Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

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oneonewasaracecar

Gold Meritorious Patron
So, let's see what the "MIRACLE" is. Typically, Scientology "MIRACLES" all fall under one of the following at least five (5) headings:

MIRACLE TYPE A:
Whatever the Scientologist is describing, didn't actually happen at all the way they are perceiving/describing it. Thus they are deluded, which is not an anomalous miracle, since almost all scientologists trade in delusion on almost a daily basis.

MIRACLE TYPE B: It was a coincidence, not a "MIRACLE"

MIRACLE TYPE C: The "MIRACLE" they are sharing has not happened yet. It is going to happen in the future. Oddly, this fact doesn't seem to interrupt, slow or even slightly lessen the euphoric exhilaration & celebration at all.

MIRACLE TYPE D: The scientologist's rather profound lack of general knowledge about the world, science, the humanities and/or the skill of critical thinking itself--interprets easily explained events as sacred "MIRACLES" that confirm Dr. Hubbard's technology having worked.

MIRACLE TYPE E: The "MIRACLE" was simply a function of the law of averages.​

I like this very much.
 

Operating DB

Truman Show Dropout
Re: Top 100 Stupid CRAVINGS in Scientology

YES, and...

...enter Les Dane, manipulator (salesman) extraordinaire and Insurance/used car/snake oil medicine whose book "Big League Sales Closing Techniques" was the Standard Tech for extracting
thousands and thousands of $$$ on from the hapless rubes.

With techniques like "nodding your head" and making dozens of banal statements that could only be agreed
with (Quite a snowstorm we're having, Ed?) Dane and Hubbard were able to overcome the reactive mind's reluctance to take out a 4th mortgage.

The "avid craving for agreement" was the glue that held the whole shebang together.

I remember reading the Big League Sales book. Looking back on it now with 30 plus years life perspective I realize now why I disliked it. I went against my nature. I always hated sales and marketing. I don't like conning people. The whole premise was insincere.

Another scio moment bites the dust!
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Re: Top 100 Stupid CRAVINGS in Scientology

.

I remember reading the Big League Sales book. Looking back on it now with 30 plus years life perspective I realize now why I disliked it. I went against my nature. I always hated sales and marketing. I don't like conning people. The whole premise was insincere.

Another scio moment bites the dust!

The unfathomable absurdity of it!

A "church" teaching its "parishioners" used car sales techniques. To use on each other.

Because mental "engrams & aliens" are preventing the parishioners from being "closed" on desiring happiness, superpowers, mega-prosperity and immortality. So, they have to kind of be tricked into paying for it.

If Scientology actually worked, the only people using "BIG LEAGUE SALES TECHNIQUES" would be wogs, not Scientologists. Wogs would be using it to close Scientology on letting them receive the auditing they paid for. Because the demand for a "miracle tech" that actually produced miracles would cause such a massive backlog (even after paying a million dollars for their Bridge) that people would have to wait several lifetimes in line before the HGC will have an available auditor and room to schedule their first session.

CURIOUS CONCLUSION: According to Scientology myth, mankind has an inexplicable aversion to buying the happiness Scientology is offering. Yet, mankind has no problem buying any other kind of happiness.

They line up at concerts and sporting events just hoping to get a ticket. They camp out all night in front of shoe stores and iPhone outlets when the newest model goes on sale. They spend lavish amounts on designer accessories, fine wines, vacations, shiny cars and luxury homes. They will spend fortunes on hobbies, hotels and haute couture. Provably, mankind will buy ANYTHING they think they can get happiness or even a moment's pleasure from. Yet, they refuse to buy tickets for Scientology's PC Pleasure Palace-- without "closing techniques" being applied to them.

Scientology scripture claims that mankind has been betrayed so many times in the past trillions of years, they are afraid to buy Scientology brand happiness-- in case it is some kind of con. Thus, they need to be manipulated or coerced into it. But nobody is afraid to buy all the other kinds of happiness. Only the Scientology kind of happiness.

Scripture also claims it has been scientifically proven that the above explanation makes sense.
 
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lotus

stubborn rebel sheep!
Re: Top 100 Stupid CRAVINGS in Scientology

.


CURIOUS CONCLUSION: According to Scientology myth, mankind has an inexplicable aversion to buying the happiness Scientology is offering. Yet, mankind has no problem buying any other kind of happiness.


Because...

