Want to be out, but will have to divorce & want to get custody


New Member
Thank you, everyone, for all the advice and kind words. I'm not able to make in-depth replies to each of you at the moment but I've read everything you all wrote three times over and I really do appreciate it. I can't deny that it feels a bit surreal being on this forum... I knew it existed but never thought I'd be here! But I really appreciate knowing I'm not alone in my experiences or in the way I feel about the Church, and that I'm not crazy or "CI" for being afraid for my children.

I don't want to go into details yet, because I know that if/when I get declared, my husband will most likely think I really have completely "gone off the rails" and am not worth trying to converse with, and I'm not quite ready to risk that; he's at least still willing to talk to me about my issues with the Co$, though I can't break through his wall of certainty, no matter how much I try to gently encourage him to open his eyes -- he's always been so convinced that if I just gave it another chance, if I just did another handling, if I just did another repair action, if I just wrote up-lines, if I just spent more time at upper-orgs, if I just got to the top of the Bridge, I would see things his way, and I've wanted very much to believe that if I stayed with him and kept nudging him, as I have been the last few years, that he would budge in his blinding certainties, but he's even told me he's dead-certain he never will. Like I said, I can't risk my children's well-being on that very small chance. And for better or worse, I do think he knows that with the Church, you're either in or you're out, and what that would mean for me and for our children. I will let you guys know how it all goes, and hopefully can give other people in this situation some advice in the future, if necessary.
I've been where you are and I wish I could help but unfortunately I can't tell you anything positive from my story because I did everything wrong.

About the only thing I would suggest is that you follow your instincts and ignore anything and everything that any scientologist suggests or demands, just get them all right out of your life (and your children's lives) as soon as you can. I would also insist that the Father immediately ceases any cult indoctrination of the children and accepts that they will decide for themselves once they are adults if they want to be involved in the cult or not (and then cross your fingers and hope they don't).

I hope everything works out well for you and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear that and I'll hold out hope things change course for the better with your family. :love8: Thanks so much.

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation

You can always use the private message system here if you need someone to toss your thoughts around with or just want to chat ... just hit the persons name and then hit the 'start a conversation' button. I delete everything I receive as soon as I have responded and you can do that too if you have any concerns about possible hacking ... and you can request that others do the same.

Hopefully, you'll be looking back on this stressful time with enormous relief soon ... for me the relief was virtually instant once I made my decision and put everything into practice and even though I had a very difficult time for many years (sometimes I honestly wonder how I survived!) and things didn't work out too well for me in the end (my children disconnected as adults) I still don't regret doing it and I never will.

My life is close to perfect now and has been for many years.

Good luck and don't forget that we are here for you ... it was ESMB that saved my sanity, there are some amazing people here.



stubborn rebel sheep!
I've been where you are and I wish I could help but unfortunately I can't tell you anything positive from my story because I did everything wrong.
regarding the little you've opened up on the board, I honnestly think you've done it right, wisely as you tried to be clever in safegarding your family bonds. It seems you succeded for a time.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to predict the COS behavior and pressure on our relatives since they use means of coercion that a normal person would never imagine , driving people into fear of loosing their eternity , falling deep into sins... Most human beings can be manipulated with such extreme fear(as used in religions and politics)...Who could ever imagine such strong ties to their kids, dad, ma, would be compromised by those mean people..it's something we can't expect but are experiencing in this mafia cult. One can only do the best to preserve it, but can't have any control over the evil manipulation of the CO$...Although I am certain their true love remains..it's only they are under fear control.. :oops:

However, it's only when we are out of the cult and the mindset that we eventually realize and are aware that all means they use in order to keep human beings in their slave flock is infinite...there are no limit to their vicious behaving in isolating people in a downward cycle, in a mafia web, especially kids.

I know you worked out this tough situation the best as you could, as a tiger ma would...but , unfortunately, you didn't had control on the outcome due to mind control......although true love always remains in a safe place, deep within each of us, the love we were given in our childhood can't be erased.

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If the kids are as old as sixteen or so, then they will have more of a say in how custody goes.

No matter what happens to your kids, do whatever you can now to nourish their critical thinking skills along with your own, and to let them know you'll always be there for them. That will be vital in case the "choice" to disconnect is ever forced upon them (so disgusting to even think about).