Ted
Gold Meritorious Patron
My New Retirement Job
It beats the hell out of Walmart Greeter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQaPnRjORPM
It beats the hell out of Walmart Greeter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQaPnRjORPM
The Little Thread Which Grew - the Apollo '73 to Everything But
- Thread starter lkwdblds
- Start date
- Status
SchwimmelPuckel
Genuine Meatball
^^^ Impressive! - 
lkwdblds
Crusader
Not sure at what I looked at but very inspiring
Amazing photos of deep space. I would like to attend a lecture which explained the photos in more detail. Of course, there is something about deep space which does not appear totally random but seems structured. It is hard to put one's fiinger on what gives that impression but it is there.
There is a lot of randomness out there but it is embedded within an organized structure.
It is like the distribution of prime numbers: 2,3,5,7,11,13,17,19,,,,,,. numbers only divisible by themselves and "1" with no other factors. In any given interval, the primes seem to occur randomnly and yet in a very large group of numbers, the overall characteristics and behavior of the primes is very predictable. This develops from the way they are derived, through a seiving process.
Just a guess based on a cursory examination but deep space appears to share this characteristic - random behavior in any given local area with the randomness being embedded in a large framework which is structured.
Lakey
Amazing photos of deep space. I would like to attend a lecture which explained the photos in more detail. Of course, there is something about deep space which does not appear totally random but seems structured. It is hard to put one's fiinger on what gives that impression but it is there.
There is a lot of randomness out there but it is embedded within an organized structure.
It is like the distribution of prime numbers: 2,3,5,7,11,13,17,19,,,,,,. numbers only divisible by themselves and "1" with no other factors. In any given interval, the primes seem to occur randomnly and yet in a very large group of numbers, the overall characteristics and behavior of the primes is very predictable. This develops from the way they are derived, through a seiving process.
Just a guess based on a cursory examination but deep space appears to share this characteristic - random behavior in any given local area with the randomness being embedded in a large framework which is structured.
Lakey
lkwdblds
Crusader
Beutiful "hotty" actresses from the past
Looking at Doris Day, it is hard to think of another actress which such a wholesome and prissy basic presentation to the public. Hats did show that she had a more sultry side to her.
The most most prissy actress I can think of is Debbie Reynolds.
Some of my favorites who were beautiful but had some sauciness and mystique were Yvette Mimieus, Elke Sommer and Ursula Andress.
Lakey
Looking at Doris Day, it is hard to think of another actress which such a wholesome and prissy basic presentation to the public. Hats did show that she had a more sultry side to her.
The most most prissy actress I can think of is Debbie Reynolds.
Some of my favorites who were beautiful but had some sauciness and mystique were Yvette Mimieus, Elke Sommer and Ursula Andress.
Lakey
SweetnessandLight
Crusader
Common, ordinary, everyday GREATNESS is being authentic!
Weighing in with my two cents worth here...Integrity is great, but for my money...Authenticity is really where it's at. Ted hinted at this in talking about Mick Jagger. Being REAL, whatever that is for you in the moment. Be here now, being fully present in the highest and best sense of that word, as Roger has spoken of earlier!
Watch the GREAT documentary, "Playing for Change" about street musicians around the world, and you'll see greatness. These are common, ordinary, humble people each joyfully making music in their own chosen ways that are authentic to them..."playing" together and making music in their own individual ways, and yet all are startlingly beautiful, without all being physically beautiful, as Mick is. You can't take your eyes off them. Their energy is electric, palpable. The work just takes your breath away, and brings tears to your eyes...
They are not stars, but they all have "it", chemistry, star power, attraction...You want to connect with them at a heart level...you don't easily forget them...and that is greatness. It's being authentic and present in the moment.
We all can (and do) do it! We all can fulfill our own capacity for greatness! I really believe this! 
Weighing in with my two cents worth here...Integrity is great, but for my money...Authenticity is really where it's at. Ted hinted at this in talking about Mick Jagger. Being REAL, whatever that is for you in the moment. Be here now, being fully present in the highest and best sense of that word, as Roger has spoken of earlier!
Watch the GREAT documentary, "Playing for Change" about street musicians around the world, and you'll see greatness. These are common, ordinary, humble people each joyfully making music in their own chosen ways that are authentic to them..."playing" together and making music in their own individual ways, and yet all are startlingly beautiful, without all being physically beautiful, as Mick is. You can't take your eyes off them. Their energy is electric, palpable. The work just takes your breath away, and brings tears to your eyes...