It's like

Show me a clear $cientologist
Show me an Oatee $cientologist
Show me a happy $cientologist

:confused2:

Going up the bridge and up tone consist of [STRIKE]thinking[/STRIKE] postulate and win that you are, what's it's supposed to be...
It's just a consideration! :coolwink:

For example: You have spent 3 decades and 500,000$ to believe you are OT8 ..so causative and powerfull..knowing all the truth!
Suddenly, Oupsssssssssss
an Espee declare and you are forbidden to postulate and win you OT8 powertz

Thus, you are not anymore OT8 :confused2:
and you fall down, straight and vertical, in a state of lost soul, a poor degraded being!




$cientology operates on universal laws
gravity: what goes up must come down
 
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HelluvaHoax!

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...

Here are two gems (below) being cross-posted from another thread.

Because they're too funny and too paradoxically perfect!


---------


Originally Posted by Gib
A realization I had just recently, and Hubbards rhetoric is quite clever, I'll put my realization in the form of a question.

How can one squirrel the tech and
policy if they both do not work?


Originally Posted by Dave B.

"Master Po, how can one squirrel the tech
and policy if they both do not work?"

"You have created a koan, grasshopper...."

serveimage
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Top 100 Stupid SHATTERINGS in Scientology

...

I just noticed on another thread that "RFW", OSA's SP-shattering "Religious Freedom Watch" website, seems to have vanished. That reminded me of one of the greatest moments ever in Scientology Stupid. Here's a post from Oct 2, 2009 with Mr. Freedom Watch, himself, Joel Phillips. Hey Joel! Show us how to Ron's tech helps you to shatter an SP! You can do it buddy, just keep your tone 40 TRs in and try not to stutter.

-------


In decades of studying Scn and Scientologists, I have never once seen an example of a Scientologist using PTS/SP tech to "shatter an SP". Despite how perfectly well it works on paper (HCOBs/HCO PLs), in real life either nothing happens--or it backfires and more "SPs" are created.

However, I have seen a WOG shattering an OT. It was Joel Phillips, being shattered by Xenu.net founder (and mega-SP) Andreas Heidal-Lund.

As much of a determined little fanatical OSA robot that Joel Phillips is, if this had been a prize fight the referee should have stopped it due to TKO around minute 25:55. It was a pathetic beatdown. The utter stupidity and ineffectiveness of Scientology was laid bare. Scientology's "OT" spokesman was nothing but a effete little clown repeating memorized lines from a script written by a madman decades before.

Andreas had him against the ropes and poor Joel was completely shattered, unconscious, taking blow after blow--unanswered. I believe Dr. Hubbard would have called it an engram.

This is one from the Stupid Scientology Hall of Shame---and perhaps one of the greatest OT footbullets ever caught on film. I am talking about the moment where Joel completely loses it and has no answer to Andreas' simple logic and truth and begins stammering & stuttering--retreating to the Scn fetal position and actually begging a wog SP:


"Please....gra---gra----grant me more beingness than that!"


(cue video to 25:55)

[video=youtube;4Rg3bm0bOkI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rg3bm0bOkI&ab_channel=MarkBunker[/video]


One of the billion things that I love about OT Joel's begging an SP to "grant him beingness" is that he says it as if that phrase is part of the everyday English lexicon. As if people (other than scientologists) would have even the slightest clue what the hell that means[SUP]1[/SUP]. LOL








[SUP]1[/SUP] Scientologists often use their Ron-Words in the company of wogs, never even suspecting that Hubbard's freaky, arcane, imaginary nomenclature is 100% unknown to people living outside the cult bubble. Remember Tommy Davis (former Int'l Spokesman) ranting at wog journalists that Marty Rathbun was "the wholetrack prison warden"? lolololol
 
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WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Re: Top 100 Stupid SHATTERINGS in Scientology

Scientologists often use their Ron-Words in the company of wogs, never even suspecting that Hubbard's freaky, arcane, imaginary nomenclature is 100% unknown to people living outside the cult bubble. Remember Tommy Davis (former Int'l Spokesman) ranting at wog journalists that Marty Rathbun was "the wholetrack prison warden"

LOL! This used to be one of my pet peeves when I was in. And proof that Scn indoctrination makes people less able to communicate the more they start spouting, and thinking, in terms of Ron-words.
 

