Why do staff members accept being abused for so many years?

jerryf25

Patron

One of the aspects of scientology that probably puzzles non-scientologists is why staff members sometimes stay and experience years (or decades) of being abused.


Examples of influences on staff members to put up with being abused year after year:

1. Fear of losing contact with children and other relatives

2. Believing that the church of scientology has the only effective method to achieve individual salvation and reform of society.

3. Having nothing to compare the scientology lifestyle to; for example, being born to parents who were scientology staff members

4. No money or outside friends or relatives to assist them if they left the church

5. Having little or no experience functioning in the outside society

6. Being repeatedly told that you will be unable to succeed in the evil outside world

7. Fear of being punished if caught trying to leave

8. Being constantly guarded and isolated; physically prevented from leaving

9. Guilt feelings resulting from the emphasis on searching for your own misdeeds, rather than acknowledging misconduct by church executives

10. Wanting to stay in and fix what they see as wrong



Justifications for staying in:
  • Yeah, there are some problems with church management, but the good outweighs the bad.
  • Maybe it will get better.
  • Hubbard might reincarnate and straighten things out.


My cognitions about the unworkability and hypocrisy of scientology did not occur until after developing caring relationships with a woman in the Sea Org and her children. After three years of robotic obedience, love helped reawaken rationality in my mind.


Amy Scobee, in “Abuse At The Top,” described having a breakthrough cognition during an ethics interview in 2002:

I was routed to the Ethics Department after my removal [from post] and asked, “What out-ethics situation are you involved in?”
. . .
I thought long and hard. I actually wanted to know the answer because I was very unhappy and heading nowhere fast.

Then it hit me – I realized what I had been doing that was out-ethics: I had been rationalizing insanities!

When I spotted this, I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. I suddenly felt so empowered. It answered everything that had been eating at me for years. I had a built-in mechanism whereby I would see something odd, something that shouldn’t be or even outright evil and destructive acts and in my mind I would somehow “justify” or figure out reasons why it was okay to be that way.” (pp. 152-153)​


In the thread Leaving, Alan Walter shared realizations he had during an O/W write-up that led to him leaving the church:

“ . . . my umtee-umpth O/W write-up - feeling like I was the biggest criminal on Earth . . .
I decided to write up all my criminal actions.....
I sat there pen in hand, a couple of hundred blank sheets of paper.
I sat and scanned my life........outside of stealing money out of my mother's purse......and several speeding tickets......nothing. Duh!
. . .
it was just a matter of stripping away the false programming and finding the wrong items. I guess the biggest wrong item was "my reach and my abilities were overts."

I did one other action which was to find the correct items. I did this by writing-up my abilities, life skills and assets.
This positive action helped run out a tremendous amount of invalidation, and my power and reach came back.
That was it......I retired from Scio.
Walked away.
Basically it has been UP ever since.


Leaving scientology is a process, usually not a one-shot decision. Amy had the above cognition in 2002, yet did not leave until 2005. Years of habits and thought control do not disappear overnight.

Jerry
 
part of it is that it's not just 24/7 abuse, there's some very big time fun that isn't readily available elsewhere; intense activity, intense friendship. i had a ball while i was in but NO!!! don't fuck with the constitution muthuhfukkah and other things. no. en. oh. no
 

Queenmab321

Patron Meritorious

One of the aspects of scientology that probably puzzles non-scientologists is why staff members sometimes stay and experience years (or decades) of being abused.


Examples of influences on staff members to put up with being abused year after year:

1. Fear of losing contact with children and other relatives

2. Believing that the church of scientology has the only effective method to achieve individual salvation and reform of society.

3. Having nothing to compare the scientology lifestyle to; for example, being born to parents who were scientology staff members

4. No money or outside friends or relatives to assist them if they left the church

5. Having little or no experience functioning in the outside society

6. Being repeatedly told that you will be unable to succeed in the evil outside world

7. Fear of being punished if caught trying to leave

8. Being constantly guarded and isolated; physically prevented from leaving

9. Guilt feelings resulting from the emphasis on searching for your own misdeeds, rather than acknowledging misconduct by church executives

10. Wanting to stay in and fix what they see as wrong



Justifications for staying in:

  • Yeah, there are some problems with church management, but the good outweighs the bad.
  • Maybe it will get better.
  • Hubbard might reincarnate and straighten things out.