They are not stars, but they all have "it", chemistry, star power, attraction...You want to connect with them at a heart level...you don't easily forget them...and that is greatness. It's being authentic and present in the moment.
We all can (and do) do it!
We all can fulfill our own capacity for greatness! I really believe this! 
Terril park
Sponsor
MOZART
If you can get BBC radio 3 they are doing a 12 day marathon of playing everything Mozart wrote, and repeats of some of his greatest works by great performers.
If you can get BBC radio 3 they are doing a 12 day marathon of playing everything Mozart wrote, and repeats of some of his greatest works by great performers.
CarmeloOrchards
Crusader
If you get radio Margaritaville, you get Jimmy Buffett
FoTi
Crusader
How's this for precision timing, balance and coordination?
http://www.flixxy.com/chinese-bicycle-acrobatics.htm
http://www.flixxy.com/chinese-bicycle-acrobatics.htm
FoTi
Crusader
Just thought I'd share this
I just wanted to share a win with you guys here of something I have used for about 25 years that I find valuable sometimes, and thought you might find it useful for yourselves.
About a week ago I was making yogurt in a pot and had just warmed the electric oven up a bit and had just turned it off. The element on top was red hot. I opened the oven door and stuck my hand in to check the temperature of the pot. I accidentally touched the red hot element with the tip of my finger. Youch! I yanked my hand back and looked at the end of my finger. The skin was white...like ash, obviously it was badly burned. I thought...Oh God...this is BAD!....this is going to hurt something awful and I won't be able to use my finger to type or anything. I keep Willard Water on my kitchen counter to drink and for first aid because it's good for burns and bug bites. I quickly poured some in a shot glass and stuck my finger in it. It immediately took the burn/sting out of it. I went on with my cooking and every few minutes I felt it start to sting a bit and put my finger back into the shot glass with the Willard Water and immediately it took the sting back out of it. I did this every few minutes for maybe an hour and then I quit. The sting was gone and so was a lot of the skin being so white. No pain. I thought for sure that it would blister, but no....no blister. It just slowly went back to normal, no swelling, no pain or anything and by the next day I couldn't even tell that I had burned it.
It's also good for all kinds of other stuff. Diaper rash, cleaning contact lenses without removing them from one's eyes, cleaning stuff.....I have a white car and park under a tree....the birds make a mess of my car and their poop leaves yellow stains in the car if I try to wash them off. I spray the Willard Water on their poop and the stain comes off. It's great for watering plants and making flowers last longer, and also for absorbing more nutrients out of one's food and vitamins. It's a super wetting agent.
It's good to have on hand. I don't sell it, but if you don't already know about it and you're interested you can learn more about it and get it here: http://drwillard.com/
Some healthfood stores sell it as well.
I just wanted to share a win with you guys here of something I have used for about 25 years that I find valuable sometimes, and thought you might find it useful for yourselves.
About a week ago I was making yogurt in a pot and had just warmed the electric oven up a bit and had just turned it off. The element on top was red hot. I opened the oven door and stuck my hand in to check the temperature of the pot. I accidentally touched the red hot element with the tip of my finger. Youch! I yanked my hand back and looked at the end of my finger. The skin was white...like ash, obviously it was badly burned. I thought...Oh God...this is BAD!....this is going to hurt something awful and I won't be able to use my finger to type or anything. I keep Willard Water on my kitchen counter to drink and for first aid because it's good for burns and bug bites. I quickly poured some in a shot glass and stuck my finger in it. It immediately took the burn/sting out of it. I went on with my cooking and every few minutes I felt it start to sting a bit and put my finger back into the shot glass with the Willard Water and immediately it took the sting back out of it. I did this every few minutes for maybe an hour and then I quit. The sting was gone and so was a lot of the skin being so white. No pain. I thought for sure that it would blister, but no....no blister. It just slowly went back to normal, no swelling, no pain or anything and by the next day I couldn't even tell that I had burned it.
It's also good for all kinds of other stuff. Diaper rash, cleaning contact lenses without removing them from one's eyes, cleaning stuff.....I have a white car and park under a tree....the birds make a mess of my car and their poop leaves yellow stains in the car if I try to wash them off. I spray the Willard Water on their poop and the stain comes off. It's great for watering plants and making flowers last longer, and also for absorbing more nutrients out of one's food and vitamins. It's a super wetting agent.
