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Discussion in 'Staff "War Stories"' started by Bea Kiddo, Aug 15, 2010.

  1. Bea Kiddo

    Bea Kiddo Crusader

    I haven't posted for a while. I have been busy with a newborn for the past few months. It has been a wonderful, wonderful experience to have a child. My little girl is the light of my life.

    Which brings me to the subject of this thread.

    I find it incredibly hard to believe my mother was capable of joining the Sea Org and leaving her two children at the hands of the nannies in the Sea Org. I don't mean that there was anything particularly wrong with the nannies. They were doing their job, as assigned to them, and as per LRH's own instructions.

    But here I am with my own daughter. I love her so much. I leave her with daddy while I go shopping for an hour, and I miss her. I want to be with her all the time. I feel so fortunate to have her. There is a very special bond between a parent and a child. I feel it so strongly. And I see it in my husband with my daughter too.

    Scientology has so much mind control that they successfully made my mother believe it was for the best to leave us there.

    Now when I say that, for those of you not familiar with Sea Org practices, you may think we just got left for the day. Oh no. Not at all.

    My mother was constantly sent out on missions. Which meant she was out of town for months at a time. We (my brother and I) would be at daycare - Sea Org style - from 7 AM to midnight every day. We would just look out the fence to see if mom was coming. It was months sometimes that we did not see her. (This went on from when I was 3, my brother was 5, until we were fully grown)

    I guess it made the times that we did see her even more memorable. I remember one time she came and gave me a huge apple. I had not seen her in so long. But I really remember that apple.

    Even when she was around, we were always in daycare when we were young. She would pick us up in the dead of night. We were already asleep. It would be 11 or 12 at night. And back to daycare the next day early.

    Seven days a week like that. For years and years and years.

    I guess it was quite upsetting to me. I never really said anything to her about it that I remember. But I became a nuisance in other ways.


    And on top of the neglect, after I was an adult and a trained auditor, (sorry mom if you ever read this and think I am betraying you, but there is much betrayal on both of us, and maybe because I am declared and you won't talk to me, we will never ever clear it up) I ended up seeing her counselling folder and discovered that she has been calling me an SP since I was 5 years old. Wow. That was a big shock for me.

    Ok if she wants to feel that way, but she has no right to, in my mind. She did not take part in raising me or teaching me anything, so I did not have much basics (like teeth brushing).

    I did not want to go to school when I was younger. Did she ever try to find out why or talk to me? No. Anger only. Forcing me to go. I did not want to because she put me in a speech class and that REALLY upset me. Had she talked to me, we could have resolved it, had she taken me out of that class, things would have been fine. I would have gone to school.

    Children are CHILDREN. They need to learn. They need to be taught. They are not adults in small bodies. They need to be given a chance to take things one step at a time, and not be groomed into being an adult/Sea Org member when they are 5 years old.


    And it is sad that the entire family mostly is just quietly frustrated with her. Does she think she is punishing me by not talking to me? Well, she is not. She is only punishing herself. She has pushed all of her family away from her. And she does not see it. I did not do that. She did, with years and years and years of neglect of her family. Her children, her parents, siblings, etc.


    Please mom, wake up, get out of the Sea Org. We can start over again.
  2. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Very heartfelt and sadly true post about Sea Org (and Staff, imo) parents' treatment and common neglect of their children, Bea. :sad: And all for the false 'lofty' goals and purposes of one con man, lrh!! :angry:

    When I was reunited with my children after blowing Staff, I vowed to never ever let anything stand in our bond's way!! (And I haven't).

    WAKE UP you Staff, Sea Org (and even Public) Parents! You think you are helping your children's (and your's) 'eternity' and 'future lifetimes'. What you ARE doing, is ignoring your bond with your children and families all for the sake of a CON MAN, lrh and dm!!

    I admire you Bea for having the strength, courage and love in your life. For walking out and having your adorable daughter. You should post her latest pictures here.

    I hope that one day you and your mother will reunite! :yes: :console: :rose:
  3. Div6

    Div6 Crusader

    It is great to hear you and your family are doing well! Yes, parenthood is special, and family bonds are like irrational numbers, they do not surrender to any logic and are full of mystery and awe......

    And then you drop this bombshell:

    Wow...what a lousy justifier for her own out-ethics. "I can't be a good parent coz my kid is an SP."

    The cannibals in New Guinea have higher ethics than that.
  4. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    ......for Bea kiddo

    Bea, you have given us so much. You prove that the healing can continue.

    I neglected my children to find spiritual truth that would benefit myself and my family and mankind. Since leaving the cult and really experiencing my relationship with my children, I feel I have grown more spiritually than I dreamed possible.

  5. dianaclass8

    dianaclass8 Silver Meritorious Patron

    Bea, I always felt that those people who abandoned their children to join the SO or let them join the SO at a young age (before 21 yrs old) were absolutely irresponsible parents that were just looking for a justification to hide their bad parenting, regardless of Scientology...I am sure that if they had not been scientologists they would have done the same, it just happens that in the Church they made allright not immoral.
  6. AnonKat

    AnonKat Crusader


    You are an Amazing parent seting an example for everyone. :happydance:
  7. Student of Trinity

    Student of Trinity Silver Meritorious Patron

    Man. Even the Satanists insist that you must not harm small children.

    For what it's worth, in defense of the OP's mother, and as I think the OP might understand: there probably just isn't any middle ground between giving up the Sea Org to be a proper parent, and deciding your own small children are SP's. The only possible excuse for leaving them like that could be that they are not actually your children who need you at all, but SP's in small bodies. That the OP's mother could go so far as to label a 5-year-old as an enemy of humankind is probably a measure of just how heartbreaking it was for her to abandon her children. Deep down, she must really have loved them. What a crime that Scientology cut that relationship, for the sake of a few more bogus stats and bloodstained dollars.

