Why Didn't I Just Listen To My Heart?

[Free2Dream]

I've had it and I'm leaving the CoS! This will probably get me declared and cost me a very close friendship. I've just had too many nagging doubts about what is REALLY going on with the "Church" and its goals.

If "clearing the planet" is such a big deal, then why are services so expensive?
This was always a huge concern for me because I'm a full-time student who also works full-time. I'm hardly what you could consider wealthy. It seemed like they didn't care that I have rent and other bills to pay. It didn't matter to them that I like living indoors and eating. They would do just about anything to get me to buy the next course. This included telling me that I was putting too much consideration on money.

I'm already a very busy person. I didn't appreciate being guilted or pressured into being on course, attending the next "big" event, or filling my spare time with some other Scientology related activity. I like having my personal time when I can do whatever I feel like doing. That doesn't fall in line with being a Scientologist. My roommate even had the gall to ask me why I needed time off for myself!

My education is important to me. I enjoy learning and being in class. Again, this doesn't fall in line with the goals of Scientology. It was a point of contention with the C/S whenever I'd CSW because I had to study for finals or do homework. They said I had time management problems and that I should "handle" it.

I could go on, but it's a story for some other time...

I should've just listened to my heart and stayed the hell away from Scientology.

 

[Sky]

Hi Free2Dream!

Good for you that you are not going to take any more BS from them. I know it's hard to make that final decision to leave but you will be better for it, believe me.

And unless you are on staff I wouldn't be worried about getting declared. I've known several people who have just kind of quietly left and are not declared SPs. I'd expect maybe some KRs, but if you're out, who cares?

Way to go!

Sky

 

[Free2Dream]

Thank you, Sky.

This has been hard for me. My roomie is a devout Scientologist and he knows that I want to leave. This might cause problems for me. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I have to do what I feel is right for me.

Belonging to the Co$ doesn't feel right anymore...

 

[Kookaburra]

<snip>....... but I have to do what I feel is right for me.

Belonging to the Co$ doesn't feel right anymore...

Never a truer word was said.

Follow your knowingness and you will be fine.

 

[Voltaire's Child]

If it feels right to you, then it is.

Once you are really free of CofS, you can then take time to evaluate what kind of philosophy (if any) that you wish to practice and how you wish to practice it, and what kinds of other things you want to do with your life.

It's your life, not CofS'.

 

[Romuva]

Free 2 dream

I wouldn't be too worried about SP declare.I know from my experience I ticked
off the SCi I worked for and the org for a while was calling me.That's
really it.Just screen your calls and if you get anything that bothers
you talk about it here or PM somebody.Think about it,It's like some cheesey
telemarketer is calling you because basically that's what it is.

I found from my experience if you really want out ,I would just tell them
"I'm not interested,please stop calling me".After a while,they stopped.


This was years ago so I don't even know what they do now.Probably nothing.
People here would know for sure and be able to help you.

but I looked to see if I was an SP declare.They don't bother with small time
stuff.

COS has so many critics now they only want to bother with the big stuff.

 

[Romuva]

Free 2 Dream,I would also say this.


I used to feel the way you did .If I left ,I would miss out on the eternal
mission or clearing the planet,whatever.I was made to feel I wouldn't
be able to solve my problems,future,ect.I wasn't making a difference
in the world.but I realized later on that if COS desperately wanted these goals
and everything was of such urgency,wouldn't COS have done more to achieve this
and thought of this by now?

Talk to some of the people on these boards and they will tell you.Everybody
has been in that boat so we all had to work that out and decide for ourselves.

As far for charity or trying to help people.There's a million causes you can
contribute to and a make a huge difference at, that don't end up at a dead end street.You can even come up with ideas of your own.That's what I did over time.I feel I can do more now than I ever did if I was in something like
Sci.

I'm probably stepping out on a limb here with other people but that is just
what worked for me.Everybody is different.

 

[Free2Dream]

I have started a list of things that have changed since I decided to leave and my roomie chose disconnection over friendship...

