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What is expected from you as a Life Long Scientologist pt 1


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I must have reposted this essay 5 or 6 times already, but it is a gem, so I'm posting it again. It is perfect to show someone who is having doubts about their involvement in the CoS.

Warning - Very long but well worth it!

We all have dreams. I think that everyone with a good heart dreams of a better place for mankind, whether that be a freedom from disease, a more prosperous society with freedom from hunger and want, or a personal freedom without the worries, travails, and constraints of ordinary life. Just imagine if someone you trusted came to you and told you it was possible to live in a much better world. Imagine if all your worries about what you were going to do with your life were suddenly wiped away and you were going to help the world achieve that great society. Just for a second, really believe that.

Over three decades ago I thought my dream was coming true. I signed on to what I thought was to be the greatest adventure ever. I became a Scientologist and I have spent over half of my life promoting, supporting, and defending the Goals of Scientology. I believe strongly in making this world a better place to live. The majority of Scientologists I have met over the years have shared that goal. We just wanted a better place to live. Most are caring people, who are idealistic and willing to dedicate their lives to that effort. We gave and gave and gave. Long hours, low pay, poor conditions, nothing would stop us. We held high the Banner of Scientology, the Ultimate Truth!

So here I stand committing the unspeakable sin for a Scientologist, dissent. How did I come to such a state? It’s a long story, but it’s rather like many that have already been posted on the Internet discussion group - ARS(Alt. Religion. Scientology). I tried hard to do good and I am not anything like a suppressive person (a SP is a person who has harmful evil intentions and acts on them) that the Church would like you to believe. I really did cared about the future of Scientology; after all I had made it my lifetime’s work. Over the last few years I had become increasing concerned about the direction and progress of the Church. Despite Church Management’s reports to the contrary, it was clear to me that the Church’s great expansion, long promised, wasn’t happening. The acceptance and application of Scientology in the general public wasn’t anywhere near the level needed to help change conditions in society. I had become tempered against the incessant PR of "Huge" wins, which never seem to materialize anywhere else but during Scientology International Management (Int) closed televised events. While a few of the Upper Organizations (Orgs) got a face lift with some new uniforms and the promotion was made more professional, all I ever saw was the majority of orgs and missions doing poorly. Also I was seeing behavior I really didn’t like and thought very inappropriate for a church to condone, and it was getting worst.

About this time I became fascinated with the Internet and it was natural to survey the various Scientology Internet web sites. At first I was just curiously looking at the various sites. I would try to stay away from anything that I thought the Church didn’t approve of, especially documents regarding Scientology’s confidential materials. But as I read on I got answers to questions that I had for a long time. I became more curious and rebellious. Also I started to feel a little foolish that here I was, an OT and an old time Scientologist, being intimidated by the Church what not to look at or read. OT is short for "Operating Thetan", a coined word by Hubbard to describe the spiritual being, not his mind or his body, but the "I" who controls the mind and operates the body. A full OT, according to Hubbard, has tremendous powers and can control matter, energy, space, and time. He doesn’t need a body, but can inhabit it and move out of it by will. By applying Hubbard’s spiritual technology he said a person could rehabilitate once lost abilities and again be an OT. So why would the Church have to censor what an OT could read? Realistically and more honestly, an OT is a person who has completed certain confidential levels in Scientology.

From the start it was apparent the Internet was something different and revolutionary, much like the invention of the printing press. Information flowed freely and quickly. Unbeknownst to the Church of Scientology it was about to face its greatest challenge, Disclosure. Scientology International Management (INT) was woefully unprepared while the critics of Scientology were finally able to embrace the freedom of communication. I jumped in the WWW pouring over depositions, government documents, affidavits, newspaper articles, legal stipulation of facts (an important item because the Church agrees these things to be true), web sites, books, and anything I could get my hands on, and what I read shocked me. This was the stuff the Church’s Department of Special Affairs (OSA) saw and that I wasn’t allowed to see. I wasn’t naïve about this as I am well trained; staff experienced, and have done most of the auditing available. I realized that not all the data about the evils of Scientology were true, but I knew enough of personal experience to start to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

I read about a person with the Internet handle of "Safe" who was attacked by the Church for trying to reform it by bringing up issues where he thinks the Church is wrong. He posted anonymously on the Internet in ARS his thoughts regarding what he thought was incorrect applications of Scientology procedures by Scientology management. Much of what he said was in my opinion valid, but it really does not matter what he said. The idea that "Safe" communicates possible misdeeds is what upsets Church Officials. They went after him. They tried to find out who he was from his Internet Service Provider. It shocked me. I could think of no other religion, which would go psychotic over really what was simple criticism. Why was this I asked myself?

It reminded me of a reaction from Nazi Germany or the old Soviet Union. Frankly, what is at stake for the Church is simple. Scientology is an Absolute Dictatorship and any threat to it must be stopped at any cost. If Church members in mass start to question it, then it will come apart. The Church of Scientology depends on fear of eternal damnation to keep Church members under control.

Every Scientologist is taught, and has it drilled into him, that to be critical of L. Ron Hubbard and/or the Church of Scientology is to be guilty of hidden crimes, most likely against that which you are criticizing. Now I know that sounds silly, but you have to believe me that free speech, free ideas and critical thoughts are not welcome in this area. It is an essential part of Church doctrine that if you have criticism of Hubbard or the Church that you have done something wrong to Hubbard or the Church or have a mis-understood word regarding what they said. Who would speak up knowing that to speak objections is to be labeled a criminal in the eyes of a Scientologist? There is one way in Scientology, LRH’s way. Even now, almost Fifteen years after his death, his words hold hostage any intellectual freedom and are used in every communication to enforce what he wanted. Only now it’s David Miscaviage, Head of Scientology, who is the main interpreter.

First let me explain something to those who have not done services. The Church of Scientology is controlled by what is called the Sea Organization, which as I said earlier was formed by LRH when he went into hiding in the middle sixties. It was & is composed of fervent church members who have dedicated themselves to promote LRH and his goals. Members of the Sea Org live in a restricted environment for the most part. They are told what to think of current society and the happenings of everyday life. They are discouraged from watching TV or reading the news. They really don’t have leisure time. They are pushed and are always under the gun to produce more on their post. It is a very stressful life. The Sea Org was under the direct control of Hubbard and is where he ran the Church after he supposedly resigned in 1966. It continued to act under his direction up until he became too reclusive and unfit to govern in the Eighties. It continues to be the real ruling body of Scientology. No matter what anybody says or whatever corporate documents can be produce, Sea Org personnel control Scientology. Most experienced Scientologists realize that the corporate structure is only for protection from the government and the legal world to avoid taxes and scrutiny. The headman of the Sea Organization is David Miscaviage. He had been working his way into power from the early 80’s and by the time LRH died in 1986 he was able to dismiss any other pretenders and step into LRH’s void. He has aligned himself as Hubbard’s senior messenger, his protector of Scientology’s future, the savior of Scientology. So when David Miscaviage speaks, everyone listens. He is spoken of in awe. Myths are being created around him. His nickname is the COB, Chairman of the Board. Even old time Scientologists address him as "Sir." Whatever he says goes, and he justifies it to Church members by manipulating and aligning it to what Hubbard supposedly said. You have to understand this; Scientologists believe that Hubbard had the answer for everything. And I mean everything, from handling mental illness, to running a business, and even to the washing of windows on your car. I kid you not!

