what should a parent do for a disconnected S.O. member?

I was thinking - lets say you have a few kids and one is still in the S.O. and said child has disconnected from you. You are older and you don't really want to leave your assets to the child, because you are worried the church will force the sale of them if you pass away. But, on the other hand, you want some sort of provision for the child if he/she leaves the SO. The bug is that the child may not cease being a scientologist, just because they route out etc.

My thought, is this: set up a savings account in the child's name and off and on deposit money in it. My logic is this: The child will need some assets to establish themselves, get an apartment, a job etc, because the GD $500 they hand out is a joke. The money should be unconditional - if they want to piss it away on the bridge, that's their prerogative. Hopefully, they will be smart enough to use it wisely, and start a new life.

I read in the latest Rolling Stone an article about a family that disowned their daughter who was doing really well in college, but discovered she was gay. And in a night's misadventure, pictures of her turned up on face book. So, she decided to call her parents and fess up, rather than let them find out via facebook. When she "came out" on the phone to her Catholic mom, she was hung up on, cut off, her credit cards canceled and was told by her brother to return the car her parents bought for her or it would be reported stolen. After a year of pleading to reopen a com line with them, they told her she had to get counseling and cease being gay. She couldn't and she's never heard from them since. She ultimately did odd jobs, finished college and established a life. But for a while she was homeless.

I was shocked by that article, knowing - I could not be that parent, and if it were my child, and I had passed, I would want my child to have a shot at getting back on his/her feet. But, knowing what the deal is with "our" church - I would roll over in my urn if the reges ever got their hands on my stuff.

Thoughts?

Mimsey
 

Helena Handbasket

Gold Meritorious Patron
I was thinking - lets say you have a few kids and one is still in the S.O. and said child has disconnected from you. You are older and you don't really want to leave your assets to the child, because you are worried the church will force the sale of them if you pass away. But, on the other hand, you want some sort of provision for the child if he/she leaves the SO.
If that's what they want, I'd set up a trust where the child would get maybe $100 a week while in the SO, so they could at least buy toiletries and a few creature comforts. If they get out, the amount goes up. But no lump sums. (There are some companies that will give you a lump sum if you agree to turn over all future payments to them. I'm not sure what to do about that.)

I read in the latest Rolling Stone an article about a family that disowned their daughter who was doing really well in college, but discovered she was gay. And in a night's misadventure, pictures of her turned up on face book. So, she decided to call her parents and fess up, rather than let them find out via facebook.
My takeaway from that is to never, ever trust the internet. If I have something to give to somebody that I don't want made public, I print it out and either hand it to them or send it to them using real mail.

And don't let someone else take pictures without telling them not to post it.

Helena
 

Smurf

Gold Meritorious SP
I was thinking - lets say you have a few kids and one is still in the S.O. and said child has disconnected from you. You are older and you don't really want to leave your assets to the child, because you are worried the church will force the sale of them if you pass away. But, on the other hand, you want some sort of provision for the child if he/she leaves the SO. The bug is that the child may not cease being a scientologist, just because they route out etc.

My thought, is this: set up a savings account in the child's name and off and on deposit money in it. My logic is this: The child will need some assets to establish themselves, get an apartment, a job etc, because the GD $500 they hand out is a joke. The money should be unconditional - if they want to piss it away on the bridge, that's their prerogative. Hopefully, they will be smart enough to use it wisely, and start a new life.

I read in the latest Rolling Stone an article about a family that disowned their daughter who was doing really well in college, but discovered she was gay. And in a night's misadventure, pictures of her turned up on face book. So, she decided to call her parents and fess up, rather than let them find out via facebook. When she "came out" on the phone to her Catholic mom, she was hung up on, cut off, her credit cards canceled and was told by her brother to return the car her parents bought for her or it would be reported stolen. After a year of pleading to reopen a com line with them, they told her she had to get counseling and cease being gay. She couldn't and she's never heard from them since. She ultimately did odd jobs, finished college and established a life. But for a while she was homeless.

I was shocked by that article, knowing - I could not be that parent, and if it were my child, and I had passed, I would want my child to have a shot at getting back on his/her feet. But, knowing what the deal is with "our" church - I would roll over in my urn if the reges ever got their hands on my stuff.

I haven't read that, but a young man from Georgia was disowned last week by his religious parents for being gay. They're probably not happy that their conversation was secretly recorded & it has gone viral.

