Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

[HelluvaHoax!]

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ACCEPTABLE TRUTH DU JOUR

OSA R-FACTOR:
"No, no, no my friend--you are
confusing things. When people said she's
really a stripper it's because in our church she
really is a very highly trained False Data Stripper."

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[screamer2]

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Overrun on False Data Stripping?

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Obviously, she needs another bottle of 151 rum.
On the brighter side, at least the host had the foresight to cover the sofa and put down some paper or plastic.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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Acceptable Truth Hall Of Fame

HOW CULT CELEBRITIES ARE TRAINED TO DEAD-AGENT DEAD-ALIENS
(QUESTION AT 03:52): "What about aliens? Do you believe in aliens?"

"I don't know what that--that's---
I've never heard of it, in my 3 generations. LOL.
I think people confuse L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction works
with his philosophic and religious works. That's an easy way
to make someone look silly by combining those."


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CULT WATCHER PRO TIP: Of particular interest and entertainment value are the amateurish "tells" that Kate Cerebrano & husband very unintentionally exhibited whilst trying to cover up the ludicrously obvious fact that they were lying their OT asses off (e.g. frantic side-glancing eyes, inappropriately flailing hand gestures, voice modulation to try and sound calm/sane). Also fun to watch are the wall-to-wall lies they told leading up to the Xenu question (e.g. how "affordable" Scientology is, how there are no forced donations to buy courses/auditing, et al).
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[HelluvaHoax!]

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cross-posted from the HUMOR THREAD

by Xenu Xenu Xenu

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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cross-posted from the HUMOR THREAD

by Xenu Xenu Xenu

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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ANNOUNCING!

ACTUAL CULT TRANSLATOR APP!

Allows Degraded Beings to Totally get in com with and
Totally duplicate Total Freedom OTs with Total ARC and
Total conceptual understanding, on this planet, like---Totally!


ACTUAL QUOTE
"I don't know what that--that's---
I've never heard of it, in my 3 generations. LOL.
I think people confuse L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction works
with his philosophic and religious works. That's an easy way
to make someone look silly by combining those."


ACTUAL TRANSLATION
"I don't know what that--that's---
I've never heard of Xenu, in my OT 3, I mean 3 generations. LOL.
I think people confuse bizarrely inappropriate hand gesticulations
with cult members trying to sell flagrant lies. That's an easy way
to make Scientologists look criminal by combining those."


ACTUAL ACCEPTABLE HAND TELLS

"Like don't listen to those body language experts. . .
Just because I am subliminally signaling deception about
OT 3 by holding up 3 fingers, it's not a tell! I mean--
Really, I swear, OT 3 does not even exist! I would
like totally know that it doesn't exist because
I actually attested to OT III, duh!"



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[Type4_PTS]

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ANNOUNCING!

ACTUAL CULT TRANSLATOR APP!

Allows Degraded Beings to Totally get in com with and
Totally duplicate Total Freedom OTs with Total ARC and
Total conceptual understanding, on this planet, like---Totally!


ACTUAL QUOTE
"I don't know what that--that's---
I've never heard of it, in my 3 generations. LOL.
I think people confuse L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction works
with his philosophic and religious works. That's an easy way
to make someone look silly by combining those."


ACTUAL TRANSLATION
"I don't know what that--that's---
I've never heard of Xenu, in my OT 3, I mean 3 generations. LOL.
I think people confuse bizarrely inappropriate hand gesticulations
with cult members trying to sell flagrant lies. That's an easy way
to make Scientologists look criminal by combining those."


ACTUAL ACCEPTABLE HAND TELLS

"No really! I swear, OT III doesn't even exist!
I mean, like I attested to that level so I would like totally know!"



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That interview with Kate Ceberano brings back memories...

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

That interview with Kate Ceberano brings back memories...

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!!! LOL !!!

Actual verbatim quote:
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"Martin, I am not going to discuss the disgusting
perversions of Scientology beliefs that can
be found now commonly on the internet."
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CRINGEY CULT CURIOSITY: In fact, every single word Scientology spokes-clown Tommy Davis uttered IS 100% factual. ​

• The OT III Xenu story in fact IS one of "Scientology's beliefs". ​
• That belief in fact IS a "disgusting perversion" ​
• Hubbard's OT III material in fact IS "now commonly on the internet". ​

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[Xenu Xenu Xenu]

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!!! LOL !!!

Actual verbatim quote:
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"Martin, I am not going to discuss the disgusting
perversions of Scientology beliefs that can
be found now commonly on the internet."
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CRINGEY CULT CURIOSITY: In fact, every single word Scientology spokes-clown Tommy Davis uttered IS 100% factual. ​

• The OT III Xenu story in fact IS one of "Scientology's beliefs". ​
• That belief in fact IS a "disgusting perversion" ​
• Hubbard's OT III material in fact IS "now commonly on the internet". ​

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[screamer2]

That interview with Kate Ceberano brings back memories...