Therefore Rule #1 when speaking with a Scientologist is that they think they know all the answers and thus "they really can’t communicate with you." For all the talk about being there and listening, a Scientologist thinks LRH knew it all and thus Scientology has all the answers. In his mind he knows why you speak and do the things you do. There is no real two-way communication with a dedicated Scientologist. He is computing in his mind constantly and can NEVER agree with you over anything, which is critical of Hubbard or Scientology. L. Ron Hubbard belittled the "wog" world. "Wog" is a contemptuous word used by him to group most everybody in the everyday world and explain that they are trapped beings living an implanted life following their reactive mind commands. Virtually nothing in the "wog" world is acknowledged as innovative or original. Even when it comes to technology Hubbard relates that past civilizations had better computers. Hubbard says our current society is duplicating past society on some unknowing robotic level. It has all been done before in the trillions of years before this lifetime and he even goes on to say that nothing done in this lifetime is really harmful to you. Everything that makes life hard is due to past lives trauma. Hubbard implies that all the truth one needs is in Scientology, as it is the most basic and fundamental truth in this universe. So to a Scientologist all your protests or objections are symptomatic of crimes against Hubbard, the Church, or related subjects like religion. That’s why you hear Scientology handlers of picketers always asking what are your crimes, what have you done?

I think many older Scientologists, in their inner most private thoughts, know that something is very wrong with the Church. We have literally seen too much and so we speak privately to trusted friends over the strange practices of management and it’s failure to expand the Church. You have to understand this point. To a Scientologist the success of the Church surpasses everything. They truly believe Hubbard when he said in the Hubbard Policy Letter Keeping Scientology Working that, "the whole agonized future of this planet, every Man, Woman and Child on it, and your own destiny for the next endless trillions of years depend on what you do here and now with and in Scientology."

So those of us who dedicated ours lives to that goal get frustrated and tired of the explanations management uses to always blame somebody else for it’s lack of success. It always seems that this staff member was a Suppressive Person or that guy was not following Church policy. From lost LRH orders or newly discovered materials to the present "Golden Age of Tech" Drills, always it is LRH was right and somebody else did something wrong. Every few years Sea Org Management comes up with a new reason why the orgs aren’t doing well and unfortunately most Scientologists blindly accept it. Never is the Sea organization held up for criticism or fault. Never is the management team of David Miscaviage and his closest aides made responsible for their lack of results. Never is any responsibility laid on LRH's work.


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Part 2


In 1997 Miscaviage introduced the "Golden Era of Tech" where he said the "why" (reason) for poor technical results was "the blind leading the blind" in drills. Apparently the reason why Scientology wasn’t expanding and getting rave reviews was because "we" as students didn’t have the knowledge and exact drills to auditing, etc. The truth is we, old timers, were doing what LRH had told us to do. We were applying LRH study tech in a LRH academy reading LRH bulletins, tapes, and books. These academies were run by SO org personnel trained in many cases by LRH himself. After all, many of us had been trained at Flag, the mecca of technical perfection, where auditing is perfect. At least were told that when we bought our $7,000 auditing intensives (auditing is sold in 12 ½ blocks called an intensive). Now it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t LRH’s fault, nor the SO, it was us "blind" ones misapplying LRH’s perfect tech. And to make it worse, as we found out later, the blind ones had to go back to Flag and re-do our auditing and training and pay for it ourselves. By the way, it is 2001 now and the big boom that was to happen because of the "Golden Era of Tech" just hasn’t materialized. In fact in many areas the number of people doing services are down.

Scientology has a hierarchy of Service Organizations. It starts out with Missions, Orgs, Upper Orgs, and Flag. The higher the organization the more services you can deliver. In the "Orgs", short for Church CL IV organizations which are run by non-Sea Org members, you get detailed management programs from the Sea Org, sometimes with a youngster dressed in his naval uniform ordering you what to do. The amount of control exerted by Senior Sea Org Management over the Orgs is overwhelming. Statistics are demand daily of production levels. When necessary Management sends out Sea Org Members to the Orgs, they are called missionaries. They usually are filled with a false arrogance of understanding and without a real clue of how to actually run an org. They have great power to do what they want. The arrival of a missionaire gets Org staff in a uproar, because a Sea Org Mission almost always means someone gets removed from post and made the fall guy for low production. Usually they try to rip off staff for the SO and wind up costing the org for the time that they are there. Everyone in the org shudders when a missionaire arrives and is secretly relieved when they depart. After enough of these programs you begin to believe that either Scientology is the most inept organization at choosing key personnel or that church policy, when applied, just doesn’t work. Anyone who was in Scientology in the Seventies knows that the Mission network(small local churches, not to be confused with Missionaires) was much stronger and the flow up the bridge was increasing. Hubbard had set up the Missions to be more autonomous. They were flourishing and expanding. They were less set in rigid adherence and didn’t go around in military uniforms or religious clothing. They also had more money, whereas the Sea Organizations were doing poorly. You can thank David Miscaviage and his Finance Police for wiping out the Mission Network in the early eighties. He stripped them of their assets and much of their power. The Mission network never recovered. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that most orgs and missions are now in horrible shape. Just go around and look at them. Miscaviage declared that New OT IX is going to be released when all the Orgs are the size of the first St. Hill Org in England and the "psychs" no longer exist. Well, the laughter from that statement is still going strong! But you learn early in Scientology to shut up when it comes to critical thoughts. Hubbard set up a system where one must "write-up" anyone who, too frequently, speaks contrary or does something against the policies of Scientology. Just try mentioning the fact that the SO had certified two Orgs as having reached the size of Old St.Hill when they really weren’t and you get castigated. I was told by a very reliable source that the Hamburg Org falsified its statistics to reach Old Saint Hill size, a little know fact to most members. In other words, any mention of down statistics or wrong doing by the Sea Organization and you are nailed, even if you are right. How does a Scientologist get so twisted mentally to accept this? How did I?

Personally the route for a Scientologist is a hard journey. The amount of control exerted over you is overwhelming when you finally step back and look at it. However the indoctrination of your mind is very subtle, it doesn’t happen over night. The early courses are pleasant, cheap, and the staff is easy on you. You feel that you have found real friends. But believe me, staff members know exactly what they are doing and they are keeping from you the more intense side of Scientology. Slowly they are spoon feeding you Scientology. Each person progress is plotted. Once you have had enough wins and are "on board", the more ruthless side of Scientology emerges. Of course we staff members justify this because it is for the student’s own benefit. The higher you go up the Grade Chart the pressure just gets worse. It is a sad truth that the Church must hide its real self until a person gets hooked. We believed Hubbard knew best.

