Want My Daughter Back

[Wants2Talk]

Submitting to the blackmail gives the cult future power. It is an absurd price to pay but don't submit to the blackmail.

 

[Free to shine]

It has been 11 years since I lost 2 daughters and a son to the cult. My doctor asked how I was today and I broke down and cried like a baby. I accepted his advice to get some counseling. But it is with a woman social worker, which is like woman rape victim being counseled by a man. I am so sad and hardly ever smile. I foolishly believed it would never happen, after all, I had raised them. Do not trust the ex, the state or the cult. Consider war. Sorry for the down-tone comm". So far, time has not been on my side. Consider war - just my truth today.

I cry with you. We will beat this.

 

[Wants2Talk]

Don't be sorry. You are not alone. There are many people suffering alienation due to many groups and individuals. It is always an awful thing. We take the road that seems best at the time and that's really all we can do. I'm glad you are seeking counseling. It should be quite easy to change to a male counselor. I've done that before where the situation was reversed and I was also more comfortable talking to someone of the same gender. And there is still hope.

I am on state medical Insurance. My med group has only woman social workers who work such folk. I don't believe anyone can help me. The whole Scientology has simply broken my heart in so many ways. It is just a case of deep despair.

 

[Purple Rain]

I am on state medical Insurance. My med group has only woman social workers who work such folk. I don't believe anyone can help me. The whole Scientology has simply broken my heart in so many ways. It is just a case of deep despair.

I don't know what to say except that I have been to that place. You never know what is around the corner though. And one thing I have learned recently is that friends make all the difference. I had forgotten joy and happiness until now. You think that you can only get that from one place sometimes - your children or your partner - wherever it is lacking. But I have rediscovered the simple joy of friendship and spending time with friends. It is the most healing thing. Take heart. People do care. I care.

 

[AnonyMary]

I am on state medical Insurance. My med group has only woman social workers who work such folk. I don't believe anyone can help me. The whole Scientology has simply broken my heart in so many ways. It is just a case of deep despair.

My heart goes out to you ((HUGGS)) Never give up hope. Never.

Don't discount the possibility of getting real help from this social worker. Tell her to educate herself in cults, that you were in one and your estranged children are in one and that you have spent years peeling away layers of indoctrination and propaganda to help yourself get out of the mindset but you have been suppressing much frustration and pain concerning the loss of contact with your children, who are brainwashed like you used to be.

I wish you the best,

Mary McConnell

 

[Mick Wenlock]

Just on this point 2 cases spring to mind - when Feral led the charge in Sydney to get Illegal Alien's son out, that worked. Also Happy Days (Liz) got one of her daughters out with an aggressive campaign. They both still have other children still in, but they did succeed with a couple.

These children were however already deeply entrenched in the SO, which the OP's daughter is not. If she is wavering then 'good roads' is probably the best option.

But when your child comes to you and says stop posting or I disconnect, which was my road, my integrity demanded that I not bow to that blackmail. She is an adult and will eventually see the light and no matter the personal heartache it is better than being stomped all over by scientology. I can hold my head up and be here and sane when she breaks the bubble.

Our elder son is disconnected from us and has been for 12 years. IN all that time we have met once - at his grandfather's memorial service. He told me that he had been told that if I would request a comm ev and stop being critical that he and I could talk.

I told him that I was not letting Scientology or the Sea Org set the rules for how I handle my life, not after finally getting it out of my head. I would speak about things I wanted to speak about where and when I wished to. I did tell him that I would respect his views of course and am not interested in arguing with him about the subject.

He's an adult and he has made his decisions. I wish he had not made the ones he has made - but I respect his wishes.

 

[wenchrelieved]

I commend the love you have for your daughter. In my opinion, you should let her decide on what will be best for her after all, she is 19. But the thing is, even if your children are both adults, I think they might still get affected with your divorce. I just think that parents should focus more with the welfare of the kids at this point in their lives. Just a though!

 

[BunnySkull]

I commend the love you have for your daughter. In my opinion, you should let her decide on what will be best for her after all, she is 19. But the thing is, even if your children are both adults, I think they might still get affected with your divorce. I just think that parents should focus more with the welfare of the kids at this point in their lives. Just a though!

