Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART ONE

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

You know this whole Van Allen belt and Heaven and Venus thing just bedevils me to no end.

How come he took his body to Venus? Isn't that just a bit too careless? I mean it could get run over by a train or something!

Don't tell me he dragged that encumbersome thing to Heaven twice and to the Van Allen belt!

So if he was all exterior in one of these then why not all?

Silly Doctor Hubbard...

All that is missing to make Scientology complete & perfect is the laugh track.

CUE AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AS RON TAKES THE MIKE...

RON
Hey you folks look great. I'm so glad to be here.
I almost didn't make it to the Comedy Club tonight because
"I nearly got run over by a train the other day on Venus!"
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
But, seriously folks, "I was up in the Van Allen belt
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
-- this is factual, and I don't know why they're scared of
the Van Allen belt, because it's simply hot. You'd be surprised how warm space is.
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
Get down amongst the clouds and so forth, it can get pretty cold and damp.
But you get well up and sunlight shining around and that sort of thing, it's quite hot.
And the Van Allen belt was radioactively hot. A lot of photons get trapped in that
area and so forth. And I was up there watching the sunrise.
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
Well, that was very interesting. And my perception was very good, and
I was taking a look at Norway and Essex and the places around, you know,
and getting myself sort of oriented. And then something happened to me that
I didn't know quite what had happened to me. I thought some facsimiles must
have appeared in front of me, but they didn't look like facsimiles.
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
And some other things happened and I had a feeling like I might possibly go into the sun.
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
And a few other little uncomfortablenesses there where... That wasn't what awed me.
But I got confused. I got confused because the sun was suddenly larger and
then it was smaller and somehow or another I was doing a change of space
process that I myself was not familiar with.
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav
And it made me sort of bite off my thetan fingernails just a little bit, you know?"
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav​

You can start cringing now, because Hubbard actually said all that stuff in "quotes". And Scientologists accepted it. Some even believed it. And we were Scientologists.

FUCKINGCRINGE​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

DOUBLE POST - DELETED

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

...

RON THE COMEDIAN
But seriously folks......
"Well, I have been to heaven. It was complete with gates,
angels and plaster saints and electronic implantation equipment."
http://static1.grsites.com/archive/sounds/comic/comic002.wav​

(L. Ron Hubbard, HCO Bulletin 11 May 1963)

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Just where the hell were you when you first heard ones of these Heaven, Venus, Van Allen belt whoppers? What ran through your head as you sat there and first heard this crap? Was it in Clear Sound?

I know I was giggling weakly like the nerd in the group that doesn't get the joke but is too scared to admit it so they laugh with no understanding just because the group is laughing.

Gawd help me! What a fool!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Just where the hell were you when you first heard ones of these Heaven, Venus, Van Allen belt whoppers? What ran through your head as you sat there and first heard this crap?

Your questions are good ones. I think you are trying to run Straight Wire on me to contact that incident?

Let's do this things standardly using Ron's book Self Analysis, shall we?

Okay, I spun the disc and it landed on "SMELL".

What was the smell? hmmmmmm

Oh I've got it!!

It smelled like bullshit.

Is that a valid cognition in Scientology?

 

[Jump]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

And those white strips crossing in the centre are the strips of gaff-tape you put over your mouth if you think of any questions while studying in the cult.

 

[LA SCN]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Your questions are good ones. I think you are trying to run Straight Wire on me to contact that incident?

Let's do this things standardly using Ron's book Self Analysis, shall we?

Okay, I spun the disc and it landed on "SMELL".

What was the smell? hmmmmmm

Oh I've got it!!

It smelled like bullshit.

Is that a valid cognition in Scientology?

Now you've done it.

You MUST come up with a new SAS (Self, Adios from Scn) list of questions for use with this wheel and I think it deserves its own thread.

Audience participation is allowed and may become Mandatory.

Q's such as:

Recall a time you wanted OUT of the courseroom on a fine spring day.

Recall a time you wanted to Call Bullshit on a Hubbardism and didn't.

Etc. - You get the idea.

 

[Gadfly]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

And those white strips crossing in the centre are the strips of gaff-tape you put over your mouth if you think of any questions while studying in the cult.

The "white strips" are actually openings, and it is these through these openings that one lets all Hubbard's Scientology nonsense into ones mind.

One should stand guard at the gates of ones mind, with the double sentries of observation and reason, watching and STOPPING any nonsense from entering and taking hold.

Scientology is a carefully-designed system that effectively sneaks by the guards - bypassing both observation and reason. One might say that the subject and practices of Scientology lure these guards, slip them a drug and put them to sleep. Metaphorically-speaking.

