Auditor's Toad
Clear as Mud
And that ad they ran?
matched my opinion of that outfit.....wacko !!
matched my opinion of that outfit.....wacko !!
What's wrong with this Scientology Ad?
- Thread starter HelluvaHoax!
- Start date
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Stat
Gold Meritorious Patron
"Rare and discontinued jewelry items" - Hurry Up!
Got an email today, from the old friend Patrick:
"Hi (Stat),
I recently uncovered some rare and discontinued jewelry items in our warehouse and wanted to let you know about them. Wow!!!
The unique thing about these bracelets, rings, pendants, etc., is they will never be produced again -
- so what we have left has been marked down by as much as 40% from the original price. Never be produced again... I better hurry!
This is good timing for the holidays - in case you or someone you know would be interested in something like this! It sure is a good timing, Pat! Thanks!!!
See a list of what we have in stock below ...
Remember, what you see in this email is literally going to be sold out in hours, so if there's something you want, please put the order in right away!
You can also call our direct order line 323-899-1034. OMG, dialing the number right fucking theta now!
Sincerely,
Patrick Howson
Mail Order Manager
Bridge Publications, Inc.
SCIENTOLOGY SAPPHIRE BRACELET 33LS-3
Sterling Silver, with 18 Sapphires (9 LEFT)
SCIENTOLOGY RUBY BRACELET 33LS-3
Sterling Silver, with 18 Rubies (2 LEFT)
SCIENTOLOGY BRACELET SOLID SMALL 17-1
14 Karat Gold (1 LEFT!)
OT RING MEN'S LARGE 25-6 (BLUE ENAMEL)
14 Karat Gold (2 LEFT)
OT PENDANT 11M (SOLID BACK)
14 Karat Gold (ONLY 1 LEFT!)
There are a few more amazing rarity items, but I got tired uploading all this theta.
Prices are available too somewhere, but I am too tired to provide the links either. Sorry.
Besides, since there are only so very few of them left, ya'all are probably shit out of luck anyway.
(Although, if you contact Patrick himself, he might sincerely look around that dusty warehouse just for you and...
You never know, you know. I am sure the savings are incredible. Just a hint.)
Seriously, though, WHAT THE FUCK?! Get a bit more real, Patrick. Even your FB fans are probably cringing right now.
Have a nice day in a warehouse or wherever you are. Hope, you will use your Internet access a bit smarter some day soon, for your own sake. Cheers.
Got an email today, from the old friend Patrick:
"Hi (Stat),
I recently uncovered some rare and discontinued jewelry items in our warehouse and wanted to let you know about them. Wow!!!
The unique thing about these bracelets, rings, pendants, etc., is they will never be produced again -
- so what we have left has been marked down by as much as 40% from the original price. Never be produced again... I better hurry!
This is good timing for the holidays - in case you or someone you know would be interested in something like this! It sure is a good timing, Pat! Thanks!!!
See a list of what we have in stock below ...
Remember, what you see in this email is literally going to be sold out in hours, so if there's something you want, please put the order in right away!
You can also call our direct order line 323-899-1034. OMG, dialing the number right fucking theta now!
Sincerely,
Patrick Howson
Mail Order Manager
Bridge Publications, Inc.
SCIENTOLOGY SAPPHIRE BRACELET 33LS-3
Sterling Silver, with 18 Sapphires (9 LEFT)
SCIENTOLOGY RUBY BRACELET 33LS-3
Sterling Silver, with 18 Rubies (2 LEFT)
SCIENTOLOGY BRACELET SOLID SMALL 17-1
14 Karat Gold (1 LEFT!)
OT RING MEN'S LARGE 25-6 (BLUE ENAMEL)
14 Karat Gold (2 LEFT)
OT PENDANT 11M (SOLID BACK)
14 Karat Gold (ONLY 1 LEFT!)
There are a few more amazing rarity items, but I got tired uploading all this theta.