I understand the idea of 19 year old's doing what they want and being stubborn and trying to support a child in their decisions. HOWEVER, joining the SO is about as bad as deciding to become a drug addict in my opinion, maybe worse. Your child is going to waste very important, prime years of their life that their peers are devoting to a real education, building relationships, careers, internships, etc... While your 19 year old is suffering abusive conditions at slave wages to learn utter, nonsensical, harmful, bullshit that will do nothing but hinder them in life - not help. Years that engrain cult think and attempt to wipe out all critical thinking skills.

So, in that respect if welfare is the concern, keeping them out of the SO and cult is probably THE most important consideration to their welfare and future success/happiness.

If I had to chose between my child being in the SO and having a "good relationship" with me (whatever slim relationship is possible when one is in the SO working ungodly hours with no time off) or me being an aggressive parent which prevents them being in the SO/cult and them "hating me" for it. I'd take the hate. It would be difficult, but it would be the best thing for them - if not for me.

The idea of my child being subjected to SO abuse and working conditions, all the while being brainwashed with this harmful bullshit that's destroying their critical thinking skills and teaching them that we evolved from clams and are covered with dead alien space cooties - would kill me. I'd be much happier if my child thought I was the the evil witch of the west but at the same time going to college, forming real relationships with others, taking opportunities, traveling, etc..

Because in the end, the cult will destroy our relationship and any real chance at loving relationships my child might ever have with others. (Marriage in the SO? Ha!). If it doesn't destroy it, it will ensure it's nothing more than a superficial "good roads, fair weather" affair that is really no relationship at all.

However, if I manage to keep my child out of the cult's clutches and leading a real life it's almost certain they will eventually see the cult for what it truly is and we will end up having a real, loving relationship where they will understand why I did what I did. I'd be more than willing to suffer the years of hate or wrath, for that end result rather than maintain a cordial relationship for a few years that will end with them being a SO lifer and us having no relationship at all, and even worse my child being denied all the real, loving relationships with a partner, family, friends, children,etc... she should have but instead would only have the SO and LRH.

Opportunities abound if they stay out of the SO/cult, but there is no question where joining the SO will lead if they stay: misery and slavery.

 

[phenomanon]

I understand the idea of 19 year old's doing what they want and being stubborn and trying to support a child in their decisions. HOWEVER, joining the SO is about as bad as deciding to become a drug addict in my opinion, maybe worse. Your child is going to waste very important, prime years of their life that their peers are devoting to a real education, building relationships, careers, internships, etc... While your 19 year old is suffering abusive conditions at slave wages to learn utter, nonsensical, harmful, bullshit that will do nothing but hinder them in life - not help. Years that engrain cult think and attempt to wipe out all critical thinking skills.

So, in that respect if welfare is the concern, keeping them out of the SO and cult is probably THE most important consideration to their welfare and future success/happiness.

If I had to chose between my child being in the SO and having a "good relationship" with me (whatever slim relationship is possible when one is in the SO working ungodly hours with no time off) or me being an aggressive parent which prevents them being in the SO/cult and them "hating me" for it. I'd take the hate. It would be difficult, but it would be the best thing for them - if not for me.

The idea of my child being subjected to SO abuse and working conditions, all the while being brainwashed with this harmful bullshit that's destroying their critical thinking skills and teaching them that we evolved from clams and are covered with dead alien space cooties - would kill me. I'd be much happier if my child thought I was the the evil witch of the west but at the same time going to college, forming real relationships with others, taking opportunities, traveling, etc..

Because in the end, the cult will destroy our relationship and any real chance at loving relationships my child might ever have with others. (Marriage in the SO? Ha!). If it doesn't destroy it, it will ensure it's nothing more than a superficial "good roads, fair weather" affair that is really no relationship at all.

However, if I manage to keep my child out of the cult's clutches and leading a real life it's almost certain they will eventually see the cult for what it truly is and we will end up having a real, loving relationship where they will understand why I did what I did. I'd be more than willing to suffer the years of hate or wrath, for that end result rather than maintain a cordial relationship for a few years that will end with them being a SO lifer and us having no relationship at all, and even worse my child being denied all the real, loving relationships with a partner, family, friends, children,etc... she should have but instead would only have the SO and LRH.

Opportunities abound if they stay out of the SO/cult, but there is no question where joining the SO will lead if they stay: misery and slavery.

My Daughter was 28 yrs old when she disconnected from me. She is now a 58 yr old woman. I haven't seen her in 30 years. I don't know her. She did not attend her Grandmother's funeral ( nor her only Uncle's), and will no doubt be glad if she ever hears that I have died, so that I will quit posting about her on this Board.
Somebody early on this thread said 'talk to them' blah blah blah. Dude, if they have DISCONNECTED, they are NOT talking to you. Get real. Disconnection is disconnection. Not some fluffy little ARC break that can be haeled just because you want it to be.

