanted a heart, Oz gave him a clock!.

He (Oz) promised Dorothy a trip home. He failed at that and managed himself, to escape.

Sounds exactly like Hubbard. Promise Clear and deliver - what? F*cking nothing!

You're not clear. You need to repeat level...

Over the Rainbow was a move to fantasy land.

Fuck the "Fuck OSA" Fuck Hubbard!

Jack

Somewhere over the Meter (sung to the tune of "over the rainbow"

Somewhere over the Meter
Do Birds Fly?
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Smashed by Scientology.


Somewhere over my meter
Do birds fly?
Your on your TR's and Objectives..
for the fifteenth time, o my.


Someday I'll get to OT 8
and wake up from my db state where BT's are far behind me
Where troubles melt after OTIII
High above the ashtray
That's where you'll find me


Oh, somewhere over the Meter
Do birds fly?
And the dream that you dare to dream,
Is crushed by the Registrar


Well I see BT's of green and red clusters too,
I'll watch them jump from me to you
And I am not allowed to think for myself
but who the fuck is Xenu?


Well I see Volumes of Blue
And Ron's Green on White
And the stat driven life
sucks day and night

And I think to myself
What a stat driven world
 
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HelluvaHoax!

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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...

The IAJ (International Association of Jokers&Degraders) should declare a national holiday today because we just found more scans from that brilliantly effective dissemination masterpiece, THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK!

Here's the original 4-panel explanation to WOGs about "Dr" Hubbard's mystically advanced cosmic communication technology--called bullbaiting.


7e73d519-bb45-4586-b3ae-20151bbde6f4_zpsub5byzna.jpg


Please someone! How is that cult advertising supposed to work?! Please explain how a non-Scientologist looking at that is supposed to have a huge win, drop the book and exclaim aloud: "HEY SCIENTOLOGY--COUNT ME IN!!" as they grab their keys and rush out the door to the nearest Org.

In the interests of Truth In Advertising, the IAJ humbly tenders the following plain English translation from the original ThetaSpeak:


553890a5-44be-4c26-b9d5-7d8290e29006_zpszvvnzwr9.jpg





.
 
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dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

..

Cross-posted from another thread.

-----




There is a very simple way that the COS could create "lines around the block at every org in the world".

By delivering what they promised (refunds).




.

What a great opportunity for a PR photo shot. The by-line could be "Crowds flock into scientology centers to study how financial scams can ruin your life! "
 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
..

I knew some people who were informed they were "going 'over the rainbow" meaning to work directly with LRH.

I finally came to realize the the "over the rainbow" posting was a perfect metaphor for scn.

Dorothy met the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion, went to Oz and asked for help.

The Great and Powerful Oz told them that to get what they wanted they had to perform a great task: Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West!" (Spend upwards of $500,000 to get what you want)

They actually did that! They paid the price. When they came back they found out the the "Great and Powerful Oz" was actually a fumbling dottering old man .

When they demanded he fulfill his promise he gave substitutes: The Scarecrow wanted a brain. Oz gave him a diploma! The Lion wanted Courage, Oz gave him a medal. The Tin Man wanted a heart, Oz gave him a clock!.

He (Oz) promised Dorothy a trip home. He failed at that and managed himself, to escape.

Sounds exactly like Hubbard. Promise Clear and deliver - what? F*cking nothing!

You're not clear. You need to repeat level...

Over the Rainbow was a move to fantasy land.


Excellent analogy.

I too was once approached by a good friend of mine that I had gone to school with. They informed me, with some measure of gravitas, that they were "...going over the rainbow".

Mystically surreal moment. Everything froze as I speculated how amazing that must be--and further speculated how amazing it must be to know WTF that term actually is supposed to mean. LOL

I did understand that it was a holy pilgrimage to the sacred place (HAJJ/HCO), where the wonderful OT lived just like going to see the Wizard of Oz, but updated to become the Wizard of Cause. I could only dream of how wondrously magical it must be in the presence of the universe's most miraculous OT, Dr Hubbard! (I mean, fuggedaboudit, we're talkin' fuckin' Buddha! LOL)

In any case, in both mythologies (Wizard of Oz/Scientology) the supplicant must go out into the MEST universe and scavenge and bring the booty back (Broom/Bucks). Then the old man will give them what they (wish/postulate).

Only then will the Wizard allow Dorothy to return home, where she--and even her dog--can attain Toto Freedom.
 

dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
"I NOW KNOW WHO I AM NOT AND I
AM INTERESTED TO FIND OUT WHO I AM"

This is that answer clarified: I now know I am not myself and am interested to find out how to be a complete Hubbard slave by repeating the bridge.
 

Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
..




Excellent analogy.

I too was once approached by a good friend of mine that I had gone to school with. They informed me, with some measure of gravitas, that they were "...going over the rainbow".

Mystically surreal moment. Everything froze as I speculated how amazing that must be--and further speculated how amazing it must be to know WTF that term actually is supposed to mean. LOL

I did understand that it was a holy pilgrimage to the sacred place (HAJJ/HCO), where the wonderful OT lived just like going to see the Wizard of Oz, but updated to become the Wizard of Cause. I could only dream of how wondrously magical it must be in the presence of the universe's most miraculous OT, Dr Hubbard! (I mean, fuggedaboudit, we're talkin' fuckin' Buddha! LOL)

In any case, in both mythologies (Wizard of Oz/Scientology) the supplicant must go out into the MEST universe and scavenge and bring the booty back (Broom/Bucks). Then the old man will give them what they (wish/postulate).

Only then will the Wizard allow Dorothy to return home, where she--and even her dog--can attain Toto Freedom.

Holy sh!t HH. That was one of stupidest and funniest punchlines ever. LOLOLOL!
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Top 100 CURIOUS Moments in Scientology

..

Below we celebrate another spectacularly corny-cringey-creepy photo from the THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK that Ron predicted would flood the orgs with new public demanding to go Clear.

SMALL PROBLEM: Although these scenarios will be recognized by Scientologists as auditing sessions--"Wogs" looking at these photos would have no freaking clue WTF is supposed to be happening. Scientologists call that "being out of com" or "ARC break". They're the authorities on communication, so they have extreme & advanced knowingness on such matters!

Today's challenge, dear reader, is to try to pretend you never heard of Scientology and had no clue what "auditing" was. Then look at the following photo with its bizarre captions and try to guess what the hell is happening, LOL.


scientology12.jpg


Add to that the fact that:

* As a "Wog" you will be expected to pay hundreds of dollars per hour in order to have a "professional" Scientologist ask you to "BECOME CURIOUS" about random objects.

* Then you will be forced to keep paying for as many auditing hours as it takes (often many thousands of dollars over days or weeks!) until Ron's advanced technology and command produces a big realization ("cognition") from that nonsensical auditing command.

* For thousands of dollars you will receive a certificate that proudly promotes to the world that you completed the process. That's all you will get, because having someone repetitively ask you to "BECOME CURIOUS" about meaningless objects will have absolutely no slightest impact--nor bring about even an iota of benefit in your daily life.

* Later if you try to use your newfound ability and "BECOME CURIOUS" about getting a refund, Scientology will declare you a Suppressive Person and attack you.​
 
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guanoloco

As-Wased
Re: Top 100 CURIOUS Moments in Scientology

..

Below we celebrate another spectacularly corny-cringey-creepy photo from the THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK that Ron predicted would flood the orgs with new public demanding to go Clear.

SMALL PROBLEM: Although these scenarios will be recognized by Scientologists as auditing sessions--"Wogs" looking at these photos would have no freaking clue WTF is supposed to be happening. Scientologists call that "being out of com" or "ARC break". They're the authorities on communication, so they have extreme & advanced knowingness on such matters!

Today's challenge, dear reader, is to try to pretend you never heard of Scientology and had no clue what "auditing" was. Then look at the following photo with its bizarre captions and try to guess what the hell is happening, LOL.


scientology12.jpg


Add to that the fact that:

* As a "Wog" you will be expected to pay hundreds of dollars per hour in order to have a "professional" Scientologist ask you to "BECOME CURIOUS" about random objects.

* Then you will be forced to keep paying for as many auditing hours as it takes (often many thousands of dollars over days or weeks!) until Ron's advanced technology and command produces a big realization ("cognition") from that nonsensical auditing command.

* For thousands of dollars you will receive a certificate that proudly promotes to the world that you completed the process. That's all you will get, because having someone repetitively ask you to "BECOME CURIOUS" about meaningless objects will have absolutely no slightest impact--nor bring about even an iota of benefit in your daily life.

* Later if you try to use your newfound ability and "BECOME CURIOUS" about getting a refund, Scientology will declare you a Suppressive Person and attack you.​

Too funny!!

What happens when you "BECOME CURIOUS" about Ron's documented history as opposed to his version of events?

What happens when you "BECOME CURIOUS" about the LRH-based policy that put Miscavige orders on-source?

