Smilla
Ordinary Human
Face, we need some blokes like you in Australia.
Same in Scandinavia - the more the better!
Shooting Stars
- Thread starter afaceinthecrowd
- Start date
Same in Scandinavia - the more the better!
afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
I so enjoy reading all your words. You make me smile!
I am so weary that I have few words of my own to offer. So I shall just indulge in your words instead.
Words! The great connector! I just LOVE them!
Words: they can trap, they can hurt, they can soothe, they can enlighten, they can do so many things. Today they are making me smile.
Thanks a whole bunch, sallydance.
Great Stuff!
I’m a HUGE Peter O’Toole fan.
One of my favorite O’Toole flicks is The Creator which was not a commercial or critical success but, nonetheless, I liked it a lot and have watched it at least a half dozen times.
Jeremy Leven (a practicing Psychologist) wrote the Screenplay as an adaptation from his wonderful Novel of the same title.
There is a poignant scene in the movie were O’Toole—playing Dr. Harry Wolper, a Noble Laureate in Biology—delivers the following line as only O’Toole could;
"Words can be such wonderful things."
Take care, Kiwi.
Face
Mark A. Baker
Sponsor
... BTW, there were a number of colleges in the area so I was in little peril of my little self-indulgent caper being discovered by the lovely young creatures as none of them went to my school, or the same school as each other.
Face
I'm sure.
I know the area. As they say in the deep south; there's good hunting in them thar hills. Myself, I've always been a somewhat reserved individual leading a quiet & contemplative life of private study and introspection.
Mark A. Baker
Gib
Crusader
When I was in college I once had three dates in one day.
Act I: An early morning ride through the mountains on my Royal Enfield Interceptor motorcycle and then up the lifts and breakfast at the ski lodge (it was early Fall so no snow), a barefoot walk in an ice cold creek and a dash back down to take her home and get ready for Act II.
Act II: An afternoon spin around the countryside to a lake in my Datsun 2000 Roadster—top down of course—with a stop at a municipal general aviation airport to watch the planes land and take off, then a pick nick lunch in a rented row boat on the lake and a dash back through the hills and dales to get ready for Act III.
Act III: A drive into the city for dinner at a fabulous Italian restaurant, followed by center orchestra seats for an Elton John Concert during his first US Tour just after the release of his first album…UNFORGETTABLE!!!...followed by dessert & coffee at a French bistro and a leisurly drive home to get ready for Act IV.
Act IV: Arrived 10 minutes late for my Graveyard Shift unloading trucks and stocking shelves at a Supermarket...due to the fact that I just couldn't seem to get our "Goodnight Kiss" right and she patiently and selflessly coached me until I did.
Ah, to be young again!
Whatta grand day!!! Heady stuff for an upper lower class lad a couple years off the farm.
BTW, there were a number of colleges in the area so I was in little peril of my little self-indulgent caper being discovered by the lovely young creatures as none of them went to my school, or the same school as each other.
Face
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13GD78Bmo8s
afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
Well L5, since you’ve been so sweetly candid with me I’m gonna be candid with you…after which most all you Ladies are probably not gonna like me so much anymore.
Yeah, THAT one.
I ain’t that proud about it…gotten me in more trouble than a blind dog in a meat-house. 
Interesting you say that. My second wife had a problem with me treating my children from my first marriage as “Equal” in all matters to my children with her…including paying for college. She was not a working mom so I wasn’t spending dough she had worked for and she was not “sacrificing”—she wore designer clothes and jewelry, made regular trips to the salon, had two cars of her own and travelled first class, etc. I’ve learned that in a marriage there are two kinds of money; “Our Money” and “Her Money”. I’m not gonna comment on my first wife or any further about my wives in specific as it is unfair to them. They were both, as I have said before, fine and decent people, great mothers and good wives.
I think a little bitchy and bossy from a woman is, here and there at the right time and place, a good and helpful thing for a man. Incessant bitchy, bossy, arrogant, superiority, always having to be right and never able to “let it go” is a HUGE turn off for me and she could look like Bo Derek and I’d walk away.
I don’t like those guys, either. Conversely, women that have men “pigeonholed” and “all figured out” and try to relate to me through that filter instead of “seeing me” eventually drive me off.
Love the Dllion.
Believe it or not, I was the neater of the two in both of my marriages. I’m not totally anal retentive but I do like things clean, organized and was not afraid to wash dishes, cloths and clean house. My 2nd wife had a housekeeper, most of our cloths were done at a laundry and I helped with the cooking and she dined out a lot when I was out of town on business. I don’t have any pets and don’t want any. I like animals and have in the past had dogs and cats but a pet doesn’t fit with my current lifestyle. I don’t “need” a woman but I sure enough enjoy their Company, and All That Jazz and Voodoo Y'all Do So Well.
What wears me out in a hurry is “gettin’” when I’m not “givin’”. I’ve, for the most part, always been up front about certain things about me that just aren’t gonna change. Invariably, I get the, “Oh, that’s just fine with me,” or, “I’m Okay with that,” or “We both have things about each other we’ll just have to accept,” only to have my “stuff” become the fuel for continual carping while I, at the same time, have let her “stuff” slide repeatedly and accepted completely. I’m not knocking you Ladies and I know men can do the same shit but if I ain’t doin’ that to you then why are you doin’ that to me? :confused2:
When I was in Grammar and High School I could draw blood with my words—so much so, along with a number of classmates, I actually brought two male teachers (one in 7th Grade and the other in Senior English) to tears. I had a formidable temper and most folks learned not to argue or mess with me in the wrong way unless they wanted to feel some serious emotional pain. I came from a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive home. I was a physically very strong, tuff and off and on aggressive Jock. My Heart was instinctively kind and giving but my Head had become a dagger and battering ram.
When I left home and went a thousand miles away to College I vowed to change and correct this trait that I loathed about myself…I detested hurting others and suffered inside every time I did so. I’ve still got that temper but it takes a whole lot to get me angry. Fighting with my Spouse or Lover disgusts me and if a woman likes to “fight” I’m not the man for her. Vindictiveness is revolting to me…I know where it comes from for I spent much my youth as a fount of it.
I’m a terrible liar, too.
I don’t mind eating crow, honestly. I find myself a never ending source of amusement and hilarity. What I do mind is having crow shoved down my throat or being fed it as a constant diet.
Life is the only game in town so either get yourself ticket, buy a bag of popcorn and find a seat or put on a uniform, tighten up your chin strap and step out on the field.
Backatcha, Babe.
Face
Oh, THAT male ancestral anomaly
(if I got that right . . . ??)
Yeah, THAT one.
I ain’t that proud about it…gotten me in more trouble than a blind dog in a meat-house. Interesting you say that. My second wife had a problem with me treating my children from my first marriage as “Equal” in all matters to my children with her…including paying for college. She was not a working mom so I wasn’t spending dough she had worked for and she was not “sacrificing”—she wore designer clothes and jewelry, made regular trips to the salon, had two cars of her own and travelled first class, etc. I’ve learned that in a marriage there are two kinds of money; “Our Money” and “Her Money”. I’m not gonna comment on my first wife or any further about my wives in specific as it is unfair to them. They were both, as I have said before, fine and decent people, great mothers and good wives.
Me, I think I can be bitchy and bossy, though I do not want to be the boss. I am usually very easy going if I do not have to live with the person,. The minute someone gets bossy with me, or nasty, I give it right back, and that is not a good trait in a female partner . . .
I do not like arrogance and/or superiority . . . .
I think a little bitchy and bossy from a woman is, here and there at the right time and place, a good and helpful thing for a man. Incessant bitchy, bossy, arrogant, superiority, always having to be right and never able to “let it go” is a HUGE turn off for me and she could look like Bo Derek and I’d walk away.
Or men that scorn women by behaving arrogantly/superior. My head tilts down, my eyes narrow, and grow fierce - and - the bond breaks. It might take awhile for me to leave, after something like that, but once the bond is broken, I realize that it is over, whether I like it or not.I can't get it back.
I don’t like those guys, either. Conversely, women that have men “pigeonholed” and “all figured out” and try to relate to me through that filter instead of “seeing me” eventually drive me off.
Love the Dllion.
And I never want to go through heart-break and divorce ever again (either) - and so am not looking to go that road, ya know. And I have lived alone for long enough to now want to live my life for me, my way - like a man does most of his life.Only a man usually has a wife to clean up after / take care of him.