 

[Wants2Talk]

My Daughter was 28 yrs old when she disconnected from me. She is now a 58 yr old woman. I haven't seen her in 30 years. I don't know her. She did not attend her Grandmother's funeral ( nor her only Uncle's), and will no doubt be glad if she ever hears that I have died, so that I will quit posting about her on this Board.
Somebody early on this thread said 'talk to them' blah blah blah. Dude, if they have DISCONNECTED, they are NOT talking to you. Get real. Disconnection is disconnection. Not some fluffy little ARC break that can be haeled just because you want it to be.

Sigh. Deep, heavy sigh.
Dry cry.

 

[Leland]

My Daughter was 28 yrs old when she disconnected from me. She is now a 58 yr old woman. I haven't seen her in 30 years. I don't know her. She did not attend her Grandmother's funeral ( nor her only Uncle's), and will no doubt be glad if she ever hears that I have died, so that I will quit posting about her on this Board.
Somebody early on this thread said 'talk to them' blah blah blah. Dude, if they have DISCONNECTED, they are NOT talking to you. Get real. Disconnection is disconnection. Not some fluffy little ARC break that can be haeled just because you want it to be.

I am so sorry phenomanon.

May your heart heal

If she is at Flag....and you think it might help if I protested with her name on a sign....I would be glad to do that for you.

 

[Free to shine]

This is such a sad subject and one that many people live with. If it is possible to keep the 'good roads' going before the adult child is lost, that is the way to go. However if it's a minor child, fight tooth and nail!! I did that for 2 of my kids and they thanked me later (and I was a scio at the time).

However when disconnection has set in, it's a different story. It becomes set in stone, and nothing you do or say will matter at all until the person themselves start to crack their own bubble. Anything you say is taken as coming from a 'criminal DB out to enturbulate' blah blah and is rejected as a matter of course. Sending gifts etc is seen as 'propitiation'. You are judged, labelled and set aside.

How I feel after many years of this, is that if a person doesn't want contact with me, OK then. If it were a non-scientology person, you just let them go. I am the same person I have always been, perhaps a tad wiser, the one who was the closest confidant and friend back before the artificial disconnection shit. I will be there should they wake up, but I am not now wasting my time and emotional energy on the brainwashed choices of others. And mind control or not, it IS a choice. We all had to make that choice at some point or other, and they will too. Or not. That is life.

Meantime live your life the best you can, love the ones you're with. Love and respect yourself for your own choices and find something to be grateful for in every day.

 

[BunnySkull]

My Daughter was 28 yrs old when she disconnected from me. She is now a 58 yr old woman. I haven't seen her in 30 years. I don't know her. She did not attend her Grandmother's funeral ( nor her only Uncle's), and will no doubt be glad if she ever hears that I have died, so that I will quit posting about her on this Board.
Somebody early on this thread said 'talk to them' blah blah blah. Dude, if they have DISCONNECTED, they are NOT talking to you. Get real. Disconnection is disconnection. Not some fluffy little ARC break that can be haeled just because you want it to be.

I'm so sorry for the heartache you have suffered due to the cult depriving you of the relationship you should have with your daughter, but please don't misunderstand my post (if you did).

I was saying if you have a child on the cusp of joining the SO/staff do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening (If it is possible, I know sometimes it isn't) because the SO/ cult WILL destroy your relationship guaranteed unless you are a goose-stepping DM acolyte. It is much better to incur their wrath for a few years by raising holy hell with the CoS and ensuring they can't be recruited into the SO/staff and sink deeper into the cult mindset, than it is to passively stand-by and allow their thinking to be taken over by the CoS and subscribe to it's belief system which will eventually lead to a situation like yours - disconnection. (BTW I'm not saying that is what Phenom. did, just giving a examples of a courses of action in such a situation)

Disconnection truly severs the relationship exactly because of what you stated, the total inability to communicate and total devotion to a system of belief that endorses that as the correct method of handling a non-beliving family member.

It's because of stories like yours that I say this. Once a child buys into the mindset that the cult comes before loving relationships with family members and they disconnect, you can only hope they will break the chains on their own. I advocate preventing the shackles being placed on them in the first place. If you can prevent a child from delving deeper into cult think and it switching off their critical thinking and emotional attachments - do it. Disconnection does utterly destroy families, so do whatever you can to keep your child from becoming a believer in the institution that promotes disconnection as part of their religion.

