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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Discussion in 'Evaluating and Criticising Scientology' started by HelluvaHoax!, Apr 25, 2017.

  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    How to Cash In On the Lucrative Intergalactic Planet Clearing Business In Five (5) Easy Steps

    1. Leave your home planet.

    2. Journey to a distant "slave planet" where credulous DBs with expendable cash abound.

    3. Promise them infinite happiness, riches, immortality & god-like superpowers through planetary clearing.

    4. Order others to clear the planet and pay you 500 million dollars so that they don't go criminally out-exchange.

    5. Leave the planet, take the cannoli[sup]1[/sup] casholi.

    [sup]1[/sup] "take the cannoli": arcane cinematic reference to The GodFounder

  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Based on the HUBBARD LAW OF COMMOTION[sup]1[/sup] we have discovered the following contradictory corollaries:

    THE OT OMNISCIENCE COROLLARY: Any Scientologist can be ordered to do any task and is expected to "make it go right" despite not having any training or experience in the subject. When they goof it up and attempt to justice the "overt", it is harshly dealt with as a criminal act. Because Hubbard states that: "A BEING KNOWS EVERYTHING!" (and has done everything before). [Example: A high school dropout who joined the Sea Org a few weeks previously is suddenly commanding a Sea Org ship on the high seas in hurricane conditions. When the ship hits the rocks the "captain" is summarily fired, declared an SP, disconnected and sent a freeloader bill for $245,000 dollars to cover the repairs. Because "the being knows everything".]​

    THE DB ANTI-OMNISCIENCE COROLLARY: Any Scientologist must never be allowed to do any task until they are fully trained in the subject at great length and expense. Staff members who have driven a car for decades are not allowed to drive a car until they complete the "OKAY TO DRIVE A CAR COURSE". PhDs, physicists and others with advanced academic degrees are not allowed to study a single word of Scientology until they have paid for a "STUDENT HAT" course and paid for "METHOD ONE AUDITING" and the PRIMARY RUNDOWN and the KEY TO LIFE COURSE. Nobody is even allowed to look up a word in a dictionary without clearing ALL of the definitions, because "NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING!" ​

    [sup]1[/sup]Hubbard Law of Commotion: For each policy and piece of tech in Scientology, there an equal and opposite policy and piece of tech.
    tesseract, Bill and Operating DB like this.
  3. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    Just a technical SCN detail:

    Student Hat alone does not require Method 1 auditing.
    However, Super Literate is Method 1 auditing followed by fast-flow Student Hat.
    (BTW, my Method 1 auditor was Rene Ansert at the Riverside Mission.)

    Just my 2 cents comment.
    Carry on...
  4. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    What I like is that "the being knows" and there's knowingness and the know to mystery scale...but when Mary Sue gets busted for infiltrating the IRS ( an entity that Hubbard wrote about, lectured about and put into his Xenu story while Mary Sue said nothing about it nor wrote about it) he didn't know anything.
  5. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    They never know anything. OTs that can travel out of body but have no idea their investments are about to take a nose dive, the OT they lent money is declaring bankruptcy, their kids are suffering from depression and the FBI is about to send them to jail.

    No idea at all!:confused:
    tesseract likes this.
  6. guanoloco

    guanoloco As-Wased

    Yeah, that's the public.

    I'm saying it's kind of iRONic that Hubbard vilified the IRS while his wife did what he did...then, when she's busted for infiltrating the IRS where the only "being" that had anything to gain from this, Ron the Con, he, being the OT of OTs and being the Second Dynamic and all that, didn't know anything about this.

    JustSheila likes this.
  7. JackStraw

    JackStraw Silver Meritorious Patron

    Ron's only OT ability, something he WAS successful at all his life was, when the shit was about to hit the fan, boy howdy that dude could run and hide! He had the skills!

  8. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    I would like to point out that what LRH did is true. You have to drop the body in order to move on to higher levels.

    The reason for this should be obvious. Once someone reaches the upper levels, they can no longer tolerate the pain and mental anguish of moving up the Bridge; the body and mind can only take so much.