Believe it or not, I was the neater of the two in both of my marriages. I’m not totally anal retentive but I do like things clean, organized and was not afraid to wash dishes, cloths and clean house. My 2nd wife had a housekeeper, most of our cloths were done at a laundry and I helped with the cooking and she dined out a lot when I was out of town on business. I don’t have any pets and don’t want any. I like animals and have in the past had dogs and cats but a pet doesn’t fit with my current lifestyle. I don’t “need” a woman but I sure enough enjoy their Company, and All That Jazz and Voodoo Y'all Do So Well.
As for those dark traits in women, that is our dark side - and we all have those traits. Tsk tsk. Sometimes they leak out. I like to think I can at least recognize it, and draw it back in when I am behaving badly. But I can be a bitch, yeah . . . I can give as good as I get, so most people who know me, don't want to take me on. Not that I am proud of that.
What wears me out in a hurry is “gettin’” when I’m not “givin’”. I’ve, for the most part, always been up front about certain things about me that just aren’t gonna change. Invariably, I get the, “Oh, that’s just fine with me,” or, “I’m Okay with that,” or “We both have things about each other we’ll just have to accept,” only to have my “stuff” become the fuel for continual carping while I, at the same time, have let her “stuff” slide repeatedly and accepted completely. I’m not knocking you Ladies and I know men can do the same shit but if I ain’t doin’ that to you then why are you doin’ that to me? :confused2:
When I was in Grammar and High School I could draw blood with my words—so much so, along with a number of classmates, I actually brought two male teachers (one in 7th Grade and the other in Senior English) to tears. I had a formidable temper and most folks learned not to argue or mess with me in the wrong way unless they wanted to feel some serious emotional pain. I came from a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive home. I was a physically very strong, tuff and off and on aggressive Jock. My Heart was instinctively kind and giving but my Head had become a dagger and battering ram.
When I left home and went a thousand miles away to College I vowed to change and correct this trait that I loathed about myself…I detested hurting others and suffered inside every time I did so. I’ve still got that temper but it takes a whole lot to get me angry. Fighting with my Spouse or Lover disgusts me and if a woman likes to “fight” I’m not the man for her. Vindictiveness is revolting to me…I know where it comes from for I spent much my youth as a fount of it.
Yeah, me too.
Now I just paint a fake smile across my face, zip my lips, and hope nothing leaks out. Especially my disgust. But I have a rubber face that shows ALL my emotions, and I am not a good liar.
I’m a terrible liar, too.
As As I age, I mellow out, get more observant, rather than 'participant'. I have always been fascinated by behaviors, human and animal. I like to watch. And to grow - psychologically, not bodily.
I don’t mind eating crow, honestly. I find myself a never ending source of amusement and hilarity. What I do mind is having crow shoved down my throat or being fed it as a constant diet.
Life is the only game in town so either get yourself ticket, buy a bag of popcorn and find a seat or put on a uniform, tighten up your chin strap and step out on the field.
Face
Backatcha, Babe.
Face
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HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
WHAT THE??!!!
Didn't know u wuz in Scandinavia! For some unknown reason i assumed you were living on some cool-funky country estate plenty of miles outside of some Eastern Seaboard city.
CONCLUSION: One of us is "dubbing in" and I hate to invalidate my integrity to myself, so I will just keep my Code Of Honor in and stick with my knowingness. lol
In present time
Gold Meritorious Patron
as long as you going to read those documents, which I have not read yet but will, here's another I landed on today, thanks to Arnie in one of his postings:
http://www.lermanet.com/exit/scottmayer.htm
I haven't read it all yet, but very interesting considering the new Indie movement and all, and new books coming out in 2013.
Those last few paragraphs Blew my mind! I discovered those conclusions myself after becoming a well and happy OT drug revert case
No wonder dropping acid was disqualification for sea org!
Lurker5
Gold Meritorious Patron
Wow, Face, you sure gave me a lot of time in that reply. Thank you. You sound like an OK man to me. We sound a lot alike, actually. Only as a kid, growing up, I was the nice girl, the good girl -the not-make-waves girl. It wasn't until I left home that I found my own self/voice, so I used it for awhile once I found it. I made some waves and rode the surf.
Then I began to realize stuff - about people, me. And it became not so important. It became important to be assertive in order to stand by my boundaries, to protect myself, to be brave - to not be taken advantage of. But argumentative? No. It doesn't solve much. Occasionally,though, I still get into one. Mostly I just like to leave an argument, walk away. But sometimes that pisses off the other person even more.
I think I do so well with all this BECAUSE I am not living with someone. It is much harder to get along when there are other people in the picture. I applaud anyone who does it, has done it. That is amazing.
I just don't have the energy anymore. I get my fix for people and communing satisfied at work, friends, then I like to go home. Alone. I like living by myself, though I have women friends who think I am nuts. And they are my age or older, so it is not an age thing. I have always been a loner. My friends usually - and always have had - to drag me out to be social. Thank God for friends.
The most fun I ever had was during those times. That's where I got into the most trouble too, but even some of that was fun.
And mostly I have been the giver in relationships. Mostly I have been paired up with takers. I think those go hand in hand, like two opposites attracting each other. I had to learn about assertiveness and boundaries to draw the line. I do have a line in the sand. Cross it, and I am done. But it takes a lot to get to the line. Once ya draw lines, get assertive, the takers get pissed . . .
And I am just tired.
I don't think we can change people. We have to learn to get along. I learned all about accepting people, first with my parents, as they aged. Then with myself. Love. It spreads out from there.
Kisses and hugs for you Face.
You have my heart, long distance. And I won't ask a thing of you, except to just go on being you.
Then I began to realize stuff - about people, me. And it became not so important. It became important to be assertive in order to stand by my boundaries, to protect myself, to be brave - to not be taken advantage of. But argumentative? No
. It doesn't solve much. Occasionally,though, I still get into one. Mostly I just like to leave an argument, walk away. But sometimes that pisses off the other person even more. I think I do so well with all this BECAUSE I am not living with someone.
It is much harder to get along when there are other people in the picture. I applaud anyone who does it, has done it. That is amazing. I just don't have the energy anymore. I get my fix for people and communing satisfied at work, friends, then I like to go home. Alone. I like living by myself, though I have women friends who think I am nuts. And they are my age or older, so it is not an age thing. I have always been a loner. My friends usually - and always have had - to drag me out to be social. Thank God for friends.
The most fun I ever had was during those times.
That's where I got into the most trouble too, but even some of that was fun. And mostly I have been the giver in relationships. Mostly I have been paired up with takers. I think those go hand in hand, like two opposites attracting each other. I had to learn about assertiveness and boundaries to draw the line. I do have a line in the sand. Cross it, and I am done. But it takes a lot to get to the line. Once ya draw lines, get assertive, the takers get pissed . . .
And I am just tired.
I don't think we can change people. We have to learn to get along. I learned all about accepting people, first with my parents, as they aged.
Then with myself. Love. It spreads out from there. Kisses and hugs for you Face.
You have my heart, long distance. And I won't ask a thing of you, except to just go on being you.
afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
My goodness, L5…We’re turning into “True Confessions” here.
Well, so’s to not leave you hangin’ with all the thoughtfulness you put into your Post. I’ll Just say this:
I’ve learned there are Folks in the World that LOVE to argue…I’m not one of them. My combativeness in my youth was not predicated on a love of fighting, it was an inadvertently acquired and unexamined behavioral pattern from my parents. I may have “overcompensated” but, as an adult, I’m pretty much viewed as being “easy going”, “peaceful” and “kind”.
Including my childhood, I have only lived truly alone for probably 2.5 years of my life at most. I lived in an “Animal House” in College, houses with Scns, SO Berthing either with other men or a woman, fiancés/wives and a couple of girlfriends here and there. As far as living with women goes, Charles Dickens said it best for me, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,…”.
I love being with people and I love being alone. When my most recent Ex and I divorced I lived alone, off and on, in a big house in the country for about a year and a half. My daughter and her boyfriend were there for several months several times between undergrad and grad school and my Ex was even there for several months several times while she was figuring out where she wanted to make her new life. My daughter and her boyfriend…now fiancé…and my Ex ended up over a thousand miles away.