My cognitions about the unworkability and hypocrisy of scientology did not occur until after developing caring relationships with a woman in the Sea Org and her children. After three years of robotic obedience, love helped reawaken rationality in my mind.


Amy Scobee, in “Abuse At The Top,” described having a breakthrough cognition during an ethics interview in 2002:
I was routed to the Ethics Department after my removal [from post] and asked, “What out-ethics situation are you involved in?”
. . .
I thought long and hard. I actually wanted to know the answer because I was very unhappy and heading nowhere fast.

Then it hit me – I realized what I had been doing that was out-ethics: I had been rationalizing insanities!

When I spotted this, I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. I suddenly felt so empowered. It answered everything that had been eating at me for years. I had a built-in mechanism whereby I would see something odd, something that shouldn’t be or even outright evil and destructive acts and in my mind I would somehow “justify” or figure out reasons why it was okay to be that way.” (pp. 152-153)​


In the thread Leaving, Alan Walter shared realizations he had during an O/W write-up that led to him leaving the church:
“ . . . my umtee-umpth O/W write-up - feeling like I was the biggest criminal on Earth . . .
I decided to write up all my criminal actions.....
I sat there pen in hand, a couple of hundred blank sheets of paper.
I sat and scannede my life........outside of stealing money out of my mother's purse......and several speeding tickets......nothing. Duh!
. . .
it was just a matter of stripping away the false programming and finding the wrong items. I guess the biggest wrong item was "my reach and my abilities were overts."

I did one other action which was to find the correct items. I did this by writing-up my abilities, life skills and assets.
This positive action helped run out a tremendous amount of invalidation, and my power and reach came back.
That was it......I retired from Scio.
Walked away.
Basically it has been UP ever since.


Leaving scientology is a process, usually not a one-shot decision. Amy had the above cognition in 2002, yet did not leave until 2005. Years of habits and thought control do not disappear overnight.

Jerry

I think it's remarkable how similar that list of reasons for staying compares to those of women trapped in abusive relationships.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battered_person_syndrome
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader

One of the aspects of scientology that probably puzzles non-scientologists is why staff members sometimes stay and experience years (or decades) of being abused.


Examples of influences on staff members to put up with being abused year after year:

1. Fear of losing contact with children and other relatives

2. Believing that the church of scientology has the only effective method to achieve individual salvation and reform of society.

3. Having nothing to compare the scientology lifestyle to; for example, being born to parents who were scientology staff members

4. No money or outside friends or relatives to assist them if they left the church

5. Having little or no experience functioning in the outside society

6. Being repeatedly told that you will be unable to succeed in the evil outside world

7. Fear of being punished if caught trying to leave

8. Being constantly guarded and isolated; physically prevented from leaving

9. Guilt feelings resulting from the emphasis on searching for your own misdeeds, rather than acknowledging misconduct by church executives

10. Wanting to stay in and fix what they see as wrong



Justifications for staying in:
  • Yeah, there are some problems with church management, but the good outweighs the bad.
  • Maybe it will get better.
  • Hubbard might reincarnate and straighten things out.


My cognitions about the unworkability and hypocrisy of scientology did not occur until after developing caring relationships with a woman in the Sea Org and her children. After three years of robotic obedience, love helped reawaken rationality in my mind.


Amy Scobee, in “Abuse At The Top,” described having a breakthrough cognition during an ethics interview in 2002:

I was routed to the Ethics Department after my removal [from post] and asked, “What out-ethics situation are you involved in?”
. . .
I thought long and hard. I actually wanted to know the answer because I was very unhappy and heading nowhere fast.

Then it hit me – I realized what I had been doing that was out-ethics: I had been rationalizing insanities!

When I spotted this, I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. I suddenly felt so empowered. It answered everything that had been eating at me for years. I had a built-in mechanism whereby I would see something odd, something that shouldn’t be or even outright evil and destructive acts and in my mind I would somehow “justify” or figure out reasons why it was okay to be that way.” (pp. 152-153)​


In the thread Leaving, Alan Walter shared realizations he had during an O/W write-up that led to him leaving the church:

“ . . . my umtee-umpth O/W write-up - feeling like I was the biggest criminal on Earth . . .
I decided to write up all my criminal actions.....
I sat there pen in hand, a couple of hundred blank sheets of paper.
I sat and scanned my life........outside of stealing money out of my mother's purse......and several speeding tickets......nothing. Duh!
. . .
it was just a matter of stripping away the false programming and finding the wrong items. I guess the biggest wrong item was "my reach and my abilities were overts."