    Therefore in order to go higher, and to be able to tolerate pain and mental anguish beyond the bodies ability to absorb it, you must drop your body because it can't take it anymore.

    The top of the Tone Scale was a typo. The top of the Tone Scale is No, not Know because once you acquire this Tone, you are No More which is really Serenity of Nothingness. There is no more money, you have no more friends (disconnection), you have no more family (disconnection), you need no more auditing (money gone). You are now at Serenity of Nothingness.
  9. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Oh, my first thought when when I read "No" at the top of the Tone scale that that was a person's response to Hubbard and his Bridge (TM). NO! No more of this bullshit! NO! No more wasting my time and money! No more insanity! NO.NO.NO!!! I'm outta here!

    "No" is the highest level of awareness attainable in scientology.
    HelluvaHoax! and freethinker like this.
  10. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    That's the Mystery of the No to Mystery Scale, why didn't I say No?
    JustSheila and Operating DB like this.
  11. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Operating DB! :bighug::fromme:
  12. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    SCIENTOLOGY MYTHED-WITHHOLD # 3,093: "Scientology is the science of knowing-how-to-know"

    FACT: Scientologist are not allowed to know what is in books, newspapers, videos and tv shows that report facts about Scientology and its infallible leader(s).

    FACT: Scientologists are not allowed to know about Scientology by asking upper level Scientologists to demonstrate their miraculous Clear/OT powers.

    FACT: Scientologists are not allowed to know that Scientology is both a ludicrous hoax and an avarciously vengeful and dangerous cult.

    KSW KOAN DU JOUR: So, what then are the "knowing how to know" experts allowed to know?

    ANSWER: Just this. That anyone asking what they "know" or what they can "do" is an evil SP who must be destroyed.

    tesseract, JustSheila and JackStraw like this.
  13. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    ANSWER: They are allowed to know the address and phone number of the nearest cult of Scientology and how to give directions there. They are allowed to know the names of books by L Ron Hubbard and they are allowed to tell people to buy them at the nearest cult of Scientology.

    They are not allowed to think about anyone's questions about Scientology. They are not allowed to come up with their own answers, because they have learned how to know, and when you know with certainty on this planet that you know how to know all there is to know in this sector of the universe, you know there are no more thoughts to be thunk. You are free from thinking because now you know how to know.

    Too bad they don't know there's a real world outside Scientology.

    Do fish swim?[​IMG]
  14. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Good post!

    Scientology has an unpublished book of "SACRED ACCEPTABLE THOUGHTS & ORIGINATIONS", and Scientologists have "total freedom" to think or say anything from that book. It is a "crime" to think/say anything that is not "standard" (listed in the book).

    example: You cannot have a new ability gained or cognition (even with a floating TA and VVGIs) that is not found in the standard book of wins & cogs. You can say things like "My space feels calm" but you cannot have a cognition like: "I just realized that Scientology committed financial crimes, per Ron's policies, when they coerced me into borrowing many hundreds of thousands of dollars which led to my having my car repossessed and my house foreclosed on. That's when they sent me to ethics and assigned me a lower condition for "following illegal orders" and not applying KSW. Then they told me I had to make up the damage by donating money to Ideal Org program so that we could put $100,000 worth Italian marble in the bathrooms and thus make planetary clearing a reality. When I said I didn't have the money, they said they already got my credit card limits increased and that it was a suppressive act for a being to have stuck attention on MEST and that I needed to borrow the $100,000 and flow the money uplines to Source. I asked how me going bankrupt is flowing power uplines to Source when Source is dead and they immediately issued a Non-Enturbulation Order and increased my amends project to $150,000, plus assigned me a clay demo of Ron's discovery: "HOW NEEDING MEST MONEY IS WHAT KEEPS A BEING TRAPPED IN THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE"
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
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  15. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on



    When the 100% workable study tech doesn't work and a Scientologist disagrees/disobeys with anything they are told to think/do, the solution is "False Data Stripping".