I found Scientology to be an amazing world when I discovered it three decades ago. I was an educated young person just starting out in the world. I was not stupid, poor, or anything that would make me disadvantaged. I, however, was confused, as many of us where back in the sixties. It was a time of questioning the way of life. Questioning values of families, morality, alternative lifestyles, mainstream religion, segregation, drugs, the Vietnam War, and in fact anything that was the establishment. The bottom line is most of us were confused.

Into that confusion of mine came Scientology. It was indeed, a bolt out of the blue. It was exciting. It was strange, different, mystical, and yet it claimed to be scientifically based. It gave you answers that seemed to work. Life in the Scientology was less stressful and intense back then. You still had your "wog" friends and time off. Looking back to those early days it was a great fun. Most of the students I know who did the communication course truly had their lives changed for the better. The Grade Chart was about 10% of the cost now and it was conceivable that you could make it up the Chart. The auditing I received really did change my life. I cannot stress that enough; there are real benefits to Hubbard’s auditing procedure. Also Co-auditing (students auditing each other for free) was encouraged and my fellow students were adventurers of the mind. We would talk for hours late at night. It hooked me and I loved it. The Sea Org wasn’t as powerful and the heat and pressure of management just wasn’t as high as it is now. I jumped into a career as an auditor. I was a good student and auditing came easy to me. I loved the adventure of going down the time track exploring. It was thrilling. And I had wins, very good wins. It changed me in ways that were good. And therein rests the problem of Scientology, "How something could be so good at times, yet so stupid and harmful at others?" More on that later.

As I said before the Church hides it’s real self from the individual until he is hooked. "Raw Public" as Hubbard calls them (new people just in the door) are delivered simple and easy courses in their own division, Div VI, the Public Division. They have their own course supervisors and salesmen. Control over the student is light and the courses are fun and helpful. I really enjoyed them. A person stays in Div VI, the public division, until he is ready to be moved into Div II, the Dissemination division, home of the registrars. Thereinafter almost every step in Scientology starts with a visit to the registrar. Of course Hubbard doesn’t call them "salesmen" which is exactly what they are. The hours one spends being grilled over the coals by them is a harrowing experience. For example they use sales methods as written in "Big League Sales Closing Techniques" by Les Dale. This is one of the very few books not written by Hubbard that is on any course in Scientology. So what is a religion teaching sales closing techniques? From the "icy dip" to "tagging" to "buy now discounts", they use every trick in the book to get you to over spend. Going to a used car lot is less stressful. Nothing is ever good enough, you must always be on "the road to truth" as it is called. Which means, pay for the next service. Even when you finish a big course or level which has taken months, it’s off to see the registrar and get back on the next course.

Scientology uses a system of routing forms. A routing form is a list of people (holding specific functions) whom you have to see in progression, as you move from one department to another department or division within the org or from even org to org. When you are in the org you are always on some routing form. For example, when you go to buy a course you see the registrar and once you pay for it you are then routed to the bookstore officer to buy supplies, then the course administrator to enroll you, and then finally the classroom to see the supervisor and start the course. After you complete your course you are routed back through to the registrar. Except that you also have to see many other staff; from treasury, to bookstore officer, to Sea Org Recruiters when you on services at a SO Org. It seems at every step, a staff member tries to sell you something or get something from you, mainly book sales to supplement their income. If you want a leave of absence from a course you get put on a routing form and have to go through a list of staff who basically try to prevent you from leaving. If you want to route out of an org be prepared to run the gauntlet. It seems the only way to complete the form is to make the org some money or stats, or in other words, bribe them by either buying a book or making a donation, of course nobody would admit that! It is really quite an exhausting endeavor, which has as one of the main targets, your wallet.

Finally there is always the Ethics routing form where you are sent to check over your personal conduct. You can be sent to Ethics by a staff member for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes it is just routine, for example when you are routed to Ethics before you start your auditing or training cycle. They want to make sure you that you are not a "Potential Trouble Source- P.T.S." for Scientology. They are checking for a numbers of items some of which are; that you are not a "plant" from the government, that you are not connected to a person who is antagonistic to Scientology, that you are not under the care of a mental health professional, or that you are "open-minded." Sometimes going to Ethics is much like being sent to the principal’s office when you went to grade school. You can be sent for being late for course, chewing gum in the classroom, unexcused absences, or disclosing something you said in an auditing confessional session. Yes, they really do treat adults like children. You can also go voluntary to the Ethics Officer for help in most any aspect of your life if you are on course. Ethics is a very powerful sector of a Church. You do not want to get on their bad side. Sooner or later you will have to write-up all of your "crimes" you have committed in life and ask for forgiveness. LRH has said there is no right of privacy. Before you do your OT Levels you must receive a security check. This is done in an auditing session and you have to pay thousands of dollars for it. Just some of the intrusive things they will want to know is your complete sexual history. You will have to answer detailed questions with whom you had sex with and how did you do it (positions & times), whether or not you masturbate, and do you read adult materials. Every aspect of your life is open for inspection; even critical thoughts of Hubbard or Scientology are treated as signs of crimes. Afterwards expect your most private affairs to be discussed with usually a twenty-something staff member, who will quote you LRH’s viewpoint and chastise you. Not that the ethics officer shouldn’t be busy, I have seen much, which should be examine, mostly things done by staff members and executives. Running up credit cards, putting members into debt so high that they have serious problems paying their bills, these are everyday occurrences. I have even seen credit cards run up on illegally without the owner's permission. You don’t know the whole truth, it is much worse than you think. I am not talking about dead bodies. I never saw anything like that. However what I did see were shattered lives. For every happy Scientologist who is successful there must be a hundred or more just barely making it in life. Listen I am telling you the truth here, "They"(Scientology Staff) will try to take every penny away from you, your family, your friends, anyone from whom you can get money. They will try to talk you into dropping out of the everyday Life (Wog World as they call it) and be a hard-nosed dedicated Scientologist who in "on board" for the duration (eternity). They don’t want your kids in public schools. Forget about a college education, life insurance, savings accounts, pension funds, or anything else, which might divert your attention and resources. Vacations are tolerated, but secretly you better be a little quiet about them or make lots of donations to justify your time off. It is serious business being a Scientologist. You will eventually leave your non-Scientologist friends and be in a world where everything must be compare to what LRH viewed as important.

.By now you must be asking yourself, why if it was so bad did you stay in so long? That is a hard question for me to answer simply. Every ex-Scientologist knows exactly what I mean. Honestly I wouldn’t have stayed in so long if I didn’t improve my life, or thought it did, and I held high the dream of attaining OT abilities. Scientology works like Magic sometimes. It is addictive. I would be lying if I didn’t say that auditing isn’t valuable. I love the Scientology Grades and they improved my life and the lives of others. I have seen great good coming from auditing sessions, both receiving and giving. It is here where many of us excuse the insanity of Scientology. We see people handle life long problems and change for the better and wonder how could this organization be wrong. But it is wrong.


