Seriously? There's a limit? How come I never knew this?
I think you just cured me of my insomnia!!!
Your story is fascinating. Please continue soon.
Haha! I wish I could cure myself of it. Since I haven't, here's a little more of my story.
So off she went to be a Flag Rep at another org out of state. We would talk on the phone I pretty much every day. Not too long after that I was sent to a bigger org to be their Flag Rep and I went in with a Mission. That org had some pretty crazy stuff going on, people were getting declared, etc. The Mission I/C caught me talking on the phone with my wife in the middle of the day and I had to do an ethics handling. So I could only call her after post and even then we were working late so I didn't get to talk to her much. Some time after the mission left, and I was the only S.O. member around, it started to go badly for me and my wife. It isn't hard to wonder seeing as I had only known her a few months, it was my first real relationship, we were in different states, in the S.O., in Scn, etc. etc. etc. So after a few months called it quits and got a divorce. She left the S.O. a few months later and I've never heard from her since.
So I continued my duties of trying to execute crazy programs from crazy people up in management. All the time still stuck with this burden of wanting to be a woman and not knowing what to do about it. And, predictably, things started to go down hill for me again. I remember a project came to my org with to women S.O. members. Since I had an apartment with another bedroom they stayed with me for a week or so. One day I went to the apartment in the middle of the day when they weren't there. I went into their room and put on some of their clothes so I could fantasize about being a woman, at least for just a moment. This probably seems crazy to anyone reading this and it's pretty crazy to me too looking back at it, but I was so desperate to get that feeling.
The months passed by and I started getting more and more depressed. I would sometimes go to the local river and try to get a grip but it never really worked. Until finally one night I got in my car and just started driving. To this day I don't know where I went exactly, but I found some mountains. I wanted to just drive off a cliff or jump off of a bridge, but I couldn't find somewhere that would do the trick. I certainly didn't want to drive off the road in some crash and live. After a while I gave up, parked somewhere and just sat there for a while. I remember being so lonely. I don't think I can describe how lonely I was. I didn't have any friends, I was too dedicated to bring my S.O. problems to my family. I had no one to talk to. So I drove back to the org just in time to get back on post. There was another mission in the org at that time and the Mission I/C was a fairly nice lady. So I told her I was suicidal, yada, yada, yada and, presto!, I was on a plane back to Base.
When I got back I thought I would be treated with some sort of compassion and sympathy. I remember all I wanted to do was get in session. I didn't want to do another ethics handling or O/W write up. Bets or wagers anyone on what happened? Well, firstly I was in trouble for abandoning my post, I was told I was getting a Comm Ev and I was orered to do an ethics handling and O/Ws! Yippe! :roll: No one was kind to me, or ever said, "We'll get you through this." I was just treated sort of as garbage. I mean how insensitive can you be. I was simply an asset either to be "fixed" or discarded if I couldn't be.
Well, I took it like a good little robot and I did my ethics handling, O/Ws, etc. And when my Comm Ev was done, I did some more ethics handlings. But there was one part of my Comm Ev that I did like at the time. One recommendation was to get in session on something or other. I did everything else but couldn't get in session because the staff auditors were all busy with other pcs and I was back-burner. And when I didn't get in session, again I got in trouble. Because it was my fault I didn't get them to audit me. Lame!
After a little while they figured I could be a cog in the machine again and I went on a post at the Base. And of course nothing had changed with me despite all the magical handlings. So it was just a matter of time before it would all come crashing down again....
I must end again for the night. I hope this post isn't lamely written. I couldn't fall asleep (what's new?) so I decided to write. But my brain feels kind of mushy so hopefully things came out all right.
), but I guess I thought that was for blackmail purposes, not because it was an "overt" per se.
TL
And, if you weren't how would I get know you?
