trepidatious
- Thread starter cowboy
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Veda
Sponsor
"... You are a master.
You are as sensitive and sexy as Pan.
Lord help women when you begin to fondle them.
You are a master of their bodies,
master of their souls
as you may consciously wish.
You have no karma to pay for these acts.
You cannot now accumulate karma
for you are a master adept.
Your voice is low and compelling to them.
Singing to them, for you sing like a master,
destroys their will to resist..."
L. Ron Hubbard, from the Affirmations.
Gadfly
Crusader
All that may be true, but it sure does create a "mystery sandwich"!!!!!
Who IS this fellow who goes by the name "Cowboy"?
I truly love to KNOW the full picture (of anything; no secrets, no "hidden data") - which of course is missing when WHO you are/were would add a certain flavor and import to your posts!
But, I do understand.
All that may be true, but it sure does create a "mystery sandwich"!!!!!
Who IS this fellow who goes by the name "Cowboy"?
I truly love to KNOW the full picture (of anything; no secrets, no "hidden data") - which of course is missing when WHO you are/were would add a certain flavor and import to your posts!
But, I do understand.
I apologize. That's not my intention. Maybe someday. Hopefully, even if you don't know exactly who I am, a few that do here have confirmed me, and my information might be hard to know if I hadn't really been there.
Gadfly
Crusader
No need to apologize. As I said, I DO understand (the need and desire for anonymity)!
I don't have the slightest view that your aim is to "create a mystery". Which was one of Hubbard's many tools of control and manipulation (creating a mystery).
MissWog
Silver Meritorious Patron
Still working my way through this incredible Q&A but I had to reply to this comment I bolded above.. I think it is human nature to respond like you did, especially when your own nature is kind hearted and giving. I truly believe I would have reacted the same way.. It is hard to believe that folks are capable of being so manipulative when you are not manipulative yourself..add to that his mental health issues and you were probably subconsciously trying to care for him because it felt like the good and like the proper way to treat someone. Then add all your Scn training of pulling shit in & what's wrong with me & make it go right..and starting off at such a young age..well, it is amazing to me that hardly anyone makes it out when you add all that up.
Your instinct strikes me as somone who wants to do the right thing by people..often that means putting yourself and your needs second. I can relate.
I think we have a commonality in that we ex staff all had a willingness to donate our lives for the greater good. That links us. We didn't think of fame or fortune. Many of us were raised with it. I asked myself many times, "what am I missing?" Finally, after years, I knew the answer. Nothing. I was seeing facts clearly. Scientology, and Hubbard had no possibility of achieving the goals to which I'd donated my life. I was working for a crack pot, and although some of the tech of Scn had benefits, I'd never, ever seen anyone I would describe as per the definitions of clear or OT. And the clears and OTs frequently didn't want to admit they hadn't received promised results, because it was have showed they were the odd man out.
ILove2Lurk
Lisbeth Salander
We've missed ya!
afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm pretty dad gum certain during that time period. I was in daily physical contact with Hisself most of, but not every, day of that time period...and on pretty much every (I can't say with certainty every) I interacted back and forth with El Ron via Messengers. So, I can't say that it would have been impossible. However, folks like Kima, Jim Dincalci, Tonja Burden, etc. have never corroborated or mentioned it and the (especially Kima) were "Tighter" with and in much more daily contact with El Ron than I was, as was Cowboy during "his day". From the time that El Ron had his embolism in the summer of '75, Kima was, to my knowledge, practically "glued at the hip" with Hisself from that day through that whole time period.
But, I can't personally say a 24 hour trip to LA is not impossible but, to me, is highly improbable to have happened without the highly credible first hand witnesses that have written about that Era having mentioned it. But, sheesh, we's talkin' 'bout El Ron and all I can do is lay down my "Tiles" knowing that there's sooo much I don't...and never will...know. I'm shocked at and grateful for what is out there from folks I knew whose words I trust implicitly.
Cowboy's stuff, for me, is like icing on the cake that Kima, Jim Din, Hana, Armstrong, Tonja, Samuels, Mystic, Phenomenon, Sullivan, Franks, Sarge and so many others have made.
Face
ERRATA: I've corrected the post above...I meant to say "a 24 hour trip to LA is not impossible", not "a 24 hour trip to LA is impossible". I apologize for my error.
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Udarnik
Gold Meritorious Patron
Cowboy's stuff, for me, is like icing on the cake that Kima, Jim Din, Hana, Armstrong, Tonja, Samuels, Mystic, Phenomenon, Sullivan, Franks, Sarge and so many others have made.
Face
And we all know that cake is nothing but an icing delivery vehicle.
sallydannce
Gold Meritorious Patron
For me, you have successfully, and thoroughly, confirmed something for me. I am truly grateful. So yeah, you have done "much".
Dumber than most cos it was right in front of you? In my experience, that is often the hardest place to observe something. So “dumber than most”…not even close.
afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
Veda,
I didn't answer your "Shore Story" question about when El Ron Fled KAC.
I dunno if there was or not. At that time at the FLB, due to my position, I was not in contact with Public and FLB Crew that I was in contact with knew damn well not to ask me anything about El Ron or Hisself's whereabouts. My security clearance at that time was such that (I was not a cook or personal steward) I was trusted to handle Hisself's food and be in any of Hisself's quarters, unattended.
Face
I didn't answer your "Shore Story" question about when El Ron Fled KAC.
I dunno if there was or not. At that time at the FLB, due to my position, I was not in contact with Public and FLB Crew that I was in contact with knew damn well not to ask me anything about El Ron or Hisself's whereabouts. My security clearance at that time was such that (I was not a cook or personal steward) I was trusted to handle Hisself's food and be in any of Hisself's quarters, unattended.