It's good to have on hand. I don't sell it, but if you don't already know about it and you're interested you can learn more about it and get it here: http://drwillard.com/
Some healthfood stores sell it as well.
lkwdblds
Crusader
Comments about what greatness is.
Figuring this out is like trying to capture a rainbow. Who has IT? Who is going to be the next big rage?
Sometimes, it is a matter of talent. I feel that was the case with the Beatles and with Elvis. Of course, even with great talent, good promotion has to occur, especially at first, when the talent is basically unknown.
I doubt if the very best singers, the most athletic sports performers or the very best actors and actresses are actually the ones at the very top of the heap as far as public recognition and demand is concerned. It is possible and perhaps even likely that even better performers exist somewhere in the world but have never achieved great public acceptance.
Johnny Carson might well have been the best late night TV personality who ever lived. He was the very best and he made it to the top. The same may be said for basketball coach John Wooden, baseball broadcaster Vin Scully and basketball broadcaster Chick Hearn. If those same beings had been born in a different time or place, they likely would have made it to the top in any free society.
Take someone such as David Letterman. He has talent as a light night TV personality but he is certainly not in Johnny's class. There are undoubtedly dozens of other people in existence who could fill Letterman's shoes.
What about timing and or pioneering a certain song or style. Chubby Checker appears and has the musical and business acumen necessary to realize that people might enjoy dancing as a means of self expression, without being in contact with their dance partner. He pioneers "The Twist" around 1961 and his name lives forever. He is very talented but others had equal talent and did not make it. He read the mood of his times and brought out what the public wanted.
A Roseanne Barr or an Archie Bunker or George Gobel appear and present a down to Earth presence which identifies closely with the common man or woman - Bingo, instant staredom and fame. None of those 3 individuals is either extremely good looking nor extremely talented to the extent normally required to receive the fame that they have. Don't get me wrong, they all 3 have considerable talent but others with equal talent never came close to their levels of achievment.
Some of the components to attain greatness as far as being recognized as great by the public seem to be:
Talent - You have to have some or even the best PR and luckiest timing won't help you.
Beingness - You have to project some image or personality type the public at large can identify with.
Identity - You need to represent some identity which the public identifies with, i.e. a plain ordinary person, a sexy man or women, an ethnic identity such as a Jew, an Italian, a Latino or an African American, etc.
Timing = The time must be right for your particular beingness and identity to be popular. If a band such as the Rolling Stones appeared in the 1920's or 1930's, they would have gone nowhere. The individual or group must fit into the time period they are in unless, they create a whole new time area, as the Beatles did.
Public Relations - The Beatles were guided by Epstein, Elvis by Colonel Parker, etc. Every "great" performer has effective PR behind them when they first start out, otherwise their acts would never get off the ground.
Intangibles - Chemistry, Charisma, Personal Magnetism, Aura, Radiance or whatever you want to call it, a person needs to develop this to become a great with one notable exception. Some make a name for themselves by not having charisma and instead poking fun at themselves for not having it.
This ploy was used successfully by Jack Benny, George Gobel, Herb Shriner, Phylis Diller, Roseanne Barr, Rodney Dangerfield and others.
WHAT ABOUT "GREATNESS" WITHOUT FAME, MONEY OR POWER. Of course this is possible but by definition, nobody knows about these people. The book "The Razor's Edge" by W. Somerset Maugham takes a real hard look at this topic. The head character, Larry, gives up Western life and learns wisdom in the Orient.
He comes back to the west many years later, gives away all his money and investments to charity and becomes an obscure taxicab drivers in the New York City of the 1920's. As the book closes, one of the wisest and most enlightened men in the world is an obscure taxi driver in New York. The reader is left to ponder that this Great man, Larry, chose this to be his destiny.
Lakey
Weighing in with my two cents worth here...Integrity is great, but for my money...Authenticity is really where it's at. Ted hinted at this in talking about Mick Jagger. Being REAL, whatever that is for you in the moment. Be here now, being fully present in the highest and best sense of that word, as Roger has spoken of earlier!