When I sold my house in the country I bought a house in town so I’d be closer to my Docs and friends. I ended up moving in with a Lady Friend for 3 years and only moved into my house about 2 months ago. I’m loving living alone and I plan on keeping it that way from now on. I’ve got lots of wonderful friends and some wonderful children not that far away.
Givers and takers don’t work out well in a relationship, IMO.
About twenty years ago I took a for real IQ and Personality Profile Exam from Psychologist. He was a little surprised at how many “feminine” characteristics I had. I’m not effeminate at all and 110% Hetero but I suppose that those “feminine” characteristics have helped me get along with women I have lived with.
I’m tired, too and a tad bit broke down, as well.
Appreciate the kisses and hugs and since we isn’t gonna marry I don’t have to worry about breakin’ your Heart .
Good and bad, at this point I ain’t ever gonna change.
This is for you,
Face
Well, so’s to not leave you hangin’ with all the thoughtfulness you put into your Post. I’ll Just say this:
I’ve learned there are Folks in the World that LOVE to argue…I’m not one of them. My combativeness in my youth was not predicated on a love of fighting, it was an inadvertently acquired and unexamined behavioral pattern from my parents. I may have “overcompensated” but, as an adult, I’m pretty much viewed as being “easy going”, “peaceful” and “kind”.
Including my childhood, I have only lived truly alone for probably 2.5 years of my life at most. I lived in an “Animal House” in College, houses with Scns, SO Berthing either with other men or a woman, fiancés/wives and a couple of girlfriends here and there. As far as living with women goes, Charles Dickens said it best for me, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,…”.
I love being with people and I love being alone. When my most recent Ex and I divorced I lived alone, off and on, in a big house in the country for about a year and a half. My daughter and her boyfriend were there for several months several times between undergrad and grad school and my Ex was even there for several months several times while she was figuring out where she wanted to make her new life. My daughter and her boyfriend…now fiancé…and my Ex ended up over a thousand miles away.
When I sold my house in the country I bought a house in town so I’d be closer to my Docs and friends. I ended up moving in with a Lady Friend for 3 years and only moved into my house about 2 months ago. I’m loving living alone and I plan on keeping it that way from now on. I’ve got lots of wonderful friends and some wonderful children not that far away.
Givers and takers don’t work out well in a relationship, IMO.
About twenty years ago I took a for real IQ and Personality Profile Exam from Psychologist. He was a little surprised at how many “feminine” characteristics I had. I’m not effeminate at all and 110% Hetero but I suppose that those “feminine” characteristics have helped me get along with women I have lived with.
I’m tired, too and a tad bit broke down, as well.
Appreciate the kisses and hugs and since we isn’t gonna marry I don’t have to worry about breakin’ your Heart .
Good and bad, at this point I ain’t ever gonna change.
This is for you,
Face
This is NOT OK !!!!
Gold Meritorious Patron
What the duece?
I had her on a sailboat in the Med, drinking perfectly crisp rose along with tasty seafood morsels and throwing out a few posts between working on the tan!
In fact, I exteriorized and had a "peek" at her tan lines just the other day!
Why was Hubbard dodging trains on Venus when he could have been at the beach?
Free Being Me
Crusader
Thanks Face, this is a must read thread. Your story is amazing!
Don Crom 3rd mo can
Patron with Honors
RE: IV Act Play; Hey Face, must have been one of those days that go in the permanent replay file. Sounds as if you might be a bit older than myself so you may or may not have seen the box office bust Three in the Attic? I don't remember ANY of the actors' names, but the main character was Paxton Quigley. The 3 leading Ladies, haven't a clue. But I DID say it wasn't a box office success didn't I.
Wish I could claim as much success as you in the love life dept. 3 time loser myself, thankfully I survived all 3 relatively unscathed financially, emotional toll was higher but no kids involved so the "ripples" in the pond didn't last long. Sadly I'm at the age now where I think I might be qualified to be a father, but the clock is running out. So we'll do an Arlo Guthrie and wait for it to come around on the guitar.
BTW, don't you wish you had keep the M/C and the Roadster?? GAWD What classics!!!
C-Ya DC
afaceinthecrowd
Gold Meritorious Patron
Shooting Stars, Part Twenty One
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. ~Abraham Lincoln
The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between political parties either - but right through every human heart. ~Alexander Solzhenitsyn
God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won't. ~Alfred Korzyybski
This is the final Installment of Shooting Stars. I apologize for its length, however, I just didn’t feel that what I had to say would “come off” to my satisfaction if broken up into 2 or 3 separate Posts.
Besides, I gotta get this Posted before the End of the World tomorrow. :nailbiting:
When I set out on this task, nearly two years ago now, I thought that it would take maybe 5 or 6 posts and a couple months to say what I wanted to say. As my children loved to say when they were growing up, “Wrong, spider breath!” But, that’s happened to me continually ever since I started posting on ESMB nearly 3 years ago.
When I came here I honestly didn’t think I had all that much to contribute. I never intended to say as much as I have said, make as many posts or stick around as long as I have. As I have said before, my main reason for Posting in the first place was so that the members of the Apollo Stars and my fellow Crew that worked on the Power of Source Album didn’t get hung with a bum rap. It was a long dead Thread and my arrival here was barely noticed, which was A OK with me as all I wanted to do was set the record straight for future readers. I had never Posted on a Message Board before and wasn’t quite sure just how things “worked”, what the “lay of the land” was.
After making those several posts, I gravitated over to the Apollo ’73 Thread and made a few Posts there, as I was Flag Crew in '73. Next thing I knew a bunch of “Old Timers” were chattin’ me up—some of whom I’d “chewed the same dirt” as they had—asking me questions and telling me that what I was putting up here was very valuable and helpful to them. So I started telling more, they responded with great comments and before long there was quite a fine Dialogue going on…the meat and potatoes of which are provided in the Links I’ve put up on Shooting Stars.
The two big “Drivers” for me as to the content and direction of Shooting Stars was, “What would be of interest, helpful to and worthwhile for ‘Old Timers’ from my Era to know,” and “How do I keep my anonymity while telling not just stories about El Ron or me but, more importantly, the other fine Folks I knew, interacted, worked with and do them justice.” El Ron and my fellow Crew Members are the real Story here and not me, what happened to me and how I “feel” about it personally. I’ve not always held fast to or served well my “Drivers” but I’ve done the best I can.
There are sections of this Part that were taken from my Draft Text and Posted here and there previously on the Board as they were germane to Threads in-progress I was interested in and couldn’t resist commenting. I was going to highlight those but, as they are only a few paragraphs and I have "tweaked" them a bit, I thought it better to just let the text read evenly.
Part Twenty One
Swann Songs
My time in the SO and Scn has always hung as a cloud in the background of my Adult Life, a permanent scar on my Psyche, a dark and painful spot in my Heart. Sparing all Y’all the details, those years—the SO years in particular—shaped, influenced and guided my Journey on My Path in ways that would shock and stun Y’all and that I still deal with daily and continue—often failing miserably—to comes to terms with. As I have said a number of times on this Board before, I don’t regret it. It was My Path. But, sometimes, it’s hard…real hard…coping with the “aftermath”. I know I’m being cryptic and that’s kinda unfair, but, trust me when I say I’m not being overly dramatic about this.
I joined the SO to be trained to set up a new type of “Autonomous” Organization El Ron thunked up and was hot to get “Manned up”. I—or at least thought I had—“negotiated” terms that I required in order for me to sign the contract and become “Permanent” Flag Crew. There were some Senior Flag Officers that “did the deal” with me—names most all Y’all would know—and El Ron Hisself, at least that’s what was represented to me, wanted me for this “Permanent position and I was shown stuff to prove that. To me at that time, circumstance, naiveté, ignorance and young age it was like a “Dream Come True”. Many of the few Folks here that know my IRL identity know about what I wish not to detail here.
Within months of becoming Flag Crew my plans and my “Deal” were “Temporarily” derailed by Senior Command personnel gaining approval to use me for several other things El Ron had just thunked up and was hot to get done now, Now, NOW! These “Temporary” derails went on for a period of time until one fine day El Ron—in another one of Hisself’s urgent needs due Hisself finding some “Breakthrough Why”—reneged on the my “Deal” for “The Greatest Good” and, at that point, I began a Journey that eventually led to the “Inner Circle”. I was now corralled in a place I never intended to be, doing stuff I never desired to do, on a vessel I never wished to live on for year, after year, after year. I stayed longer than I should have—than I personally wanted to—due to extenuating circumstances I leave unsaid as those involve others and are not fair or proper for me to discuss without their consent and respectfully ask not to be pressed about.