 

[N. Graham]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

She's actually quite a good actress; really eccentric, but she's given fine performances in some good movies. Nashville; Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean; Five Easy Pieces. Airport was her starmaking role, I think. Now she mostly does small indie movies.

She's a Scilon from waaaayyyy back; I saw a picture of her in a Sci mag from the early 60's, way before she had any success as an actress. Doesn't talk about it much though.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000947/

I think Easy Rider was more of her breakout role, followed by Five Easy Pieces. The Airport movie was a bit later.
Wow! Went to the music link. This is really bad!

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Haha, if you do a Google Image Search for "scientology clear bracelet", the above image already shows up on the first page...

This one should show up shortly:

Look, I got some favorite posts...the "We Are Marilyn Monroe" WAMM Club...the one where HelluvaHoax sips calmag and cranks the volume to 10 on "Thank You For Listening" (perfect Sciono serfac imagery)...

...but this Am I Stupid? Clear bracelet...the best!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

..
I am reposting this because someone added a clear bracelet (at guanoloco's suggestion) the cartoon and it's too priceless...

____________________​

There is a dramatic moment of truth that all Scientologists have to face one day, sooner or later.

They realize at some level that the tech is simply not working. Probably after being on OT VII for 10 years or more and spending upwards of $500,000 to go OT.

They also start to sense that they are being mercilessly conned out of every dollar they have or will ever hope to have.

At that critical juncture, the Scientologist has, essentially, TWO (2) possible choices....

The first question they must ask themselves is:

"AM I SUPPRESSIVE?"
​

But, there is a much better, alternate, solo auditing question.....

If they can answer that one correctly, they've already got one foot out the door....

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

...

SURVEY:

This has long been the OFFICIAL LOGO of the Stupid Thread.

​

But, I thought maybe he should also have a $50,000 IAS Patron lapel pin.

Which one do you think is stupider?

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

..

I noticed something suspiciously stupid. . .

Recently, every time I Google "Scientology" the same banner with 3 photos comes up.

Is Miscavige actually paying for this?

Interesting choice that he is sandwiched by Cruise & Travolta.

What Your [STRIKE]Fees[/STRIKE] Sleaze Buy.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

..


QUESTION: What is the difference between SEA ORG MEMBERs and ALL OTHER SCIENTOLOGISTS including INDIES?


ANSWER: Sea Org Members actually realize they are on Ron's command channel. The rest do not.

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Hey! Remember all that yap about SPs and stuck pictures?

Ever wonder what picture this guy is looking at?

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Reposted from the add your own caption contest thread:

Fill 'er up to there with Vistaril...that ought to about do it. I got a big ass!

 

[guanoloco]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

Look at this pic:

Doesn't it have an uncanny resemblance to this one?

 

[Student of Trinity]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

About all Hubbard's extreme silliness:

I recently read some thing online about why the 'Nigerian' e-mail scams purport to be from Nigeria, and why they rely on the same old corny story about some guy dying and leaving millions unclaimed in some bank. The suggestion was that the scammers are deliberately using a somewhat ridiculous story, because they don't just want to reach as many people as possible: they specifically want to select out the most gullible people.

The point is that their scam isn't actually cost-free for them to run. They may need to go to some lengths to spin it out, for example by hiring people to impersonate officials, or to craft impressive-looking documents. So when they set out their bait, they need to get a lot of people to respond to their e-mails with interest, but really they need more than this. What they really need is people who will swallow the whole thing to the very end, and pay them a lot of money, and not wake up and smell the coffee somewhere in the middle of the operation, leaving the scammers with a net loss. So by deliberately not using an initial story that is too plausible, the scammers minimize the risk of wasting time on people who aren't gullible enough to go all the way.

I hate to say it, but some of Hubbard's dumber stunts kind of remind me of this.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

...

Cross posted from another thread, this one was too stupid not to make it to the Stupid Thread. . .

_____________________________________

The hilarious part about that Flash Gordon character is that if (rather than charging $500,000 for a Bridge about Xenu) Hubbard's "wholetrack research" had instead "discovered" an entirely different SciFi story about Ming The Merciless, Scientologists would have had to:

* have first been invited by the C/S to do the Ming OT Level--based on their contributions to Scientology.

* keep Ming materials locked in a special combination briefcase which was attached to their wrist at all times. And, similarly secure & safeguard the ultra confidential materials at home so that squirrels and psychs could not steal it and thereafter use it to enslave mankind and prevent beings from losing their Eternity.

