Human Again
Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi, I am Natascha Fareed. I am no longer concerned if any Church officials know my opinion of the Church, Scientology or LRH. I am happy to speak my truth rather than anyone else's. My friends who are still in, you work on the wrong side of the feedom coin. I wish for you, whatever events are needed to open your eyes to how you have been used and manipulated and how your effort and your sincerity is used to draw others into the trap.
I was brought up as a Scientologist. My family was disfunctional because of the distorted views of Scn about families, about mental illness and about humans and emotion. My father does not speak to me, he says I am a bad scientologist - even though he is declared. He has no friends, his wife can't stand him and IMHO his entire beingness has been wrecked by what he learned as "scientology" - which I must say is very different from what I learned as "scientology". He is of the "no emotion is good emotion" , "you are all responsible for your own unhappiness, nothing I do to you can cause you to be unhappy" type. No compassion for other people. Having said all this I love my Dad and hope he finds a way to love me again before he dies. He is now 72 and not strong any more.
I joined the SO in ANZO in 1981 when I was 16.
The circumstances of my leaving are weird. I didn't want to leave but took an LOA to see my mother who was supposedly dying (a ploy to get me home it turned out) and the suppressive LC (Vito - I still have a lot of anger toward you little man) at the org I took the LOA from put through a LSRF for me and unknown by me while I was away.
When I demanded to know what that BS was he just said "I was ordered to do it by RTC." My God how off policy can you get? Routing someone off while they are not there? No Fittness Board or anything? No comm Ev WTF?
No ammount of arguing got me anywhere. My calls to IJC were blocked. SNR HCO ANZO refused to talk to me. My calls to the CO ANZO went unreturned.
Well, it devestated me then but I have since realised was the best thing that could possibly have happened to me.
Until a year or two before I left I was completely gung ho and 100% aligned
with the purposes set out by LRH. Any outpoints I saw I either justified or put them on my "I will make sure it is corrected when I have enough power to do so" list. I was ambitious and saw my purpose in life as establishing HCOs and then the orgs in a sustainable fashion and setting them up to expand forever.
This is what I saw as my part in clearing the planet. My eval, done when I first took over the network, showed that HASes all over the planet were unhatted on how to recruit, they lacked sales skills and although they were pushed for stats they were also constantly overloaded with orders that took them off their "Recruit, Hat, and Keep the comm lines moving" priorities. They were bogged down in handling "ethics" that were often unneccesary, conditions assigned from management orgs, disagreed with by staff and acting themselves as suppression on production lines. These condition assignments were 90% despite up stats. Staff were being called "off purpose" "frying other fish" "CI" "Dissafected" etc and treated as if they were enemies while working thier guts out. When stats were down, it was often because the staff member had no idea how to raise them. Or it was conditions beyond their control - which was no allowed to be percieved of course. Another major problem was the situation of stat pushes creating unrealistic poduction levels and thus new targets that could not be met and ultimately you'd get a crash. We even had a bare bones plan for that, however we saw it as priority to get HASes recruiting and hatting.
EEI and I saw eye to eye on the solutions and I felt 100% confident we could get the job done. I had a fabulous team at Snr HCO Int and we were hard working and joyful. I was the happiest, most effective and OT I had ever been, we took arbitraries off the lines, helped HASes focus on their priorities and stats in HCOs took off. We were ecstatic. There was a long way to go but we could see our goals being achieved and our values of clear priorities, calm competence and honest effort (vs stat pushes) were being felt down the lines. The continual panic or apathy found in most HCOs began to lift in many of them and there was much joy.
Then EEI was removed. An RTC mission was fired into SNR HCO Int and I was told to stop whatever I was doing. RTC began sending orders directly into orgs. I refused. When I was given a white wash comm ev with trumped up charges and taken off post as Snr HAS Int I was completely stunned. Right up until I was removed I believed it could not go through with such BS and on such high stats. When my efforts to speak with ED Int to find out why I had been witch hunted and get it fixed were stymied I assumed there was some kind of conspiricy to prevent HCO from being established. This was reinforced when I found out my replacement was a woman who LRH himself had written an issue oon stating she must "Never be posted in HCO". I took her post at Flag and found false stats rampant. When I KR'd it I was dragged into the RTC office and told I was trying to sabotage Scientology. When I showed them the LRH order they just shrugged thier shoulders. As I was transferred, first to Flag and then to the Freewinds my only purpose was to get back to PAC and get my injustice sorted out so I could get back on with my purpose. I was unprouctive and dissaffected during that time but still completely shocked to be told I had been "routed out" on an RTC order while I was on leave.
It took me ten years after leaving to realise that Scientology was a BS cult with a so so talk therapy that helped some, did nothing at all for others and was 100% replacable with a myriad of choices in the real world. And that many of them do not come with an inbuilt individuality destruction virus such as we have seen infecting the peoples of Scientology.
I still have a mystery on who/why EEI and then I was targetted and eliminated.
Since reading all the ARS/ESMB/EXSCN Kids stuff I see many outpoints that I just did not see back then. Also there was a lot that went on that I did not see. I especially found it horrific that the Bridge and the upper OT levels are BS and all that work I put in, on the belief that I was helping people was really work on separating people from their money and their self determinism and their lives.