I did one other action which was to find the correct items. I did this by writing-up my abilities, life skills and assets.
This positive action helped run out a tremendous amount of invalidation, and my power and reach came back.
That was it......I retired from Scio.
Walked away.
Basically it has been UP ever since.


Leaving scientology is a process, usually not a one-shot decision. Amy had the above cognition in 2002, yet did not leave until 2005. Years of habits and thought control do not disappear overnight.

Jerry

Many years after leaving and many hours of counselling I can now answer that question, for me personally.

I believe I was predisposed towards abuse due to extensive childhood abuse. I probably would have searched it out if it hadn't have come to me, it would have been some other cult, or a viscous lover. I was damaged goods, and not the 'natural clear' I was encouraged to attest to.

That doesn't excuse anything or anyone, but the truth is rather than helping me overcome my 'bank' the cult built on what was already there. We tend to repeat patterns of behaviour, no matter how painful they are. There's cosiness in familiarity even if that familiarity is abusive.

Inside my head was a continuous dialogue. My 'normal' was 'doubt', it never seemed strange that I spent every day fighting the urge to walk out, never to return. I wanted real food, leisure time, romance, hours of athletic sex and most important to find myself again. To find out who I really was, not what the MAA wanted me to say. But the real me had been invalidated nearly out of existence, any purposes were false, and desires were wrong, any hopes were empty, I had become a heartless robot, a quivering coward, and a witless scarecrow rolled into one. Even Dorothy was hiding from me!
 

iHateDuplicity

Patron with Honors
I think it's remarkable how similar that list of reasons for staying compares to those of women trapped in abusive relationships.

I know this is kind of long, but bear with me please.

This point about abuse relationships is spot on. I spent over 20 years working on Class V org staff and the Sea Org, so this is definitely something I have intimate experience with. And since I recruited people on to staff and into the Sea Org, I know what buttons are effective in motivating a person to join and then to stay after they have decided they want to leave. From my experience, it works like this:

(1) a person joins staff or the SO for the very best reasons: to help, to free humankind from the yoke of suppression, to bring about eternal spiritual freedom for themselves and others, etc etc. This is a very high-level purpose for anyone to aspire to. And, as we all know, Hubbard and his ilk feed these purposes with their lies about how Scientology is the One True Path to achieve these ends. Although there are exceptions, I know very few people who joined staff for any other reason. Even the youngsters they recruit now are all charged up about being part of something bigger than themselves who are going to save the world. And NO ONE is aware of just how bad it is when they go in, or they would never join in the first place. All the disadvantages, abuses, etc. are carefully hidden from view.

(2) A key part of joining in the first place is this: you all by your little old lonesome will never ever be able to effect any kind of decent and lasting change upon all of Mankind. You are too small and Mankind is too big. It is required that you be part of the Big Group in order to pull off the Big Win. Hubbard states this in many places, and these references are used to convince a person to become part of the team. Never mind that Hubbard also says in numerous places that it is only the individual who has historically brought about real and effective change in societies, e.g. Alexander, Christ, Thomas Jefferson, Edison, Tesla, etc. This is ignored in favor of the "fact" that it is only organized groups such as Cof$ who will be able to defeat the Group Aberration that is planet Earth. It's crucial a person buy into this.

(3) As we all know, after a short or long period of time, the person goes through the cycle of mental abuse and punishment. At first he believes things like low pay and lack of sleep are temporary and he just has to do "his part" and things will change. The grass is always going to be greener after this evolution, after this program is done, after we overcome this lawsuit, after this new release comes out, etc etc. And let's not forget that purpose. The purpose is senior to everything else. We are all one big team working towards this Big Purpose, so these "little problems" that come up from time to time are just small bumps in the road. Eventually they will go away.

(4) And so, after being lied to over and over and over again, after lying to himself long enough, the person has convinced himself of two things: (a) if he just up and leaves this Big Group he will be detracting from the Big Purpose and could even be thought to be counter to it; and (b) he will be utterly ruined and unable to do anything himself in the Big Bad World and so his dreams (purposes) will be shattered and he'll never be able to achieve them. So he learns to put up with the abuse because it is all part and parcel to pulling off the Big Purpose.

