Help! Life Ruined

[Jachs]

Someone "retarted".

whos retarted ?

 

[Free to shine]

Can I just repeat that the datum: "once you momentarily go into agreement with something bad, you are esentially screwed, and your best bet is to just not then dissagree with the thing." IS WRONG.

That concept is a particularly nasty one, I've seen it in various forms and in my opinion is designed to drive anyone off the rails.

Take a deep breath - it is not true.

You can find many explanations and answers on this board, it will take some time but totally worth the effort. There are people here to help too, though online at different times.

Meantime all the previous advice is excellent. It's OK to ask for medical and psychological help.

 

[Panda Termint]

Who audited You?

In the field?

Someone "retarted".

whos retarted ?

Next question.

 

[JohnMicheal]

Can I just repeat that the datum: "once you momentarily go into agreement with something bad, you are esentially screwed, and your best bet is to just not then dissagree with the thing." IS WRONG.

That concept is a particularly nasty one, I've seen it in various forms and in my opinion is designed to drive anyone off the rails.

Take a deep breath - it is not true.

You can find many explanations and answers on this board, it will take some time but totally worth the effort. There are people here to help too, though online at different times.

Meantime all the previous advice is excellent. It's OK to ask for medical and psychological help.

@ Free To Shine, Thank you

 

[Free to shine]

@ Free To Shine, Thank you

You're welcome, I totally understand how something like that can take over your life. I had immense struggles with the "2nd postulate" thing, where apparently an original postulate is countered by an unconscious one that means you don't get what you postulated in the first place. Pffft... not going there.

The important thing is that you can talk about it, and sometimes even just that can make things go back into place. It's a start anyway and welcome to the board.

 

[Wisened One]

of comfort to you, John. Definitely go see your dr. for help!

 

[johnAnchovie]

F##ked

When I origionaly came into Scientology, it catapulted my life into realms most would consider impossible. I was incedibly happy, confident, driven, extremely successful and very powerful. Now my life is ruined, I havn't worked in many years, (though I try to produce things to keep my mind occupied) my attention is fixated on horrible things the entire day. I'm terrified of what may await me after death due to horendeous postulates, agreements and counter postulates I made in an out of control state during an engram, not only that, but postulates of not being able to get out of it. It feels like I'm waiting to go to hell for eternity.

Since the day I heard the datum; once you momentarily go into agreement with something bad, you are esentially screwed, and your best bet is to just not then dissagree with the thing. It's as if I'm a germaphobe and EVERYTHING is contagious, but not even by contact, but merely a brief agreement. What is worse is that it seems as though related bad postulates I made are manifesting around me, and it's tripping me out and scareing the crap out of me.

I need serious help, does anyone know where I should go or what I should do? Suicide is not a real issue since the crux of my condition is terror of what may happen after death in future lives.

Whatever you do, in your state, I would not handle it with any more Scientology, that is for sure, that would be like using crack to deal with heroin addiction.

I made extensive use of cognative and other forms of psycological councelling, it is not an easy road, you have to be willing to face up to stuff about yourself, your past beliefes and assumptions that are not that easy to face up to, but it is real. It does help you to ground yourself and does help to debunk years and years of self inflicted bullshit.

It is only partly Scientolog's fault, you and I and everybody else were willing participants. I recently apologised to young woman, she had been a cadet in Saint Hill UK back in the early 1990's. At 13 she was troublesome, so OSA put her on a train to London with fourty quid, and told her never to return. She hooked with people in night clubs and, well, a beautiful, unschooled and nieve thirteen year old trying to survive on the mean streets of London's night scene, learn't the had way, messed her up, she still struggles with drug addiction.

I apologised because I was at Saint Hill and a Sea Org member. I was vaugely aware that she and a couple were being offloaded prior to COB's arrival at the base, but was so interested in my own bullshit future lifetimes 'case' that I just didn't give a fuck about these teenage 'dbs'. I can't fix what happened to her, I can't fix what happened to you, but I can say, face up to to the real world, stop running away, get honest, get therapy, forget Scientology and its derivatives.

