Help! Life Ruined

[fortymarriedandbalding]

Welcome JohnMicheal,

Some great advice here from a lot of people who have nothing to gain from giving it. To them you are not a sales opportunity or a stat, you are a human being and as such deserve their honesty and love.

Many of them have been in scientology and part of the attraction was they wanted so much to help others. But they eventually realized that CoS puts sales, stats and money above true help. They realize that the best help is to be found in other places, regardless of how much scientology has helped them in the past.

Please go and see your doctor. Tell him you do not want medication and ask to be referred to a good psychologist in your area.

Good luck.

 

[Lurker5]

Yeah

Thanks for sharing this hard truth, JohnAnchovie. Big hugs to you!

Big hug for John Thank you.

 

[Commander Birdsong]

One of the horrible things is, that I have seen scientology work, I've made thoughts manifest. I need to talk to an ex-scientologist who will understand and be compasionate to my situation. I feel as though if I see a psychiatrist all will be lost, and whatever hope I have left will be gone.

This is a very complex situation for me. I'm very conflicted between what I saw work with Scientology (basically magic), and how it's destroyed my life. I have been on Paxil for about five years, but recently quit. I've been in bad shape for 6 months now. The drug seemed to compound the problem.

I need to talk to someone who has seen he workability of Scn, but got out and can talk to me.

It's retarted I know, but I still subscribe to the information in Scientology, because I saw it work. I want my life back though.

i hear what you are saying JM. in fact if you are anywhere near san francisco i would love to have a chance to speak with you. i think you do need someone off CoS lines who has firsthand experience with the subject. many on this board favor contemporary mainstream psychology but they can't duplicate whatto have to say.

 

[lkwdblds]

Does your last name begin with K

Ok thanks, I'll message him.

Is your real first and middle name John Michael and your last name begin with K. If so, I know you.
Lakey

 

[Mark A. Baker]

One of the horrible things is, that I have seen scientology work, I've made thoughts manifest. I need to talk to an ex-scientologist who will understand and be compasionate to my situation. I feel as though if I see a psychiatrist all will be lost, and whatever hope I have left will be gone.

This is a very complex situation for me. I'm very conflicted between what I saw work with Scientology (basically magic), and how it's destroyed my life. I have been on Paxil for about five years, but recently quit. I've been in bad shape for 6 months now. The drug seemed to compound the problem.

I need to talk to someone who has seen he workability of Scn, but got out and can talk to me.

It's retarted I know, but I still subscribe to the information in Scientology, because I saw it work. I want my life back though.

Sounds like professional assistance is warranted. A good practioner of cognitive psychology should be considered. If you can find one with a background in TIR & Metapsychology you may find it somewhat easier to relate with their modality of treatment.

http://www.tir.org/


Mark A. Baker

 

[Annonny]

That's terrible, JohnMicheal. I am constantly amazed at the awful things this cult does to people.

I know that you may be skeptical of psychology, but have you ever been treated for obsessive-compulsive disorder? (I know you don't mean the germaphobe example literally.) Most people think of it as obsessive hand-washing, etc., but at its core are intrusive horrible thoughts a bit like those you describe. People develop the obsessive actions in order to shut out those thoughts. It might be worthwhile to look for a therapist you feel you can trust, or maybe do some research online and see if it rings any bells.

There may be people here who can offer suggestions for more esoteric interventions, if those are more your cup of tea.

In any event, please stick around. It's a lovely group of people here, and I'm sure you'll find lots of support and even a few laughs.

Very best of luck.

I couldn't agree with you more . The OCD you're talking about is called the "Pure O" (Purely obsessional OCD). It is characterised by repetitive intrusive thoughts and doesn't have physical expressions (such as hand washing or counting). Here is the wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD

John Michael - by the way, Paxil is a fairly outdated anti-depressant. Lexapro (or Cipralex in Europe) is much lighter and has almost zero side effects.
In any case - going of anti depressants cold turkey is just not right. On top of that, some people simply have insufficient amounts of serotonin in ther brain. I personally think that you can have a gazillion of auditing sessions, but if you lack serotonin, it won't change much.
However, in case you really don't want to take pills, working out really helps. It gives your body endorphins, which function like neurotransmitters, same as serotonin.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

One of the horrible things is, that I have seen scientology work, I've made thoughts manifest. I need to talk to an ex-scientologist who will understand and be compasionate to my situation. I feel as though if I see a psychiatrist all will be lost, and whatever hope I have left will be gone.

