The following is the opinion of the author.
Your opinion may differ.
I can live with that.
http://nomoreliesscn.blogspot.com/2013/01/scientology-cannot-be-saved.html
The game can change significantly, use the Scientology reserves to bankroll the new game, use a good deal of salvaged "tech" and do all of that rebranded. The problem is that Scientology isn't Scientology without Xenu, and the Xenu story only worked when it was kept to a select few who paid thru the nose to read that mediocre bit of HubTurdian SciFi. Therefore, the game is doomed albeit for, as I see it, a different reason than the ones you brought forward. The solution?
Go over to Cult Lite. Do another LandMark or LifeSpring. You need trained "facilitators" that are drilled, drilled, drilled on being genuinely enthusiastic, even if they would rather strangle the people they are pitching a seminar to as opposed to blowing sunshine up their asses. I.e., no case on post. These facilitators would all have nice plastic smiley faces and slim muscular bodies, no fatties. We are talking about guys who look absolutely great in a tailored business suit and women who look great in business atire as well. We are talking about having these folk drilled in projecting charisma. Personally, these types make me want to barf, but, wtf, lots of folk wish they could cut an image like that. How do you find and train folk like that? Lots of auditions, lots of training, and, in the end, if nothing else works, keep their noses well packed with the finest Bolivian flake.
You have several crews, and they go from city to city. They promote a two hour freebie, a $49.95 value in and of itself, with tickets printed up that a true mooch is totally grateful that he somehow "won." The facilitator warms up the crowd by telling a few jokes and perhaps using some group processing techniques and/or any other technique that works. The free coffee helps as well, with 2x the usual amount of cafeine and perhaps some other ingredients that enhance the effect of the caffeine ... all legal, nothing to get busted over ... we are talking 5 hour energy drink stuff. The facilitator blows sunshine bigtime. The closers (redges, but known as counselors) are at the back table to sign people up for the $398.50 weekend seminar. It is a relatively easy sale. There will be people who simply file out, no interest. Fine, let them go. There will be those who immediately sign up, and, if the intro seminar is done right, that would be half or more, and then there will be those with some questions to answers. The point of the closers will not be to answer questions, but rather to convey an attitude, which is
"We're having a pool party! We have chips, dips, and as many pitchers of Margaritas as you want! There's a band playing YOUR MUSIC! Come'on in, the water's fine! And look at all the amazing guests, everybody is enjoying!!!!" Remember, nobody has to be begged to go to a party. The invitation is put out LIGHTLY. The host is doing the guests a FAVOR.
The weekend seminar is designed to be as much fun as possible and, for single folk of for those acting as if they are single, as conducive as possible for making a hookup. The focus? Pick, say, the top 5 things that people tend to be hung up about. For instance, procrastination, wasting time, finishing shit, a bit shy in public, etc. Not saying those are the items exactly, they would be determined via surveys. The survey would be to find the top five things that the people who are the most moochifiable and easy to sell want to handle.
After a weekend of fun drills and having sunshine blown up their backsides, the attendees should feel as if they have really experienced a life changing event and/or made a hookup as well. A large percentage of them can then be closed by the "counselors" for the $1998.50 5 day intermediate level seminar ... which, of course, will be held at a fun resort location with skiing or beach parties at night or some such thing. There would be choices.
There could be, say, 2 more higher levels, with the price going up, and perhaps a 5th level for staff training for those who really dig the heck out of it and want to become a facilitator.
Keep it light, keep it fun, refund promptly those who aren't satisfied. My guess is that if done right very very few would ask for a refund.
Offer a steep discount, say, 50%, for those who attend the weekend seminar two or more times, if they want to come back again and again and again. Those will be the guys/chicks who work the seminars the same way that others work singles bars.
Part of the deal ... auditing expensives could be sold as well, but, they would not be the mainstay, that would be a specialty side item.
ANYWAYS ... that is my take on how to repackage the cult, but, as I said, it would require a rebranding and Xenu would never again be mentioned. And instead of chasing celebs for endorsement purposes ... in addition to pitching individuals who show up for the 2 hour intro freebie, the big league sales could be to corporations to send their employees in for a weekend of training.
Pete
- not even Marty can save it now!
