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What is Disconnection really like?

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Disconnection is about the most insidious and destructive thing that results from scientology.... a silent and malevolent force within a family or friends that demands continuing silence even if disconnection has happened.

Very few of us can speak out and name names and events or describe the feelings involved in other than very general terms, I know I can't. This is to protect those that are still bound in the cocoon of control, unable to see beyond it to the vast and obvious truths of life available to those of us outside it, and this is also a choice that demands a large price.

To be totally rejected as a person is a huge personal issue to handle, and for parents it is one of the ultimate challenges. Yes children can disappear into the sunset or choose to leave in other circumstances, scientology is not the only reason. It is however responsible for the most gut wrenching grief to too many, the silent cries of mothers and fathers who are denied access or contact with their children simply because they disagree and will not toe the line that scientology dictates. Thousands and thousands and thousands of us!

Oh my goodness, what courage it takes to stand in your own integrity and be punished for it, surely one of the hardest lessons life can give us. I know too many, those who can't post about it, who can't talk about it and have to bear this burden alone.

All I think we can do for the silent ones is to try and be there on an individual basis, to realise that the generalised comments on disconnection threads often hide a greater distress than is easily described.

For those who do Good Roads the situation is very similar. I did it for a decade until it became bile in my throat to utter the jargon that was the key to communication. Apparently. Of course it's not, how can you have a real relationship when that means you also have to accept the judgement of that family member because you have an illness or life event that makes you unworthy of "salvation" unless you pay through the nose for it and shut your mouth? How can you really even have a conversation when you mentally edit your words before they come out, or fear a confidence will be reported? Disconnection looms overhead all the time you try and be polite and not rock the boat, it's like an inevitable weight above your head to be dropped at the slighest misstep, ghastly stuff.

Disconnection IS policy of scientology and anyone who has ever had anything to do with the subject knows that, including the ex wives on CNN, the deluded bastards who spout the lies to the media, and each and every scientologist who fears to speak because of the consequences. Until the full extent of scientology's crimes is part of folklore, let's do our best to support the disconnected ones. If you know someone who is part of it, keep in touch, remind them they are not to blame and that we really, really need to be kind to ourselves.
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
Great post FTS, and very timely with all the attention the CofS is getting now, and the assertions by management that disconnection does not exist.

It's very easy to mechanically put it on the list of Scientology's atrocities and forget the very real toll that it takes. It's not just a "quirky" thing Scientology does; it ruins lives. It takes away the basic human need to be connected to those we love and is the worst control and manipulation.

Thanks for the reminder of that. Very well said.
-TL
 

Bea Kiddo

Crusader
When I was 3 years old, my father decided to walk out of the church of Scientology. For that, he was declared a suppressive person. I did not remember him at all from that time period.

And so, from that time, my brother and I were disconnected from him.

Why? Was that my choice? Really? I did not even know him, so how could I decide for myself.

In late 82, we got back in touch with our father while at the QI (building at Flag/Florida where kids stayed with their families). He came to visit us every week for a few months! He even took me to Disneyworld for my 10th Birthday!!

My brother and I decided that we wanted to stay with him. And my mom could stay in the Sea Org and not be bothered with us pesky children anymore! We thought it was a GREAT idea! Mom freaked out and got very, very ill!

She took us in the middle of the night back to LA and AWAY from our dad! She even cancelled child support from him. No more connection to dad!

That was the last time I saw him. In 82.

DISCONNECTION DOES NOT EXIST? HOW WAS THIS MY OWN CHOICE?

------

When I got kicked out of the church, I asked them what they thought of me finding and connecting to my dad. The answer was "we really don't want SP's banding together." (Oh the evil os SP's banding together!)

It took me several years to find him, but I did. And we have been in touch since. It has been great. He even gave me away at my wedding last December. It was really great for me. I am sure he is quite happy too.

-----

And oh, when I got kicked out of the church, my mom (who is still in) disconnected from me. Despite letters and phone calls, she ignores me.

She knows where I live and has a phone number for me. She can contact me any time! She doesn't. Why? Because "THE CHURCH" put out an issue on me. It is NOT my mothers personal choice. What a load-o-crap.