This is a very complex situation for me. I'm very conflicted between what I saw work with Scientology (basically magic), and how it's destroyed my life. I have been on Paxil for about five years, but recently quit. I've been in bad shape for 6 months now. The drug seemed to compound the problem.

I need to talk to someone who has seen he workability of Scn, but got out and can talk to me.

It's retarted I know, but I still subscribe to the information in Scientology, because I saw it work. I want my life back though.

I was in and got out again. I'm still using the tech, but outside the auspices of the church. I'll answer any questions the best that I can. You can PM me.

If one out-of-the-church auditor didn't work for you, try another. They are NOT all the same. I'll start by suggesting a link--- www.freezone.de .

Helena

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Hubbard didn't know anymore than you do about what happens after death nor does any other Scientologist, no matter how high they are on the Bridge.

May I suggest the lecture Between Lives Implants, 23 Jul 63, SHSBC 317. Warning: there's an altered version of this lecture floating around that says there's no such thing as same.

 

[SchwimmelPuckel]

^^^ It is well known that Hubbard could spin a tale taller than the goddamn Eiffeltower on this subject.

Well, Hubbard didn't know shit about that.

 

[Voltaire's Child]

I don't want to make less of your feelings, but I do want to point out that Scn does not posit a belief in hell. It just doesn't. Making weird or bad postulates won't land someone into some horrible after life. It just makes one's current life a bit hard to handle sometimes.

You are always free to make new decisions, form new thoughts and to change your mind about yourself, how to go about doing things, beliefs- anything. Always.

Suicide is rarely, if ever, a viable option because where there's life, there's hope. There is always a way to make a new beginning.

So if I were to share just one word with you it would be "HOPE". That's the thing with wings. That's what flew out of Pandora's box at the very end. You're alive and you can have hopeful thoughts and you can make a new beginning.

 

[JohnMicheal]

I don't want to make less of your feelings, but I do want to point out that Scn does not posit a belief in hell. It just doesn't. Making weird or bad postulates won't land someone into some horrible after life. It just makes one's current life a bit hard to handle sometimes.

I know that Scn dosn't express a belief in hell. It's the best description I could come up with, hell on earth would have been a better description. This is mainly due to the length of TIME which I may have postulated and/or agreed to about the bad postulates regarding future lives and bodies. Also postulates which I may have made or agreed to that I would "never be able to get out of it or solve it"... postulates or agreements I may have made of a possibley permanent condition.

I could think of no more appropriate expression than hell.

 

[TheRealNoUser]

JM, do not despair. Use this opportunity to read all the stories from others who have gone before you , and have experienced a similar situation.

This will help on several levels:
1. Gaining an understanding of the "Scientology Entrapment Mechanism". This can help you to understand that you are far from alone in your experience, and give you practical information on recovery. You will go thru several stages of your awakening on just how you were targeted and used by Scientology. Believe me, just about everybody on this forum has gone thru their own emotional turmoil and despair that they fell for the scam.

2. Separation of those things that you realized were helpful to you during your time as a Scientologist, and Scientology in general. You don't need to "throw the baby out with the bathwater". Anything which is personally helpful to you is just what it is.

3. Realization that just about every good thing that exists in Scientology was stolen by Hubbard from other sources. Those things were only ever incorporated to gain your trust and pull you deeper into their net.

4. Finding new friends who actually do care about your well-being, rather than "fake caring" in order to rape your finances. Once all someone's money and resources have gone, Scientology casts them aside like a vampire does with their victim.

5. Acceptance that your Scientology "friends" were never in fact friends.

Give yourself time and be patient. There has already been some excellent advice posted in answer to your thread. I particularly like JohnAnchovie's answer (Post #47).

However, I disagree with all the "professional help" advice that seems to dominate. Just get off the drugs. Get off the counseling. Get off the voodoo. Get off the LRH-implanted crap. Get off the self-pity.

