a communication course prototype
What this course will attempt to do is to set you on sound ground in conversations and interchanges, where what you want is an equal to converse with.
“Thou art God” - Michael Valentine Smith
The magic begins when there isn’t a domination / subjugation relationship either implied or insisted.
Part One
Students, please read these instructions, clear their meaning(s), using a dictionary and conversation regarding the activities described.
These steps can be done one at a time in round robin fashion. When you’ve reached a win on one, go to the next, and so on back to the start. Just get a little better each time through.
Step 1 A
(just looking at one another)
Two people sit, lay, or stand in a room, on a lawn, by a pool a comfortable distance apart ( 2 feet to 20 feet to begin). Look at one another. In the eyes. Make eye contact. There is another person (being) over there. Find him / her. Don’t stare. Don’t avoid eye contact. Just pleasantly look at the other person (the being), not their shirt or hair, but the essence of their being. Don’t fidget, or look at your watch, or check your e mail. Just place your full attention on your partner in this step.
Step 1 B
Do the above, Step 1 A, with the addition of one partner choosing to be coach and the other choosing to be student. Coach and student switch roles at appropriate intervals.
The coach asks “what’s happening?” “what’s that?” or a similar non introvertive question when the student blinks, grows less focused, or in some way manifests less attention directly on the coach.
The student answers briefly, and goes back to doing the activity.
If the coach doesn’t feel the student is fully comfortable, after answering the question, the coach may ask for an earlier similar circumstance or another similar occasion when the student felt that way. This can go on until the student brightens up with their answer.
Step 1 C
All of Step 1 A and B plus, now the coach attempts to throw the student off his / her focus with comments aimed at distracting or harassing the student. The student is to remain comfortable and focused on the coach, not to react to things the coach does or says.
The object is to not be thrown off your focus by anything said or done.
Step 2
(originations)
Keeping Step 1 A and B in place, student reads silently a line from a comic book, a newspaper, a book of pithy or short phrases or sayings. Owns the sentence, and says it to the coach in a natural and even way. coach asks the student to repeat the phrase if it is directed too weakly, shyly, menacingly or brusquely.
The point of this step is to be able to communicate an idea without trying to overwhelm or being too meek, but gently, equally, stating a position.
As in Step 1, the coach may ask at any time, he / she feels the student is uncomfortable or unfocused, “what’s happening?” etc.
The coach must be able to hear and understand clearly the words being said.
Step 3 A
(acknowledgements)
With the quality of attention to each other, as above, the coach now says words or phrases to the student.
The student acknowledges appropriately, what was said.
If, for example, the coach says “I am dying.”, the appropriate acknowledgement is probably not “Cool!” (I know Steve Jobs’ last words were “Oh wow, oh wow.”)
Still we are looking for an appropriate acknowledgement that what the coach said was fully heard and understood. As with the steps above, the focus of the student is on the coach and talking comfortably with the coach. The coach may steepen the gradient, by his / her choice of phrases, as is needed.
Step 3 B
When the coach is satisfied with the students ability to understand and fully acknowledge the coach’s statements, the coach now watches a bit more that the student is interested and invested (attention - wise) in the coach, not just the coach’s words.
Step 4
(move the conversation forward)
This step requires the student to be fully comfortable with Steps 1 - 3. Here the student is expected to understand the phrase, the coach’s viewpoint in saying it, and to add to the conversation.
The coach says a line, and the student responds with an appropriate acknowledgement, and then makes an intelligent reply or response. The student is expected to contribute to the conversation, not just be a bump on a log. Stupid comments, put downs, and off the wall responses are queried by the coach. Engaging questions, showing interest and sincerity are totally appropriate.
Communication is a two way street.
Step 5 A
(“8C” means “good control”
“Tone 40” means “intention without reservation”
“SCS” means “Start Change Stop.”
I don’t know why. As Tevia, in “Fiddler on the Roof,” would say, “It’s a tradition.”)
In this step, using 8C and Tone 40, the student moves the coach around their environment, asking the coach to walk to a certain place, pick up an object, examine it, set it down, turn around, look to another area, and so on.
The coach is looking for a student to comfortably give orders and acknowledgements comfortably without trying to overwhelm the coach or be too meek in his / her orders, nor with a whiny voice. Dominating, subgugating, victimizer or victim attitudes are queried by the coach.
As the student moves the coach around the environment comfortably executing the commands easily, the coach ups the gradient by watching for indecisiveness on the part of the student. Lack of control, lack of clarity, lack of a good acknowledgement, lack of a clear gentle direction by the student are each and all queried by the coach and worked on successively.
Step 5 B
(bullbaiting and derailment)
The gradient is upped here with the coach throwing in derailments. Any time the coach doesn’t feel the student has actually handled the coach’s attempt to derail the procedure, that the student should be controlling, the coach stops the student, and they work out an agreeable “handle” to get the student back in control of the coach.
Step 5 C
This is Step A done in an environment with motion, such as a sidewalk or mall with other pedestrians, an animal corral or pen, a surf line, or crowded beach. The student is expected to keep all of the above steps in while owning the space that the coach and student are operating in. The coach is vigilant to query the student when the student doesn’t maneuver the coach around obstacles, moving people, stray frisbees and volleyballs, cars and bicycles.
The student is capable of commanding gently, with grace, the coach through moving hazards, thus owning the coach, the coach’s body, and the surrounding chaos of the physical universe.
Step D
This is all the previous steps combined with bullbaiting and derailment in the live action physical universe.
Part Two
Here you get to demonstrate what you have learned.
Clay Demos
Students demonstrate in clay:
1. spiritual being and body
each part of the communication cycle
invalidation
4. evaluation
5. 8C
6. Tone 40
7. cycle of action, SCS (Start Change Stop)
8. the meaning of the word “coaching”
Part Three
The class, as a whole defines / discusses “coaching,” and what they have learned in the class. How does it apply to life and their life, in particular?
Ultimately, you don’t need to see the other person’s eyes, but can do the steps by phone, text, or other means on far ends of the planet.
Connecting the beings without anything in between is the ultimate foundation.
Copyright June 1, 2012 Edward Berwick
That IS Scotty's handle. His gal used his cell phone to record and upload. I sent him his 'own' vid. 
. . why mess with a good thing?