Watch the GREAT documentary, "Playing for Change" about street musicians around the world, and you'll see greatness. These are common, ordinary, humble people each joyfully making music in their own chosen ways that are authentic to them..."playing" together and making music in their own individual ways, and yet all are startlingly beautiful, without all being physically beautiful, as Mick is. You can't take your eyes off them. Their energy is electric, palpable. The work just takes your breath away, and brings tears to your eyes...
They are not stars, but they all have "it", chemistry, star power, attraction...You want to connect with them at a heart level...you don't easily forget them...and that is greatness. It's being authentic and present in the moment.
We all can (and do) do it!
Figuring this out is like trying to capture a rainbow. Who has IT? Who is going to be the next big rage?
Sometimes, it is a matter of talent. I feel that was the case with the Beatles and with Elvis. Of course, even with great talent, good promotion has to occur, especially at first, when the talent is basically unknown.
I doubt if the very best singers, the most athletic sports performers or the very best actors and actresses are actually the ones at the very top of the heap as far as public recognition and demand is concerned. It is possible and perhaps even likely that even better performers exist somewhere in the world but have never achieved great public acceptance.
Johnny Carson might well have been the best late night TV personality who ever lived. He was the very best and he made it to the top. The same may be said for basketball coach John Wooden, baseball broadcaster Vin Scully and basketball broadcaster Chick Hearn. If those same beings had been born in a different time or place, they likely would have made it to the top in any free society.
Take someone such as David Letterman. He has talent as a light night TV personality but he is certainly not in Johnny's class. There are undoubtedly dozens of other people in existence who could fill Letterman's shoes.
What about timing and or pioneering a certain song or style. Chubby Checker appears and has the musical and business acumen necessary to realize that people might enjoy dancing as a means of self expression, without being in contact with their dance partner. He pioneers "The Twist" around 1961 and his name lives forever. He is very talented but others had equal talent and did not make it. He read the mood of his times and brought out what the public wanted.
A Roseanne Barr or an Archie Bunker or George Gobel appear and present a down to Earth presence which identifies closely with the common man or woman - Bingo, instant staredom and fame. None of those 3 individuals is either extremely good looking nor extremely talented to the extent normally required to receive the fame that they have. Don't get me wrong, they all 3 have considerable talent but others with equal talent never came close to their levels of achievment.
Some of the components to attain greatness as far as being recognized as great by the public seem to be:
Talent - You have to have some or even the best PR and luckiest timing won't help you.
Beingness - You have to project some image or personality type the public at large can identify with.
Identity - You need to represent some identity which the public identifies with, i.e. a plain ordinary person, a sexy man or women, an ethnic identity such as a Jew, an Italian, a Latino or an African American, etc.
Timing = The time must be right for your particular beingness and identity to be popular. If a band such as the Rolling Stones appeared in the 1920's or 1930's, they would have gone nowhere. The individual or group must fit into the time period they are in unless, they create a whole new time area, as the Beatles did.
Public Relations - The Beatles were guided by Epstein, Elvis by Colonel Parker, etc. Every "great" performer has effective PR behind them when they first start out, otherwise their acts would never get off the ground.
Intangibles - Chemistry, Charisma, Personal Magnetism, Aura, Radiance or whatever you want to call it, a person needs to develop this to become a great with one notable exception. Some make a name for themselves by not having charisma and instead poking fun at themselves for not having it.
This ploy was used successfully by Jack Benny, George Gobel, Herb Shriner, Phylis Diller, Roseanne Barr, Rodney Dangerfield and others.
WHAT ABOUT "GREATNESS" WITHOUT FAME, MONEY OR POWER. Of course this is possible but by definition, nobody knows about these people. The book "The Razor's Edge" by W. Somerset Maugham takes a real hard look at this topic. The head character, Larry, gives up Western life and learns wisdom in the Orient.
He comes back to the west many years later, gives away all his money and investments to charity and becomes an obscure taxicab drivers in the New York City of the 1920's. As the book closes, one of the wisest and most enlightened men in the world is an obscure taxi driver in New York. The reader is left to ponder that this Great man, Larry, chose this to be his destiny.
Lakey
Mark A. Baker
Sponsor
Additionally, as Somerset Maugham was at pains to point out, the novel is in fact based on the experiences of an actual person with whom Maugham was conversant and with whom he once had a chance encounter ending in dinner & conversation in Paris one night.