To everyone I regged, to everyone I recruited or caused to be recruited, I am sorry that I led you in that direction but, having believed yourself, I am sure you understand.
Natascha Fareed
I was brought up as a Scientologist. My family was disfunctional because of the distorted views of Scn about families, about mental illness and about humans and emotion. My father does not speak to me, he says I am a bad scientologist - even though he is declared. He has no friends, his wife can't stand him and IMHO his entire beingness has been wrecked by what he learned as "scientology" - which I must say is very different from what I learned as "scientology". He is of the "no emotion is good emotion" , "you are all responsible for your own unhappiness, nothing I do to you can cause you to be unhappy" type. No compassion for other people. Having said all this I love my Dad and hope he finds a way to love me again before he dies. He is now 72 and not strong any more.
I joined the SO in ANZO in 1981 when I was 16.
The circumstances of my leaving are weird. I didn't want to leave but took an LOA to see my mother who was supposedly dying (a ploy to get me home it turned out) and the suppressive LC (Vito - I still have a lot of anger toward you little man) at the org I took the LOA from put through a LSRF for me and unknown by me while I was away.
When I demanded to know what that BS was he just said "I was ordered to do it by RTC." My God how off policy can you get? Routing someone off while they are not there? No Fittness Board or anything? No comm Ev WTF?
No ammount of arguing got me anywhere. My calls to IJC were blocked. SNR HCO ANZO refused to talk to me. My calls to the CO ANZO went unreturned.
Well, it devestated me then but I have since realised was the best thing that could possibly have happened to me.
Until a year or two before I left I was completely gung ho and 100% aligned
with the purposes set out by LRH. Any outpoints I saw I either justified or put them on my "I will make sure it is corrected when I have enough power to do so" list. I was ambitious and saw my purpose in life as establishing HCOs and then the orgs in a sustainable fashion and setting them up to expand forever.
This is what I saw as my part in clearing the planet. My eval, done when I first took over the network, showed that HASes all over the planet were unhatted on how to recruit, they lacked sales skills and although they were pushed for stats they were also constantly overloaded with orders that took them off their "Recruit, Hat, and Keep the comm lines moving" priorities. They were bogged down in handling "ethics" that were often unneccesary, conditions assigned from management orgs, disagreed with by staff and acting themselves as suppression on production lines. These condition assignments were 90% despite up stats. Staff were being called "off purpose" "frying other fish" "CI" "Dissafected" etc and treated as if they were enemies while working thier guts out. When stats were down, it was often because the staff member had no idea how to raise them. Or it was conditions beyond their control - which was no allowed to be percieved of course. Another major problem was the situation of stat pushes creating unrealistic poduction levels and thus new targets that could not be met and ultimately you'd get a crash. We even had a bare bones plan for that, however we saw it as priority to get HASes recruiting and hatting.
EEI and I saw eye to eye on the solutions and I felt 100% confident we could get the job done. I had a fabulous team at Snr HCO Int and we were hard working and joyful. I was the happiest, most effective and OT I had ever been, we took arbitraries off the lines, helped HASes focus on their priorities and stats in HCOs took off. We were ecstatic. There was a long way to go but we could see our goals being achieved and our values of clear priorities, calm competence and honest effort (vs stat pushes) were being felt down the lines. The continual panic or apathy found in most HCOs began to lift in many of them and there was much joy.
Then EEI was removed. An RTC mission was fired into SNR HCO Int and I was told to stop whatever I was doing. RTC began sending orders directly into orgs. I refused. When I was given a white wash comm ev with trumped up charges and taken off post as Snr HAS Int I was completely stunned. Right up until I was removed I believed it could not go through with such BS and on such high stats. When my efforts to speak with ED Int to find out why I had been witch hunted and get it fixed were stymied I assumed there was some kind of conspiricy to prevent HCO from being established. This was reinforced when I found out my replacement was a woman who LRH himself had written an issue oon stating she must "Never be posted in HCO". I took her post at Flag and found false stats rampant. When I KR'd it I was dragged into the RTC office and told I was trying to sabotage Scientology. When I showed them the LRH order they just shrugged thier shoulders. As I was transferred, first to Flag and then to the Freewinds my only purpose was to get back to PAC and get my injustice sorted out so I could get back on with my purpose. I was unprouctive and dissaffected during that time but still completely shocked to be told I had been "routed out" on an RTC order while I was on leave.
It took me ten years after leaving to realise that Scientology was a BS cult with a so so talk therapy that helped some, did nothing at all for others and was 100% replacable with a myriad of choices in the real world. And that many of them do not come with an inbuilt individuality destruction virus such as we have seen infecting the peoples of Scientology.
I still have a mystery on who/why EEI and then I was targetted and eliminated.
Since reading all the ARS/ESMB/EXSCN Kids stuff I see many outpoints that I just did not see back then. Also there was a lot that went on that I did not see. I especially found it horrific that the Bridge and the upper OT levels are BS and all that work I put in, on the belief that I was helping people was really work on separating people from their money and their self determinism and their lives.
To everyone I regged, to everyone I recruited or caused to be recruited, I am sorry that I led you in that direction but, having believed yourself, I am sure you understand.
Natascha Fareed
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It's so great to have you here. Thanks for posting this. 