Anonycat

Crusader
Re: Top 100 Stupid SHATTERINGS in Scientology

LOL! This used to be one of my pet peeves when I was in. And proof that Scn indoctrination makes people less able to communicate the more they start spouting, and thinking, in terms of Ron-words.

Same here! I always hated the made-up words, and for years I have used it as a barometer to know if the person speaking is still brainwashed by the cult or not.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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100 Stupid RONISH Moments in Scientology

..

LOL! This used to be one of my pet peeves when I was in. And proof that Scn indoctrination makes people less able to communicate the more they start spouting, and thinking, in terms of Ron-words.


:clapping::clapping::clapping:

It has happened a bazillion times--

A blindfolded scientologist emerges briefly from deep within the cult-controlled-cave in order to have a short conversation with a wog. And, unbeknownst to themselves, they er-ron-eously brought all their Ron-Words with them!

REASON: Because they have been inside the hermetically-sealed Ideal Bubble so long, they no longer know which words are English and which are Ronish.




RONISH THINGS SCIENTOLOGISTS
HAVE SAID TO BEWILDERED WOGS



SITUATION: First day of new job at factory. Knocks on foreman's office door.
SAYS: "I'd like to get in com with you." (because they are 'doing Non-Existence')

SITUATION: At a trendy singles bar.
SAYS: "Do you have a 2D?"

SITUATION: First dinner with future in-laws, after they tell about their recent vacation.
SAYS: "Wow, that sounds so theta!"

SITUATION: Shopping at hardware store for paint (for the soon-to-arrive baby's room).
SAYS: "I'm looking for a color that is super uptone."

SITUATION: Dentist tells them that 2 impacted wisdom teeth must be extracted.
SAYS: "That like totally doesn't indicate."

SITUATION: At Disneyland, complains to theme park employee in Goofy costume.
SAYS: "These long lines are giving my kids a lot of BPC."

 
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HelluvaHoax!

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Top 100 Stupid RHETORICAL ROLLERCOASTERS in Scientology

..
..
Same here! I always hated the made-up words, and for years I have used it as a barometer to know if the person speaking is still brainwashed by the cult or not.

You make a compelling case! Even Scientologists are flowing power to you.


553e1b8e-7448-4acd-8c47-8145e5709f75_zpshkfe43m0.jpg

Originally Posted by Billy Blowdown

Dear Anonycat,

Your knowingness totally indicates! While reading your post, I totally blew DOWN and came UP tone. Down & Up! Up & Down! Scientology is like the most awesome rollercoaster!

ML,

William "Billy" Blowdown
Professional Full-Time Scientologist
"Always winning, always cogging, always blowing down!"
OT VIII expanded
HPGS (Hubbard Professional Gibberology Specialist)
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Re: 100 Stupid RONISH Moments in Scientology

..

:clapping::clapping::clapping:

It has happened a bazillion times--

A blindfolded scientologist emerges briefly from deep within the cult-controlled-cave in order to have a short conversation with a wog. And, unbeknownst to themselves, they er-ron-eously brought all their Ron-Words with them!

REASON: Because they have been inside the hermetically-sealed Ideal Bubble so long, they no longer know which words are English and which are Ronish.




RONISH THINGS SCIENTOLOGISTS
HAVE SAID TO BEWILDERED WOGS



SITUATION: First day of new job at factory. Knocks on foreman's office door.
SAYS: "I'd like to get in com with you." (because they are 'doing Non-Existence')

SITUATION: At a trendy singles bar.
SAYS: "Do you have a 2D?"

SITUATION: First dinner with future in-laws, after they tell about their recent vacation.
SAYS: "Wow, that sounds so theta!"

SITUATION: Shopping at hardware store for paint (for the soon-to-arrive baby's room).
SAYS: "I'm looking for a color that is super uptone."

SITUATION: Dentist tells them that 2 impacted wisdom teeth must be extracted.
SAYS: "That like totally doesn't indicate."

SITUATION: At Disneyland, complains to theme park employee in Goofy costume.
SAYS: "These long lines are giving my kids a lot of BPC."


Wow, you DUPLICATED that really well!
 

Anonycat

Crusader
Re: Top 100 Stupid RHETORICAL ROLLERCOASTERS in Scientology

..
..


You make a compelling case! Even Scientologists are flowing power to you.



Billy,

Your comm was very theta, and your quick reply meant that you didn't dirty my needle from a comm lag. You are a big being on this planet!