I can smoke anywhere in my house that I feel like.
I can lay down on the couch and take a nap whenever I want to.
I can watch whatever I want and read whatever I want.
I can surf the Internet and look at any sites that interest me.
I no longer have to hide my emotions or watch what I say about anyone or anything. I'm free to natter to my hearts content. My opinions are once again mine and I'm slowly learning to get my "voice" back.
My free time is mine to do with whatever I please and not subject to scrutiny.
I can take Tylenol for my headache and cold medicine when I feel sick.
I can re-establish my boundaries and practice my true faith in peace.
I have renewed my love of learning, art, photography, and videography.

This is just an abreviated list. More true freedoms come to me everyday. I am sometimes surprised at how much I really missed them.

I've also decided that I'm going to frame that piece of goldenrod and hang it on my wall, should it come my way. It will serve as both a reminder and a warning for all to see. It will just make my freedom all the more valuable.

I AM free! Free to be, free to see...

Free2Dream!

 

[Romuva]

Free2dream

good for you!


My cousin always tells me "you don't realize how much you like freedom
until you have had it taken away"

and that was somebody for years who wanted to travel ,work and
study in the west.

It may not necessarily have to do with you but I think he's right.Cherish
your freedom.

 

[Emma]

I have started a list of things that have changed since I decided to leave and my roomie chose disconnection over friendship...

I can smoke anywhere in my house that I feel like.
I can lay down on the couch and take a nap whenever I want to.
I can watch whatever I want and read whatever I want.
I can surf the Internet and look at any sites that interest me.
I no longer have to hide my emotions or watch what I say about anyone or anything. I'm free to natter to my hearts content. My opinions are once again mine and I'm slowly learning to get my "voice" back.
My free time is mine to do with whatever I please and not subject to scrutiny.
I can take Tylenol for my headache and cold medicine when I feel sick.
I can re-establish my boundaries and practice my true faith in peace.
I have renewed my love of learning, art, photography, and videography.

This is just an abreviated list. More true freedoms come to me everyday. I am sometimes surprised at how much I really missed them.

I've also decided that I'm going to frame that piece of goldenrod and hang it on my wall, should it come my way. It will serve as both a reminder and a warning for all to see. It will just make my freedom all the more valuable.

I AM free! Free to be, free to see...

Free2Dream!

What a great post!

I know exactly how you feel. The day I left staff was a wonderous day. I sat on my couch, in silence, and my whole future opened up to me.

I realised I could get a job, earn money, go to Uni, afford a decent car, go to the dentist, buy decent clothes, pay the rent on time, pay my bills, get a nice haircut, buy good food, spend time with my daughter, go on holiday etc etc.

I'm so happy for you.

 

[Bea Kiddo]

Peace

 

[Alan]

What a great post!

I know exactly how you feel. The day I left staff was a wonderous day. I sat on my couch, in silence, and my whole future opened up to me.

I realised I could get a job, earn money, go to Uni, afford a decent car, go to the dentist, buy decent clothes, pay the rent on time, pay my bills, get a nice haircut, buy good food, spend time with my daughter, go on holiday etc etc.

I'm so happy for you.

Hey! You's guys.....these are the indicators of disconnection from an SP.

Alan
______

 

[tarbaby]

This is a beautiful thing, Free! It's a shame to have freedom and not be able to use it. It's your life ... you own it.

Go girl!
Dennis

I have started a list of things that have changed since I decided to leave and my roomie chose disconnection over friendship...

I can smoke anywhere in my house that I feel like.
I can lay down on the couch and take a nap whenever I want to.
I can watch whatever I want and read whatever I want.
I can surf the Internet and look at any sites that interest me.
I no longer have to hide my emotions or watch what I say about anyone or anything. I'm free to natter to my hearts content. My opinions are once again mine and I'm slowly learning to get my "voice" back.
My free time is mine to do with whatever I please and not subject to scrutiny.
I can take Tylenol for my headache and cold medicine when I feel sick.
I can re-establish my boundaries and practice my true faith in peace.
I have renewed my love of learning, art, photography, and videography.

This is just an abreviated list. More true freedoms come to me everyday. I am sometimes surprised at how much I really missed them.

I've also decided that I'm going to frame that piece of goldenrod and hang it on my wall, should it come my way. It will serve as both a reminder and a warning for all to see. It will just make my freedom all the more valuable.

