I met my therapist today

[SweetnessandLight]

Thank God!

I'm so glad you are taking this step and that you found someone that you feel comfortable (well, you know...as much as possible considering past conditioning, and everyone's general reluctance to face their present issues and work on self, etc....) to confide in. YIPPEE!!!

Oh Twinny my darling dear, you have no idea how happy this makes me! You deserve to have the happiest, most peaceful and joyous life experience ever! And it's very possible and doable!!!

I wish you all the best...it will be an adventure! But in a good way! Trust yourself, and trust the process.

In addition, Big Props (much respect) to both you and Emma for being able to work towards greater harmony and understanding here. I so appreciate both of you!

Much Love and Big Hugs to you both!!!

Without breaking any confidences, or violating any of your boundaries, please do let us know how things are going for you from time to time!

$15.00 co-pay is a bargain! Scooooooooooooore!!!! (Like the soccer announcer!)

 

[Good twin]

Sweetness, your post made me giggle. Thanks.

 

[thetabird]

We have got to get together!! You are such a dear person.

 

[Good twin]

We have got to get together!! You are such a dear person.

Yes. I promise we will. Life has been so hectic and I hope you understand. You are important to me and I do know where to find you. I have family that live near you. I will make it happen.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

I like to keep this in mind (helps me to polish up my sanity from time to time ):

 

[Free Being Me]

Dear GT, I'm very happy for you not only seeking help but finding it! That's a huge step and a rewarding one. I've been there so I understand.

I've made plenty of mistakes in my life so I can't and won't judge you for yours regarding this board. I hope you continue to heal on a path that's right for you and... heal some friendships along the way.

 

[The Anabaptist Jacques]

Good Twin,
I'm sorry to hear about your illness.

I know you will fight it and win.

I had hit rock bottom with my physical and mental condition once but I hung in there and am still fighting.

There will be setbacks, but keep cherishing life and keep following your passions.

The best advice I got from a doctor was to concentrate on my passions.

If you love life as much as life loves you then you're halfway there.

I love you and I think I speak for others when I say they love you too.

And all you need is love.

The Anabaptist Jacques

 

[BardoThodol]

I don't know what to say.

I want to say that I'm really happy that you are doing something positive and getting past obstacles and growing and learning about yourself. I want to say that I'm glad that ESMB has helped you and I hope it continues to help you. I want to say that your posts over the journey have been some of the best & most inspirational I've ever read and that ESMB would have been much poorer without you.

But if I say these things, it seems that I come across as disingenuous to you. If I say nothing you think I'm cold. I feel like I can't win.

I guess I just don't understand how you can want to be here and say you even need to be here, but then turn around and say the things you've said about me personally and the board recently. I want to understand and if you could help me understand I'd be grateful.

What I'd like is to draw a line in the sand and call what has gone on previously "the past" and move forward from there. You might think you need ESMB, but ESMB needs you too Good Twin.

You should be married to my wife. This would merely be a warm up for the real fun.

Then again, talking to other guys (males), being married to ANY woman...

As the wife says, "You just take stuff too seriously!" After accusing me of never taking anything seriously.

 

[Arthur Dent]

GT,
I'm happy you've found a therapist you have confidence in and that you have confidence in yourself enough to see one! I don't think that's easy at all given our past indoctrination. Not at all. I'm sorry to hear you have physical troubles as well and I hope this resolves for you. Many have survived cancer, especially now-a-days, although we are still intimidated by it's bullying effects! I wish you all the very best and glad you're taking this time to move along on your journey to real freedom and undoing the octopus-like tentacles the cult can hold on one's mind!

I'm looking to hearing stories from you on how it's going if you'd care to share at any time. I'm also curious how you settled on this one particular therapist or how you discovered one.

I've met one casually thinking I should get her card. One minute into social conversation it was a disaster so I've held off!

Again, best of luck to you!! I can't wait to read how fine it all went!

 

[Good twin]

Thank you all for your kind comments.

Taj I am so happy to know you.

Here's the thing....

My breast surgeon referred me to the psychologist because I burst into tears during my three month follow up. It wasn't about the cancer at all. She told me in my checkup that with ultrasound she couldn't even find the cavity where my tumor was removed. All that she could find was healthy breast tissue. Then...

She asked how things are going in life and I fell apart. She told me that in her opinion I never grieved over my cancer. (true enuff) She said it is common. But I didn't even tell her about the trauma of leaving my faith and lifestyle of thirty two years.

So I made it clear to my therapist that beating cancer is really a pretty non event after leaving Scientology. I still believe that. I've lost a lot and made huge mistakes in my life. Nothing comes close to becoming an Ex Scientologist. Of course I don't recommend anyone stay in the cult. But breaking free is hard to do.

Don't any of you DARE contradict me on this.

 

[Emma]

Don't any of you DARE contradict me on this.

I wouldn't dream of it.


....but.......

Do you think you might have underestimated the effect that finding out you had cancer had on you? Maybe?

 

[StickbyMe]

I think it's remarkable that you were able to overcome this aspect of the conditioning. I've considered therapy, but it's been hammered into me that this is not a viable option. I hope I will eventually find the strength to do what you are now doing.

 

[Good twin]

I wouldn't dream of it.


....but.......

Do you think you might have underestimated the effect that finding out you had cancer had on you? Maybe?

Well....maybe

 

[johnAnchovie]

I think it's remarkable that you were able to overcome this aspect of the conditioning. I've considered therapy, but it's been hammered into me that this is not a viable option. I hope I will eventually find the strength to do what you are now doing.