Through pure happenstance I had entered Snc just after—yet again—the first actual, for real, El Ron’s got it this time “Clears” we made. The “Sea Project” and OT 3 were just around the corner. A few years later I entered the SO when the L’s and FEBC was gonna “fix” everything and, not long later, it was XDN and Esto. I was there when NED, KNOTS, the Data Series and the RPF came out and they were gonna “fix” everything. El Ron was always “Fixin’” everything but, from what I saw as time progressed, Hisself’s “Fixin” was F’n things up, more and more.
Again, due to pure happenstance, yours truly had the opportunity to see nearly the entire “Empire” from stem to stern, from bilge to conning tower—from the confines of El Ron’s “Research” Room, “Inner Circle” and Int “Management” of the Apollo to the Living Room cum Course Room of DCG’s, modest to nice to posh facilities of small to large to mega Missions and over 25 Orgs including AO&Sh’s, CC’s (including CCLA), CLO’s, Pubs, FOLO’s and various other Units. I read a large chunk of the Flag Data Files and the majority of Admin & Tech Issue there was of every designation, ink and paper code color. I interacted with or was around nearly every “Heavy Hitter” on Flag, in the SO and a large selection of the outer Orgs and Missions—including “Major” ones—and many of the Field “Luminaries”. And—the memories I cherish the most—was the opportunity meet Scn’s of stripe and color, era, zone and “Station”…from Body Routers to Commodore’s Staff Aides, Public Students to all but 1or 2 of the original Class 12’s, from “Old Timers” from the early ‘50’s to a number of graduates of the original BC and first “True” Clears.
From this background, I have a pretty good idea of who and what actually built Scn, and this Thread and the Links I have posted give the gist of what I have had to say about that on ESMB. Briefly…it was the Missions, the Mission Holders, the Field Auditors, and the Service Org Staffs that built Scn…countless individuals that were the true sources of the “Tech’s” foundation and made it and things work in the real world. They were of a singular Era and Times and its' “mindset” and the World at that time was uniquely favorable for Scn to evolve and grow.
In the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, Senior Management for the Missions was not the SO and they were expanding at a rate that far exceeded the Orgs. The predominant factor in the expansion of Orgs during the ‘70’s was the influx of Academy Students and Internes from the booming Missions, and nearly all of the PR successes of that Era were born of, spearheaded by and pulled off by the Missions, as well. Even the initial HUGE financial success of the Flag Land Base was at least 80% based upon the Missions. The Mission Holders were generating substantial cash flow from their non-SO Managed operations and were buying and consuming tons of Auditing and Training for themselves and their Staffs. The Mission’s Active Publics were larger than the Orgs, many had dough and the Mission Holders FSMed them to Flag in droves. This hit the Orgs hard and Flag Senior “Management” could not only do nothing about it, they did not know what to do to compensate and they were mercilessly targeted for their “failures”. Also, it became obvious from PC Folder FESes and Student/Interne competence that, overall, the “Tech” in the Missions was far superior to that of the Orgs.
A largest slice of the early KNOTS Comps were Mission Holders, Mission Public, Field Auditors and Old Timers from the Field and not Class 4 Org Publics. It was obvious that the Missions and Field Auditors were raking in dough, had big Fields and were Opinion Leaders beyond which SO Senior “Management” had completely realized nor El Ron, and the huge influx of Mission and Field Auditor Publics after “Dianetic Clear” Bulletins was a bold face font exclamation point to that fact. As I discussed at the beginning and off and on throughout Shooting Stars, the “Power of Source” album had shown El Ron that Hisself could “Fleece the Field” via non-Training & Processing El Ron “Products”, and the 10’s of millions of Dollars that were streaming in to Flag from the Mission & Field Practice Publics only whetted Hisself’s appetite even more and was like a waving cape at a Bull. There was Gold in them thar hills! The Mission Holders and Field Auditors had innocently and inadvertently made the biggest mistake of their lives—getting too close to “Source” and too connected up with Flag. It was grievous mistake and grievously they would pay for it.
Scns last hope or “Righting the Ship” is long, long gone, IMO. The Mission Holders, the Professional Field Auditors and the Old Guard tried, in their time and way, to in effect carry out a true “Reformation”. El Ron blocked it and the rest is History. Hisself woulda had far more riches and, perhaps, somewhat of a marginally Okay “Legacy” if he woulda stepped aside and let the Folks that had built the Scn Empire actually take possession and control of it. I’m not proffering that Scn would be some great and noble thing today but, one thing is for damn sure, a whole lotta pain, sorrow and destruction and death would have been averted.
In Shooting Stars, Parts Five and Twelve, I wrote the following paragraph re: the Scn Ponzi Scheme:
“Scn is designed to seduce Us to relentlessly seek something that never was and never will be; “The State of……..”. Scn was also designed to instill the fear in Us that if we didn’t do it right we would never get “IT”. Scn is a Spiritual Pyramid Scheme—the “Ship” is gonna come in some day and the more you put in, between now and then, the sweeter and bigger your piece of the pie will be; if you get out now, or are thrown out, you’re gonna miss "The Boat". Scn is a Spiritual Ponzi Scheme—the big “Payoff” is always just around the corner—the bigger your “Stake”, the bigger your “Payoff”.”
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21698-Shooting-Stars&p=537456&viewfull=1#post537456
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21698-Shooting-Stars&p=561813&viewfull=1#post561813
Some predicate principles of operating a long term “Successful” Ponzi Scheme are; you need a consistent source of income; you have to show “progress” towards the “payoff’; you have to come up with “something new” to get dough outta people that are already fully “vested”, “tapped out” or no longer “investing”; you have to continue to "salt the mine" and to somewhat isolate the "Elephants" (Fat Cats) from the “Commoner Masses”—whose presence is important as it's part of the “Proof” to the Elephants that the “Deal” is working; if the source of new Elephants and commoner masses dries up, you gotta lie BIG and make new stuff up, bait and switch and find a way to make it appear as though “everything’s OK”, going as planned, under control and may even be getting better. You gotta show them some “Gold Bars”, “Spiffy Widgets” or new “Top Secret” “Factory Plans” they can see, touch and hold. This gives the Elephants something new, exciting and "exclusive" for them to put their dough into that makes them even more “cool”, smart and superior and “confirms” how “smart” they have been to keep putting dough into the deal, being patient with and supporting your Leadership and letting you run the show and call all the shots how you see fit. You also gotta find a way to keep Elephants from asking too many questions and, when one does, you need to take them aside and get them either “sorted out” or out (traditionally, buy them out) of the Ponzi in a way that keeps their mouths shut so they don’t poison the well.
With “Religious Cloaking”, Scn is legally (in the US anyway) a near Bullitt Proof Ponzi. Gat, Idle Org and Gat2, etc. are all inventions and manifestations of the above factors of keeping the Ponzi going. Scn only has to do “buy out’s” as a last resort because the “Cloaking” allows them to tell you to “F Off” and isolate you from the others. I think they’ve just about run their string of “Rabbits” to pull out of the hat that keeps the audience coming back for more. They’re on their final gambit and, whether they realize it or not, are functionally “bleeding to death” from a thousand paper cuts that have, finally, drawn the “sharks” that are gonna finish them off.
There is nothing quite so desperate, frantic and crazy as a Ponzi scheme Conman when they’re “feeling the Heat”. While the move to Land brought in multi-millions of Dollars like never before, El Ron’s psychological deterioration shifted into high gear, as Hisself was no longer on “Fortress Apollo”, and the “Snow White” debacle sent Hisself into overdrive. If El Ron had truly cared one whit about Scn or Us, he woulda stepped away, stop doing and end all the crazy shit that was still putting the Cof$ at risk and in legal peril.
Hisself didn’t—Hisself did the opposite.
El Ron let slip Hisself’s Dogs of War—the CMO Children of the Corn—and initiated, guided and reveled in the Shooting of the Stars and looting of everything in sight. The Sky was wiped clean of the Brilliant Shooting Stars of Scn and will forever be dark. I don’t care how much dough or how many buildings the Cof$ has today, it will never recover from the missed opportunity, damage and destruction during that moment in time.