If she ever wants out, she is welcome at our home. We have a place for her to stay for as long as she wants. And, in 3 months, a beautiful grand-daughter to keep her occupied!
 

Wants2Talk

Silver Meritorious Patron
I second your motion with all my heart.

Compare love in "managed scientology" to unconditional love.

If we are as spirits, children of god, being a bereft parent due to disconnectioncan give a bit of insight into the level of love god has for his/her children.

p.s. I use the term god without the tag from any organized religion.
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Lots of heartbreak due to scn.
Words of warning!
Keep scn OUT of your marriage. OUT of your children's lives. And get OUT!
My family has never been closer since I am out. Communication has never been freer. Love has never come more naturally. Stop using scn. to SOLVE your life problems! It won't. It will appear to but only to give you worse problems.
I have had my children subjected to disconnection. I regret that every single day. I never agreed with it but I put up with it. Scn. will destroy your family, make no mistake about it. Sooner or later. Unless you have unlimited funding it will wipe you out...emotionally, financially, spiritually. It will suck the very life force out of you. I wonder how many scngists at one point or another during rough times wished they were dead? I know I did! Buy a clue! Get out! Your life gets exponentially better every minute you are out!!!! Try it! :yes:
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader
Disconnection is terrible, I feel cheated but at the same time I feel that those people who have disconnected from me are so owned by the cult that communication would be difficult anyway, so it's their loss, not mine. I feel sad for them, not for me.
 

The Clam

Patron with Honors
There are other religions that practice disconnection or shunning not just scn. Why didn't you question disconnect when you entered in contract with the COS. That was part and parcel to being a member so why didn't you question the practice then or just discounted the practice and ignored declared orders.
If a family member or friend that disconnects from you its their decisions to buy into the bull shit of us vs them. So don't fret their are others in the world who would enjoy your company and friendship. I for one would never abandon my family for the church no matter what they said or did.
I recall a sup who confided in me that an EO and reg had agreed that her son was an "SP" and that she should disconnect from him, he was 17 at the time,
All this because he got into some trouble here and there and got kicked out of the SO. I explained that he was just a teenager and is finding his way to adulthood and that her role as a mother was to unconditional love him. Being a father I have had my ups and downs with my children but have always took the road to love and compassion.
 

Good twin

Floater
There are other religions that practice disconnection or shunning not just scn. Why didn't you question disconnect when you entered in contract with the COS. That was part and parcel to being a member so why didn't you question the practice then or just discounted the practice and ignored declared orders.
If a family member or friend that disconnects from you its their decisions to buy into the bull shit of us vs them. So don't fret their are others in the world who would enjoy your company and friendship. I for one would never abandon my family for the church no matter what they said or did.
I recall a sup who confided in me that an EO and reg had agreed that her son was an "SP" and that she should disconnect from him, he was 17 at the time,
All this because he got into some trouble here and there and got kicked out of the SO. I explained that he was just a teenager and is finding his way to adulthood and that her role as a mother was to unconditional love him. Being a father I have had my ups and downs with my children but have always took the road to love and compassion.

So you shared this opion with the sup who was confiding in you. Did you share your opinion with the EO and the reg who "labeled" her son? Or did you just let that slide? How about writing a report? Did you do that? Did you try to correct your so called self-correcting organization? Or did you just console the sup privately? Covertly?

What is your point Clam?
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
The thing about disconnection is that the practice of it keeps morphing, from what I can tell. Used to be that one would be told to disconnect from the one person. Ok, that's really bad. BUT it seems that under DM's administration (and anyone who has contrary observations and anecdotes, please correct me. I want to know.) they actually make people disconnect from people whose only alleged misdeed was to not, themselves disconnect.

What I mean is Mary is told to disconnect from Susie, her sister. Mary doesn't. So then Mary's other sister, Jane, is made to disconnect from MARY.
 