[video=youtube;1df_i26wh-w]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1df_i26wh-w[/video]

A friend started a fundraisng account for Daniel asking for $2,000. It has raised $93,765.00 thus far.

http://www.gofundme.com/dnoqgg
 

Helena Handbasket

Gold Meritorious Patron
I haven't read that, but a young man from Georgia was disowned last week by his religious parents for being gay. They're probably not happy that their conversation was secretly recorded & it has gone viral.
Every gay person makes a choice. They either choose to live as gay or to hide their gayness, and live a straight life, while at the same time continuing to be inwardly gay.

And every LBT has the same choice.

And, by the way, **** God.

Helena
 

R2-45

Silver Meritorious Patron
Talk to a lawyer about setting up a trust.

Certain conditions may placed on the disbursement of what's held in the trust.

Conditions like: No job, no money. Work less than 35 hours a week on average over a month at a real job, less money. Maybe school is paid for and an apartment plus pen money, but if no attend classes, no money. Stuff like that.
 

Leland

Crusader
My parents cut me off, money wise....out of a Will and a Trust..........due to me being a scientologist......
 

programmer_guy

True Ex-Scientologist
Talk to a lawyer about setting up a trust.

Certain conditions may placed on the disbursement of what's held in the trust.

Conditions like: No job, no money. Work less than 35 hours a week on average over a month at a real job, less money. Maybe school is paid for and an apartment plus pen money, but if no attend classes, no money. Stuff like that.

Yes, a Will is very different than a Trust.
A Will disperses everything within a short period. A Will is simple.
A Trust is used to appoint continuing management of the estate, according to specific stipulations, after death (which costs more money for management).
 
If that's what they want, I'd set up a trust where the child would get maybe $100 a week while in the SO, so they could at least buy toiletries and a few creature comforts. If they get out, the amount goes up. But no lump sums. (There are some companies that will give you a lump sum if you agree to turn over all future payments to them. I'm not sure what to do about that.)
- the problem we are discussing is that they've disconnected from the parents. So, they are cut off - they receive nothing in the way of com etc. from the parents, even if the parents have forgiven them, and want desperately to be in communication.. Scientology will go out of it's way to keep any flow from the parents cut off, including a weekly stipend.

This is about this: How should I help my child when he /she leaves the SO after I have died, and are destitute? Or even if you are still alive. Should you help them despite their having disconnected?

I think of my cousin, he was an inveterate drug user and mooch. Could (or would) never hold down a job. His dad paid his rent for an apartment for years. He didn't want his son to be homeless, but he also didn't want to support his drug habit either. When his dad passed, he wanted his "share" of the inheritance in a lump sum, but his brothers were smarter than that. But it didn't last long. The money was divided, the estate settled, and my cousin was on his own for real. There just wasn't that much left in the kitty.

That's an interesting solution to being responsible for a child on one hand, but hugely unfair to his other 3 children who weren't having their rents paid in an equal fashion.

Mimsey
 
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He-man

Hero extraordinary
- the problem we are discussing is that they've disconnected from the parents. So, they are cut off - they receive nothing in the way of com etc. from the parents, even if the parents have forgiven them, and want desperately to be in communication.. Scientology will go out of it's way to keep any flow from the parents cut off, including a weekly stipend.

This is about this: How should I help my child when he /she leaves the SO after I have died, and are destitute? Or even if you are still alive. Should you help them despite their having disconnected?

Mimsey

In some countries you are allowed to make a will that disinherits children. In some you can't.

I do believe you are allowed to set up a Thrust when you are alive and transfer all/most of your assets to it, wich stipulates how and what can be doen with the money.

I fail to see the issue. :confused2:

Set it up so that they only receive money if they agree to provide the Trustee with all their finacial information. If anything goes to Scientology or if a certain amount of money is unaccounted for they are cut off from the cashflow.
 

R2-45

Silver Meritorious Patron
Contact a lawyer specializing in "future interests" area of law.

It's complex topic.
 

phenomanon

Canyon
This thread is very timely for me, as we are in process, as I type, of setting up our financial 'scene' for Retirement next Spring.
Part of these plans include Wills, Power of Atty's, Medical dispositions and the like.
I made a Will many years ago splitting my half of assets between my 2 children. Since then, and for the last 30 years, my Daughter is disconnected from me. She is almost 60 yrs old, and has already inherited a sustainable sum from my ex husband.
I , at this time, am not inclined to leave anything to her, notinclined to even notify her of my death. She doesn't care.
On the other hand, I have 3 Greatgrandchildren ( by another Daughter) to whom I want to give a 'leg up' when I die. I am thinking to leave everything to them. I have to make this decision this week, as our Advisor wants the paperwork done.
Any advice?
 