When I walked away from the SO around nearly 30 years ago I figured that Scn had pretty much reached its Zenith. I knew El Ron’s mental state was most assuredly growing increasingly more addled, that the Children of the Corn were now permanently in control and that the majority of the best and brightest that had built Hisself’s Empire were pretty much goners or in the process of being finished off.
Although I was not around El Ron in the latter years, I was around Hisself in the days that Hisself was, IMO, beginning to more and more “check out” for periods of time. Kima’s Narrative re: her Mad Hatter ride from KAC is indicative of what I am talking about and Cowboy’s straight shooting recent vignettes here on ESMB, continue that vein. It is my firm view that from the early ‘70’s on, and most probably earlier, El Ron incessantly and increasingly lived in a fear that grew to a terror of being “caught”—not just for Hisself’s lies, frauds and crimes but for being “Insane”. In short, I think El Ron deep, deep down inside knew Hisself was "Mad".
Not a madness, such as was wonderfully portrayed by Sean Connery as poet Samson Shillitoe in the ‘60’s Flick, A Fine Madness; or by Cary Grant as everyman overnight heir Longfellow Deeds in the ‘30’s Flick, Mr. Deeds Goes To Town; or the heroic genius mathematician Nobel Laureate John Nash, portrayed by Russel Crowe in the ’01 Flick, A Beautiful Mind.
I have no doubt that a number of the folks that made up the Inner Circle in the latter years knew full well what I and many other’s from the Apollo and SU Era knew full well—El Ron’s condition was such that if Hisself ever was deposed, cross examined or evaluated by an Expert, Hisself would come off, at best, like Humphery Bogart as Commander Queeg in the ‘50’s Flick, The Caine Mutiny. There woulda been—pathologic fidgeting and all—a “Strawberries” moment:
“Ah, but was the strawberries...that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...” Commander Queeg to the Military Court, “The Caine Mutiny”.
Only, in the scenario in El Ron’s head and the heads of Hisself’s Demon Spawn, it would not be an empathic, sympathetic and respectful Court of Fellow Officers probing for the facts, looking for the truth and standing in judgment—it would be the eeevvvviiiilll Psychs, Gubmint and SP’s out to “get” Hisself.
Why am I so confident that a “number of the folks that made up the Inner Circle in the latter years knew full well”? Because El Ron’s behavior was all too obvious—the paranoia, the mood swings, rage, hyper obsessive/compulsive and bursts of manic franticness. Nothing was ever said outwardly but I could see me fellow Inner Circle members' eyes, their body language and hear it in their voices and how we were all always "tap dancing" whenever interacting with Hisself.
Somewhere, in the PDC IIRCC, El Ron says, “there’s a fine line between OT and Insanity.” As there is no such thing as “OT”…certainly not as El Ron defines it…I am only left with the conclusion that I finally arrived at after pondering all this, and all that I had experienced around Hisself, for years post my SO career—El Ron was walking Hisself’s own “fine line” between what Hisself singularly “saw” as “Full OT” and what Hisself singularly “saw” as “Insanity”.
I am pretty darn certain many of the Inner Circle from the latter Children of the Corn Era viewed El Ron’s behavior, demeanor and ways as being a manifestation of Hisself’s “Full OTness” that, to “lesser” beings Hisself could, at times, appear “different”, “eccentric” or even a little bit “crazy” because they were still so “aberrated”; that Folks “Lower” than themselves would not “get ‘It’”; that it was frustrating at times to be El Ron and have to deal with lesser, inferior beings all the time; that “Wogs” wouldn’t have clue about, would mistake, and misunderstand and not “see” just how “OT” Hisself truly was because, after all, even they the “Chosen One’s” couldn’t fully Grock Hisself or “IT”.
I honestly think that the forgoing was the underpinning to Hisself’s self-isolation, always on the run modus, fear of being alone in public, constant anxiety at being with anyone that is not safe yet having to always have someone with him to take care of him, be with him, protect him.
IMHO, El Ron deep down inside feared being “captured” and “handed over” to the Psychs to be “enslaved”, “F’d with” and “tortured” for “all eternity”.
And, this brings me to my final “El Ron Story”.
As I have previously Posted about on ESMB, during the time El Ron was Hospitalized following Hisself’s heart attack, I was one of the "early responders".
Needless to say, El Ron was not the most cooperative or pleasant of patients and although Hisself had a private room and nurses and around the clock personnel at his beck and call, Hisself was not a happy camper to say the least.
Kima Douglas was the ramrod for the whole ordeal and virtually spent 24/7 with Hisself and trying to keep the whole thing from becoming more of a fiasco than El Ron was intent on making it. Gawd I don’t know how she did it, nor weathered what she did in service to Hisself for so long. She is truly a remarkable and stellar human being and is welcome in any trench I’m ever under fire in.
On the Island of Curacao there was virtually no fresh milk available anywhere for anyone. El Ron had to have fresh milk every day and the resourceful and dedicated El Ron Household Unit personnel had managed to secure a supply of two pint bottles a day of fresh milk for Hisself, via the Executive Chef of the luxurious Intercontinental Hotel. They paid handsomely for that milk, BTW.
The milk came from an elderly Dutch Petroleum Engineer that had grown up on a farm, retired to a small farm in the countryside and supplied the Hotel with first quality garden veggies and a daily supply of fresh milk, cream and buttermilk from a half dozen Jersey milk cows.
There were some real fine Folks in the Household Unit, of whom and which I’ve written about earlier in Shooting Stars, and I had become friends with a number of them. One morning, a day or two after El Ron’s Hospitalization, there was a pall hanging over some of my friends and when I inquired as to what was up, one of my Buds said, “The CommodeDoor is very upset that there was no fresh milk for his breakfast.” Turns out the Dutchman had been injured and there was no fresh milk that morning for the Hotel or the CommodeDoor.
Apparently, as I was told years later by someone that was an eye witness, the “OT de OT’s” had turned rage red, spit out the powdered milk Hisself had been served, chucked cup across the room and nearly had another heart attack. Hisself was being “poisoned”, El Ron raged and demanded fresh milk only be served to him...now, Now, NOW!
I grew up on a cattle ranch that, besides the beef cattle, had a small herd of Dairy cows. I offered my services and within an hour or so was sitting in the living room of the Dutchman, convincing him that I could milk his cows and would do so for free. He was pretty bruised up and had a had his right arm in a sling from being pushed into the side of his barn by one of his cows that was the “skittish” one (seems like there’s always one them critters).
Like all un-milked cows, the little beasts were all bunched around the fence gate, balling their big brown eyes out. Problem was, the pasture they were in was the back pasture and I had to cross another pasture to get to the gate and open it so they could walk to the milk barn. It had rained the night before and as I stepped out into the front pasture I noticed it was crawling with snakes. I turned around and scurried back to the farmhouse.
“Are there any venomous snakes on Curacao?” I asked the Dutchman.
He smiled and said, “They’re all over the place, but they’re easy to recognize…they’re all wearing dresses.”
And lo, the Demonic Cult Leader got his fresh milk and the Universe was again calm…for yet another brief moment in time.
Every day for about a week I milked the Farmer’s Cows and the Hotel and Hisself got their daily supply courtesy of yours truly until the farmer’s son, a pilot for KLM, was able to arrange Leave Time to help his father out for a while.
El Ron’s “validation” for this “OT stunt” on my part was of a nature that you woulda thought I had brought down the American Psychiatric Association.
The best part of it all was not being an “Hero”…the best part was becoming friends with the Farmer, getting a break from the Apollo and the “Thank You” from the Executive Chef. I spent an unforgettable afternoon at this home, eating fresh fish he had caught that morning and a meal that he personally prepared for me. It was one of the finest meals I’ve ever had anywhere. The Pièce de résistance was relaxing in his living room after the meal, sipping 80 year old Cognac and listening to his treasured American Jazz record collection. We both agreed—and toasted—that ole Satchmo was the best.
When I related this story to the Port Captain it was suggested that the Port Captain’s Office should take the Chef a Stars Album. “Oh, I said, he already has one.” There was no way I was gonna put my Host and new found Friend through the “Wall of Noise” of that POS.