Self-help thru education on the subject is what really counts. Get some good nutrition. Get a good job. Get some real friends. Take a stand against Scientology. Speak out. Spread the word about what Scientology does to people. You'll never get your money back, but you can sure have an impact on them getting other people's money. The satisfaction you will feel will overcome everything.

People are reaching out to you because they care about your well-being. Remember that nobody here has any financial gain in helping you, unlike Scientology - where that is the sole criteria.

Over a decade ago I spent an entire year reading and converting all the major critical books to pdf format. That was my own personal self-therapy. It "cleared" me. LOL !

The books I recommend reading first are:
Russell Miller - "Bare Faced Messiah"
Bent Corydon - "L. Ron Hubbard - Messiah Or Madman"
Jon Atack - "A Piece Of Blue Sky"
Cyril Vosper - "The Mind Benders"
Paulette Cooper - "Scandal Of Scientology"
Margery Wakefield - "Road To Xenu"
Monica Pignotti - "My 9 Lives In Scientology"

All are freely available as pdf files here:
http://ocmb.xenu.net/ocmb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=34580
http://ocmb.xenu.net/ocmb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=34590

Read the entire Operation Clambake website. http://www.xenu.net

I genuinely hope it all works out for you.

Best,

The Real No User.

 

[Free to shine]

JM, do not despair. Use this opportunity to read all the stories from others who have gone before you , and have experienced a similar situation.

This will help on several levels:
1. Gaining an understanding of the "Scientology Entrapment Mechanism". This can help you to understand that you are far from alone in your experience, and give you practical information on recovery. You will go thru several stages of your awakening on just how you were targeted and used by Scientology. Believe me, just about everybody on this forum has gone thru their own emotional turmoil and despair that they fell for the scam.

2. Separation of those things that you realized were helpful to you during your time as a Scientologist, and Scientology in general. You don't need to "throw the baby out with the bathwater". Anything which is personally helpful to you is just what it is.

3. Realization that just about every good thing that exists in Scientology was stolen by Hubbard from other sources. Those things were only ever incorporated to gain your trust and pull you deeper into their net.

4. Finding new friends who actually do care about your well-being, rather than "fake caring" in order to rape your finances. Once all someone's money and resources have gone, Scientology casts them aside like a vampire does with their victim.

5. Acceptance that your Scientology "friends" were never in fact friends.

Give yourself time and be patient. There has already been some excellent advice posted in answer to your thread. I particularly like JohnAnchovie's answer (Post #47).

However, I disagree with all the "professional help" advice that seems to dominate. Just get off the drugs. Get off the counseling. Get off the voodoo. Get off the LRH-implanted crap. Get off the self-pity.

Self-help thru education on the subject is what really counts. Get some good nutrition. Get a good job. Get some real friends. Take a stand against Scientology. Speak out. Spread the word about what Scientology does to people. You'll never get your money back, but you can sure have an impact on them getting other people's money. The satisfaction you will feel will overcome everything.

People are reaching out to you because they care about your well-being. Remember that nobody here has any financial gain in helping you, unlike Scientology - where that is the sole criteria.

Over a decade ago I spent an entire year reading and converting all the major critical books to pdf format. That was my own personal self-therapy. It "cleared" me. LOL !

The books I recommend reading first are:
Russell Miller - "Bare Faced Messiah"
Bent Corydon - "L. Ron Hubbard - Messiah Or Madman"
Jon Atack - "A Piece Of Blue Sky"
Cyril Vosper - "The Mind Benders"
Paulette Cooper - "Scandal Of Scientology"
Margery Wakefield - "Road To Xenu"
Monica Pignotti - "My 9 Lives In Scientology"

All are freely available as pdf files here:
http://ocmb.xenu.net/ocmb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=34580
http://ocmb.xenu.net/ocmb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=34590

Read the entire Operation Clambake website. http://www.xenu.net

I genuinely hope it all works out for you.

Best,

The Real No User.

Welcome TRNU!

Excellent advice.
However it is not always easy or even possible for some of us to just 'make new friends' and do it alone, so I would still recommend finding support in any form, including professional, if needed at this point. Meanwhile reading all the links you give of course.

