Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

[AngeloV]

From Karen#1 on another thread. I witnessed "money processing" at the mission where I joined the cult because they were running short on money. I thought it was weird then and now think it is ridiculously stupid.

Adults throwing cash up in the air in hopes that magically, this will increase income - you can't make this shit up. And this is straight from the Old Quack's super fabulous "admin tech". I love the insane look on the woman in the lower right pic. What 'tone level' is insane laughing? LOL

Throwing cash in the air, "wasting" it and laughing while scamming every last dime of your net worth is a Scientology cultural thing.

​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

..

From Karen#1 on another thread. I witnessed "money processing" at the mission where I joined the cult because they were running short on money. I thought it was weird then and now think it is ridiculously stupid.

Originally Posted by Karen#1

Throwing cash in the air, "wasting" it and laughing while scamming every last dime of your net worth is a Scientology cultural thing.​

Adults throwing cash up in the air in hopes that magically, this will increase income - you can't make this shit up. And this is straight from the Old Quack's super fabulous "admin tech". I love the insane look on the woman in the lower right pic. What 'tone level' is insane laughing? LOL

HILARIOUS

A stupendously stupid peek inside the inner-core of "what OT's do when they badly need money".

It falls under the general category of "MAGICAL THINKING" in the chapter about "CARGO CULTS". It's a fascinating subject that I never tire of reading about. Here's are some little snippets from Wiki:

Cargo cults
Cargo cults are religious practices that have appeared in many traditional tribal societies in the wake of interaction with technologically advanced cultures. They focus on obtaining the material wealth (the "cargo") of the advanced culture through magical means, by building landing strips, mock aircraft, mock radios, and the like
......
In the South Seas there is a cargo cult of people. During the war they saw airplanes land with lots of good materials, and they want the same thing to happen now. So they've arranged to imitate things like runways, to put fires along the sides of the runways, to make a wooden hut for a man to sit in, with two wooden pieces on his head like headphones and bars of bamboo sticking out like antennas—he's the controller—and they wait for the airplanes to land. They're doing everything right. The form is perfect. It looks exactly the way it looked before. But it doesn't work. No airplanes land. So I call these things cargo cult science, because they follow all the apparent precepts and forms of scientific investigation, but they're missing something essential, because the planes don't land.

CONCLUSION: When a destitute dianeticist desperately desiring dollars discovers:

--the admin tech is broke and won't work
--their ability to postulate is broke and won't work
--and their OT powers are broke...
--and they are dead broke!​

Then they've got nothing to lose and go to the cargo tech--whereupon they begin tossing dollar bills in the air. So they can learn to "have" dollars. Then, the person who owns the dollar bills collects them all up and leaves. And the person who now can "have" the dollars is so busy writing a success story, they don't notice that they no longer have the dollars.

This all makes sense to a magical thinking Scientologist.

 

[Gizmo]

I remember a few years back a friend who was still in the cult came to visit me.

He - on OT 7 - was explaining to me that there had been some set backs since the old man dies BUT dm was busy weeding out the SPs & soon all we be alright.

I pointed out with all the execs ( which I named for him ) " being in the hole " that there was NO management level for SPs to be in to mess up.

It went from dm to the rank & file grunts, so, the fucks ups HAD to be pure dm. There was some under the breath comment about ' enemy lies ' & topic changed.

We are still friends but the cult is no longer a topic of conversation between us.

. . . . . . have to admit, I once thought I was a member of a church .

 

[J. Swift]

Per policy, Scientology always delivers what it promises. Per policy, Scientology promises nothing. Therefore, Scientology delivers nothing.

 

[PirateAndBum]

Per policy, Scientology always delivers what it promises. Per policy, Scientology promises nothing. Therefore, Scientology delivers nothing.

That SPD should be given to every scilon for M9 star-rating. Followed perhaps by a few of Ron's statements.