    REASON: Because of the discovery that the infallible rule that "Disagreements are always caused by a misunderstood word" is not true. However, rather than admit to Scientologists that any of their thought crimes (disagreeing) might not stem from an "MU", cult management simply announces another monumental breakthough and cause for celebration. It would have been very dangerous indeed for cult dictators to allow any true believer to realize that Dr. Hubbard is not 100% perfect in all his thoughts and understandings and knowingness-es about life in this universe. They might then feel a little freedom to question other sacred scripture and nobody is ever permitted under any circumstances to feel a little freedom---they are only permitted to feel "total freedom".

    HOW FALSE DATA STRIPPING WORKS: When a Scientologist has a thought that in any remote way is at variance with Scientology scripture, they are immediately beset upon by fierce-eyed word clearers who have total certainty that they will "find the word" that threatening your eternity and the very life of every man, woman and child on this planet. When that fails, the indignant word-clearers know your "study case" is far worse than your tech estimated indicated, and they route you to the "CORRECTION DEPARTMENT" for the advanced "disagreement remedy" called "False Data Stripping". The False Data Stripper also has tone 40 certainty that you have been "implanted" with an incorrect "wog" notion, stable datum, idea or lie. When the implant is spotted the being (you) will instantly brighten up, jettison the off-source thought and replace it with the invariably true and perfectly correct datum as provided by the Founder and Source.
    ...but I still don't see why I have been taken off course for the past
    three weeks for word clearing and now false data stripping---was it
    simply because I didn't agree that the cure for lung cancer is not to
    increase one's cigarette addiction up to three packs a day? Why?
    Just because Ron smokes three packs or more a day? I mean,
    if I was diagnosed with lung cancer I'd see a doctor.

    Aha! Where did you get that false data from?

    What false data?

    The false data to see a wog doctor when
    the tech tells us how to handle lung cancer
    standardly and not let medicos give us dangerous drugs.

    But nicotine IS a dangerous drug.

    Aha! Another false datum. Where did you
    get that false data from?

    What are you talking about, it is a well known
    scientific fact that chronic smoking can
    lead to lung cancer.

    Aha! More false datums. Where are you
    getting all these false datums?

    From cancer specialists, cancer surgeons
    and cancer researchers.

    Aha! Can you now see that you are being
    implanted with false data by charlatans?

    Charlatans? What? Who is the charlatan?

    Wogs who are pretending to know about
    cancer, when LRH has done all the scientific
    research and found the why & cure for it. When
    exactly did they give you this false data?

    Nobody implanted me with any false data.

    Then where did you get this false data? Somebody
    must have implanted you with this false data.

    No, nobody implanted me.

    You are not answering my question. Refusal
    to answer a standard auditing question can quickly
    become an ethics matter where we have to send
    you for an ethics investigation and sec check to
    find your crimes. I'm going to ask you one last
    time--who implanted you with all this
    false data on cancer?

    Nobody. I studied it myself. I am an oncologist.
    Do you know the meaning of that word?

    Hey! We are here to handle your disagreement and get
    rid of the false data that was implanted on your case.
    You just need to let us help strip you of those implanted false
    datums, so that we can install LRH's cancer cure true datums.

    Install? Isn't that just Hubbard's euphemism for "implant"?

    Uhhhh.....errrr. . .
    Okay, who gave you the false data that Ron
    was trying to--ummmmm, euthanize you?

    Scientology: The only game in the universe where everyone wins who has done a 3 day com course knows more about cancer than an oncologist who has saved lives for 3 decades. ​
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
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  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    LOL, thanks, yes I know. I was an "expert" (LOL) in all those things, supervising courses, C/Sing etc. Depending on what snapshot one takes of Scientology at any given point in time, the pendulum can be found anywhere on either extremes.

    To wit, nobody can do anything until they get M1 auditing! All people on all courses are immediately pulled off and put onto the Method One Co-Audit course, to twin until they have "FNed" the entire list of subjects. Then they must do the Student Hat (Primary Rundown Style) by looking up tens of thousands of words, and 3-300 definitions within each word. And use them in sentences, let's not forget about that, lest we lose our eternities on the 463rd definition the word "set"[sup]1 [/sup] by failing to make sentences on the 464th. Naturally, looking up words is hailed as the "missing piece of tech" that prevented real OTs from being made and it's now a simple task to clear the planet!