Face
Gadfly
Crusader
So very true!
It was true for me for MANY years after I LEFT Scientology. Of course, what is the VERY closest to you is YOU - and for most of us I suppose, seeing and understanding "me" has been the most difficult of all! At least until quite recently (for me)!
I stayed away from therapy for years! Because of still-alive Hubbard indoctrination (in me)! Finding a good counselor has been INVALUABLE! I thought I was "over" Scientology YEARS ago! Only to find out how many Scn ideas and concepts were still alive and well in the depths of my soul. With the help of a good therapist I have been FINALLY able to unravel myself from the mindfuck. And, I had NO IDEA that I was still clutching onto and manifesting such ideas - WHY I did so has been the most illuminating of all! I love my therapists - they ask WHY all the time (no fear of triggering some "listing questions" and getting a "wrong why").
Part of really getting over Scientology is realizing and knowing how much VALUABLE HELP is available in OTHER PLACES (other practices). Without the bullshit - all aimed to empower YOU and ONLY you! NO strings attached (in Scientology there are MANY strings attached).
One thing I love about the approach of my therapists is how they tell me to "go home and have a conversation with myself" about some subject relating to my mind and/or emotions. There are no guidebooks, no rules, and no right or wrong answers. There is no "dogma" that needs to be adhered to. In fact, a key approach of my wonderful helpers is to get me to examine and let go of ALL "dogma". It is all about me - which is FAR different from Scientology, where you are deceived into thinking that auditing is about you, when really it is ALL about the group (Scientology).
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MissWog
Silver Meritorious Patron
See, and that is why we need all of your posts exported too! This is the real story for those of us that want to understand and deep dive more than any biography could ever really publish.Veda,
I didn't answer your "Shore Story" question about when El Ron Fled KAC.
I dunno if there was or not. At that time at the FLB, due to my position, I was not in contact with Public and FLB Crew that I was in contact with knew damn well not to ask me anything about El Ron or Hisself's whereabouts. My security clearance at that time was such that (I was not a cook or personal steward) I was trusted to handle Hisself's food and be in any of Hisself's quarters, unattended.
Face
sallydannce
Gold Meritorious Patron
So very true!
It was true for me for MANY years after I LEFT Scientology. Of course, what is the VERY closest to you is YOU - and for most of us I suppose, seeing and understanding "me" has been the most difficult of all! At least until quite recently (for me)!
I suspect I may completely understand what you are saying here, though I am very reluctant to assume anything.
Getting up close and personal with myself has been a ride of magnitude! It has been, at times, brutal and wild. But taking that ride, sans any dependency/system, with only self to "lean" on, with heart wide open (God that hurt in the beginning) is where the hessian turns into silk. It is where the stillness and perfection resides, calmly amidst the imperfections.
Warmest wishes to you and a big ole' pat for Maggie.
Edit: I noticed after I posted this you had added more to your post. I am truly happy for you! Really smiling here! Brilliant!
Gadfly
Crusader
I suspect I may completely understand what you are saying here, though I am very reluctant to assume anything.
Getting up close and personal with myself has been a ride of magnitude! It has been, at times, brutal and wild. But taking that ride, sans any dependency/system, with only self to "lean" on, with heart wide open (God that hurt in the beginning) is where the hessian turns into silk. It is where the stillness and perfection resides, calmly amidst the imperfections.
Warmest wishes to you and a big ole' pat for Maggie.
Thank-you, your assumptions are very accurate, and back at you with the biggest of hugs!
Being a bit too heavy on the side of the "intellect", for most of my life (and Scientology played right into THAT), opening up my heart and FEELING MY TRUTH has been, also, a wild ride.
I am the center of it all - for me (just as you are for you). It has been rough and tough seeing and accepting that.
Things like forgiveness, love, and acceptance come from the heart (the soul, the spirit). And, as a human (half of the human being), we are nothing but flawed, imperfect, prone to errors and mistakes. But, if we embrace it, accept the humanity in self and others, then we can forgive ourselves and others our/their screw-ups, learn from our many mistakes, and freely jump into the NEXT realm of discovery (and even MORE mistakes). A huge realization for me was that we are each "perfect" just as we are - always , and unconditionally. And part of that is the fact that we are nothing BUT "imperfect"! And, I have finally accepted that - I embrace that view in self and others. I accept it (with love and grace).
Of course, Scientology is pretty much the opposite of all of that. NO love, NO forgiveness, and NO acceptance of flaws, weaknesses, or errors. In Scientology you are NEVER "perfect just as you are" - you must always be striving to ascend, fix some fault or "move higher".
As I see it, love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness come from "the spirit". They reside and emanate from the "being" aspect of a human being. For all Hubbard's endless spewing about "the spirit", he sure failed to focus on some of the KEY TRAITS OF SPIRIT.
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afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?27909-trepidatious&p=902164&viewfull=1#post902164
ERRATA: I've corrected the post above...I meant to say "a 24 hour trip to LA is not impossible", not "a 24 hour trip to LA is impossible". I apologize for my error.:nailbiting:
Face
ERRATA: I've corrected the post above...I meant to say "a 24 hour trip to LA is not impossible", not "a 24 hour trip to LA is impossible". I apologize for my error.:nailbiting:
Face
Gadfly
Crusader
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?27909-trepidatious&p=902164&viewfull=1#post902164
ERRATA: I've corrected the post above...I meant to say "a 24 hour trip to LA is not impossible", not "a 24 hour trip to LA is impossible". I apologize for my error.:nailbiting:
Face
Hey, in my world we are all allowed to make "mistakes". In fact, we are encouraged to do so! No penalties, and only loving acceptance and forgiveness to those who "err".
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