Making things go right in relationships after SCN

[cantsay]

Perhaps from time to time it does work to pull out all the stops when trying to achieve a goal, perhaps a work project or such like. However, the cofs pushes this to the extreme, week after week after week, year in, year out. And relationships can suffer badly as a result.

Cant agree with you more. Finishing my degree I would pull all-nighters, ignore family to get assignments and thesis done - but these were generally doable targets and something that (although tiring) didnt adversely affect other parts of my life. It was only ever myself that had to do that action. Sometimes youve gotta do what youve gotta do. And if it doesnt turn out 100%, it doesnt matter. In the grand scheme of things its only one part of life (and my life only) and you have to keep things in perspective.

Unfortunately as staff (and as public at IAS events for example) you are only told to "make it go right" when the person asking you KNOWS THAT IT IS A DESTRUCTIVE ACTION THEY ARE ASKING FOR, and not destructive for their dynamics- DESTRUCTIVE FOR YOURS. They are telling you that your logic, your ethics, your integrity that tells you not to do something or that the task is not doable, are to be ignored.

You are never told to "make it go right" for something logical. They dont have to - Scientologists are usually happy to help others and do their best on post. Its mainly used as the push to make someone do something illogical - like go into huge financial debt for force another person onto staff. It is the "get out of jail free" card for crashing a part of someones life - its not an overt if you were asked to "make it go right".

"make it go right to get Joe on staff. Make it go right to reg Sue for $20,000. Make it go right to get the pc in session even if they are away on holiday that week". It is a way of absolving yourself of any regard for another persons wishes, feelings, postulates or ruds.

Since getting out Ive realised that achieving a stat is never as important as keeping open and quality communication with the people around me, and my ethics should never be compromised just to make something go right. Ever.
So many problems in orgs would disappear if this was a viewpoint that staff were allowed to have.

 

[cantsay]

hmmm.. a tad off topic! sorry!

 

[Night Owl]

Cant agree with you more. Finishing my degree I would pull all-nighters, ignore family to get assignments and thesis done - but these were generally doable targets and something that (although tiring) didnt adversely affect other parts of my life. It was only ever myself that had to do that action. Sometimes youve gotta do what youve gotta do. And if it doesnt turn out 100%, it doesnt matter. In the grand scheme of things its only one part of life (and my life only) and you have to keep things in perspective.

Unfortunately as staff (and as public at IAS events for example) you are only told to "make it go right" when the person asking you KNOWS THAT IT IS A DESTRUCTIVE ACTION THEY ARE ASKING FOR, and not destructive for their dynamics- DESTRUCTIVE FOR YOURS. They are telling you that your logic, your ethics, your integrity that tells you not to do something or that the task is not doable, are to be ignored.

You are never told to "make it go right" for something logical. They dont have to - Scientologists are usually happy to help others and do their best on post. Its mainly used as the push to make someone do something illogical - like go into huge financial debt for force another person onto staff. It is the "get out of jail free" card for crashing a part of someones life - its not an overt if you were asked to "make it go right".

"make it go right to get Joe on staff. Make it go right to reg Sue for $20,000. Make it go right to get the pc in session even if they are away on holiday that week". It is a way of absolving yourself of any regard for another persons wishes, feelings, postulates or ruds.

Since getting out Ive realised that achieving a stat is never as important as keeping open and quality communication with the people around me, and my ethics should never be compromised just to make something go right. Ever.
So many problems in orgs would disappear if this was a viewpoint that staff were allowed to have.

Great post CS....thanks for that!

 

[JinLing]

Wow, this is an interesting topic, something I havent thought about before.
My marriage in the church was awful - once when I was upset I was shown that booklet written by Mary-Sue Hubbard regarding the "hat" of a wife. Even at the time I was disgusted by that backwards, unfair description of what a marriage is supposed to be.

I wont ever ever get in a situation again where I am expected to do things because I am the "girlfriend" or wife. Its not a "hat" for cripes sake, its a relationship. I am very independant, probably because I had to fight so hard to get my own life back. Ill be buggered if Im going to let someone get control over my life and how I live it. I also never want to be completely financially dependant on another person, for the same reason.

Haha. I can totally relate to this. I always got to read this kind off stuff in ethics and it used to piss me off to the degree i was ready to throw some chairs around. Not that i mind taking care of my kids or my boyfriend, the way i feel like doing it!!!

The funny thing was that once my MAA showed me one of this references, saying that they use to piss her off as well, lol, still she gave it to me. When i asked why, she said "there is one that is a lot worse."

 

[JinLing]

I can say that i feel i have always been pretty bad in relationships, in the sense i dont really find it easy to fully trust as much as i should, and i like to decide everything even if i cant, and thats even worse now since there was so many years where i wasnt allowed to have a relationship the way i wanted ever. Now i want to be in charge of my feelings, life and so on. So im quite a mess now as well, even though my partner always meant a lot to me. I think its a lot better in some other ways now, since i have the time to actually have a relationship. And we can do things together, unlike my scientology-relationship where we basically saw each other only in bed at night.

But sometimes i find myself still thinking in scientology-ways, like "he sounds nattery, have i missed his withholds" etc.

 

[British Mom]

Wow, this is an interesting topic, something I havent thought about before.
My marriage in the church was awful - once when I was upset I was shown that booklet written by Mary-Sue Hubbard regarding the "hat" of a wife. Even at the time I was disgusted by that backwards, unfair description of what a marriage is supposed to be.

I wont ever ever get in a situation again where I am expected to do things because I am the "girlfriend" or wife. Its not a "hat" for cripes sake, its a relationship. I am very independant, probably because I had to fight so hard to get my own life back. Ill be buggered if Im going to let someone get control over my life and how I live it. I also never want to be completely financially dependant on another person, for the same reason.

I understand what you mean, I feel the same as well. I left Scientology then divorced my husband, when I was divorced I had a wild 2 years but now am on my own, but its my choice, I can not be controlled by anyone, anymore I am happy on my own No one tells me what to say or do anymore & I love it

 

[Mystic]

You ladies who do as described above, I sincerely appreciate your existence. Thank you for being who you are and doing what you are doing.