 

[NoName]

Yet again I am going to bring up my new favorite book on the topic "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan. He is an ex Moonie who went to school to become a professional exit counselor.

I can't say enough about how much this book has helped me in my personal situation (someone I love being in Scn). I think that there is a lot in there that might be useful.

Before you go contacting those support groups, make sure you don't accidentally contact that one that Co$ bought - I forget its name but I know it gets talked about on here a lot.

 

[NoName]

JM, do not despair. Use this opportunity to read all the stories from others who have gone before you , and have experienced a similar situation.

TRNU is right - and Hassan does talk at length about the therapy value of talking to ex-members of the cult you are getting out of.

 

[FlunkedForLaughing]

Yet again I am going to bring up my new favorite book on the topic "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan. He is an ex Moonie who went to school to become a professional exit counselor.

I can't say enough about how much this book has helped me in my personal situation (someone I love being in Scn). I think that there is a lot in there that might be useful.

Before you go contacting those support groups, make sure you don't accidentally contact that one that Co$ bought - I forget its name but I know it gets talked about on here a lot.

Excellent advice

In addition to Steven Hassan's book, I recommend "The Secrets To Increasing Your Power, Wealth, And Happiness" by Alan C Walter. These two books helped me pull myself out of the bad mental condition I was in when I left the cult. I have more to work on, but these two books helped a lot. They gave me a better understanding of what happened in the past and what was happening now. The Alan C Walter book gave me positive things to focus on and positive things to do. Sometimes it helps to focus on the good place where you want to go, as opposed to just focusing on the bad place you want to get away from.

 

[JohnMicheal]

"THE ONLY ONE" ~ I am God and God has Betrayed Me.

I couldn't agree with you more . The OCD you're talking about is called the "Pure O" (Purely obsessional OCD). It is characterised by repetitive intrusive thoughts and doesn't have physical expressions (such as hand washing or counting). Here is the wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD

John Michael - by the way, Paxil is a fairly outdated anti-depressant. Lexapro (or Cipralex in Europe) is much lighter and has almost zero side effects.
In any case - going of anti depressants cold turkey is just not right. On top of that, some people simply have insufficient amounts of serotonin in ther brain. I personally think that you can have a gazillion of auditing sessions, but if you lack serotonin, it won't change much.
However, in case you really don't want to take pills, working out really helps. It gives your body endorphins, which function like neurotransmitters, same as serotonin.

Medication has not been absoloutly ruled out of the question by me, I would just really prefer NOT to take pills. And I will never take Paxil again. So I will look into Lexapro, and also get opinions from some others, before and if I do.

I also looked up OCD on the net and found an OCD called "Magical Thinking OCD" where one thinks their negative thoughts are manifesting.

In at least one other instance, I read about someone who was making "PROOF" postulates, very specific postulates, to see if they would HAPPEN as "PROOF" that the other biggie negative postulates were on there way. Like being tied to train tracks and watching a slow moving train. (the guy was NOT a Scientologist, I don't believe so), But that story was fairly close to my story, as it is these "PROOFS" that would scare the piss out of me. Detailed postulates I would make as "PROOFS" which would manifest soon after I made them... Days or even 20 minutes or so later... Detailed postulates would manifest which would seem to defy the generally accepted linear and constant nature of time. As if things which lay beond my immediate perception in the playing field have not yet been rendered into existance.

Have you have ever been sleeping and you suddenly realize it's all just a dream? A lucid dream? And that you are God in this playing feild, "THE ONLY ONE" every other person is just a holographic projection which I "God" am putting out there to entertain myself.

My story is so outrageous that if another were to tell me the same story, I'd say they were out of their mind, and that there is no way any of it is true.

There was a post I read recently on "TOTAL SOURCE CASES" on ESMB, this was a big help to me, as I believe that I managed to create some pretty horrible world events (9/11 for one) at a psychic level, (which I believe I postulated about a month before it happened, obviously the amount of time it would take to plan an attack like 9/11 would take many years, but my being in a state of the ultimate megalomania that I was, my belief that I am "THE God" and total cause over time also, allows for me to believe that I could be responsible for this event) and was thus attacked and punished in turn by LRH for my missuse of Scn and my engagment in Psychic warfare (this attack by LRH took place after I overdosed on a wad of marijuana that I ate...by the way)....yep! Who would believe that?!? I refuse to dismiss the possibility that this "spiritual raping" by LRH factually happened. All very sane and rational stuff, of course... I get that.