I AM free! Free to be, free to see...

Free2Dream!

 

[Sky]

Yay freedom!

I still feel a little guilty when I take a nap in the middle of the day, but I'm sure I'll eventually get over it.

Isn't it great to be able to take a pain killer when you have a headache? I mean, I tried getting assists and that NEVER got rid of them. I missed ibuprofen so much while I was in, every once in a while I would get just a horrible headache and would covertly take some. It's so stupid how guilty I would feel about that.

It's nice to be able to express criticism about someone or something and not get a response of "what did you do to them?" So ridiculous.

Go freedom!

Sky

 

[Kookaburra]

I have started a list of things that have changed since I decided to leave and my roomie chose disconnection over friendship...

I can smoke anywhere in my house that I feel like.
I can lay down on the couch and take a nap whenever I want to.
I can watch whatever I want and read whatever I want.
I can surf the Internet and look at any sites that interest me.
I no longer have to hide my emotions or watch what I say about anyone or anything. I'm free to natter to my hearts content. My opinions are once again mine and I'm slowly learning to get my "voice" back.
My free time is mine to do with whatever I please and not subject to scrutiny.
I can take Tylenol for my headache and cold medicine when I feel sick.
I can re-establish my boundaries and practice my true faith in peace.
I have renewed my love of learning, art, photography, and videography.

This is just an abreviated list. More true freedoms come to me everyday. I am sometimes surprised at how much I really missed them.

I've also decided that I'm going to frame that piece of goldenrod and hang it on my wall, should it come my way. It will serve as both a reminder and a warning for all to see. It will just make my freedom all the more valuable.

I AM free! Free to be, free to see...

Free2Dream!

Isn't it wonderful?

I felt the same tremendous relief when I left the Sea Org. I slept a full eight hours for the first time in a year. I relaxed, watched TV. And reclaimed my life.

Don't worry about the goldenrod. That is one bridge that is better burned.

Good luck to you.

Regards, Kookaburra

 

[Barbz]

Losing a friend

I'm sorry you might lose a friend you are fond of. It's a real shame that this kind of thing happens. I miss some of my old friends, and think about them still.

However, there's a good chance that he may rejoin you someday, once off the bridge. I've seen people reconnect once they learn they're both out of the cult.

They are still friends who like each other. It's just, there was this big, ugly, totalitarian entity keeping them apart.

Enjoy your newfound freedom! I hope your room mate will some day wake up and join you.

 

[Free2Dream]

Thank you all, for the kind comments and words of encouragement. I sometimes feel like I'm going through the stages of grief and being able to get it out in a safe environment helps.

The loss of my roomie and best friend has been difficult. A lot of things had changed in his behavior and attitude before I decided to leave. I was angry and annoyed, but I had to look at it in terms of a drug addict. This wasn't my friends attitude, it wasn't him talking. It was Scientology. My anger and tears are directed more at the Church than at him.

Should he ever "fall off the Bridge", I'll be here for him. The door is open and I'll welcome him back into my life with open arms. As cruel and selfish as this might sound, I hope that happens before he's wasted most of his life and money.

 

[Romuva]

Free2Dream,you're welcome.

It takes time to sort through it.I know it did for me.

If you have a problem or just want to chat .I'm available to help anyway I
can.

take it one day at a time.

 

[programmer_guy]

Free2Dream,

When I left SCN I felt no guilt at all. I was happy. Freedom felt so good. I had something important to do - become a software engineer. I loved it.

I could earn much more money.

I was going to build a career - which I did.

In a student campus job I got involved in some college research helping some post doctoral research which was very interesting.

I got back in touch with a good college buddy.

I decided what I wanted to do with my life.

No one was going to send me to ethics or cramming anymore.

 

[Mick Wenlock]

Isn't it wonderful?

I felt the same tremendous relief when I left the Sea Org. I slept a full eight hours for the first time in a year. I relaxed, watched TV. And reclaimed my life.

Don't worry about the goldenrod. That is one bridge that is better burned.

Good luck to you.

Regards, Kookaburra

The first time I got declared (1982) I walked out of the building went and took a nice long lunch break and then caught a couple of movies.

Sweeet.