"Tens of thousands of case histories (reports on patients' individual records) all sworn to (attested before public officials) are in the possession of the organization of scientology .... Scientology in the words of an expert can cure 70 per cent. of Man's illnesses .... It is valid. It has been tested .... Scientology does things for people which have not been done before. It makes them well from illnesses which were once considered hopeless. It increases their intelligence by actual measurement, it changes their competence, and betters their behaviour. In addition to these things it brings them a better understanding of life. One outstanding thing which it does - it alleviates burns received from atomic bombs. Scientology is the only specific cure for atomic bomb radiation flash burns. Scientology processing given to persons burned by radiation can eliminate the majority of difficulty."

"The discovery and isolation of Life Energy in such a form as to revive the dead or dying has been an ambition as old as Man himself. In the last two thousand years a few individuals have claimed the ability without explaining it. With this book, the ability to make one's body old or young at will, the ability to heal the ill without physical contact, the ability to cure the insane and the incapacitated, is set forth for the physician, the layman, the mathematician, and the physicist."

8-80

Ron never made any claims... noooo never ever not once....

 

[Karen#1]

Julia Salmen was a dedicated Scientologist who was personal staff of Hubbard throughout the 1950s and much of the 1960s.
In the earlier *Red Volume* some technical bulletins were signed Julia Salmen. Her name was eliminated in later versions. Julia worked 60 hour weeks shadowing Hubbard to care for his needs.

There are briefing course tapes where Hubbard refers to her as Julia.

By the time the Class VIII Course was being given in 1968, Julia was on this new VIII course known as "the first Class VIII course which consisted in the main of daily 2 hour lectures. This is when an auditor error was punished by being thrown overboard.

The designated person had to jump or was hurled two and a half stories down, 30' or 9.2 meters into filthy harbor water sometimes with discharge of ship toilets.

When Hubbard saw the jumpers were not getting jolted enough he ordered their hands and feet tied before the jump and a week after that ordered blindfolds as well.

Each morning, the whole crew was required to be there, standing to attention, while the punishments were carried out.

Julia was in her 60s when it was her turn. Not withstanding that she had been a senior Scientology Executive for decades, she was blindfolded, her hands and feet tied.

She screamed all the way down.

And when the sound stopped Hubbard looked interested for the first time and rushed two deck hands overboard to make sure she was ok and help her back on board.

Had he not, I think Julia may have drowned. She could not swim.
Julia Salmen departed the Apollo the very next day. She was done with all of Scientology. (Some of this story I got from Anne Greig, LRH Personal Librarian at St. Hill whom I lived with for 2 years RIP)

It as error and misconception to believe that Miscavige implemented and was the original *CREATOR* of draconian punishments. I have come to understand that through my own evolution through the entire process.

​

 

[JustSheila]

Kaaaren!

So nice to see you.

This story is absolutely barbaric! So cruel! Thank you for posting this so others can know the truth.

I remember seeing Julia's name on many issues years ago. It's shocking Hubbard didn't go to jail for his sadistic abuse of innocent, well-meaning people.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Top 100 Stupid PHILOSOPHICAL Moments in Scientology

..

Cross-Posted from another thread:

--------------------------​

Hubbard once remarked: "There are only two tests of a life well lived."

Did one do as one intended?

And were people glad one lived?"​

After considerable thought. . .

QUESTION: Did Ron do as he intended?
ANSWER: No. That's why he ordered one of his staff to build him a k-meter. (kamikaze meter)


QUESTION: Were people glad he lived?
ANSWER: Surprisingly, I am going to say 50% yes! (because if he hadn't lived, we wouldn't have had the huge win of him dying)
​

.



So, I already know I am going to hell for that 2nd answer. So what? What do you want from me, write a KR or some junk, or whatever! lol

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Top 100 Stupid CLAY DEMO Moments in Scientology

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Cross-Posted from another fun thread:

--------​

Scientologists can word clear the word "Cult" - It is all spiritual practices other than Scientology.

So true!

But, like the Amazing Randi, I am offering a $1,000,000 prize to anyone who can demonstrate a paranormal event; specifically, anyone who can locate even one (1) KSW Scientologist in good standing, anywhere on this planet, who can miraculously pass a clay demo of the world "cult".

Not possible, lol.

Because of THE PC PARADOX--wherein, if they "clear" to "full conceptual understanding" the word cult, they will suddenly realize they are in a cult and instantly blow. Hence, they are no longer either KSW nor in good-standing.