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Part 3


I had very good wins in much of my upper level auditing, but on the other side great pressure is exerted on you to keep quiet about your upper level auditing. States of Awareness are implied in the OT Levels that people just don’t obtain. No one I ever knew attained OT Abilities as described in LRH’s lectures. That is the great hidden secret among OT’s that none can talk about. Every Scientologist dreams about being fully exterior to his body or causing things to move mentally, but it never did happen to me. Every Scientologist believes that OT’s can do miraculous things. Well, I am sorry, it just isn’t true from what I have seen. I wish I could tell you if it was true. I would give anything to say Hubbard was right and I was wrong. I am not saying you don’t become more aware of yourself, your surroundings, but there is not one "bent spoon" in the lot. Each person feels himself a failure for not quite making it, but the truth is no one makes it, not even Hubbard from what I have read. Each person must fabricate reasons why it doesn’t happen. The interesting thing is that I would have been much happier with my OT Levels if all that was expected of me was to be happier, more powerful, more analytical, and more aware of myself. I did gain knowledge and insight, but then of course nobody would pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for them and in retrospect neither would I have. You get the idea Hubbard was more concerned about marketing the levels and making money from them, rather than improving people lives with them.

Scientology is much like a "Dummies Guide to Life." Everything is explained simply. Hubbard even says complexity is due to a lack of confront. He makes broad strokes of his pen invalidating medical doctors, especially anybody else who works in the mental health field. He is full of anecdotes using them as proof. Back in the Wichita Foundation they cure people of polio with auditing. Well where are the x-rays, the proof? Never are any studies produced to validate his stories. Hubbard makes it clear in his numerous lectures that the "wog" world is essentially worthless and even with what technology "wogs" have, a Scientologist can use it and do it better. According to Hubbard Earth is a prison planet, so why would anything be of value here? Thus a college education is worthless, just "Study Scientology." After all to Hubbard, you have gone to school millions of years in lifetime after lifetime after lifetime, and with Scientology and word clearing you just might regain whole track knowledge( what you knew in past lifes).

You have to understand the dangers of being in any cult, and if anyone ever doubts Scientology is a cult, I can only say read on. Hubbard pollutes your mind with his viewpoints of modern culture. You see this particularly in SO members and long time public. Over the years you can see what being on staff and on lines has done to their judgement. According to this diehard viewpoint the complete school system is a total failure, crime is widespread and riots waiting to happen, morals are declining, and the civilization is on a steep decline. Hubbard blasts the medicos, which is what he calls doctors. The FBI is considered worse than the criminals and the IRS is the most evil of all empires. I actually believe him when he said in the seventies that at most our civilization had five years. Remember the Purification R/D and surviving World War III? As if taking Niacin is a cure for radiation bombardment, give me a break!

Of course we have serious problems in our society, but it wasn’t until I was free from Hubbard’s viewpoint that I was able to see the good and beauty in our culture and what actually needed to be changed. Over the last few years I have had the opportunity to interact with high school & college students. They are good kids in the majority. They have goals, work hard, and in my opinion are way advanced over where I was at thirty years ago. There is so much good in our society. People are working to change the wrongs. Thirty years ago people of minority didn’t have the opportunities they have now. Women were second-class citizens. We were an uptight society. It was changed by people demanding progress, and by kindness, good legislation, and hard work. Of course as a society we still have much to do, but just what good is Scientology doing? Mostly all the Scientology success stories are just self-aggrandizement. Did you know that some Scientologists have even taken credit for the Berlin wall coming down and the Soviet Bloc collapsing? Mystically Solo Not’s & New OT VIII did it. Talk about Hallucinatory Cause!

So you are isolated from the real world, hemmed in by a false concept of what is happening. The thought of leaving the church is equivalent to eternal damnation. You will lose all of your friends. Your ability to speak freely is also taken away. You are more than likely to be in huge debt. Also as I said above, you cannot speak negatively about the Church without some repercussions. This isolates you and prevents information from flowing freely. Hubbard also plays to your self-importance. Scientology is much like a fraternity where you go through initiation and then feel on the inside. You become enlightened, you are told the secrets of the universe and how brilliant you were to make it through the hundreds of thousands of lifetimes to be one of the first in Scientology. So to leave the Church is to admit you were wrong, and that’s a hard thing to do after investing so much time and money. In truth, an invisible web of lies is spun around you to keep in the Church.

As I said earlier I finally realized that Scientology was at times, stupid and harmful. Those were tough words for me to admit after the majority of my adult life was spent promoting Scientology. Actually, I was part of large number of Scientologists who do their job and try to be understanding and kind. Mostly you will find them in the Technical Division IV (auditors and case supervisors). People who spend ten to twelve hours a day helping people overcome life’s problems. You don't know the frustration we feel when injustices screw things up. We secretly ask ourselves questions. Why does auditing have to be so expensive? Why does the Church have to be this way? On one hand you see the real benefits, sometimes absolutely amazing things happen in an auditing session, and on the other hand you see a registrar running up huge credit cards bills on a person who can’t pay. Also there are other things that you see which make me so ashamed. I have seen the Church takes thousands of dollars from an elderly parent for their children’s auditing because the registrars were able to manipulate emotions. I have seen a young person receive their inheritance’s and greedy executives screaming in glee while they demand more and more of it until it’s all gone. Those things I am not proud of.

Most Scientologists are in a blind spot about the true state of Scientology. Great Group Pressure is exerted on the individual to not spread "entheta." which is Hubbard’s word for anything that is non-optimum or bad news. So failures receive little notice. However I have seen the smallest of successes built up to some earth shattering news. So Rule #2 is, "Never believe anything a Scientologist tells you." They cannot evaluate data because they are never allowed to look at the failure side of Scientology. Most Scientologists don’t know about PR Tr’s" where Hubbard trains PR staff how to lie and change subjects. The mental machinations that a Scientologist must go through to justify Scientology’s failures is no easy task, but at the bottom of it all is Hubbard is right and anything that differs from that must be invalidated. Even when it becomes perfectly clear that Hubbard or the Church is wrong a Scientologist will justify it by saying Hubbard must be looking at the bigger picture and that’s the way it has to be. So Scientology makes you stupid. So stupid that you will believe Hubbards diatribes against doctors and society. As I said earlier the Church hides its true self from most parishioners. The average Scientologists just doesn’t get to see what goes on behind the lines, in registrar’s office, in OSA, in the S.O. The truth is most A.R.S.ers know more about what goes on in the Church than do Scientologists.

We see that stupidity in a young husband on org staff who has to work 80 hours a week and make no money to" save the planet", meanwhile his baby and wife go neglected. How sane is that? I could give you more hundreds of examples, but I leave that for others. It is everywhere staff members work. Staff members live miserable abused lives. I know this because I have been one and have interviewed many. I have had grown men cry to me over what their life on staff is like. This is kept from the public. Staff members are so terribly trapped. They work long hours, at least twelve to fourteen a day (six to seven days a week) and many work even more hours, especially in the Sea organization. They are promised good pay then come on staff and learn the truth that it is not even minimum wage. They are promised OT and all their auditing for free, but most hardly ever make it to Clear. They are told that they get days off and vacations, but when they get on board they learn that you have to have super personal production to get them and still are at the whim of your senior. They never received Medical or Dental care, so they usually have to rely on outside family members to pay if they can. Otherwise it is go see the Medical Officer who is usually a person with zero medical training. He will read what LRH has to say, give you vitamins, and send you to ethics to handle the suppression in your life. But never is that suppression said to be the SO and it’s long hours, poor conditions, sleep deprivation, sometimes rice and beans diet, and the constant stress of executive intimidation and haranguing. Family visiting time for seeing your children is promised every day but it depends again on how well your post is going.