Do. It is empowering, difficult and not at all like scientfascistology where you are being pressured to look for the 'big win' the 'overwhelming cognition'. I have found it to be a far kinder, far more gentle process, yet at the same time so much more profound than any of my cultic experiences.

Might help also to get rid of that awful avtar you use

 

[uniquemand]

You should be married to my wife. This would merely be a warm up for the real fun.

Then again, talking to other guys (males), being married to ANY woman...

As the wife says, "You just take stuff too seriously!" After accusing me of never taking anything seriously.

LOL. My wife has known me since second grade. I told her, when we married, that there was absolutely NO EXCUSE for not knowing what she had gotten herself into. I was best known for smart-ass comments and practical jokes. Nothing has changed.

 

[Good twin]

Actually, I'm sure I didn't process the emotional burden of cancer in a healthy way. I was manic cancer fighter. I was cheerful and cooperative and even though I cried a bit, mostly I was the "perfect" patient. I had a positive attitude and of course I inspired everyone around me.

I spent much of my time comforting those around me who reacted with sorrow or grief when they found out my diagnosis. It's what I do. It's what we were trained to do. I enjoyed being surrounded by love and compassion. It never occured to me that I should be scared, sad, angry or even concerned. I did a "handling" on myself and my cancer.

That's not normal kids.

 

[BardoThodol]

LOL. My wife has known me since second grade. I told her, when we married, that there was absolutely NO EXCUSE for not knowing what she had gotten herself into. I was best known for smart-ass comments and practical jokes. Nothing has changed.

My Sweetie actually felt despondent for a while because I was treating her so politely and considerately because I was afraid of breaking the relationship. She knew that I was brutal with my best friends and they to me. She felt left out.

It's a hell of a lot more fun being smart assed back and forth with the spouse, not worrying about upsetting the other. Sort of a sign of respect, like you trust the person not to break, trust that they can handle it.

But, being nice has its moments too. Like a lingering kiss. Or a good massage.

 

[Mark A. Baker]

Thank you all for your kind comments.

Taj I am so happy to know you.

Here's the thing....

My breast surgeon referred me to the psychologist because I burst into tears during my three month follow up. It wasn't about the cancer at all. She told me in my checkup that with ultrasound she couldn't even find the cavity where my tumor was removed. All that she could find was healthy breast tissue. Then...

She asked how things are going in life and I fell apart. She told me that in her opinion I never grieved over my cancer. (true enuff) She said it is common. But I didn't even tell her about the trauma of leaving my faith and lifestyle of thirty two years.

So I made it clear to my therapist that beating cancer is really a pretty non event after leaving Scientology. I still believe that. I've lost a lot and made huge mistakes in my life. Nothing comes close to becoming an Ex Scientologist. Of course I don't recommend anyone stay in the cult. But breaking free is hard to do.

Don't any of you DARE contradict me on this.

GT, if you haven't read it already I'm going to make a book recommendation to you: On Death and Dying, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

EKR was the psychiatrist who pioneered in grief counselling. The book specifically addressing the processes of death but is generally applicable to the 'death' of any relationship. ODD is one of the few books which I feel everyone would benefit from reading.

Over the years I've found all of EKR's books to contain a great deal of general benefit to the reader. Her book AIDS is another I especially recommend. It deals with children afflicted with aids and can be especially emotionally powerful even overwhelming. Given all that you are experiencing at present now may not be the best time for you to read that one. But it does raise some very big questions and can be utterly transformative.


Mark A. Baker

 

[auntpat]

Dear Twin,

It seems we share some life incedents. I had Breast cancer about 26 years ago. They did a masectomy. I was in my 50s at the time and it was no biggy to me. I am now battling lung cancer and I know I will win this one, too. If it is another 26 years before cancer raises it's ugly head again, I could care less. I am now 77.

I want to share a funny with you many years ago. My aunt felt that I needed a shrink so she signed me up and paid the 95 dollars. He was weird. He decided that I didn't love myself. So, his answer was that I should masterbate. That would teach me to love my self. The next week he asked me if I had masterbated and I said NO. He went into a long speach about it not being a bad thing to do and my parents or the church was mistaken. I finally got a chance to say somehing, " No I don't care about that I just don't like it. " Why not" he asked. "Because there is nobody to talk to". I answered. I didn't go back the third week.

I am so glad you have a great sane person to talk to. Enjoy the good things that are sure to occur.

Love and Light,
Aunt Pat

 

[Free to shine]

Actually, I'm sure I didn't process the emotional burden of cancer in a healthy way. I was manic cancer fighter. I was cheerful and cooperative and even though I cried a bit, mostly I was the "perfect" patient. I had a positive attitude and of course I inspired everyone around me.

I spent much of my time comforting those around me who reacted with sorrow or grief when they found out my diagnosis. It's what I do. It's what we were trained to do. I enjoyed being surrounded by love and compassion. It never occured to me that I should be scared, sad, angry or even concerned. I did a "handling" on myself and my cancer.

That's not normal kids.

Gawd, you are right! Same here.
I had a few counselling sessions last year and when I talked about how my parents adopted my baby when I was 16 so I could continue on staff she just looked at me and quietly said "you lost your baby, you have never grieved for that". (After her jaw was back in place after hitting the table from hearing the details.) OMG did that open a can of worms! I hadn't ever been able to even look sideways at that properly because as you say "I did a handling on myself". She offered me grief counselling which I didn't do then as too much else was happening at the time but I will perhaps do in the future. I worked a lot of it out by writing, another suggestion she gave me. Bless her.

We need that 'outside' viewpoint sometimes to make things click into place.