This thread is very timely for me, as we are in process, as I type, of setting up our financial 'scene' for Retirement next Spring.
Part of these plans include Wills, Power of Atty's, Medical dispositions and the like.
I made a Will many years ago splitting my half of assets between my 2 children. Since then, and for the last 30 years, my Daughter is disconnected from me. She is almost 60 yrs old, and has already inherited a sustainable sum from my ex husband.
I , at this time, am not inclined to leave anything to her, notinclined to even notify her of my death. She doesn't care.
On the other hand, I have 3 Greatgrandchildren ( by another Daughter) to whom I want to give a 'leg up' when I die. I am thinking to leave everything to them. I have to make this decision this week, as our Advisor wants the paperwork done.
Any advice?
So, you feel she is unlikely to change her belief and will remain a Scio. till the end, as well as, she has no need of your assets. So revise the will and remove her from it. Then in your revised will, you can specify who it goes to. A lawyer can help you draw something up. There's all kinds of questions to consider - how old are the grand kids, do you want your stuff sold and the cash split between them? Do you want it to go to their education, etc.

When my mom passed we sold her house, and split the proceeds and her stocks between us. It was simple and fair, but not everybody works that way. I heard of a pair of daughters that inherited a 1.5 mil house. One wanted the house, and offered the other $250K to buy her out. They aren't talking any longer.

If MSH can leave her house to her dog and then, when the dog dies, give it to her kids, you can do anything you want.

Mimsey
 

Leland

Crusader
So, you feel she is unlikely to change her belief and will remain a Scio. till the end, as well as, she has no need of your assets. So revise the will and remove her from it. Then in your revised will, you can specify who it goes to. A lawyer can help you draw something up. There's all kinds of questions to consider - how old are the grand kids, do you want your stuff sold and the cash split between them? Do you want it to go to their education, etc.

When my mom passed we sold her house, and split the proceeds and her stocks between us. It was simple and fair, but not everybody works that way. I heard of a pair of daughters that inherited a 1.5 mil house. One wanted the house, and offered the other $250K to buy her out. They aren't talking any longer.

If MSH can leave her house to her dog and then, when the dog dies, give it to her kids, you can do anything you want.

Mimsey

Hi,

You also might consider leaving some $ to your scientology daughter.....IN THE CARE and Control of another of your children/grandchildren....in case she decides to leave the cult...5, 10, 15 years from now. (and is truly out and won't ever go back.) If she never gets out in her lifetime....that money could then revert to your other children.

It is a bit of a burden to the other child...to "be in charge" of the money....but might provide you with some peace of mind.

If your daughter ever gets out....she will most likely need financial help....and she might have other problems....like keeping a roof over her head or being able to hold a job.

Just a thought.
 
Hi,

You also might consider leaving some $ to your scientology daughter.....IN THE CARE and Control of another of your children/grandchildren....in case she decides to leave the cult...5, 10, 15 years from now. (and is truly out and won't ever go back.) If she never gets out in her lifetime....that money could then revert to your other children.

It is a bit of a burden to the other child...to "be in charge" of the money....but might provide you with some peace of mind.

If your daughter ever gets out....she will most likely need financial help....and she might have other problems....like keeping a roof over her head or being able to hold a job.

Just a thought.
Leland - reread her post - the daughter got a sizable inheritance when Phenomanon's ex husband passed away. She doesn't need the cash, but her other daughters children could. Mimsey
 

Leland

Crusader
Leland - reread her post - the daughter got a sizable inheritance when Phenomanon's ex husband passed away. She doesn't need the cash, but her other daughters children could. Mimsey

True Mimsey, I just kinda jumped into the middle of a thread as usual....

But, consider....knowing the orgs and how they operate.....no matter the size of the inheritance.....it could all be taken away by a sharp reg at the org.....and be gone.
 
Leland, That's exactly what she doesn't want to happen. And I don't blame her either.

Speaking of that - I know of a woman - her husband passed away. Then the org managed to get her inheritance by getting her to join the SO. Well, she was too old to cut it, and was routed out. Penniless, since they had gotten her to donate all of her assets. Since she was a house wife all her life, she had no means or skills to support herself and lives off the generosity of her kids. Heartless bastards. The sad part? She thinks she did the right thing.

Mimsey
 

DeeAnna

Patron Meritorious
Trusts are only complex to we laypeople. An attorney who specializes in them just asks a bunch of questions about what you want. S/he then will usually make suggestions and will educate you on the basics.
 
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