In other words, despite the fact that he is utterly and completely out of control of what is going on around him (in Scilon speak, he is "at utter effect"), he will continue to tell these lies to himself because it would be better than leaving and acknowledging to himself that he is a failure, a loser and will never achieve the Big Purpose. And he KNOWS for an absolute fact that there is nothing he can do about it all by himself, because he bought into that idea when he first joined.

Look at the link in Queenmba321's post and the definition of "learned helplessness": the condition of a human or animal that has learned to behave helplessly, failing to respond even though there are opportunities for it to help itself by avoiding unpleasant circumstances or by gaining positive rewards. Learned Helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses may result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation. Organisms that have been ineffective and less sensitive in determining the consequences of their behavior are defined as having acquired Learned Helplessness.
 

Techless

Patron Meritorious
Simple, obvious, plain (Occams razor) answer is they have some degree of masochism going on. Whether its self-induced (previously) of an effect of the scn mind-F, would be hard to see it any other way
 

Gib

Crusader
part of it is that it's not just 24/7 abuse, there's some very big time fun that isn't readily available elsewhere; intense activity, intense friendship. i had a ball while i was in but NO!!! don't fuck with the constitution muthuhfukkah and other things. no. en. oh. no

Nobody wants to play ball for an organization that is losing and when one is also losing.

But one can play ball for a losing organization when one is winning.
 

Jump

Operating teatime
Nobody wants to play ball for an organization that is losing and when one is also losing.

But one can play ball for a losing organization when one is winning.


Or one can play ball for a losing organization when one is losing if one thinks everything is working out on the important dynamics because Ron said so. :treadmill: :tumbleweed: :redface:
 

Alle G

Patron with Honors
A battered wife hands over her power to her abuser. She lets him to define her, to define reality for her. She sees the world through his eyes, trying to please him. She walks on egg shells hoping to minimize the abuse.


Scientologists do the same. They let the church to define them, to define reality for them. Church is the sole source of validation, approval and self-worth. They depend on the church spiritually, psychologically, financially, practically (home, children).


This is co-dependency. They call it freedom.
 

jerryf25

Patron
part of it is that it's not just 24/7 abuse, there's some very big time fun that isn't readily available elsewhere; intense activity, intense friendship. i had a ball while i was in but NO!!! don't fuck with the constitution muthuhfukkah and other things. no. en. oh. no

I didn’t feel abused when I was on the PAC EPF or on post at the complex and receiving a tiny salary. I felt energized by thinking I was part of an ethical humanitarian group – until the end, when I started recognizing some lies and hypocrisy. While in, I bought into the ego flattering teachings of “You/We are special and superior with an important mission to accomplish.”
 
Nobody wants to play ball for an organization that is losing and when one is also losing.

But one can play ball for a losing organization when one is winning.

fcdc did very very well while i was there '72-'74, it came undone after i was removed from post...


i won't play ball for an organization that does several things Co$ does
 

Gib

Crusader
fcdc did very very well while i was there '72-'74, it came undone after i was removed from post...


i won't play ball for an organization that does several things Co$ does

same here. The joint I was on-staff at did well for a few years, then the shit hit the fan, and I ejected myself and became free (agent I guess). The joint became bat shit crazy and I couldn't take it anymore as I was becoming bat shit crazy trying to make sense of crazy.

That scene was :no: for me.
 

jerryf25

Patron

. . .

Look at the link in Queenmba321's post and the definition of "learned helplessness": the condition of a human or animal that has learned to behave helplessly, failing to respond even though there are opportunities for it to help itself by avoiding unpleasant circumstances or by gaining positive rewards. Learned Helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses may result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation. Organisms that have been ineffective and less sensitive in determining the consequences of their behavior are defined as having acquired Learned Helplessness.

Thanks for bringing up the learned helplessness angle - explains a lot.



A battered wife hands over her power to her abuser. She lets him to define her, to define reality for her. She sees the world through his eyes, trying to please him. She walks on egg shells hoping to minimize the abuse.

Scientologists do the same. They let the church to define them, to define reality for them. Church is the sole source of validation, approval and self-worth. They depend on the church spiritually, psychologically, financially, practically (home, children).