 

[uncover]

Re: Top 100 Stupid CLAY DEMO Moments in Scientology

..
.....
But, like the Amazing Randi, I am offering a $1,000,000 prize to anyone who can demonstrate a paranormal event; specifically, anyone who can locate even one (1) KSW Scientologist in good standing, anywhere on this planet, who can miraculously pass a clay demo of the world "cult".

Not possible, lol.

Because of THE PC PARADOX--wherein, if they "clear" to "full conceptual understanding" the word cult, they will suddenly realize they are in a cult and instantly blow. Hence, they are no longer either KSW nor in good-standing.

Oh, oh, oh.... I think it's time to scrape all your money together.....
In your computations you neglected a simple hubbardist-routine-procedure called: "not-is-ness". This will prevent them from realizing that they are in a cult.

So when can we organize the requested demonstration and the money transfer ?

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

...

ANNOUNCING AN ALL-NEW FEATURE
ON
THE STUPID THREAD

"Talking To Scientologists"

​

CONCEPT: Scientologists, in their own words! (Yayyy! Gasp! Cringe!)

RULES: Hubbardites, like Hubbard, have a whole lot to say. And they're dying to tell you. As a matter of fact, they are so desperate for anybody to listen to them--they are willing to pay $500 to $1000 an hour for someone to be quiet and pretend to be interested (auditing). So, let 'em talk!

example:

What happens when a Scientologist goes to the Mecca of technical perfection, has their case cracked and gets fully rehabilitated on being unreasonable and handling mankind:

WOG
Hey Sam, I noticed you haven't been at work for the
past three months. I thought you might be sick. Are you okay?

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
Sick, oh no! LOL. I'm doing fannnnnnnnnnn-tastic!

WOG
Really? Okay, cool!

SCIENTOLOLGY SAM
Don't you want to know why?

WOG
Um----I guess so.

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
Because I went on a spiritual retreat.
I had soooooo many huge life-changing wins!
I was down in Clearwater, Florida!

WOG
Oh. Um, that's nice. Well, I better
get back to work now.

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
Wait! Aren't you curious about what's
down in Clearwater Florida or what
my unprecedented wins are?

WOG
Um, well--I mean, I guessss so.

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
Perfect! Now that you are up to
'interest' I can explain it this way--
What is your ruin?

WOG
What?

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
Your ruin! What is ruining your life?

WOG
I don't get it. What are you talking about?

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
I want to locate the thing that's ruining
your life, so that I can make the subject real to you.

WOG
What subject?

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
Well of course we're talking about you helping you!
We're talking about you becoming all you can be!
We're talking about you, the being!
We're talking about--Scientology!

WOG
Oh. My. God.

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
We're talking about
safeguarding your future!

WOG
(turning, walking away)
I gotta go or I'll get fired.

SCIENTOLOGY SAM
(disgusted, calls out loudly after him)
Hey, buddy, it's your fuckin' eternity not mine!

​

 

[Free Being Me]

...

ANNOUNCING AN ALL-NEW FEATURE
ON
THE STUPID THREAD

"Talking To Scientologists"


>snip<​

[video=youtube;6KMa60UsIWo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KMa60UsIWo[/video]
Your post reminds me of this video of talking with a $cio.
Warning: Cringy face-palm WTF cult behavior contained therein.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

...

[video=youtube;6KMa60UsIWo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KMa60UsIWo[/video]

Your post reminds me of this video of talking with a $cio.
Warning: Cringy face-palm WTF cult behavior contained therein.​

The last I heard of that guy (George the OT VIII), he was offloaded from staff and working minimum wage for the electric company in New Jersey. Collections Department. Angrily calling & threatening customers with "disconnection" who haven't paid their bill.

GEORGE THE OT VIII
...and if you don't pay your electric bill today,
we are going to disconnect and turn off your power right now!
And you will dine alone in the dark!​

 

[guanoloco]

Do you think Hubbard's insanity creates this in people or that their own insanity comes out through Scientoxity?

Do they contract it or do they bring it?



Remember...it's the Freaky, Scary, Creepy = Stupid at work...24/7, 365 days a year.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

Do you think Hubbard's insanity creates this in people or that their own insanity comes out through Scientoxity?