Scientology executives are trained in a technique called "Bait and Badger." This is a control method use to get you to produce more on your post by haranguing you. They are trying to get at the reason you are not producing more and keep at it until you "fess up" with some excuse, then another, until you have no more. Then they keep riding you until your production levels are up. The bottom line is that you are expendable for the greater cause of clearing the planet. You will be pushed and goaded until you either rise up into the executive strata willing to harass others to produce more, or you become a well-trained robot who is quietly willing to work long hours for low pay. In the end many in the SO will wind up on the Rehabilitation Project Force (RPF), which is barbaric, inhumane and a down right insult to the spirit of man. Little sleep, little food, no communication, degradation, no medical care, and constant harassment are the lot of those who wind up in its grasp. They are made to believe that they are degraded beings who have to accept that fact and thank LRH and the SO for giving them the opportunity to re-deem themselves. The accounts I have read of life in the RPF make prison life look good in many cases. At least a prisoner has a fixed sentence. Many staff members at any organization eventually have to leave because you can’t stand the conditions.

Then as you are leaving you are hit was thousands of dollars of free-loaders debt as you were invoiced out for every corrective, training, and auditing action you did while on staff. Finally you and those around you are made to think that you are a failure because just weren’t tough enough and not a "Big Being."

Those of us who see the successes in auditing always have to compromise, and that is our mistake. We excuse the stupidity with "it’s a tough planet, we are handling the reactive mind, the psychs and medical industry are out to get LRH." If only LRH had more reliable aides, if only LRH knew what was happening in the orgs he would be pissed. But it is LRH’s fault, it is his creation. If he didn’t know what was happening it was because he didn’t care to look. If he is going to take the credit for the good he deserves the blame for the bad.

I loved LRH. He was a hero and a rogue. No doubt he lived a huge lifetime. Certainly we can agree he created a large and rich organization and wrote much, but then again history is full of successful despots. He was a writer and creator of tales. I am still impressed with the shear volume of his work. Even if we were to treat all of his writings and lectures as pure fancy it is still an amazing feat, but volume doesn’t guarantee quality or truth. I remember reading a post on ARS from Vaughn Young, which helped me to understand him. It is how LRH had two sides, one analytic and one reactive. He could be brilliant, yet he could be mean and vindictive. The stories that come from ex-SO members when LRH was on the Ship Apollo are horrific. From making students walk the plank, humiliating staff, locking up adults and children in filthy bilge holes, screaming profanities and swearing at aides, this was a sick, sick man. And if I dare mention having teenage girls dress him and cater to all his personal needs like carrying around ashtrays behind him to catch ashes as they fall from his cigarettes. It makes me wonder just who was his guy? Personally I don’t know how I would have reacted, but it sort of sickens me to think that SO executives covered for him. He was a flawed man. He was a genius and a madman, and I now have come to believe a very arrogant and egotistical person.


Con te partirò
Part 4


Why? One reason is because he promoted himself so much. He promoted himself like few others in history have. A bust of his is in every Organization, numerous pictures of him on the walls, and a personal office in every Org sometimes at ridiculous costs, which he would never use (he’s dead). The term "cult of personality" couldn’t have a better example than LRH with applause at the end of course every night aimed at him, a public relation section dedicated to get proclamations and awards for him. Again guys, He’s Dead! How many times does it have to be said? This was a man who needed to be praised and happy people don’t need that much praise. Also he is a man who lied. He lied about his marriages and children, his schooling, his war years, his running of the Church after saying he resigned, and who let his own wife go to prison so he wouldn’t. Just look at what Nelson Mandela did to free his country as compared to LRH? He, Mandela, spent years in a harsh prison. What did LRH do? He hid and lied. I would have forgiven him, if only he had been more honest and to tell you the truth, a kinder man. I still consider many of his writings to be brilliant. But the LRH I loved wasn’t in truth the real person, it was an image he spun. It was even spun after he died that he went on to further research, whereas it appears he was an old man suffering from dementia who, by confirmation of his physician had a stroke and by blood tests was on psychotropic drugs. They just couldn’t say he passed away, like the rest of us when our life is up. But this like many things were kept from us dedicated Scientologists.

Finally I got to the top of the chart, looked around and realized there were just too many things I saw personally which I could not longer deny; the credit card schemes, the wasteful spending of money, and heartless handling of staff members and families. I had such high hopes for Scientology. I read ethics files and saw the relentless pursuit of money. I could go on and on. And when I wrote it up in reports, nothing changed. I wasn’t alone, other friends I knew saw things and wrote them up. Nothing was handled. I continued writing, but still no change. It was at this stage that I began looking to the Internet. Then it finally hit me! Sea Org management didn’t care! They had all the reports, they knew the complaints, they have done all the courses I have done. Everything was done in the name of "Clearing the Planet" and what counted most was making money. Finally it got too much for me. This was a Church who members lost their humanity. Because at the bottom of every cycle is based the idea that the ends justify the means. It doesn’t matter if you have to cheat, steal, lie, and hurt others, as long as the Church makes more money. Whoever came up with the statement, "Scientology: Clearing the Planet One Bank Account at a Time" is spot on!

Over the years Hubbard developed his own style of Management in the process of running the Church. As with basic Scientology, it is based on observations and some practical applications. I consider some of it useful, but again Hubbard overreaches and states that these techniques and tools are basic truths. They are the secrets of how groups operate. At the bottom of his management style is SELL, SELL, SELL, and make more money. Money is spent on image, in order to make more money. Make no mistake about it; the Church is slick and professional when it comes to marketing. They will spare no expense on image, whether it is buying the bona fides from a University Scholar, getting on the good sides of an influential Black Baptist Minister for PR purposes, or buying the most expensive printing press. I have never seen a religion where making money is so important. They will wine and dine you beyond belief for money or influence. Int Management would sleep with the devil if they could make money at it and I am sure that's why celebrities love Scientology. If the average public or staff person knew just how special celebrities are treated they would boil. From special meals to private waiters they are the royalty of Scientology. I was furious when I read about Tom Cruise’s private condo with a maid and private chef at Happy Valley (Int Management Secret HQ’s). Special rules for "Special People." There is even a rule that no celebrity can be regged by regular registrars.