Good luck. I am not crying for you. I still cry for that little girl and others, who like her, were spewed out of the cult as 'rejects'.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

Thank you!

Thanks for sharing this hard truth, JohnAnchovie. Big hugs to you!

 

[RogerB]

Can I just repeat that the datum: "once you momentarily go into agreement with something bad, you are esentially screwed, and your best bet is to just not then dissagree with the thing." IS WRONG.

That concept is a particularly nasty one, I've seen it in various forms and in my opinion is designed to drive anyone off the rails.

Take a deep breath - it is not true.

You can find many explanations and answers on this board, it will take some time but totally worth the effort. There are people here to help too, though online at different times.

Meantime all the previous advice is excellent. It's OK to ask for medical and psychological help.

FTS . . . you did good here, Kid.

The datum "John" accepted from that bum field "auditor" and believed, is in error and destined to trap one in an effect position.

R

Rog

 

[Free to shine]

FTS . . . you did good here, Kid.

The datum "John" accepted from that bum field "auditor" and believed, is in error and destined to trap one in an effect position.

R

Rog

Thanks Roger.

I know you and I don't have the same opinons on some things - but this is a "tech" matter that is twisted and destructive and it needs someone who knows what on earth is being talked about to help him untangle it to some degree. IMO. I hope the OP has contacted you.

 

[FoTi]

Thanks Roger.

I know you and I don't have the same opinons on some things - but this is a "tech" matter that is twisted and destructive and it needs someone who knows what on earth is being talked about to help him untangle it to some degree. IMO. I hope the OP has contacted you.

Me too.

I wonder why we are not hearing more from the OP.....I can see he's hangin' around here.....lurkin' on the board.

 

[Ogsonofgroo]

To the OP~ Do not hesitate to get professional help. Also, it is unlikely you will get a whole lot of validation for your continued thinkings that CoS has anything of value/Lron's spew has anything to help you with, and you won't get anyone trying to play psychiatrist with your head either. what you will get, and have recieved, is some direction. If yer not trolling then read and learn, and if you are trolling, public for stats, or OSA, or just an apologist trying to 'what-ever', sorry~ but you should still take some of the advice and get some help anyhow, really...

Edit> please be aware that I am a natural skeptic and that this and other boards have had many such pleas in the last while, not all of which were honest.
If you are true, then all the best to ya and strive to be the healthiest and best you possibly can, stay strong!

 

[JohnMicheal]

To the OP~ Do not hesitate to get professional help. Also, it is unlikely you will get a whole lot of validation for your continued thinkings that CoS has anything of value/Lron's spew has anything to help you with, and you won't get anyone trying to play psychiatrist with your head either.

I promise you that I am not OSA or affiliated with the church in any way. I wish I had never gotten into Scientology PERIOD! Free zone Church or otherwise. So I'm hardly endorsing Scn as a thing someone should get into, however, that doesn't change the fact that there was workability and magic in the thing that did so much damage to me. Like a drug in a way, it can show you amazing things, but can go wrong and wreak havoc.

What is an OP by the way?

 

[Free to shine]

To the OP~ Do not hesitate to get professional help. Also, it is unlikely you will get a whole lot of validation for your continued thinkings that CoS has anything of value/Lron's spew has anything to help you with, and you won't get anyone trying to play psychiatrist with your head either.

I promise you that I am not OSA or affiliated with the church in any way. I wish I had never gotten into Scientology PERIOD! Free zone Church or otherwise. So I'm hardly endorsing Scn as a thing someone should get into, however, that doesn't change the fact that there was workability and magic in the thing that did so much damage to me. Like a drug in a way, it can show you amazing things, but can go wrong and wreak havoc.

What is an OP by the way?

OP = Opening Poster, the one who starts the thread.
How are you doing?

 

[JohnMicheal]

OP = Opening Poster, the one who starts the thread.
How are you doing?

I'm a bit better today, Thanks. I'm glad I decided to post here. I wish I had years ago when I had my first major breakdown. Which was many MANY times worse than this time around. This time seems to be lingering longer than the last though.

 

[Free Will]

Dear John

I know it's easier said than done, but the cure is to find a friend.
If you should be lucky enough to get some real marijuana remind yourself when you use it that you love life and you love yourself. You may find all the complicated problems just vanish. Don't turn back to look for them.