That was one of the days that I transiently thought about saying Fug It and walking away but, I didn’t—not for another number of years. I continued to do my “Duty”, honor my “Contract” and “Milk Cows” for the CommodeDoor. In the end, that’s all turned out fine—it led me here and gave me the spear with which to gore Hisself’s Galactic Ox.
I have trod Scns Erebus Paths, drank drafts of El Ron’s Lethe Waters and walked a path through Hisself’s Hades Spell. I came back. Others are on their way back and more will follow. It makes my Heart sick and sad that there are some still there and some that are determined to dwell there, permanently.
We will never know the full true Story and Truth about El Ron’s final days. What I do know from my Life and Times with El Ron is this:
Greed knows no rest.
Madness never sleeps.
The End
Peace.
Face
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. ~Abraham Lincoln
The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between political parties either - but right through every human heart. ~Alexander Solzhenitsyn
God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won't. ~Alfred Korzyybski
This is the final Installment of Shooting Stars. I apologize for its length, however, I just didn’t feel that what I had to say would “come off” to my satisfaction if broken up into 2 or 3 separate Posts.
Besides, I gotta get this Posted before the End of the World tomorrow. :nailbiting:
When I set out on this task, nearly two years ago now, I thought that it would take maybe 5 or 6 posts and a couple months to say what I wanted to say. As my children loved to say when they were growing up, “Wrong, spider breath!” But, that’s happened to me continually ever since I started posting on ESMB nearly 3 years ago.
When I came here I honestly didn’t think I had all that much to contribute. I never intended to say as much as I have said, make as many posts or stick around as long as I have. As I have said before, my main reason for Posting in the first place was so that the members of the Apollo Stars and my fellow Crew that worked on the Power of Source Album didn’t get hung with a bum rap. It was a long dead Thread and my arrival here was barely noticed, which was A OK with me as all I wanted to do was set the record straight for future readers. I had never Posted on a Message Board before and wasn’t quite sure just how things “worked”, what the “lay of the land” was.
After making those several posts, I gravitated over to the Apollo ’73 Thread and made a few Posts there, as I was Flag Crew in '73. Next thing I knew a bunch of “Old Timers” were chattin’ me up—some of whom I’d “chewed the same dirt” as they had—asking me questions and telling me that what I was putting up here was very valuable and helpful to them. So I started telling more, they responded with great comments and before long there was quite a fine Dialogue going on…the meat and potatoes of which are provided in the Links I’ve put up on Shooting Stars.
The two big “Drivers” for me as to the content and direction of Shooting Stars was, “What would be of interest, helpful to and worthwhile for ‘Old Timers’ from my Era to know,” and “How do I keep my anonymity while telling not just stories about El Ron or me but, more importantly, the other fine Folks I knew, interacted, worked with and do them justice.” El Ron and my fellow Crew Members are the real Story here and not me, what happened to me and how I “feel” about it personally. I’ve not always held fast to or served well my “Drivers” but I’ve done the best I can.
There are sections of this Part that were taken from my Draft Text and Posted here and there previously on the Board as they were germane to Threads in-progress I was interested in and couldn’t resist commenting. I was going to highlight those but, as they are only a few paragraphs and I have "tweaked" them a bit, I thought it better to just let the text read evenly.
Part Twenty One
Swann Songs
My time in the SO and Scn has always hung as a cloud in the background of my Adult Life, a permanent scar on my Psyche, a dark and painful spot in my Heart. Sparing all Y’all the details, those years—the SO years in particular—shaped, influenced and guided my Journey on My Path in ways that would shock and stun Y’all and that I still deal with daily and continue—often failing miserably—to comes to terms with. As I have said a number of times on this Board before, I don’t regret it. It was My Path. But, sometimes, it’s hard…real hard…coping with the “aftermath”. I know I’m being cryptic and that’s kinda unfair, but, trust me when I say I’m not being overly dramatic about this.
I joined the SO to be trained to set up a new type of “Autonomous” Organization El Ron thunked up and was hot to get “Manned up”. I—or at least thought I had—“negotiated” terms that I required in order for me to sign the contract and become “Permanent” Flag Crew. There were some Senior Flag Officers that “did the deal” with me—names most all Y’all would know—and El Ron Hisself, at least that’s what was represented to me, wanted me for this “Permanent position and I was shown stuff to prove that. To me at that time, circumstance, naiveté, ignorance and young age it was like a “Dream Come True”. Many of the few Folks here that know my IRL identity know about what I wish not to detail here.
Within months of becoming Flag Crew my plans and my “Deal” were “Temporarily” derailed by Senior Command personnel gaining approval to use me for several other things El Ron had just thunked up and was hot to get done now, Now, NOW! These “Temporary” derails went on for a period of time until one fine day El Ron—in another one of Hisself’s urgent needs due Hisself finding some “Breakthrough Why”—reneged on the my “Deal” for “The Greatest Good” and, at that point, I began a Journey that eventually led to the “Inner Circle”. I was now corralled in a place I never intended to be, doing stuff I never desired to do, on a vessel I never wished to live on for year, after year, after year. I stayed longer than I should have—than I personally wanted to—due to extenuating circumstances I leave unsaid as those involve others and are not fair or proper for me to discuss without their consent and respectfully ask not to be pressed about.
Through pure happenstance I had entered Snc just after—yet again—the first actual, for real, El Ron’s got it this time “Clears” we made. The “Sea Project” and OT 3 were just around the corner. A few years later I entered the SO when the L’s and FEBC was gonna “fix” everything and, not long later, it was XDN and Esto. I was there when NED, KNOTS, the Data Series and the RPF came out and they were gonna “fix” everything. El Ron was always “Fixin’” everything but, from what I saw as time progressed, Hisself’s “Fixin” was F’n things up, more and more.
Again, due to pure happenstance, yours truly had the opportunity to see nearly the entire “Empire” from stem to stern, from bilge to conning tower—from the confines of El Ron’s “Research” Room, “Inner Circle” and Int “Management” of the Apollo to the Living Room cum Course Room of DCG’s, modest to nice to posh facilities of small to large to mega Missions and over 25 Orgs including AO&Sh’s, CC’s (including CCLA), CLO’s, Pubs, FOLO’s and various other Units. I read a large chunk of the Flag Data Files and the majority of Admin & Tech Issue there was of every designation, ink and paper code color. I interacted with or was around nearly every “Heavy Hitter” on Flag, in the SO and a large selection of the outer Orgs and Missions—including “Major” ones—and many of the Field “Luminaries”. And—the memories I cherish the most—was the opportunity meet Scn’s of stripe and color, era, zone and “Station”…from Body Routers to Commodore’s Staff Aides, Public Students to all but 1or 2 of the original Class 12’s, from “Old Timers” from the early ‘50’s to a number of graduates of the original BC and first “True” Clears.
From this background, I have a pretty good idea of who and what actually built Scn, and this Thread and the Links I have posted give the gist of what I have had to say about that on ESMB. Briefly…it was the Missions, the Mission Holders, the Field Auditors, and the Service Org Staffs that built Scn…countless individuals that were the true sources of the “Tech’s” foundation and made it and things work in the real world. They were of a singular Era and Times and its' “mindset” and the World at that time was uniquely favorable for Scn to evolve and grow.
In the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, Senior Management for the Missions was not the SO and they were expanding at a rate that far exceeded the Orgs. The predominant factor in the expansion of Orgs during the ‘70’s was the influx of Academy Students and Internes from the booming Missions, and nearly all of the PR successes of that Era were born of, spearheaded by and pulled off by the Missions, as well. Even the initial HUGE financial success of the Flag Land Base was at least 80% based upon the Missions. The Mission Holders were generating substantial cash flow from their non-SO Managed operations and were buying and consuming tons of Auditing and Training for themselves and their Staffs. The Mission’s Active Publics were larger than the Orgs, many had dough and the Mission Holders FSMed them to Flag in droves. This hit the Orgs hard and Flag Senior “Management” could not only do nothing about it, they did not know what to do to compensate and they were mercilessly targeted for their “failures”. Also, it became obvious from PC Folder FESes and Student/Interne competence that, overall, the “Tech” in the Missions was far superior to that of the Orgs.