ARC,
Anonycat
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Top 100 has outdone itself! Most people here will remember some or all or these images, but imagine what the general public thinks when they see them. Laughing, head-shaking, and even in it's raw form, worthy of clicks! This shit is crazy!

20 Images From A 1994 Scientology Handbook Are Certifiably Bananas
Full article: https://www.queerty.com/20-images-1994-scientology-handbook-certifiably-bananas-20161009

View attachment 13168

View attachment 13169

View attachment 13170

View attachment 13171



:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

But wait....

I started laughing a lot (out loud) on those photographs and the absurd dialogue.

But then I kept asking myself if you (or someone) shooped in those dialogue balloons or if the photos were actually from that Scn book.

By the last photo, I was silently repeating "WTF?!" to myself.

I don't actually know what the hell I just saw.

I know it was hilarious, but what WAS it?!

Poe's Law?

Actual photos from a Scn Handbook?

That demented dialogue was dropped in?

:hysterical: WHAT.IS.GOING.ON.MAN? :hysterical:


ps: I am still having flashbacks of that insanely stupid answer: "That coat rack." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...
Whether this first graphic actually appeared in THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK, or not-- I have no idea. . . .it's that supremely stupid!


sh-noticethatwall_465_327_int_zpswdmcbxdf.jpg




That made me wonder if it was even possible for me to create something as stupid as that one (above). So stupid--that nobody would know if it's a joke or if it really happened in Scientology (see below):


OK_zps4euhgky2.jpg




ANSWER: Yes it happened in Scientology. Every day.
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...
Whether this first graphic actually appeared in THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK, or not-- I have no idea. . . .it's that supremely stupid!


sh-noticethatwall_465_327_int_zpswdmcbxdf.jpg




That made me wonder if it was even possible for me to create something as stupid as that one (above). So stupid--that nobody would know if it's a joke or if it really happened in Scientology (see below):


OK_zps4euhgky2.jpg




ANSWER: Yes it happened in Scientology. Every day.

Poe's Law. Impossible to distinguish between satire and True Believer bullshit. It's funny, right?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law
 

HelluvaHoax!

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.

Yes, it's real. It's from The Scientology Handbook (1994). You can find them on eBay, for a very high price, as it's now considered 'collectible'.

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/..._a_1994_scientology_handbook_that_will_numb_y


UN-freaking UN-believable!! LOL

That website with other "Scientology Handbook" photos is going to give us hilarious material for weeks to come!

At first when i went to that website, I saw other photos/captions that convinced me it HAD to be a joke--it was that pathetic. Then, I realized that what you are saying is true--it's real.

The stuff is so bad, so corny, so depressingly creepy, it is hard to imagine how it was possible to make it that repulsive. LOLOL

On that site, I found a two-part photo montage that had no descriptions! That seemed like an egregious study tech violation of not maintaining an equal balance of mass and significance. So, that's been all fixed now. . .



THE FUTURE OF SCIENTOLOGY
When everybody has Ron's Tech
all beings on this planet
will flourish & prosper!

Here we witness a graphic showcase of the vital necessity of getting TRAINED in today's modern MEST world! In the uppermost photo we see the needless entheta of two men arguing. This enturbulating human discord could have all been so easily prevented if just one of those men was TRAINED with LRH tech!

sh-snortcocainetoo_465_720_int.jpg

In the lower photo we bear witness to the shocking results that nobody could have imagined in their wildest dreams!

That's because Frank Causeman (the tall bearded gentleman) got TRAINED! So, naturally Frank was able to get in two-way-com and handle the other being's resistance and considerations about buying cocaine. Frank, like so many other upstat TRAINED Scientologists was able to close the deal! And now, Frank's drug dealing business has reached soaring affluence, producing unprecedented highest-ever GI stats!

"My money flows are amazing! I will soon
have enough to pay for my whole Bridge,
plus a huge donation that will wipe my
ethics file clean--with cash to spare!"
FC - Trained Scientologist
 
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HelluvaHoax!

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...

Another authentic photo from THE SCIENTOLOGY HANDBOOK.

Okay, here's a test for all you Joker's & Degraders out there in StupidLand!


Is this the original photo in the book?

Or, did someone possibly alter (to worsen) those dialogue balloons?


scientology18.jpg




Not so easy. POE's PCs, right? lololol



 
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