Prices are available too somewhere, but I am too tired to provide the links either. Sorry.
Besides, since there are only so very few of them left, ya'all are probably shit out of luck anyway.
(Although, if you contact Patrick himself, he might sincerely look around that dusty warehouse just for you and...
You never know, you know. I am sure the savings are incredible. Just a hint.)
Seriously, though, WHAT THE FUCK?! Get a bit more real, Patrick. Even your FB fans are probably cringing right now.
Have a nice day in a warehouse or wherever you are. Hope, you will use your Internet access a bit smarter some day soon, for your own sake. Cheers.
Last edited:
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
"I recently uncovered some rare and discontinued jewelry items in our warehouse and wanted to let you know about them."
TRANSLATION: We are stuck with unsold merchandise and unable to solve that problem. We want to stick you with them now.
"The unique thing about these bracelets, rings, pendants, etc., is they will never be produced again."
TRANSLATION: Nobody would buy them so we will never produce them again. The only thing unique about them is that they are the ones that nobody wanted. If people wanted these, we sure as hell would not be desperately discounting them. And we'd be making them 24 hours a day with S.O. slave labor at Golden Earring Productions.
TRANSLATION: We are stuck with unsold merchandise and unable to solve that problem. We want to stick you with them now.
"The unique thing about these bracelets, rings, pendants, etc., is they will never be produced again."
TRANSLATION: Nobody would buy them so we will never produce them again. The only thing unique about them is that they are the ones that nobody wanted. If people wanted these, we sure as hell would not be desperately discounting them. And we'd be making them 24 hours a day with S.O. slave labor at Golden Earring Productions.
Stat
Gold Meritorious Patron
Here it comes again.
Another exciting email:
Hello (Stat)!
I wanted you to get a chance to see this new edition Chestnut Mark Super VII Quantum E-Meter (see below). Umm, Chestnut sounds intriguing!
There was a recent one-time production run done of this specific color and a few are now available for general public sale direct from Bridge Publications.
WoW! A one-time production!
It comes with a bronze Halliburton case and looks beautiful!
Cool!!!
See the picture here:
Some of the features include:
* The meter comes with a special bronze Haliburton Zero carrying case.
* Inside the case is lined with special black velvet and includes an elegant Scientology logo embroidered under the lid
* This edition includes all standard accessories (6 pairs of cans, leads, calibrator, cleaning wipes, charger)
* There are only a few in stock and only available direct from Bridge Publications.
* Shipping & handling is free to anywhere in the world.
Order Information:
The last few are being sold at the following special rate:
• Regular Price: $5280
• Special Price: $3685
• You Save: $1595
This price includes the delivery cost and all of the standard meter accessories with any brand new E-Meter.
Remember, there are only a few available so be sure to contact us right away if you are interested in ordering!
Sincerely,
Patrick Howson
Mail Order Manager
Bridge Publications, Inc.
(323) 899-1034
Chestnut color
Another exciting email:
Hello (Stat)!
I wanted you to get a chance to see this new edition Chestnut Mark Super VII Quantum E-Meter (see below). Umm, Chestnut sounds intriguing!
There was a recent one-time production run done of this specific color and a few are now available for general public sale direct from Bridge Publications.
WoW! A one-time production!
It comes with a bronze Halliburton case and looks beautiful!
Cool!!!
See the picture here:
Some of the features include:
* The meter comes with a special bronze Haliburton Zero carrying case.
* Inside the case is lined with special black velvet and includes an elegant Scientology logo embroidered under the lid
* This edition includes all standard accessories (6 pairs of cans, leads, calibrator, cleaning wipes, charger)
* There are only a few in stock and only available direct from Bridge Publications.
* Shipping & handling is free to anywhere in the world.
Order Information:
The last few are being sold at the following special rate:
• Regular Price: $5280
• Special Price: $3685
• You Save: $1595
This price includes the delivery cost and all of the standard meter accessories with any brand new E-Meter.