Good twin

Floater
The thing about disconnection is that the practice of it keeps morphing, from what I can tell. Used to be that one would be told to disconnect from the one person. Ok, that's really bad. BUT it seems that under DM's administration (and anyone who has contrary observations and anecdotes, please correct me. I want to know.) they actually make people disconnect from people whose only alleged misdeed was to not, themselves disconnect.

What I mean is Mary is told to disconnect from Susie, her sister. Mary doesn't. So then Mary's other sister, Jane, is made to disconnect from MARY.

No Fluff. It didn't morph. There's just more folks that have been declared, and more folks who've been busted for violating the policy. More reports written and more interrogatories done.

The first time I was declared some Scientologists showed up at my wedding. They could easily claim that they never saw the declare order. But they wouldn't be able to continue associating with me if they continued to move up the Bridge. It would come up. As a result of that there is a snowball effect and more and more people are "coming clean" and enforcing ethics in on others. Most Scientologists see avoiding expensive Sec Checks as reason enough to toe the line. This isn't new. It just takes a couple of decades to learn this. The Indie world isn't just the "old" or "original" Scientology. It's a whole different culture that refused to follow the predetermined plan of the cult.

IMO, of course.
 

AngeloV

Gold Meritorious Patron
Horrible doctrine

Disconnection a like a dagger in the heart of family life. It is an artificial, despicable doctrine used only to forward the religion (whatever it is, but especially scio). Eliminating contact between the believer and the non-believer is mind control at its worst.

I have a difference of opinion w/r/t religious matters within my family but we get along, visit each other and still love each other. Scio insists that this is an impossibility. That is a lie.

Disconnection is an abomination in every way, shape or form.
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Scientologists always know intrinsically that anything that cannot be controlled can be 'terminatedly handled' easily by disconnection and it doesn't even have to be 'formal disconnection' because they are disconnected from the moment they decide to be.

My biggest disappointment in life is that my extremely bright, beautiful and beloved children were apparently not bright enough to see through the utter bullshit (scientology) repetitively fed to them by their Father, I honestly believed that they would be ... once they reached a certain age.

I have held that inside for long enough now ... Fuck it ... I've said it.

My love to them always ... I hope they snap out of it one day, it is truly wonderful to be free of scientology and all that goes with it.

:blowkiss:
 

Opter

Silver Meritorious Patron
Disconnection is evil,especially as it is practiced in Scientology. It is used as a mean to control people and it is wrong.:angry:

I am lucky that my family stayed intact and we are all out of the clutches of the cult.:happydance:

When I was on my last sec check, just before I left/blew,at least four people told me/suggested that I should leave my husband. One of them was a senior auditor and when I said that I couldn't do it and it would break my heart, she said that it wouldn't be that hard because she disconnected from her daughter who blew the SO. It was so sad to hear her and I realized how indoctrinated she was.

Opter
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
When I was 3 years old, my father decided to walk out of the church of Scientology. For that, he was declared a suppressive person. I did not remember him at all from that time period.

And so, from that time, my brother and I were disconnected from him.

Why? Was that my choice? Really? I did not even know him, so how could I decide for myself.

In late 82, we got back in touch with our father while at the QI (building at Flag/Florida where kids stayed with their families). He came to visit us every week for a few months! He even took me to Disneyworld for my 10th Birthday!!

My brother and I decided that we wanted to stay with him. And my mom could stay in the Sea Org and not be bothered with us pesky children anymore! We thought it was a GREAT idea! Mom freaked out and got very, very ill!

She took us in the middle of the night back to LA and AWAY from our dad! She even cancelled child support from him. No more connection to dad!

That was the last time I saw him. In 82.

DISCONNECTION DOES NOT EXIST? HOW WAS THIS MY OWN CHOICE?

------

When I got kicked out of the church, I asked them what they thought of me finding and connecting to my dad. The answer was "we really don't want SP's banding together." (Oh the evil os SP's banding together!)

It took me several years to find him, but I did. And we have been in touch since. It has been great. He even gave me away at my wedding last December. It was really great for me. I am sure he is quite happy too.

-----

And oh, when I got kicked out of the church, my mom (who is still in) disconnected from me. Despite letters and phone calls, she ignores me.