* sign a bond never utter a word about the Ming Incident to anyone, lest they be declared SP.

* lie with a dedicated glare when queried about the Ming Incident by a friend, family member, journalist or TV host in order to prevent mankind from Ming-Wheeling, getting Mingosis and dying.​

And Scientologists would have looked people square in the eye without blinking and said that the Ming Incident was "holy scripture" and a "deadly serious" part of their "religion".

Scientology: It's all about KMW.




Keeping Ming Working

 

[Gadfly]

Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

* keep Ming materials locked in a special combination briefcase which was attached to their wrist at all times. And, similarly secure & safeguard the ultra confidential materials at home so that squirrels and psychs could not steal it and thereafter use it to enslave mankind and prevent beings from losing their Eternity.

This brushes on a point that just used to floor me. Even when I was involved with Scientology, while there were many things that seemed strange to me, this one you mention was especially absurd.

I would hear or read these sort of comments by Hubbard & Scientologists:

1. An SP just HATES all "betterment activities", and that is why they HATE Scientology.

2. The SPs "know deep down" that Scientology makes people ABLE, and can even make super-able OTs. Thus, the SPs again just HATE Scientology - as some natural knee-jerk "case reaction".

3. Psychiatry, governments and other sordid dictator-type scum would LOVE to have all of Scientology tech to "enslave" others.

4. The advanced materials must be kept secure so that squirrels and evil SPs don't use it to really HURT people.

I read lots about psychiatry when I was involved with the C of S. But, while I did read lots of critical treatments, such as by Peter Breggin and Thomas Szasz, I also went straight to the horses' mouths and read the writings of psychiatrists and psychologists directly. For instance, while studying about the effects of the NEA (National Education Association) and other special interest groups in American schools, along with related "conspiracy" books, I read 5 or 6 books by John Dewey, the "Father of American Education".

How I saw all of this was that most people most of the time were doing what they thought was right and best. They were making choices as best they could based on their own education (indoctrination). Granted, many people do some really nutty and harmful things while doing what "they think is best for others". The psychiatrist ramming an ice pick into the frontal lobes of a patient actually BELIEVED that this "helped the guy". One needs to read actual articles and books by people who did these things back in the day. I did. John Dewey believed that the aim of education was to socialize the kids and turn them into good like participating members of society ("just another brick in the Wall" - Pink Floyd). He began the trend where reading, writing and arithmetic were not viewed as so important (as compared to adjusting behavior in the schools).

But, I NEVER saw that any psychiatrist or government official EVER thought that there was ANYTHING to Scientology. In other words, for the psychs or government to "want what Scientology had", they would first have to recognize and consider that there was something "valuable there". For an SP to actually want to destroy some "betterment" activity, he would have to first believe that such an activity, in this case Scientology, could actually make people better, and even SUPER-ABLE. But really, when it came down to it, if you took the time to see what they REALLY thought, they either laughed at Hubbard & Scientology or didn't think about either at all.

To be AFRAID of Scientology, as Hubbard and Scientology promo endlessly claims and asserts they do, the governments and psychs would have to FIRST have the view that Scientology "worked". BUT IT DOESN'T, and none of the psychs or governments think so!

I would be at Flag, walking from the PDC course, happy, and loving what I was studying, and some IAS registrar would pull into her office and "brief" me on the latest "nastiness of the evil psychs" or some other major government suppression (for example in Germany). She would tell me all about how they wanted to DESTROY Scientology, or even more, "steal Ron's wondrous tech" and use it to enslave all Mankind. She would tell me how the IAS GUARANTEED that such things would never happen.

Of course, I had long since realized that there was no talking to these people, and while I would take whatever services I wanted, I did my best to stay away from the larger nuttiness that ran rampant all throughout the Scientology organization.

And, if I explained what I said above, the answer would ne, "yes, but DEEP DOWN, the THETAN KNOWS". The SPs KNOW that Ron has this amazing tech. It was as if they "knew" by ESP or telepathy!

Of course, the main problem is that most Scientologists make decisions based on grossly limited amounts of information that is given to them BY SCIENTOLOGY (by reading Hubbard, and whatever is told to them by current management). They are constantly "briefed" (indoctrinated). Any person makes decisions based on "what he or she knows" (i.e. ones "education"). In Scientology, what you "know to be true" is extremely controlled and directed along exact channels. Hubbard knew that any person will choose based on what he or she accepts as true. So, Hubbard made sure to control what any person "accepted as true". Once THAT is done, all the rest is easy!