In the past, too little has been said about the various programs of the Church to penetrate the business community. I laugh when I see the words Hubbard Management Consultants. You don’t know half of what most of those guys are up to. W.I.S.E. (Worldwide Institute of Scientology Enterprises) is, in truth, a way of out reaching into the business community to recruit new members. Tremendous effort has gone in to the recruiting professions. Various consulting groups have been formed, aimed at particular practices. Chiropractors, dentists, and veterinarians are a major target. They use the same basic plan that’s used to get new people into Scientology. Hubbard has you seek for a "personal ruin", which is some area or problem over which you have poor control or a lack of success. Interviewers or registrars are taught to really push your ruin in your face. Successfully done, you can make almost anyone pay for courses or auditing. You really start to believe "your ruin" is ruining your life and Scientology can help you overcome it. For some it’s a personal problem, like not being in a good relationship, loneliness, shyness, or lacking direction in life. In the business world it starts out with the professional practice itself, usually it isn’t expanding or making enough money. Hubbard Consultants find the "ruin" in your business then sell you a watered down version of Scientology Management Training aimed at the businessman. One interesting point is that they use the salutation of Mr. Hubbard in their seminars instead of L.Ron Hubbard in the Church. They try at first to distance themselves from the Church. But remember, just as in the first courses in Scientology, they are spoon feeding you Scientology. They know exactly where you are at in the process of becoming a Scientologist. Sooner or later you learn that the reason why your business isn’t doing well is because of you. It’s you who are holding down your business. Now it’s time to switch over to Scientology and find his personal "ruin."

There are absolutely no morals when it comes to selling services and getting money into the Church. You will find that most WISE Consultants were ex-registrars and they will again use every trick in the book to sell you their services. As I said the real intention of your consultant is to get you on the Bridge and paying for Church services. Make no mistake about it, a WISE Consulting Business is considered valuable only if it sells and selects [for an actual sales commission ] businessmen to buy services from and go into the orgs. The end goal is the person to be completely paid in advance for every Church service on every price list, plus donations to the IAS, and a complete Author Services Library which consists of every book and tape LRH ever made. Why? One reason, besides being a disciple for Scientology, is because a registrar gets 10 to 15% of it in commissions. No old time Scientologists in his right mind would dare let a Scientology consultant into their business.

Another danger concerning WISE is that they are infiltrating businesses by covertly setting up organization structures similar to that of Scientology. Unbeknownst to employees, they are being evaluated by Scientology methods and the future of their employment is in doubt. There are some very large companies who started applying Scientology management Tech such as Allstate. This caused a huge flap with lawsuits and disgruntled employees for Allstate, but those Scientologists have just moved on to another areas. One particular bad aspect that WISE consultants teach is paying bills by time line. Basically it is a system of bills where you stretch out payments according to what is most critical. So know this well, Scientologists put the Church of Scientology first and foremost. They will donate to the Church and not pay you. Then after screaming at them enough they will offer less money to settle the bill, or refuse to pay service charges and take their business elsewhere. If I were any person doing business with the Church of Scientology or a Scientology business I would put them on C.O.D. If you lose their business count yourself lucky. If you are an employee of a Scientology business, find another job. Don’t consider your pension funds or any other benefits safe. You are never considered more important than the church.

That’s because a real problem in Scientology is personal finances. I have seen too many Scientologists declare personal bankruptcy, or have huge unpaid debts. I know of five people on New OT VII, currently the highest level being delivered, who went bankrupt. Most of those debts were incurred buying Church services, and in some cases I am talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars. You will be shocked at the state of their finances. Scientologists are always being bombarded with requests for loans by fellow members. You will receive calls from people who barely know you asking for loans. Registrars don’t care if they are putting you in the most precarious position. Then after you fail, the registrars will wash their hands and state you should have applied better financial policy. In fact the heat and pressure to raise money extends to all Scientology outreach groups. From Narconon, Criminon, Applied Scholastics, to CCHR all plead for your donations. No one ever reaches the limit. If you become a patron to the International Association of Scientologists (IAS) it will cost you $40,000. But then the pressure starts for your wife to buy one, then after she is hit they will try to get another $20,000 and raise the level up to $100,000 and get Patron with Honors status. Then they will try to get you buy a Patron Meritorious, $250,000. Don’t forget the kids, they will want you to but them their lifetime membership at $3,000 each. By the way, it goes even higher and higher, millions. So in other words, you are never done giving, if you have a buck they will want it and if you make one more they will want that too!

Is Scientology a religion that should have IRS status? I have looked at that over and over again as I am a Scientology minister. Finally I have decided it is not. To me a religion is an organization aimed at helping people and instilling in man a higher code of conduct with a belief in a God or the spiritual concept of man. That it should not be money motivated seems apparent. I will not theorize on the existence of any God, as that is a matter of personal belief and it is not up to me to judge any other religion by their God. Surely every religion has it excesses and share of charlatans, but I do believe that there are men and women of good intentions in most religions who truly care for mankind. People like Mother Teresa helping Calcutta’s poor, Father Damian with Hawaiian lepers, and others who love and care for the poor, the sick, as well the troubled, and the oppressed, because it is the right thing to do. Each day hundreds of thousands of ministers, nuns, priests, monks, rabbi’s, mullahs, and religious lay people from all around the world work to feed the hungry, cloth the poor, minister to the dying, patch up broken marriages. What is a Scientology Minister trained to do? He sends them to the registrar to buy some auditing or purchase a course. Only then can he really help them. I have seen the good that auditing can cause and so why doesn’t the Church make it more affordable? What is one of the most important questions about a new person to a Scientology executive? Does he have any money? If he has none he is tolerated at best, but more likely is routed to a staff recruiter. What is Scientology answer to the mentally ill? You route them off lines and criticize anyone who tries to help them because they are "evil psychs."

One of the most serious violations of ministerial conduct is the violation of the confidentiality of the confessional. It has become clear to me and others that what is said in a Church of Scientology Confessional is not secret. I cannot excuse the Church or Hubbard over this. Priests surely do not keep notes of the confessional and some even have died protecting this trust! Whereas folders are examined and embarrassing and potentially blackmail able confessions are used against critics or those that seek to leave the Church. I am so ashamed at my Church for doing this.

Perhaps the most telling aspect about Scientology is its treatment of the poor, the sick, the unable. Scientology's stated purpose is to make the able more able. Where is the care for the poor, and the needy? It doesn’t exist because there is no money in that. A life long Sea Org member gets cancer, forget him! He is routed off as being unfit. Oh they may take up donations from public members, but that’s about it. So in my mind what makes a religion is compassion and the desire to help without getting something back. Help should be free. Oh I understand the need for donations, but you tell me where in the world will you find a religion that charges for almost all of it’s services? Show me a Church where everyone is expected to buy a $3,000 lifetime membership? Even 10% tithing would be break for most Scientologists. So there can be little doubt that the Church of Scientology is neither compassionate or helpful without charging for it.


Con te partirò
Part 5


Many people have commented on the fixed stare of a Scientologist. It seems lacking in feeling, detached, not human. Much of that comes from Hubbard’s viewpoint that one should never feel sympathy, but simply be effective. LRH mocks sympathy and warns about giving free services and makes it a serious offense for a staff member to do so. Besides having been trained to sit for hours without reacting it is burned into a Scientologists behavior that sympathy is a bad thing. What crap! Every mother knows the hug and sympathy shown a little child when they skin their knee is a healing emotion. The further I get away from Scientology the more I realize that Ron Hubbard had some serous problems being human and showing kindness. He says in his book Science of Survival that homosexuals should be gotten rid of. His viewpoint of South African Blacks is about as derogatory as you can get. Hubbard was a fan of apartheid and thought the black people were well treated in Africa. In November 1960, Hubbard wrote a letter to Prime Minister Verwoerd praising the implementation of forced resettlement: "Having viewed slum clearance projects in most major cities of the world may I state that you have conceived and created in the Johannesburg townships what is probably the most impressive and adequate resettlement activity in existence."