It's always refreshing to see a petulant Tommy feign indignation while wearing some kind of iron shorts/underwear. I mean, it's so obvious...

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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WARNING LABEL TO ALL SCIENTOLOGISTS & INDIES WHO VENTURE ONTO THE EX-SCIENTOLOGY MESSAGE BOARD:

"When somebody enrols, consider he or she has joined up for the duration of the universe internet - never permit an ‘open-minded’ approach. If they enrolled, they’re aboard, and if they’re aboard they’re here on the same terms as the rest of us - win or die erase cognitive dissonance or remain trapped in a stupid cult in the attempt. Never let them be half minded about being ex-Scientologists. When Mrs. Pattycake a Billy Blowdown comes to us to be taught debunked, turn that wandering doubt dedicated glare in his eye into an un-fixed, un-dedicated glare cringe & laugh at themselves. The proper instruction attitude is: ‘We'd rather have you dead deprogrammed than incapable of admitting you are not an OT.’" - L. Don Hubbard[sup]1[/sup] - HCO POLICY of April 1, 1986 "Keeping Satire Working"​

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[sup]1[/sup] L. Don Hubbard (see Avatar photo) is the estranged, blown and declared evil twin brother of L. Ron Hubbard. As Founder of the Church of Hoaxology, Don is the first being on this planet to attain the state of OH (Operating Hobo).

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[PirateAndBum]

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!!! LOL !!!

Actual verbatim quote:
​

"Martin, I am not going to discuss the disgusting
perversions of Scientology beliefs that can
be found now commonly on the internet."
​

CRINGEY CULT CURIOSITY: In fact, every single word Scientology spokes-clown Tommy Davis uttered IS 100% factual. ​

• The OT III Xenu story in fact IS one of "Scientology's beliefs". ​
• That belief in fact IS a "disgusting perversion" ​
• Hubbard's OT III material in fact IS "now commonly on the internet". ​

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Tommy: "And it is a violation of my religious beliefs to talk about them."

So yeah, he admits it and that he can't talk about it.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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cross-posted from another thread ["ARTWORK"]
because it perfectly captures the stupid
moment when an OT blows the cult.
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Originally posted by TYPE4_PTS
Here's a cartoon I found years ago on the internet:​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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WHEN OTs BLOW
An ideal org turns its lonely TR-0 to you. . .

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"Fly alone in pain and in the dark"​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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duplicate post - deleted

 

[Type4_PTS]

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WHEN OTs BLOW
An ideal org turns its lonely TR-0 to you. . .

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"Fly alone in pain and in the dark"​

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You just improved upon one of my favorite cartoons!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

You just improved upon one of my favorite cartoons!

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Wow, I hear applause, cool!

Wait, am I supposed to take the stage again for an encore? LOL

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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PC PARADOX #666:


FACT: L. Ron Hubbard actually issued a "FLAG ORDER" that explicitly declared:

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ANYONE WHO BLOWS FROM THE SEA ORG IS A
DEGRADED BEING
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FACT: 99.99% of all billion-year Sea Org members blow within the first 10 years of their contract. ​

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FACT: Therefore, standard tech that works 100% of the time (to un-degrade DBs) actually works less than 0.00000001 percent of the time.

FACT: Even if someone joined the SO in 1966, they would still have 9,999,999,947 years remaining in their contract. Therefore the actuarial odds that even one SO member will fulfill their billion year contract is approximately 0.0000000000000000000000000000 percent. ​

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FACT: Therefore (at least) 99.99% of the most able OTs in the universe (SO members) are in fact Degraded Beings. ​

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FACT: L. Ron Hubbard's discoveries about DBs are both scientific and infallible. ​

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FACT: L. Ron Hubbard blew from the Sea Org. ​

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FACT: Therefore, L. Ron Hubbard is a Degraded Being. ​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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DB Dialogue Dujour

INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST
So, if Ron Hubbard blew from the Sea Org
wouldn't that make him a "degraded being"?

OT
LOL, Oh my goodness no!
Ron is still a Sea Org member.

INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST
Really? I thought Hubbard was dead. . .

OT
LOL, Oh my goodness gracious, no!
Our Commodore is out at sea.

INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST
He's not out at sea, he's cremated. They
spread his ashes in the ocean.

OT
Like I said, he's out at sea.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Nominated for Your Consideration
TOP 100 STUPID DEFINITIONS IN SCIENTOLOGY
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The definition of the word "responsibility".

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