None of this is a joke by the way, unbelievable yes, but I am not playing around, these are the things which I believe could very well be the case.

 

[Annonny]

Medication has not been absoloutly ruled out of the question by me, I would just really prefer NOT to take pills. And I will never take Paxil again. So I will look into Lexapro, and also get opinions from some others, before and if I do.

I also looked up OCD on the net and found an OCD called "Magical Thinking OCD" where one thinks their negative thoughts are manifesting.

In at least one other instance, I read about someone who was making "PROOF" postulates, very specific postulates, to see if they would HAPPEN as "PROOF" that the other biggie negative postulates were on there way. Like being tied to train tracks and watching a slow moving train. (the guy was NOT a Scientologist, I don't believe so), But that story was fairly close to my story, as it is these "PROOFS" that would scare the piss out of me. Detailed postulates I would make as "PROOFS" which would manifest soon after I made them... Days or even 20 minutes or so later... Detailed postulates would manifest which would seem to defy the generally accepted linear and constant nature of time. As if things which lay beond my immediate perception in the playing field have not yet been rendered into existance.

Have you have ever been sleeping and you suddenly realize it's all just a dream? A lucid dream? And that you are God in this playing feild, "THE ONLY ONE" every other person is just a holographic projection which I "God" am putting out there to entertain myself.

My story is so outrageous that if another were to tell me the same story, I'd say they were out of their mind, and that there is no way any of it is true.

There was a post I read recently on "TOTAL SOURCE CASES" on ESMB, this was a big help to me, as I believe that I managed to create some pretty horrible world events (9/11 for one) at a psychic level, (which I believe I postulated about a month before it happened, obviously the amount of time it would take to plan an attack like 9/11 would take many years, but my being in a state of the ultimate megalomania that I was, my belief that I am "THE God" and total cause over time also, allows for me to believe that I could be responsible for this event) and was thus attacked and punished in turn by LRH for my missuse of Scn and my engagment in Psychic warfare (this attack by LRH took place after I overdosed on a wad of marijuana that I ate...by the way)....yep! Who would believe that?!? I refuse to dismiss the possibility that this "spiritual raping" by LRH factually happened. All very sane and rational stuff, of course... I get that.

None of this is a joke by the way, unbelievable yes, but I am not playing around, these are the things which I believe could very well be the case.

Sounds like you have a very tortured soul. Your brain is definitely working overtime and I bet when you get up in the morning after 8 hours of sleep, you still feel exhausted. I totally understand your story about the dreams - I used to get pretty bizarre ones myself (no sexual innuendo). After some therapy sessions and medication I've realised that those dreams just stem from anxiety and having obsessions.
Speaking of medication - you can also try clonazepam. It is really good for a momentary relief - if all of a sudden you're experiencing an anxiety, feel low, or can't sleep because your mind is working overtime - clonazepam helps. It might be a good solution for you, because you don't need to take it everyday, just when you're having an episode.
In any case - I absolutely do believe you need to see a psychiatrist. Trust me, they are not evil, they didn't cause the Holocaust and they have no plans of taking over the world [or whatever else CoS says about them]. I found them very helpful.

 

[JohnMicheal]

I totally understand your story about the dreams - I used to get pretty bizarre ones myself (no sexual innuendo). After some therapy sessions and medication I've realised that those dreams just stem from anxiety and having obsessions.

My refrence to LUCID DREAMS was an analogy to my belief that I was or am "THE God" in the WAKING world. I did not mean it as literal sleep induced dreaming.

 

[Annonny]

My refrence to LUCID DREAMS was an analogy to my belief that I was or am "THE God" in the WAKING world. I did not mean it as literal sleep induced dreaming.

Oh, I see. Well my advise stands - go see a psychiatrist. You might be manic/depressive then. It's quite common for people with this disorder to feel incredible highs and also incredible lows.