This is co-dependency. They call it freedom.


I think it's remarkable how similar that list of reasons for staying compares to those of women trapped in abusive relationships.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battered_person_syndrome

A few excerpts from that Wiki article:

. . repeated cycles of violence and reconciliation can result in the following beliefs and attitudes:
  • The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault.
  • The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
. . .
Feelings of depression and passivity may also be created by lack of social support outside of the abusive situation.


Four similarities between that type of domestic abuse and being on staff in scientology:

  • Fear
  • Isolation
  • Dependency
  • Blaming Self


(They vary in severity depending on the type of scientology org.)

1. Fear Of:
  • Being unable to be with or communicate with family
  • Being declared an SP
  • No longer having access to the ONLY way to achieve personal enlightenment
  • Being punished

2. Isolation
  • Physical separation from family members, spouse
  • Pressured not to communicate with anyone who has challenged the party line, including friends and relatives
  • Restricted access to TV, Internet, cell phones
  • Being kept in secluded locations

The Knowledge report system supports isolation and fear: fearful of disclosing – even to friends and relatives - one’s doubts and anything one has done against the rules because one might be reported and punished.

3. Dependency
  • Restrictions on freedom of movement and use of time. Having to ask for permission for the smallest thing or deviation from the schedule – to use the bathroom, a day off, time with relatives
  • Confiscation of IDs, passports, credit cards
  • Not allowed to drive a car; discouraged from learning how to drive
  • Denied access to any significant amount of money

4. Blaming Self
  • Being required to frequently confess overts and withholds
  • The problem is never caused by scientology tech or policy. The problem is YOU. Find your MU or your previous overt that caused this.
 

aegerprimo

Summa Cum Laude
Wow. Excellent thread. Powerful posts here. :thumbsup:

It seems Orgs and the SO attract people for staff with low self esteem. Being part of something bigger than yourself is a self-esteem booster. I joined the SO at 20 years old. I had no life skills, nor did scn training give me any skills to function in the "real world". Over time and being out and far away from scn, I was able to build confidence at being... a person. I found out I am NOT a loser. Even so, I am often the oddball in any group.
 

Alle G

Patron with Honors
Is overboarding denying the abuse or normalizing the abuse?




What about O/w write-up as boundary violation?
 

Xenu's Boyfriend

Silver Meritorious Patron
I sure it's been said, but some people are physically unable to leave. I remember Jesse Prince's testimonial where you shared that he had been tricked into joining the Sea Org and weeks after realizing it wasn't for him and demanding to leave, he was physically restrained, held captive, and required to do physical labor and attend classes until he was brainwashed into thinking he should stay.

I also remember reading years ago that one of the ways that circus elephants are trained is that they are tied with chains to tiny posts hammered into the ground. A baby elephant, no matter how hard it tries, cannot pull the post out. It grows up remember the frustration of pulling and how useless it was to resist. Eventually, when the elephant grown up, you can tie a multi-ton full grown adult to the same post. At this point, the animal could pull a thousand posts out of the ground if it wanted to, and could probably tear the place apart and escape, but it won't even try because of the conditioning.

I always think of that moment when Lisa McPherson was in the hospital after her public breakdown on the highway, when the doctors in the hospital wanted to help her, and even promised to protect her and keep her overnight, but she made the decision to go with her Scientologist "friends" who promised to take care of her - the exact people she was running from. And they took care of her, all right.

That makes me sad every time, whenever I hear her story, I want her to choose differently every time. Hubbard knew that if he got far enough into a man or woman's mind, Scientology would help them imprison themselves.
 

Student of Trinity

Silver Meritorious Patron
My military experience was limited strictly to peacetime training, but it included some fairly grueling courses. We were all volunteers who could quit at any time, and the army wouldn't have done more to discourage us from leaving than a five-minute pep talk from an officer, to see whether we might change our mind. Why did we put up with all that misery? I reckon we were paid a lot better than Scientology staff, but the money alone definitely wasn't worth it.

Part of the motivation was just rising to the challenge. Some courses had high failure and drop-out rates, and passing them was a trophy you could carry for the rest of your life. Proving you could do it, to yourself more than to anyone else, was a reason to stick with it.