    Alas, the pendulum doth swingeth, and at some other point in time there is an "unprecedented breakthrough" that will "make planetary clearing a reality"---which is that someone (it's always someone else besides the guru in charge) forced people to look up too many words and committed the technical degrade and "high crime" of dropping out the "FAST FLOW POLICY" (never correcting a flow until it slows/stops).

    Later in time one sees Scientology reverting back to wordology with the KEY TO LIFE COURSE, when it is discovered that beings were not going Clear because nobody until now had invented oversized comic books that cost $5000 and contained "confidential" cartoons of people looking up words.


    Yes, that's right--the KTL book was "confidential" and nobody could see it without paying and buying their own copy. It was a "high crime" to look inside it or to try to avoid paying for it by borrowing the comic book of someone who had completed the course and had no further use of their mint-condition copy.

    Yes, Scientology IS that insane. LOL


    [sup]1[/sup] “"Set" has 464 definitions in the Oxford English Dictionary. "Run" runs a distant second, with 396. Rounding out the top ten are "go" with 368, "take" with 343, "stand" with 334, "get" with 289, "turn" with 288, "put" with 268, "fall" with 264, and "strike" with 250.”
    Operating DB likes this.
  17. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    As long as we are on the subject of Hubbard ordering the faithful to buy their own copy of the "confidential" KEY TO LIFE comic book, let's consider the question:


    There are many answers to that question. Here's one. . .

    ANSWER: Gullible enough to spend tens of thousands of hours "clearing words" in their Scientology studies, to "keep Scientology working" at all costs. Gullible enough to believe that not clearing ONE (1) word can "crash" a person's entire life and deny them their "eternity". Scientologists believe with all their hearts & minds (and charge cards) that a simple word like "and" or "the" or "to" can destroy their life, if not properly, fully and standardly "cleared". They have no doubts or reservations about the "scientific" fact that a misunderstood word is the SOLE SOURCE & CAUSE OF:​
    • Failure to learn/understand anything​
    • Failure to be able to do anything.​
    • Failure to complete any cycle of action.​
    • Failure to keep one's ethics in resulting in committing overts.​
    • Failure to commit overts resulting in criticism and natter against anyone/anything.​
    • Failure to stop committing overts resulting in withholds.​
    • Failure to stop overts/withholds resulting in abandonment of one's goals and "blowing".​
    • Failure to prevent all of the above resulting in "no case gain" and the loss of one's eternity.​

    SUMMARY: Scientology are the true "word nazis" on this planet, lol. You can be investigated, Com-Ev'd and declared an SP for not looking up words properly or insisting others do so (see HCOPL "Ethics & Word Clearing" for full list of "crimes" and "suppressive acts" associated with not using a dictionary the way Dr. Hubbard's sacred scripture mandates). Yet, in spite of their sheer fanaticism on the subject of "misunderstood words" and their chest pounding, decades-long braggadocio about their Christ-like purity on the sacred subject of clearing words, no Scientologist in the world has ever even cleared the 4th word in Scientology.


    The 4th published word in Scientology's 68 year history is
    every single Scientologists' basic-basic misunderstood word---
    And it is a "High Crime" and "Suppressive Act" to clear it.


    Last edited: Dec 20, 2018
  18. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    I actually know of one who did and was exhibiting erratic behavior before doing so. Word.:rock:
  19. freethinker

    freethinker Sponsor

    My question is...

    How striking are the differences between each of the 464 definitions? is 106 completely and entirely different from 344? Would you instantly notice the CORRECT definition?:read:
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    LOL LOL LOL! Hubbard who invented the Hip-Hop expression "word"? Wow!

    Did Ron also invent WORDS before the beginning of the time track? I am assuming this must be a scientific fact, because he is already on record (Guiness Book, in all likelihood) as the being who invented MUSIC. Logically, if he invented music, that would include lyrics--so it's more than obvious that LRH must have invented WORDS also.


    Kindly now stand and face the wall photo of the mentally ill man in a naval costume. And repetitively chant on cue:




    And for all those cult escapees out there in the audience who have kicked the KSW auditing habit...