One aspect of the Church Of Scientology that is most appalling to me is its hypocritical stand on religious intolerance. The Church condemns critics of Scientology as being religious bigots and posts their pictures on the web site. LRH made his comments about religion "confidential", that, to me, is cowardly. So only OT’s who have been bonded for $10,000 to disclose any data, know that his real viewpoint is that he scorns the idea of a God and is himself a huge religious bigot. He is very critical of other religions. Scientology Ministers will join Religious Groups pretending to be a fellow members of the cloth. It is very obvious to me that the Church is a religion only for tax purposes and to prevent governmental scrutiny. Also just look at the Scientology cross, it’s an X covering a cross, a crossed out cross, of course Hubbard calls it an eight point cross.

Flag, Scientology largest and most senior public organization in Clearwater Florida, advertises itself as the friendliest place on earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once inside you either tow the line or they break you down. You must stay at the Fort Harrison, Sandcastle, or one of the other Church hotel properties and overpay for your room and meals. Never mind that Clearwater has hundreds of motels in the area at huge discounts. You might as well check your wallet at the registrar in the beginning. You are constantly being hit up with requests for money for every silly scattered brained idea some executive thought up. The heat and pressure of the registrar is unlike any other org. You are expected to donate, run up debts, borrow money from anybody you know and "make it go right." Once inside that org you turn your life over to them. If you are a businessman and have to be back in your office, tough! You will stay on lines until they say you can go. If service is slow because too many PCs are on your auditing line-up, tough. You have to buy another intensive? No problem just pay another $7,000 and if you don’t you will be an ethics case. Life at Flag is one of the most stressful experiences you will ever have. You breathe a sigh of relief every time you make it through an end of service routing out form and escape to the Tampa Airport.

Scientology management is in the end a giant public relations game. One of the LRH’s definitions of public relations is "good works well-publicized." What ever happened to good works done for the sake of humanity without promotion?. Now there is an alien thought for a Scientology executive. How about speaking the truth for the sake of truth. People are treated with respect because it is what they deserve. LRH gave himself away with the Fair Game Rule. In truth if you are not a Scientologist, you are a Wog. That means you are an ignorant being who hasn’t a chance in the world and Scientology should run his life because he can’t. If you think I am making this up just read the HCO Policy Letter on "How to handle a public person." You never let him decide anything, you order him.

I am not worried that the Church of Scientology will be successful in the long run. The Church cannot change with modern times, witness the Internet. It is doomed to fail. After all who wants Scientology's version of the future? Scientology culture in my opinion is set up on the phrase; "Production is the basis of morale." I know I eagerly grabbed onto it. But the more I travel, read, and learn about other cultures the more I questioned that. It may be true for Hubbard, because the more you produced on staff the more money he made. But is certainly isn’t true for all cultures. Can’t you just imagine the world as David Miscaviage sees it? Everybody must have their stats in by 2:00pm each Thursday. Workdays would be long and executives badgering you to produce. We will all step in line over his decisions. No, I don’t want that and I guarantee that most free people on this planet don’t either. Give me time to work and enjoy life and family. Scientology is fixed in time with its adherence to Hubbard. Science of Survival states that women should only stay at home, raising children. That’s so impossible with our current financial scene. It doesn’t even work in the Scientology world. How are they going to get the money to pay for services? Which brings us to the prices the Church sets. If there ever was more true indication of what the Church wants to happen it’s in the prices.

Finally I realized that I couldn’t support the Church of Scientology anymore because they couldn’t even run their own organizations without hurting and breaking up individuals and families. The trash heaps of this planet are filled with the broken bones of former Scientologists. I have seen it time and time again. Scientology is harmful for families. The Church won’t succeed as I said earlier because no one wants what the future would be like under Scientology rule. Make no mistake about it, LRH envisioned Scientology running this planet. What I am concerned about are those individuals whose lives will be ruined in the meantime. Sooner or later most Scientologists leave or become in active and unfortunately, now, a younger generation carries the torch. A younger generation looking for answers, just like I was thirty years ago. What was so mysterious to me thirty years ago is much clearer to me now. Every generation asks why it is here? I think youth just has a goodness and desire to help and there are always those that will take advantage of them. Looking back, that passion I had could easily been transferred into a career as a doctor or a teacher, truly helping others.

The other day I saw a copy of the SO magazine, Highwinds. I was shocked by it’s pandering of military imagery to young people. It was full of spaceships, spiritual symbols, military uniforms with shining swords, and aggressive phrases of war. It was sickening in its lies. The Church has taken an active stance in recruiting under eighteen youngsters, especially children of Scientologists. How I wish I could reach those young people and tell them to go finish high school. Enroll in college, go travelling, get a real job, join the Peace Corp, go watch a baseball game, read literature, go to enjoy the park and spend an afternoon walking hand in hand with your lover. Once on staff those pleasures are taken away from you. Courtship, days off, and just fooling aren’t a part of staff life. Relationships have an especially hard time when you are a staff member. Long hours, poor pay, intimidation, forced separations due some executive decision doesn’t make up for a life together. Those beautiful years of young love will be denied you. Your youth is lost quickly. I would tell them life is a gift and time does pass so quickly. Don’t follow a man who says he is infallible and makes you responsible for any failures you have using his technology.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say anything about Scientology children. While most Scientologists are truly caring parents who love their children, they are under the influence of Hubbard. They have adopted his theories about child raising and his viewpoint of work. Hubbard has said a child isn’t a child, rather he/she is a being in a small body. I guess that makes it easier to neglect them through dedication to the cause. I have see staff member children being watched over by some young girl who is usually considered too incompetent to be on staff. Attention starvation is what I see in them. Children cannot be the most important things to a Scientologist. They take away too many resources for the Grade Chart and thus there is the Sea Org ban on staff having children. If you want to see the results of Hubbard’s child raising theories look at David Miscaviage. He was a Scientology child who joined the SO and never graduated High School. He is a despot and proud of it.