 

[Wants2Talk]

One mistake I made was believing that it would never happen to me and my family. No one will be immune until this religious philosophy is rejected by man as a whole.

Isis may cut of the head, but Scientology cuts out the heart.

3 lost since 2002.

 

[Enthetan]

This is such a sad subject and one that many people live with. If it is possible to keep the 'good roads' going before the adult child is lost, that is the way to go. However if it's a minor child, fight tooth and nail!! I did that for 2 of my kids and they thanked me later (and I was a scio at the time).

One thing that started me on the road out, was my realization that my oldest was very smart, and that as soon as she became an adolescent, I would be under enormous pressure to let her be recruited by CMO. So I stopped letting her go anywhere near the org. This led me to question why I needed to do this to ensure her future happiness.

 

[phenomanon]

I am so sorry phenomanon.

May your heart heal

If she is at Flag....and you think it might help if I protested with her name on a sign....I would be glad to do that for you.

That's a supremely sweet offer. Thank you for your compassionate heart.
I don't know where she is.
I think she is still in LA.

 

[AnonyMary]

Again I would like to thank you all. I am amazed by the caring and support from all of you. My daughter came home today to take me out for my birthday. We spent the evening just talking about stuff. She is going to be going back to Clearwater in a few days. She does not know for sure yet. Not sure if I believe that or not.
Anyway I am just trying to be supportive even though I am dying inside. She knows that she is my bug and always will be. I have told her that since she was born.

Thanks again and I will try to give you all updates as I proceed through this journey.

It's been a while, Mushy...hoping you are doing better, that things are better.

 

[xseaorguk]

this thread just reminded me again of the fact that I have been disconnected from. (2 children now aged 32 and 31)
It is true, it becomes set in stone, and I have so many regrets as to not having done more in the beginning when it first happened.
With my daughter I had contact even up until 2009.
Now to see her so brainwashed makes me sad, as it does others too.
It seems such a waste of a life.
The years are now passing by and I just hope it will eventually mend.
Such hopelessness and sadness for many involved, and why?
Kisses for you two.
An again my favourite poem for you both
Much love, your Dad xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeNfPW6OIzk

 

[Freeminds]

God damn Scientology for their cowardly policy of disconnection.

You know, once disconnection is a fact rather than a threat, you might not have a whole lot to lose - remember GetBeckyOut? When he went 'noisy', he shamed the cult into such a bad position that they refused to give Becky their woo 'services'.

Fancy going to Brian Seymour, Tony Ortega, or the Surviving Scientology podcast?

I dunno - it's your call of course, but I find myself wondering just how many tricks the cult has up its sleeve, where you're concerned.

Whatever happens; whatever you choose, you've got my support, for what it's worth.

 

[Demented LRH]

Hello All, It has been sometime since I posted here before. I was in the midst of a divorce as I finally told the wife no more money dumping into this stuff. With that she disconnected and we split. My fear then was that she would drag my kids into it. MY son will have nothing to do with it, he is 23. However she has now drug my daughter in, she is 19. My daughter who is living with me, went off to Clearwater being told she could work for seaorg. Well I think I disrupted that enough with phone calls and trying to make contact with her while she was there that she decided not to go into the seaorg. However she is now staying in Clearwater going through the purif again and taking more courses. Here is my problem. She wants me in the worse way to support her and to learn more about Scientology. She has left me DVD's and books. Every time I try to tell her something that she considers negative she says it's not true. I try to explain that she has to look at both sides of things. I have come to the point were I have to just suck it up and be supportive, or I risk just making things worse and having her disconnect from me. I am sure her mother is already telling her to do this as I am the "negative force". Any suggestions? Anything that I can present to her that she may listen too about the "bad / other" side of Scientology. I know there are good people in Scientology, who want to do good things, and I do not want to belittle that fact. I apologize if I have rambled but I am just at a loss. I am open to any and all suggestions and advise.Thanks

If you put too much pressure on her, she will leave you. You have to prioritize – at the moment do not argue with her about Scientology, but try to persuade her not to join Sea Org. Tell her that the Sea Org stuff are not moving on the Bridge to Total Freedom because they are taking management courses only. Tell her that if she earns enough money in the outside world, she could move up the Bridge much faster. If she agrees with you, it will give you some time that you could spent convincing her that Scientology doesn’t work. But at the moment convincing her not to join Sea Org should be your priority.