    (Okay, the real Satanists are honestly not that bad, and I say that as a Christian. I do think they're wrong, but they're not at all what a lot of Christians imagine they are, because they don't mean what most Christians mean when they say 'Satan'. And they really don't seem to be as bad as Scientology's Sea Org. For this reason, if for nothing else.)
  8. AnonKat

    AnonKat Crusader

    Do as thou willst. If they follow their own rules its pretty okay but I suspect there are acceptable thruths used too. I dated a girl who had gruwsome expierences connected with some as a small girl. The connection Sastan Scientology actually got me involved.

    But you have bad eggs everywhere. I think Christians did a good job painting wiccan pagan and Satanists black as if they are so holy jeeze
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2010
  9. Nicole

    Nicole Silver Meritorious Patron

    Every parent should feel that. Every parent should have a bond with their chidren. It is unnatural if this didn't happen.

    This is why!

    I wish you, your family and your daughter all the best. Enjoy the time. They get very fast older!
  10. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    I'm so sorry your mom thought that way about you and felt it ok to leave you and your brother for such extended periods of time.

    That you have risen above it all and have come to know and express the true value of parenthood is an encouraging thing for those who went through similar situations and have not arrived on Planet Parenthood yet.

    I hope this message of yours finds it's way to your mother and that she truely contemplates her behavior of the past and it's consequences on both her children.

    Best wishes,

  11. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Yeah. I just spoke to a staff member I used to work with when I was Staff and found out that her son (that I helped deliver) is now 16 yrs old and....joined the SO!! :ohmy:
  12. He-man

    He-man Hero extraordinary

    That´s my biggest fear right now, that some of me siblings will go and join, with none of my parents protecting them.

    Thank you for sharing Bea, I get so angry when I think of that your mom would describe you as an SP at age 5. Its mindboggling how some things are.

  13. wazn

    wazn Patron with Honors

    Ahhh, the joy of your daughter shines through in your words. I am so happy for you, your husband and of course your child.

    One of the things that gnawed at the back of my conscious when I worked at PAC in the late 70's was the kids. the non-relationship with their parents and the way the children were cared for (not). Although I took it as a compliment - too many moms were willing to have me visit and/or care for their child while they were on mission or just too busy to be bothered. The nannies were staff that were not considered to be valuable enough to post anywhere, but not rpf-bait. Kids were treated as dev-t. The repercussions were teens and young adults with attachment disorders and the accompanying behaviors.

    To say they were adults in little bodies is worse than just a poor excuse and an easy way to shift the blame to an innocent that you are actually responsible for and to. To have the attitude that they'll be able to "get over it" with auditing is also ridiculous, mean and cruel.

    I know of 10 year old kids that came out of Delphi and the Sea Org that didn't know that fruits existed other than bananas, apples and oranges. They didn't know how to cross a street, much less how to spell, do simple math, etc. How the hell are they expected to navigate on this planet causitively (until it is clear - [snort]) if they don't know a damn thing about it. And it is adult responsiblity to teach and pass this stuff on.

    Although I wanted children, I never wanted to subject a child to the conditons that I observed. Jeez, I feel bad enough that my children have to deal with a active scientologist as one of their parents!

    As you let your love shine, may it one day shine on and illuminate the love that is waaaay buried in your Mom as well.
  14. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Dear Bea,
    You have very likely been a Special Person since you were five, if not before! :yes:

    I hope you realize how lucky you are to have a grip on real feelings.
    You are very rich beyond words to have this. Your daughter is also very lucky!
  15. Opter

    Opter Silver Meritorious Patron


    Beautiful post :yes:

    You are so right saying that she only punishes herself. As a grandmother to the most beautiful grand children:yes:-and I am NOT biased:coolwink:- I can only feel sorry for her that she doesn't experience the true pleasure of having grandchildren. Most of the time, it is pure joy.

    Last edited: Aug 16, 2010
  16. Feral

    Feral Rogue male

    Bea, you're a Super Parent!

    I was "in" for 25 years and never knew how bad it was till I read your story.

    I find the culture of the cofs more than disturbing, as a parent I'm so saddened.
  17. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I'm so happy you have your beautiful family now Bea, you should post some of the baby pics here that you have on Facebook. What a stunner she is!

    It is beyond words to imagine the distress to toddlers to be abandoned, and then no doubt made to feel it is their own fault. To be 'labelled" at 5 years old, OMG. What a petty excuse for cowardice.
  18. Bea Kiddo

    Bea Kiddo Crusader

    Thank you all for your kind words. I have resolved myself to never ever see her again. It's her choice, really. She chose her life, and though she does not see it, she is the one being punished!


    And sadly, Opter, its not just my child that is her grandchild whose life she is missing, she has other grandchildren that she does see, but hardly ever! Maybe once every couple of years. They barely know her.

    "Saving the world" (ha!) comes with many sacrifices. :confused2:
  19. Bea Kiddo

    Bea Kiddo Crusader

    Just as a note, I post my thoughts and my stories not for support or sympathy, but to let others know what they are getting into, if they so chose to think about joining the Sea Org.

    It is the whole reason I posted my story, the whole reason I did the interview with the SP Times.

    I want people to get an idea what it is like.

    When I joined, I did not know what I was getting into. I would like to try to help others know, and for that reason, I write.

    And write.

    And write.

    (And still I thank you all for your kind words and your support).
  20. Alanzo

    Alanzo Bardo Tulpa

    You're a great writer, Bea.

    This is such an important observation, and something the world needs to know about Scientology.