Again, I think what is really hard is that it does seem to work, and yes there were things that happened that were amazing miracles, but every 700 Club episode will share similar stories. Every belief and every religion can show somebody talking about amazing changes. When you're in it, it's hard.
When I audited folks, I saw some amazing things. I had pc's who broke down in tears, thanking me for saving their life. So, I thought I was the only one that fucked up.
Then I started reading pc folders. I had to do a quick session on someone who was messed up or perhaps red-tagged and didn't have the time for a full folder study. Conscientious as I was... I did follow through later, and she was chasing down the same fucking chains she'd run a bunch of times. I started seeing pc's get off the same whole-track overts, over and over again. All of them felt relief... all of them were 'blown out'.
It wasn't adding up, and I wasn't ready to crack the cognitive dissonance, but something wasn't right. Funny that LRH said "look, don't listen", but I started seeing stuff in folders (and I looked at old folders on file to see if was a new thing)... and I met so many people that got such 'tremendous case gain', but they really weren't that much different than when they started in Scio.
Every damn thing that spoke to non-workability was a mis-direction. It was either out-tech or out-ethics or PTSness. One never truly got to evaluate the tech itself. It took me a whole bunch of years to admit I was wrong and the tech didn't work. I think if it did work, and that if it was just mis-application or SPs, it'd have been a lot easier to swallow. I'd really like to take back the endless hours I used to spend listening to tapes.... or reading HCOBs and PLs for hours on end.