More importantly, every trainee was part of a small group of six to ten peers who went through everything together. To quit would have meant letting those people down. We all counted on each other, and knew we could; the flip side of that was, losing the respect of that small group of peers was as terrifying a prospect as death itself. I think that's a basic human instinct, forged in eons of evolution. Our whole biochemistry tells us that being part of the little tribe is life, and being left out is death. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's some selfish-gene-stuff going on there. Letting down the small peer group is actually more frightening than death. That's why armies train the way they do. Small unit cohesion has been proven, for hundreds of years, as the most reliable way of inducing human beings to deliberately risk their lives.

I'm sure that Scientology staff feel something of the same thing, the Sea Org no doubt even more.

Where the army was different, I think, at least in peacetime, was firstly that the training courses never lasted more than about three months. After that you got back to normal life for a while, until the next course or other special duty. Normal military life isn't boot camp. A fair amount of the time, it's a forty-hour week, and after work you go for beer. The pay is decent. Young soldiers usually buy muscle cars, because they can. And even in war, armies do their best to limit the time that units spend on the front line, before getting a break in a safe rear area. Even well-trained veterans go to pieces if that system breaks down, and proper armies know that.

How much of a break do Scientology staff get, between panics? Is it really all panic, all the time?

The other thing that was important in hard military training, I think, was that we could usually see the point in what we were doing. Sometimes not, and that was always what was hardest on morale. The sense that we were only suffering because some superior was being stupid or cruel was really corrosive; it made us question everything. But when we could see that we were really learning to do something difficult, and acquiring skills that worked, we were willing to put up with a lot.

I expect that this would work at least a bit for Scientology staff, at least in the early stages. Hubbard's 'Admin Tech' is quite stupid, as far as I can see, but it's laid out as a set of ropes that one can learn. There must have been some sense of progress, at least initially, and this would have kept up morale.
 

iHateDuplicity

Patron with Honors
How much of a break do Scientology staff get, between panics? Is it really all panic, all the time?

Org staff and especially Sea Org staff do not ever get a break. Things are always totally insane, breakneck speed. There is always a "flap" or an "emergency" of some kind being generated which must be handled NOW NOW NOW.

When there is a gain or a significant stat actaully goes up, then the attitude is that any expansion is never enough expansion, any win is never a big enough win, every gain is never enough of a gain. The trap is that they are "never doing enough."

When your whole life is judged against the maxim: "When your head hits the pillow at night, you have to ask yourself: did I do enough? Did I work hard enough?" And of course, when you are in the cult mindset that no matter how good you do or how hard you work, you could have or should have been doing more, then you are never satisfied.

And while some completely insane people might think this is a great atmosphere to motivate people to work harder, it is in fact the perfect mindfuck to ensure you never have a moment of clarity and realize how batshit crazy you have become.
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'd say it is for the same reasons someone stays with an abusive partner . . . .First the psychology is there, not feeling quite good enough, like others are more or better. A magnetic attraction, between abuser and abused - a 'fit' - hand in glove.

And then the manipulation, to beat down even the self esteem and self respect one does have, that sense of self, and what is right, and good, so begin to believe deserve the punishment and abuse . . . The entire time being convinced, somehow - this - the abusive relationship - is better, superior to (making it alone in) the REAL world . . . Those 'out there' are losers . . . .

Then the fear sets in - at least ya got 'something' which is better than nothing, which is what ya start believing is the only other option. This - abuse - or nothing . . . . :unsure::nervous:

Even an abused dog won't run away, unless compelled by some extraordinary event, like almost being beaten to death, or being starved. Same thing with people - they think THEY are not good enough to be loved, and if only they could FIX what is wrong with themselves, everything would get better and be OK.

Not everyone gets away. Many die there, at the hands of the abusers - the abuse - the co$/scno. The ones who get out, survive, are the ones who finally figure it out - just WHO it is who isn't good enough, just WHO it is who are the real losers. They escape, and LIVE. And they find life is good, really good, and that the losers are the abusers.

And the experience brings one a whole new sense of compassion and kindness - and for what counts in REAL life, and it isn't lording it over other beings, it isn't power over others, imprisoning souls :no: (which is the only way losers can 'keep' anyone) . . .

It's about embracing and loving others - as equals. Compassion, kindness, understanding and sharing - and FREEDOM, lack of fear, openness, no secrecy - and CHOICES.
 
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