Honestly I have come to see many things. I would have denied the harmful effects of Scientology until recently, but it is harmful in its present state. I could tell you how much money I spent and how that has harmed my finances. I could tell you about the strain it put on my family. I could tell you about the life long friends that I lost. I could tell you how stupid I felt when I discovered the truth about LRH, especially his sadistic side. However most of all it robbed me of time. Time, which young people spend so foolishly. It promised me infinite tomorrows and took away much of my life. Thirty years invested, and no pension plan, no medical benefits, no lifetime of building assets and influence, just debts. You pay a heavy price to be a Scientologist. I am slowly stripping away so many false ideas. Concepts I was forced to accept from LRH without thought. Hubbard does say what is true for you is what is true for you, however you must duplicate exactly what LRH said or you have a misunderstood word. You are wrong, he is always right, even when he says some of the most stupid things in his lectures, like in a Briefing Course Tape where he says lung cancer is caused by not smoking enough cigarettes. So when some Scientologist quotes Hubbard and it sounds great, remember this, the old Soviet Union had one of the most beautiful sounding constitutions guaranteeing freedoms of speech and ideas. We all know about the Soviet Gulags, so it isn’t the words; it’s what is actually done. The Church of Scientology lies like no other organization I have ever met. They just don’t call it lying; they call it, "an acceptable level of truth." It reminds me of the ruling pig bureaucracy in "Animal Farm." Some are more equal than others are, and some are just more special. If you really want to know what a Scientology future would be like, try combining the two books, "Animal Farm and "1984."

I would like to caution critics of Scientology from being too harsh on individual Scientologists. I spent years trying to do good and most of all the Scientologists I knew were trying to do the same. The hardest thing for me to confront as I left the church was the betrayal I felt. So when you picket and see how crazy Scientologists get, realize this. They have been betrayed so deeply. When I read how my church harnesses critics and ex-members I was shocked. I have read much about the use of private investigators and operatives to use "dirty tricks" to ruin a critics life. From black PR campaigns to false accusations the church will do anything to discredited former members. My honest question to them is why are two or three critics so dangerous to your survival when you have "8 million members?" What are you trying to hide?

I really care about my old friends who are active in Scientology. I can’t see them anymore. They are under the control of a man who is dead. They honestly believe they are on the quest of all quests. They cannot understand the criticism of Hubbard or the Church. They think of Hubbard like a God, but only better. They are loyal and hard working beyond belief and yet they are treated like disposable rags. You have to realize that Scientology makes people stupid by imposing a blind adherence to LRH. So you accept his culture, his way of looking at things. You lose your own viewpoints.

It is my hope that Scientology will reform itself, embrace all religions, use the good technology it does have to help all the people on Earth, rich and poor alike. I loved being on course and auditing. I would like to think I helped a lot of people. Unlike many critics I can still find great worth in Hubbard’s work. Some of his writings are brilliant insights into life and I truly believe basic Scientology has much to offer. But the Scientology I practiced isn’t what the current management wants; money, power, and being right is more important to them. The Sea organization must be disbanded. It is cruel, demeaning, arrogant, and ignorant. Most of all the real crimes that are committed are by Sea Org members. Unless the Church opens up it’s books, reduces prices dramatically, compensates members for over charging them, gets rid of the Sea Organization and the inhumanity it breeds, nothing will change. Honesty & truth must spread throughout Scientology. Hubbard must be held up for honest evaluation. The truth of his life must be revealed.

However I am not holding my breath, I am living my life, doing good when I can, and enjoying the sunsets, and creating my future. My exiting of Scientology has taken longer than I thought. Writing this article has been a major step for me. I never realized the damage than was done to me and each day brings even more new realizations. I am grateful to all of the people who have posted on ARS for their help.

The Church is fond of quoting LRH in Ron’s Journal "From Here to Eternity" about the quantity of case gain available above your level, which you can't perceive; well I have a different take. Having spent the majority of my adult life being a Scientologist I feel like a kid in a candy store. All of a sudden the world has open up for me. Great literature, different philosophies, art and different cultures are mine to explore. I have never felt closer to my family and I am making new friends. I have learned that Life is a journey, and it is hard at times, but I love this world and I am proud to be part of it again. I feel like a person freed from the ignorance of Scientology. In many ways I feel lucky. Scientology is a huge labyrinth and I made it out. So to those of my friends who are still stuck inside I say this, "There is a future after Scientology, a much better one."



Patron with Honors
Emma, thank you so much for taking the time and effort in posting this long story.

I just wish it could be posted over at OCMB as well.


Great essay!!

I hadn't read this before I posted my story, but it's nice to see someone else saying the same things and reaching the same conclusions.

It makes me realize the Internet is definitely the path out of $cientology.

Thank you Emma for reposting it.


Patron with Honors
thanks Emma

Dear Emma,
thanks for posting this. This has been incredible to read and to live through again as I can only share every single bit of it, only - I was on the other side and can only apologize, and want to do that here, for any harm caused while being in the SO. I will never forget the moment I was sitting on the train to freedom, finally being able to leave after 8 month of leaving routing form. I have spend 17 years in Scn and 15 of that in the SO. I totally understand your statement of kid in a candystore.... I believe I should also tell my story, even though it was not one of those that eneded up on the RPF. I might have - would I have not decided otherwise and realized that this was no longer what I signed up for. I feel relief reading your story, and all other stories on this site. I believe I will feel even bigger relief when I tell my story, so that it can help others to either not join or find their feet when out, or just making the right decision when reading it on the internet - like you did. thanks again Emma for this essay and for having this site.
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Bardo Tulpa
Dear Emma,
thanks for posting this. This has been incredible to read and to live through again as I can only share every single bit of it, only - I was on the other side and can only apologize, and want to do that here, for any harm caused while being in the SO. I will never forget the moment I was sitting on the train to freedom, finally being able to leave after 8 month of leaving routing form. I have spend 17 years in Scn and 15 of that in the SO. I totally understand your statement of kid in a candystore.... I believe I should also tell my story, even though it was not one of those that eneded up on the RPF. I might have - would I have not decided otherwise and realized that this was no longer what I signed up for. I feel relief reading your story, and all other stories on this site. I believe I will feel even bigger relief when I tell my story, so that it can help others to either not join or find their feet when out, or just making the right decision when reading it on the internet - like you did. thanks again Emma for this essay and for having this site.

I'm looking forward to reading your story!


True Ex-Scientologist

Good essay!

I especially liked the ending. It reminded me of how I felt when I left SCN.

However, on my auditing I didn't hafta see an ethics officer - the DofP handled that stuff (not much involved in this) along with some "innoculation".

Best regards

Wisened One


GREAT story: I wish it could be posted here as the story instead of just a link to it. THIS is some seriously helpful stuff, my needle was floating all over the place, reading it!:) Thanks so much for sharing the link! And...this part of the story:

"..........like in a Briefing Course Tape where he says lung cancer is caused by not smoking enough cigarettes."

I personally knew a long time staff member, smoked like a chimney and died from lung cancer...gee, guess they didn't smoke enough.....

Jeez...Stripping False Data is FUN!:)
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Patron Meritorious
Great post, and thanks Wisened One for replying to it and thus bringing it back to the top of the topics so I could see it. It had already sunk back down and virtually disappeared by the time I joined. Glad I was able to see it.

This website is so valuable.

Colleen K. Peltomaa

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thank you, Emma. The quality of that letter was such that I could see every congressman and senator and other important leaders reading it, accompanied by signatures of all of us on ESMB.


Con te partirò
Thank you, Emma. The quality of that letter was such that I could see every congressman and senator and other important leaders reading it, accompanied by signatures of all of us on ESMB.

Thanks for bumping this thread Gnosis. This essay remains my personal favourite.