 

[Jachs]

To the OP~ Do not hesitate to get professional help. Also, it is unlikely you will get a whole lot of validation for your continued thinkings that CoS has anything of value/Lron's spew has anything to help you with, and you won't get anyone trying to play psychiatrist with your head either.

I promise you that I am not OSA or affiliated with the church in any way. I wish I had never gotten into Scientology PERIOD! Free zone Church or otherwise. So I'm hardly endorsing Scn as a thing someone should get into, however, that doesn't change the fact that there was workability and magic in the thing that did so much damage to me. Like a drug in a way, it can show you amazing things, but can go wrong and wreak havoc.

What is an OP by the way?

I take your word for it your not an OSA agent.

You are completely free to ask for request whatever you want from the forum members. I have myself experienced magic , i have also experienced tragic.

YOU have to choose, you will only do what you choose anyway.


I later found out the magic i experienced was from anothers input but LRon Hubbard said it was his and then the truth about whose it actually was, was hidden with his black magic.

It is my opinion there are many different forms of mind control in Scn that are not easily recognised. There is no way i would have believed that before.
Interestingly it is an axiom of scientology that any communication can influence a "person" and so it is here and in the church.

There is the freezone thread and other alternate threads, if you do not wish to get into a debate you can just request PMs for help and choose whta you want. Im glad you are not in the church.

All best JohnMicheal

 

[FoTi]

John, it also can help to just start posting your story on ESMB in the My Story section. It's helped a number of people, including myself to just start telling their story here, that is if you are comfortable doing so.

 

[Free to shine]

I'm a bit better today, Thanks. I'm glad I decided to post here. I wish I had years ago when I had my first major breakdown. Which was many MANY times worse than this time around. This time seems to be lingering longer than the last though.

Glad you are feeling better. It helps to know you are not alone and that other people understand, and also that you can discuss and ask questions. About the worst thing IS thinking you are alone, when in truth there are many of us who have struggled and still do with some "data" that makes you feel nuts.

 

[lotus]

I'm a bit better today, Thanks. I'm glad I decided to post here. I wish I had years ago when I had my first major breakdown. Which was many MANY times worse than this time around. This time seems to be lingering longer than the last though.

John,

I won't be here to get back to you , as I am closing my account for personnal issues.

But before I leave i would like to give my last try to inspire you to open a door into you mind to look for a try with a new way of better yourself and make a new liiving without fear and mental agitation.

I've had been old scientologist and received and gave auditing.
Got lots of wins
But one day, I started to collapsed. Some of my friends too.
It was caused directly because of auditing.

I did not seek help because i was taught in scientology that psychology and medica is dangerous., SO I stayed in an interior srhinked universe - at fear.

Not too long agao, something happened. I should not be out of it alive.
But i did make it , usually a normal person would die.
Then I found myself in a deep trauma.
I was, alone, dying from inside, no help, no money to get audited, no more able to work and always feeling terrorized within me. Could no more sleep for months.

Finally,
One day
I gave me a gift..
To seek help and to see for myself

I enter a psychotherapy - expressly designed for sever trauma
It cognitivo-behavioral therapy (wich I know for having studied psychology and psychopatholoy before getting in scientology)

This has been the gift of my life.

6 months later I was a new person.
Only 2-3 weeks after starting, people would tell my face has changed

There has been no drugs
A lot of empathy, kindness ans even humour
Never I got so deep and permanent wins
It was easy to acheived with little homework to do - funny.

From what I 've experience in scientology, in dealing with people having mental breakdown - I am sorry to tell you that I have seen worsening cases
Auditing does not cure any mental breakdown.

So..

Think about that

These therapies have been proven successfull and the fear your experience about that comes from lies that have been told in scientology to keep us spending our money for auditing.

Please.

Give a chance to you
give it at least a try and see for yourself if it helps or not.

That is it.

Good luck and the best for you my friend.
Don't stay in a world of fear and terror of death ..till the next breakdowm

I hope for you soon., you can have beautifull images within your mind like I do know.