A largest slice of the early KNOTS Comps were Mission Holders, Mission Public, Field Auditors and Old Timers from the Field and not Class 4 Org Publics. It was obvious that the Missions and Field Auditors were raking in dough, had big Fields and were Opinion Leaders beyond which SO Senior “Management” had completely realized nor El Ron, and the huge influx of Mission and Field Auditor Publics after “Dianetic Clear” Bulletins was a bold face font exclamation point to that fact. As I discussed at the beginning and off and on throughout Shooting Stars, the “Power of Source” album had shown El Ron that Hisself could “Fleece the Field” via non-Training & Processing El Ron “Products”, and the 10’s of millions of Dollars that were streaming in to Flag from the Mission & Field Practice Publics only whetted Hisself’s appetite even more and was like a waving cape at a Bull. There was Gold in them thar hills! The Mission Holders and Field Auditors had innocently and inadvertently made the biggest mistake of their lives—getting too close to “Source” and too connected up with Flag. It was grievous mistake and grievously they would pay for it.
Scns last hope or “Righting the Ship” is long, long gone, IMO. The Mission Holders, the Professional Field Auditors and the Old Guard tried, in their time and way, to in effect carry out a true “Reformation”. El Ron blocked it and the rest is History. Hisself woulda had far more riches and, perhaps, somewhat of a marginally Okay “Legacy” if he woulda stepped aside and let the Folks that had built the Scn Empire actually take possession and control of it. I’m not proffering that Scn would be some great and noble thing today but, one thing is for damn sure, a whole lotta pain, sorrow and destruction and death would have been averted.
In Shooting Stars, Parts Five and Twelve, I wrote the following paragraph re: the Scn Ponzi Scheme:
“Scn is designed to seduce Us to relentlessly seek something that never was and never will be; “The State of……..”. Scn was also designed to instill the fear in Us that if we didn’t do it right we would never get “IT”. Scn is a Spiritual Pyramid Scheme—the “Ship” is gonna come in some day and the more you put in, between now and then, the sweeter and bigger your piece of the pie will be; if you get out now, or are thrown out, you’re gonna miss "The Boat". Scn is a Spiritual Ponzi Scheme—the big “Payoff” is always just around the corner—the bigger your “Stake”, the bigger your “Payoff”.”
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21698-Shooting-Stars&p=537456&viewfull=1#post537456
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21698-Shooting-Stars&p=561813&viewfull=1#post561813
Some predicate principles of operating a long term “Successful” Ponzi Scheme are; you need a consistent source of income; you have to show “progress” towards the “payoff’; you have to come up with “something new” to get dough outta people that are already fully “vested”, “tapped out” or no longer “investing”; you have to continue to "salt the mine" and to somewhat isolate the "Elephants" (Fat Cats) from the “Commoner Masses”—whose presence is important as it's part of the “Proof” to the Elephants that the “Deal” is working; if the source of new Elephants and commoner masses dries up, you gotta lie BIG and make new stuff up, bait and switch and find a way to make it appear as though “everything’s OK”, going as planned, under control and may even be getting better. You gotta show them some “Gold Bars”, “Spiffy Widgets” or new “Top Secret” “Factory Plans” they can see, touch and hold. This gives the Elephants something new, exciting and "exclusive" for them to put their dough into that makes them even more “cool”, smart and superior and “confirms” how “smart” they have been to keep putting dough into the deal, being patient with and supporting your Leadership and letting you run the show and call all the shots how you see fit. You also gotta find a way to keep Elephants from asking too many questions and, when one does, you need to take them aside and get them either “sorted out” or out (traditionally, buy them out) of the Ponzi in a way that keeps their mouths shut so they don’t poison the well.
With “Religious Cloaking”, Scn is legally (in the US anyway) a near Bullitt Proof Ponzi. Gat, Idle Org and Gat2, etc. are all inventions and manifestations of the above factors of keeping the Ponzi going. Scn only has to do “buy out’s” as a last resort because the “Cloaking” allows them to tell you to “F Off” and isolate you from the others. I think they’ve just about run their string of “Rabbits” to pull out of the hat that keeps the audience coming back for more. They’re on their final gambit and, whether they realize it or not, are functionally “bleeding to death” from a thousand paper cuts that have, finally, drawn the “sharks” that are gonna finish them off.
There is nothing quite so desperate, frantic and crazy as a Ponzi scheme Conman when they’re “feeling the Heat”. While the move to Land brought in multi-millions of Dollars like never before, El Ron’s psychological deterioration shifted into high gear, as Hisself was no longer on “Fortress Apollo”, and the “Snow White” debacle sent Hisself into overdrive. If El Ron had truly cared one whit about Scn or Us, he woulda stepped away, stop doing and end all the crazy shit that was still putting the Cof$ at risk and in legal peril.
Hisself didn’t—Hisself did the opposite.
El Ron let slip Hisself’s Dogs of War—the CMO Children of the Corn—and initiated, guided and reveled in the Shooting of the Stars and looting of everything in sight. The Sky was wiped clean of the Brilliant Shooting Stars of Scn and will forever be dark. I don’t care how much dough or how many buildings the Cof$ has today, it will never recover from the missed opportunity, damage and destruction during that moment in time.
When I walked away from the SO around nearly 30 years ago I figured that Scn had pretty much reached its Zenith. I knew El Ron’s mental state was most assuredly growing increasingly more addled, that the Children of the Corn were now permanently in control and that the majority of the best and brightest that had built Hisself’s Empire were pretty much goners or in the process of being finished off.
Although I was not around El Ron in the latter years, I was around Hisself in the days that Hisself was, IMO, beginning to more and more “check out” for periods of time. Kima’s Narrative re: her Mad Hatter ride from KAC is indicative of what I am talking about and Cowboy’s straight shooting recent vignettes here on ESMB, continue that vein. It is my firm view that from the early ‘70’s on, and most probably earlier, El Ron incessantly and increasingly lived in a fear that grew to a terror of being “caught”—not just for Hisself’s lies, frauds and crimes but for being “Insane”. In short, I think El Ron deep, deep down inside knew Hisself was "Mad".
Not a madness, such as was wonderfully portrayed by Sean Connery as poet Samson Shillitoe in the ‘60’s Flick, A Fine Madness; or by Cary Grant as everyman overnight heir Longfellow Deeds in the ‘30’s Flick, Mr. Deeds Goes To Town; or the heroic genius mathematician Nobel Laureate John Nash, portrayed by Russel Crowe in the ’01 Flick, A Beautiful Mind.
I have no doubt that a number of the folks that made up the Inner Circle in the latter years knew full well what I and many other’s from the Apollo and SU Era knew full well—El Ron’s condition was such that if Hisself ever was deposed, cross examined or evaluated by an Expert, Hisself would come off, at best, like Humphery Bogart as Commander Queeg in the ‘50’s Flick, The Caine Mutiny. There woulda been—pathologic fidgeting and all—a “Strawberries” moment:
“Ah, but was the strawberries...that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...” Commander Queeg to the Military Court, “The Caine Mutiny”.
Only, in the scenario in El Ron’s head and the heads of Hisself’s Demon Spawn, it would not be an empathic, sympathetic and respectful Court of Fellow Officers probing for the facts, looking for the truth and standing in judgment—it would be the eeevvvviiiilll Psychs, Gubmint and SP’s out to “get” Hisself.
Why am I so confident that a “number of the folks that made up the Inner Circle in the latter years knew full well”? Because El Ron’s behavior was all too obvious—the paranoia, the mood swings, rage, hyper obsessive/compulsive and bursts of manic franticness. Nothing was ever said outwardly but I could see me fellow Inner Circle members' eyes, their body language and hear it in their voices and how we were all always "tap dancing" whenever interacting with Hisself.
Somewhere, in the PDC IIRCC, El Ron says, “there’s a fine line between OT and Insanity.” As there is no such thing as “OT”…certainly not as El Ron defines it…I am only left with the conclusion that I finally arrived at after pondering all this, and all that I had experienced around Hisself, for years post my SO career—El Ron was walking Hisself’s own “fine line” between what Hisself singularly “saw” as “Full OT” and what Hisself singularly “saw” as “Insanity”.
I am pretty darn certain many of the Inner Circle from the latter Children of the Corn Era viewed El Ron’s behavior, demeanor and ways as being a manifestation of Hisself’s “Full OTness” that, to “lesser” beings Hisself could, at times, appear “different”, “eccentric” or even a little bit “crazy” because they were still so “aberrated”; that Folks “Lower” than themselves would not “get ‘It’”; that it was frustrating at times to be El Ron and have to deal with lesser, inferior beings all the time; that “Wogs” wouldn’t have clue about, would mistake, and misunderstand and not “see” just how “OT” Hisself truly was because, after all, even they the “Chosen One’s” couldn’t fully Grock Hisself or “IT”.