What happens when a Scientologist may "BECOME CURIOUS" about a Google search of Scientology or L Ron?
 

guanoloco

As-Wased
What would happen if someone like...oh, say...Paulette Cooper were to "BECOME CURIOUS" about Scientology or L Ron?
 

Type4_PTS

Diamond Invictus SP
Re: Top 100 CURIOUS Moments in Scientology

Too funny!!

What happens when you "BECOME CURIOUS" about Ron's documented history as opposed to his version of events?

What happens when you "BECOME CURIOUS" about the LRH-based policy that put Miscavige orders on-source?

What happens when a Scientologist may "BECOME CURIOUS" about a Google search of Scientology or L Ron?


That means you've overrun the process and in need of a correction list.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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..

Cross-Posted from another thread. Because just about anything in Scientology can suddenly and stupidly become a "High Crime" that gets you Declared SP.

-----​

Originally Posted by JustSheila
--snipped--

2) Not after the time I confided in him that I got us berthing without going through channels and he said something about it in a sec check and I got declared SP for it. :omg: (That Declare was canceled within a few days). Ouch! That pretty much ended the marriage, but it wasn't like he felt good about it.....



That "SP declare" is pricelessly and preposterously perverse.

Imagine that! A person dedicates their entire life to Scientology. They work well over 100 hours per week, 7 days a week, for perhaps 10-20 cents per hour. They eat crappy food and are forced to live in "downstat" accommodations. They are chronically sleep deprived. They are psychologically abused if their statistic does not continuously rise, week in and week out.

On top of that they are thanklessly saddled with an absurd task that is not only delusionally impossible, but also insane--to create "a world without insanity". Yes, and while you're Clearing this planet and saving mankind, people, don't forget to also "Salvage this Sector" of the universe.

Then the SO member gets married and, per policy protocols, they are provided with a private room. But, the SO couple just takes one of the unoccupied rooms rather than wait for written permission. This is kind of like the High Crime of seating yourself in a restaurant before the host seats you. It's not occupying the table/room that's out-ethics, suppressive and a betrayal of all mankind that gets one declared SP--it's the demonstration of any slightest manifestation of self-determinism which threatens the slave ecosystem.


CONCLUSION: Yes, Scientology is that insane. A billion-year contracted staff member, by simply finding an empty room to sleep in, is quickly and ruthlessly declared an SP--and thereby joins the ranks of other pathologically evil "antisocial personalities" like Adolph Hitler.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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.


Talking about being declared SP (previous post), once the folks in Scientology who control the goldenrod paper and mimeo machines decide you are an SP, there is nothing you can do to save yourself.

Not even if you have power stats and "ethics protection". That won't help.

Not even if Ron himself personally granted you "10 extra lives" by awarding you with the ultra-elite status of "Kha-Khan".

But all hope is not lost. Even though Kha-Khan won't save your ass, Kha-Ching[SUP]*[/SUP] will.




[SUP]*[/SUP] Kha-Ching - noun. 1. (onomatopoeia) A major 4th Dynamic win on this planet, accompanied by the sound of a ringing cash register.
 

dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
.


Talking about being declared SP (previous post),

snipped

But all hope is not lost. Even though Kha-Khan won't save your ass, Kha-Ching[SUP]*[/SUP] will.




[SUP]*[/SUP] Kha-Ching - noun. 1. (onomatopoeia) A major 4th Dynamic win on this planet, accompanied by the sound of a ringing cash register.

The Kha- Ching may temporarily save your ass but it will also mess with financial bank AND your mind Bank when you wake up and leave. So skip the Kha- Khan and the Kha-Ching, claim the bank is cleared out and blowing you outta there.

It's called the Kha_Freedom_From_Insanity, self awarded award.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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..
Cross-Posted from another thread that asks a dynamically pro-survival question. . .


Is the ARC Triangle of any use?

Let's ask an expert, Don Hubbard, the estranged, disaffected & blown twin brother of Ron Hubbard. Don was intimately involved in all of the early tech research that culminated in the discovery of the ARC triangle.


b37c1df6-1fb8-498a-a9df-1e0379b75d83_zpszkjqnxnh.jpg


ANSWER:

"Yes! The ARC Triangle is of enormous use.
Without its discovery, Scientologists
would find it impossible to audit
out or even know they
had an ARC
break!"








Archive photo of Don Hubbard generously provided courtesy of the inspirational underground artist Ilove2Lurk, founder of the COS (Church of Shoopology)



.
 
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