Remember, there are only a few available so be sure to contact us right away if you are interested in ordering!
Sincerely,
Patrick Howson
Mail Order Manager
Bridge Publications, Inc.
(323) 899-1034
Chestnut color
Last edited:
Ogsonofgroo
Crusader
Another exciting email:
Hello (Stat)!
I wanted you to get a chance to see this new edition Chestnut Mark Super VII Quantum E-Meter (see below). Umm, Chestnut sounds intriguing!
There was a recent one-time production run done of this specific color and a few are now available for general public sale direct from Bridge Publications.
WoW! A one-time production!
It comes with a bronze Halliburton case and looks beautiful!
Cool!!!
See the picture here:
Some of the features include:
* The meter comes with a special bronze Haliburton Zero carrying case.
* Inside the case is lined with special black velvet and includes an elegant Scientology logo embroidered under the lid
* This edition includes all standard accessories (6 pairs of cans, leads, calibrator, cleaning wipes, charger)
* There are only a few in stock and only available direct from Bridge Publications.
* Shipping & handling is free to anywhere in the world.
Order Information:
The last few are being sold at the following special rate:
• Regular Price: $5280
• Special Price: $3685
• You Save: $1595
This price includes the delivery cost and all of the standard meter accessories with any brand new E-Meter.
Remember, there are only a few available so be sure to contact us right away if you are interested in ordering!
Sincerely,
Patrick Howson
Mail Order Manager
Bridge Publications, Inc.
(323) 899-1034
Chestnut color
Hm, reminds me of some cheap plastic kid's game from the 50's-60's.... BUT!!!
~1,595.00$!~
You save!
Orly?
Stat
Gold Meritorious Patron
That, plus a poopy "Chestnut" color.
"* Shipping & handling is free to anywhere in the world."
Mine was always black and I still don't feel like touching it. Oh, well.
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Talking about Scientology selling diamond and gem-studded JEWELRY.....
Isn't it delicious that if you asked ANYONE in Scientology if it was greatest good--or an overt--for a Scientologist to buy expensive jewelry, they would answer without a com lag.
But if the mest trinkets have some kind of Scientology symbol on them (e.g. "OT") then it is the most ethical thing a person can spend money on.
Helluva Hypocrites, Scientologists are!
Isn't it delicious that if you asked ANYONE in Scientology if it was greatest good--or an overt--for a Scientologist to buy expensive jewelry, they would answer without a com lag.
ETHICAL SCIENTOLOGIST
Why of course, it would be out ethics to
be buying mest trinkets for their meat body!
Why of course, it would be out ethics to
be buying mest trinkets for their meat body!
But if the mest trinkets have some kind of Scientology symbol on them (e.g. "OT") then it is the most ethical thing a person can spend money on.
Helluva Hypocrites, Scientologists are!
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Dear Zinj
Thanks for your Christmas wish. I haven't yet found exactly what you wanted.
I am wondering if this will do. It's pretty close...
ML,
Santa Cause
Sea Org Dork
Free Being Me
Crusader
To funny HH! But to truly make that e-meter useful, add some voltage, hang the cans from a porch light and you have...a bug zapper.
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
To funny HH! But to truly make that e-meter useful, add some voltage, hang the cans from a porch light and you have...a bug zapper.
LOLOL
Great moments in E-Meter History:
(1946) Nuclear Physicists in post-war Germany
confirm Ron Hubbard's E-Meter research breakthrough!
"Yah, vell, dis meetah izt dual purpose, yah?
Vee can zap da bugs, yah?
Und vee can zap da bts, yah?
Vat a vin! ZAP-ety-doo-dah!"
confirm Ron Hubbard's E-Meter research breakthrough!
"Yah, vell, dis meetah izt dual purpose, yah?
Vee can zap da bugs, yah?
Und vee can zap da bts, yah?
Vat a vin! ZAP-ety-doo-dah!"
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