I honestly think that the forgoing was the underpinning to Hisself’s self-isolation, always on the run modus, fear of being alone in public, constant anxiety at being with anyone that is not safe yet having to always have someone with him to take care of him, be with him, protect him.
IMHO, El Ron deep down inside feared being “captured” and “handed over” to the Psychs to be “enslaved”, “F’d with” and “tortured” for “all eternity”.
And, this brings me to my final “El Ron Story”.
As I have previously Posted about on ESMB, during the time El Ron was Hospitalized following Hisself’s heart attack, I was one of the "early responders".
Needless to say, El Ron was not the most cooperative or pleasant of patients and although Hisself had a private room and nurses and around the clock personnel at his beck and call, Hisself was not a happy camper to say the least.
Kima Douglas was the ramrod for the whole ordeal and virtually spent 24/7 with Hisself and trying to keep the whole thing from becoming more of a fiasco than El Ron was intent on making it. Gawd I don’t know how she did it, nor weathered what she did in service to Hisself for so long. She is truly a remarkable and stellar human being and is welcome in any trench I’m ever under fire in.
On the Island of Curacao there was virtually no fresh milk available anywhere for anyone. El Ron had to have fresh milk every day and the resourceful and dedicated El Ron Household Unit personnel had managed to secure a supply of two pint bottles a day of fresh milk for Hisself, via the Executive Chef of the luxurious Intercontinental Hotel. They paid handsomely for that milk, BTW.
The milk came from an elderly Dutch Petroleum Engineer that had grown up on a farm, retired to a small farm in the countryside and supplied the Hotel with first quality garden veggies and a daily supply of fresh milk, cream and buttermilk from a half dozen Jersey milk cows.
There were some real fine Folks in the Household Unit, of whom and which I’ve written about earlier in Shooting Stars, and I had become friends with a number of them. One morning, a day or two after El Ron’s Hospitalization, there was a pall hanging over some of my friends and when I inquired as to what was up, one of my Buds said, “The CommodeDoor is very upset that there was no fresh milk for his breakfast.” Turns out the Dutchman had been injured and there was no fresh milk that morning for the Hotel or the CommodeDoor.
Apparently, as I was told years later by someone that was an eye witness, the “OT de OT’s” had turned rage red, spit out the powdered milk Hisself had been served, chucked cup across the room and nearly had another heart attack. Hisself was being “poisoned”, El Ron raged and demanded fresh milk only be served to him...now, Now, NOW!
I grew up on a cattle ranch that, besides the beef cattle, had a small herd of Dairy cows. I offered my services and within an hour or so was sitting in the living room of the Dutchman, convincing him that I could milk his cows and would do so for free. He was pretty bruised up and had a had his right arm in a sling from being pushed into the side of his barn by one of his cows that was the “skittish” one (seems like there’s always one them critters).
Like all un-milked cows, the little beasts were all bunched around the fence gate, balling their big brown eyes out. Problem was, the pasture they were in was the back pasture and I had to cross another pasture to get to the gate and open it so they could walk to the milk barn. It had rained the night before and as I stepped out into the front pasture I noticed it was crawling with snakes. I turned around and scurried back to the farmhouse.
“Are there any venomous snakes on Curacao?” I asked the Dutchman.
He smiled and said, “They’re all over the place, but they’re easy to recognize…they’re all wearing dresses.”
And lo, the Demonic Cult Leader got his fresh milk and the Universe was again calm…for yet another brief moment in time.
Every day for about a week I milked the Farmer’s Cows and the Hotel and Hisself got their daily supply courtesy of yours truly until the farmer’s son, a pilot for KLM, was able to arrange Leave Time to help his father out for a while.
El Ron’s “validation” for this “OT stunt” on my part was of a nature that you woulda thought I had brought down the American Psychiatric Association.
The best part of it all was not being an “Hero”…the best part was becoming friends with the Farmer, getting a break from the Apollo and the “Thank You” from the Executive Chef. I spent an unforgettable afternoon at this home, eating fresh fish he had caught that morning and a meal that he personally prepared for me. It was one of the finest meals I’ve ever had anywhere. The Pièce de résistance was relaxing in his living room after the meal, sipping 80 year old Cognac and listening to his treasured American Jazz record collection. We both agreed—and toasted—that ole Satchmo was the best.
When I related this story to the Port Captain it was suggested that the Port Captain’s Office should take the Chef a Stars Album. “Oh, I said, he already has one.” There was no way I was gonna put my Host and new found Friend through the “Wall of Noise” of that POS.
That was one of the days that I transiently thought about saying Fug It and walking away but, I didn’t—not for another number of years. I continued to do my “Duty”, honor my “Contract” and “Milk Cows” for the CommodeDoor. In the end, that’s all turned out fine—it led me here and gave me the spear with which to gore Hisself’s Galactic Ox.
I have trod Scns Erebus Paths, drank drafts of El Ron’s Lethe Waters and walked a path through Hisself’s Hades Spell. I came back. Others are on their way back and more will follow. It makes my Heart sick and sad that there are some still there and some that are determined to dwell there, permanently.
We will never know the full true Story and Truth about El Ron’s final days. What I do know from my Life and Times with El Ron is this:
Greed knows no rest.
Madness never sleeps.
The End
Peace.
Face
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
...
Kinda speechless, such was the humanity and warmth and wisdom of this latest chapter.
I see that in the Third Act of your nightMaritime Odyssey, there was no sudden intervention of the Gods in the closing moments to set it all right.
But, then again, you performed your own Deus Ex Machina, lowering yourself down to terra firma where you have written yet another three decades worth of chapters since those strange days and paths you walked on.
And, I cherish having grown to know, admire and love you these past couple years, something that resonates with me long after reading your words.
The journey continues. If this magnificent mystical thing called life continues longer than our bodies, you may find yourself sitting in second grade classroom one day and get a tap on the shoulder from a little kid seated behind. That would be me, saying, "Hey is that you Face?"
That's when I'll add: "Hey, bud let's hang out. But let's not do that cult-on-a-boat thing again, okay?"
Kinda speechless, such was the humanity and warmth and wisdom of this latest chapter.
I see that in the Third Act of your nightMaritime Odyssey, there was no sudden intervention of the Gods in the closing moments to set it all right.
But, then again, you performed your own Deus Ex Machina, lowering yourself down to terra firma where you have written yet another three decades worth of chapters since those strange days and paths you walked on.
And, I cherish having grown to know, admire and love you these past couple years, something that resonates with me long after reading your words.
The journey continues. If this magnificent mystical thing called life continues longer than our bodies, you may find yourself sitting in second grade classroom one day and get a tap on the shoulder from a little kid seated behind. That would be me, saying, "Hey is that you Face?"
That's when I'll add: "Hey, bud let's hang out. But let's not do that cult-on-a-boat thing again, okay?"
Free to shine
Shiny & Free
I'm sure I've said it before but that doesn't matter. Thankyou Face for your soaring overviews and sharing your journey with such humour and candour. To have emerged with such a kindness and love for your fellow man shows the inherent beauty of you, the man. It's been such a pleasure to read your posts - they always deserved a fresh cup of coffee ready - and if this is the end of the story then you are still sticking around for the party afterwards, right?
Ogsonofgroo
Crusader
As someone always trying to put together puzzle pieces I found your latest instalment to be quite wonderful Face. I'm really glad you hung around here and didn't just do several post and bugger off.
(a manly one fer ya), and 
(the cheap shit, no 80 year old cognac available *schniffle*)
Keep writing man, not necessarily cultic stuff, anything really, your way of expressing yourself is comfortable on the brain, and I suspect would have mass appeal in the common world.
(a manly one fer ya), and (the cheap shit, no 80 year old cognac available *schniffle*)Keep writing man, not necessarily cultic stuff, anything really, your way of expressing yourself is comfortable on the brain, and I suspect would have mass appeal in the common world.
dchoiceisalwaysrs
Gold Meritorious Patron
Thank you for your labour and gift of Love Face. The truth laid bare by a man with a heart to also allow other hearts their freedom.
Peace be unto you also.
Peace be unto you also.