Do they contract it or do they bring it?

Interesting question!

A half-billion years ago when I was on staff, there was one fellow-staff member who was very smiley, kind of mild-mannered--actually considered by most to be rather meek. American fellow of obvious Irish genetics and name. So, let's see what happens when there is a party and everyone is tossing back beers, getting buzzed, dancing and having a great time.

Mr. Theta has one beer too many and a very scary switch is pulled. For no reason, his face instantly turns a crimson rage and he begins to very aggressively charge about the party, challenging (someone or perhaps everyone) to fight him. He has an insane glare in his eyes--nobody's home. Nobody wanted to get near him because the danger of being assaulted was imminent. Shocking! He was somehow restrained and taken away before he killed someone. He absolutely had that horrific kind of "murder face", if you've ever seen a psychotic before.

So, was this his native personality "coming out" (i.e. triggered) because of the beers?

Or was it in fact caused by the beers?

I'd probably have to say both.

LESSON DU JOUR: Both alcohol and scientology are mind-altering intoxicants. Some can handle their booze/bt's, some not.

 

[JustSheila]

...









The last I heard of that guy (George the OT VIII), he was offloaded from staff and working minimum wage for the electric company in New Jersey. Collections Department. Angrily calling & threatening customers with "disconnection" who haven't paid their bill.

GEORGE THE OT VIII
...and if you don't pay your electric bill today,
we are going to disconnect and turn off your power right now!
And you will dine alone in the dark!​

Before Scientology, George was blinded and crippled with visions of death by the very same dentist that blinded and crippled L Ron after the war. If there's anything George and Ron hate more than psychiatrists, it's dentists. They are from a wholetrack evil tribe of cyborgs that once had dental drills for noses. Fortunately for us, though, just like L Ron, George rose above the nitrous oxide and is now a Fully Hatted Disconnector and in his own handwriting, George recounts his amazing, harrowing experience through the Dental Drill and how he taped a safe path so that we can, too. George continues his minister work by disconnecting dentists throughout the country because it's not a job, it's a crusade and only the tigers survive or wrestle bears, only the few are chosen and we only have this one chance to make it go right after millions of years in the mud and darkness.

 

[oneonewasaracecar]

GEORGE THE OT VIII
...And you will dine alone in the dark!​

Gold! It's gold I tell you.

A better pun and a better foreshadowed pun you will never see.

 

[oneonewasaracecar]

If there's anything George and Ron hate more than psychiatrists, it's dentists.

Do we have anything in the red and green volumes to prove this or is it just all those photos of him smiling.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Top 100 Stupid MILITARY Moments in Scientology

..

Cross-Posted from the very entertaining "What I hated in Scientology" thread.

-----​

Rocks and Shoals
Hill 10
Shore Story
All Hands
Flap
Decks
Galley
Pig's Berthing
Command Intention
Libs (Liberties)
LOA (Leave of Absence)
Comm Ev (Committee of Evidence)
Hearings
Goldenrod
Muster
Quarantine
Mid Rats (Midnight rations)
White Glove Inspection

Ah, it's all coming back to me now....

Whoa!

It sure sounds like the Commodore's Sea Org was a real elite military unit!

Not some delusionally demented "Salvation Navy"!

We better add another word to your excellent list.

OODs.

Hubbard's use of that word (back in the 1960's) triggered its viral popularity, so much so that even the Beatles featured it on the Sgt Pepper album:

​

I read the OODs today, oh boy.
The Salvation Navy had just won the war
About a lucky man who did the grades
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw Ron's photograph. . .​

 

[JustSheila]

Military? Navy? How can you say those things. Those are the words of sacred, holy church scripture!

As I lay me down to sleep,
On berthing bed in building keep,
Xenu guard from Rocks and Shoals,
and white glove inspections on ship's hold.

Fear I not a big Comm Ev
or dwell on KRs or past lives led,
Ooops it's almost muster time,
Quick spritz of pits and race in line.

If I clap with zeal to that ugly man,
Will I pass pig's berthing ban?
Fear I not if stats are down,
I'll take my libs next time around.