She knows where I live and has a phone number for me. She can contact me any time! She doesn't. Why? Because "THE CHURCH" put out an issue on me. It is NOT my mothers personal choice. What a load-o-crap.

If she ever wants out, she is welcome at our home. We have a place for her to stay for as long as she wants. And, in 3 months, a beautiful grand-daughter to keep her occupied!

Scientologists always know intrinsically that anything that cannot be controlled can be 'terminatedly handled' easily by disconnection and it doesn't even have to be 'formal disconnection' because they are disconnected from the moment they decide to be.

My biggest disappointment in life is that my extremely bright, beautiful and beloved children were apparently not bright enough to see through the utter bullshit (scientology) repetitively fed to them by their Father, I honestly believed that they would be ... once they reached a certain age.

I have held that inside for long enough now ... Fuck it ... I've said it.

My love to them always ... I hope they snap out of it one day, it is truly wonderful to be free of scientology and all that goes with it.

:blowkiss:

Thanks for telling it like it is, no matter how hard.
I don't know my granddaughter, God knows what she has been told about me. For those with generations involved it is so very hard.
:rose:
 

Kookaburra

Gold Meritorious Patron
Disconnection is about the most insidious and destructive thing that results from scientology.... a silent and malevolent force within a family or friends that demands continuing silence even if disconnection has happened.

Very few of us can speak out and name names and events or describe the feelings involved in other than very general terms, I know I can't. This is to protect those that are still bound in the cocoon of control, unable to see beyond it to the vast and obvious truths of life available to those of us outside it, and this is also a choice that demands a large price.

To be totally rejected as a person is a huge personal issue to handle, and for parents it is one of the ultimate challenges. Yes children can disappear into the sunset or choose to leave in other circumstances, scientology is not the only reason. It is however responsible for the most gut wrenching grief to too many, the silent cries of mothers and fathers who are denied access or contact with their children simply because they disagree and will not toe the line that scientology dictates. Thousands and thousands and thousands of us!

Oh my goodness, what courage it takes to stand in your own integrity and be punished for it, surely one of the hardest lessons life can give us. I know too many, those who can't post about it, who can't talk about it and have to bear this burden alone.

All I think we can do for the silent ones is to try and be there on an individual basis, to realise that the generalised comments on disconnection threads often hide a greater distress than is easily described.

For those who do Good Roads the situation is very similar. I did it for a decade until it became bile in my throat to utter the jargon that was the key to communication. Apparently. Of course it's not, how can you have a real relationship when that means you also have to accept the judgement of that family member because you have an illness or life event that makes you unworthy of "salvation" unless you pay through the nose for it and shut your mouth? How can you really even have a conversation when you mentally edit your words before they come out, or fear a confidence will be reported? Disconnection looms overhead all the time you try and be polite and not rock the boat, it's like an inevitable weight above your head to be dropped at the slighest misstep, ghastly stuff.

Disconnection IS policy of scientology and anyone who has ever had anything to do with the subject knows that, including the ex wives on CNN, the deluded bastards who spout the lies to the media, and each and every scientologist who fears to speak because of the consequences. Until the full extent of scientology's crimes is part of folklore, let's do our best to support the disconnected ones. If you know someone who is part of it, keep in touch, remind them they are not to blame and that we really, really need to be kind to ourselves.

Free to Shine, this is a very powerful post. It would be a really good one to send to the Aussie politicians in response to their stand of "well, just go to the police". It may help them to understand why we cannot just go to the police and why the police would be unable to do anything if they wanted to. It shows the insidiousness of the CoS.
 

lurkanon

Patron with Honors
The Scientology policy of Disconnection is proof that Scientology does not work. If Scientology worked, there would be no need to Disconnect.
 

sp declared

Patron with Honors
The Scientology policy of Disconnection is proof that Scientology does not work. If Scientology worked, there would be no need to Disconnect.

You are so right lurkanon.

Disconnection is the strategy the loser has to use against the winner.

If you had such a great technology, there would be no use to get people to disconnect from others.

All us who have been disconnected are the winners. In the long run we are going to be reunited because our loved ones will cognite.