Mark A. Baker
Hatshepsut
Crusader
This era followed a period of time when people worshipped wealth and many of the rest were factory slaves or third class citizens. The feeling of entitlement to status because one was somehow of better stock must've become a turnoff to many as the industrial revolution spawned the nouveau riche and societal placeholders became more elastic.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nouveau_riche
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFx5Lf2uFn8
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Hatshepsut
Crusader
OK OK OK!!
I'll throw out something....to replace the redacted post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOX4UGnOexE
I'll throw out something....to replace the redacted post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOX4UGnOexE
Last edited:
CarmeloOrchards
Crusader
from the NY Times
SUSTAINABLE LOVE
The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage
By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: December 31, 2010
A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons.
But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.
“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”
The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.
To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)
While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love. In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, “Who are you today?” and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.
After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.
“You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn’t have before,” explains Dr. Aron, who co-authored the research. “When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it’s very exhilarating.”
Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.
Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.
In experiments by Dr. Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like “ambitious” or “artistic.” A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.
People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.
“It’s easy to answer those questions if you’re both the same,” Dr. Lewandowski explains. “But if it’s just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, ‘Is that me or is that you?’ ”
It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.
All of this can be highly predictive for a couple’s long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr. Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship. In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. “People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”
A version of this article appeared in print on January 2, 2011, on page WK4 of the New York edition.
SUSTAINABLE LOVE
The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage
By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: December 31, 2010
A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons.
But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.
“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”
The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.
To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)
While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love. In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, “Who are you today?” and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.
After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.
“You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn’t have before,” explains Dr. Aron, who co-authored the research. “When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it’s very exhilarating.”
Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.
Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.
In experiments by Dr. Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like “ambitious” or “artistic.” A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.
People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.
“It’s easy to answer those questions if you’re both the same,” Dr. Lewandowski explains. “But if it’s just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, ‘Is that me or is that you?’ ”
It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.
All of this can be highly predictive for a couple’s long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr. Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship. In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. “People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”
A version of this article appeared in print on January 2, 2011, on page WK4 of the New York edition.
Hatshepsut
Crusader
Ted
Gold Meritorious Patron
The Dalai Lama Says...
Dalai Lama: "My belief is that the various religious traditions have great potential to increase compassion, the sense of caring for one another, and the spirit of reconciliation. However, I believe that a human being, without religious faith, can be a very good person - sincere, a good heart, having a sense of concern for others - without belief in a particular religious faith."
Dalai Lama: "My belief is that the various religious traditions have great potential to increase compassion, the sense of caring for one another, and the spirit of reconciliation. However, I believe that a human being, without religious faith, can be a very good person - sincere, a good heart, having a sense of concern for others - without belief in a particular religious faith."
Hatshepsut
Crusader
SweetnessandLight
Crusader
Originally Posted by lkwdblds
WHAT ABOUT "GREATNESS" WITHOUT FAME, MONEY OR POWER. Of course this is possible but by definition, nobody knows about these people. The book "The Razor's Edge" by W. Somerset Maugham takes a real hard look at this topic. The head character, Larry, gives up Western life and learns wisdom in the Orient.
He comes back to the west many years later, gives away all his money and investments to charity and becomes an obscure taxicab drivers in the New York City of the 1920's. As the book closes, one of the wisest and most enlightened men in the world is an obscure taxi driver in New York. The reader is left to ponder that this Great man, Larry, chose this to be his destiny.
Lakey
Just to add...this is also the ending to Voltaire's Candide..."let us just go cultivate our garden..."so may be some universal truth in this experience...
"What do you do before enlightenment? Chop wood, carry water...
What do you do after enlightenment? Chop wood, carry water..."
WHAT ABOUT "GREATNESS" WITHOUT FAME, MONEY OR POWER. Of course this is possible but by definition, nobody knows about these people. The book "The Razor's Edge" by W. Somerset Maugham takes a real hard look at this topic. The head character, Larry, gives up Western life and learns wisdom in the Orient.
He comes back to the west many years later, gives away all his money and investments to charity and becomes an obscure taxicab drivers in the New York City of the 1920's. As the book closes, one of the wisest and most enlightened men in the world is an obscure taxi driver in New York. The reader is left to ponder that this Great man, Larry, chose this to be his destiny.
Lakey
Just to add...this is also the ending to Voltaire's Candide..."let us just go cultivate our garden..."so may be some universal truth in this experience...
"What do you do before enlightenment? Chop wood, carry water...
What do you do after enlightenment? Chop wood, carry water..."
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