S.D.
 

pittny12

Patron with Honors
Disconnection is about the most insidious and destructive thing that results from scientology.... a silent and malevolent force within a family or friends that demands continuing silence even if disconnection has happened.

Very few of us can speak out and name names and events or describe the feelings involved in other than very general terms, I know I can't. This is to protect those that are still bound in the cocoon of control, unable to see beyond it to the vast and obvious truths of life available to those of us outside it, and this is also a choice that demands a large price.

To be totally rejected as a person is a huge personal issue to handle, and for parents it is one of the ultimate challenges. Yes children can disappear into the sunset or choose to leave in other circumstances, scientology is not the only reason. It is however responsible for the most gut wrenching grief to too many, the silent cries of mothers and fathers who are denied access or contact with their children simply because they disagree and will not toe the line that scientology dictates. Thousands and thousands and thousands of us!

Oh my goodness, what courage it takes to stand in your own integrity and be punished for it, surely one of the hardest lessons life can give us. I know too many, those who can't post about it, who can't talk about it and have to bear this burden alone.

All I think we can do for the silent ones is to try and be there on an individual basis, to realise that the generalised comments on disconnection threads often hide a greater distress than is easily described.

For those who do Good Roads the situation is very similar. I did it for a decade until it became bile in my throat to utter the jargon that was the key to communication. Apparently. Of course it's not, how can you have a real relationship when that means you also have to accept the judgement of that family member because you have an illness or life event that makes you unworthy of "salvation" unless you pay through the nose for it and shut your mouth? How can you really even have a conversation when you mentally edit your words before they come out, or fear a confidence will be reported? Disconnection looms overhead all the time you try and be polite and not rock the boat, it's like an inevitable weight above your head to be dropped at the slighest misstep, ghastly stuff.

Disconnection IS policy of scientology and anyone who has ever had anything to do with the subject knows that, including the ex wives on CNN, the deluded bastards who spout the lies to the media, and each and every scientologist who fears to speak because of the consequences. Until the full extent of scientology's crimes is part of folklore, let's do our best to support the disconnected ones. If you know someone who is part of it, keep in touch, remind them they are not to blame and that we really, really need to be kind to ourselves.

Free to Shine – Thank you for your post. Your post is very powerful and something that I still find it hard to accept that it has truly happened to me. I was never a Scientologist and didn’t know anything about its teachings or practices otherwise I would have stayed away, far away. For someone on the "outside" the disconnection process seems very foreign and hard for me to understand or come to terms with. After 7 months of being disconnected from, I have learned that it (disconnection) for me at least, hasn’t gotten any easier to accept. I still have bouts of tears and feelings of anger, heartbreak, deception, loneliness and complete and utter loss. I find myself replaying in my mind, what could I have done to the change the outcome of events, but coming up with the same answer, NOTHING. It's a rollercoaster ride of emotions that I have not been able to escape. I never knew pain like this before and that it could resonate so deeply. Of course in my life I have had relationships end and had loved ones pass, all of which hurt and I could come to terms with, but the feeling and process of "disconnection" is a pain that I have never felt before in my life. Sometimes it’s hard to choose words to describe the feeling. There is no closer. There is NOTHING. Only memories of someone that you loved and you thought that they loved you as well but not more than their love for Scientology, that is alive but to them you are dead, non-existent, NOTHING. I have lost so much due to this disconnection policy. Hopefully as time goes by the memories in my mind will be fewer and I can be truly happy again.:bigcry:
 

Div6

Crusader
I see it as the assertion of "selfish determinism" rather than "self determinism".

People are much more comfortable confronting on the via of "once I go OT I can glow everything right, but in the meantime it is not my responsibility" than they are on just simply confronting and taking responsibility.

It is silly really.......but those that are "still in" are confronting on a via, and taking NO ACTUAL responsibility for the conditions around them.

Self Determinism implies responsibility.......the "church" cultivates and feeds off of "selfish determinism."

It is quite rampant in the culture as well, but they should know better, holding themselves out as some kind of "moral authority or force".
 
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