It didn't help

rewired

Patron
Hi all, I was exposed to Scientology at the ages of seven through eleven by way of my mother. She was a mother of four who "discovered" Scientology around 1970. My father was an active alcoholic whom she divorced and proceeded to give everything from her divorce to the church. During the divorce my older brother and I went to a Scientology school...which was total B.S. Again we were unsupervised much of the time and hitchhiked alone...again, I was seven my brother was nine. My brother and I became the surrogate parents to my younger brothers as we were left alone much of the time. Our education was spotty at best as we were never made to go to school. The techniques of TR0 were used whenever by older brother and I faught which was often. It didn't help. At the age of ten I took the basic course, communication course and a couple of others. My mother left the church after the authorities were going to take my younger brothers due to extreme neglect and we had to leave the state. I believe Scientology still effects my family because not only has my mother never fully recovered financially or emotionally from the mind f*%k but the techniques that were drilled into her head for all those years don't serve her well even now because of the way she agressively and destructively inserts her views into other peoples lives... she has alienated her family. She/we always teetered on the edge of homelessness sometimes hitting bottom but always stuck in a perpetual state of survival, always giving away her money as if she felt guilty for having any. As for me, I still feel like a kid who freezes up when she focuses on me and my business because personal boundaries seem to mean it's time for her to bring out a bulldozer. I love her deeply and ache for her lost life and her lost relationships.
I think Scientology is filled with double speak and if it was as ethical as it claims to be it wouldn't declare alternative perspectives SP's. We're all just human beings here trying to navigate the best we can. If Scientology does have some of the answers their good intentions would be more believable if they gave away the information and took donations like other churches instead of robbing the wealth from desperate single mothers and their children. Incidently as for my brothers...one is an abusive alcoholic, two are convicted felons, and me....well I'm still trying to figure out what "normal" is, still trying to rewire. There is sooooo much more to this story, but I really hate typing.
If anyone has any resouces/information that would be useful to us I'd appreciate it.

Thanks
 

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
Hi rewired, welcome to ESMB and thanks for posting.

Sad story, indeed. I'm glad you have reached to chat with us.

On the resources, a few questions first.

How long has it been since your mother and you kids left the church?

Has your mother ever looked at the internet?

Would she if I gave you some links?:

Have you visited http://www.exscientologykids.com ?

What org or mission was she from? ( I ask because there may be others out who are posters here who also went to that org/mission - who may be of some help.

Look forward to your reply :)

Mary
 

rewired

Patron
Hi,
She left in approximately in 75ish...She was SO...I know she audited too. She tried to reconnect a few years later...they said she may have been one of the ones who were "over-audited" or some crap like that. When I was newly married I took my husband to one of the centers to do the communication course. They took us out of class for long periods to try to find out where the money was in our family...we couldn't finish the course they interfered so much....it was very obvious then that profit not people is the main concern.

Thanks for you help
 

HappyGirl

Gold Meritorious Patron
Wow. Your simple story blew me away and wrenched my heart. It is very powerful and I think will help a lot of people. Thank you for sharing it with us. I found healing here. I hope you do. Welcome.
 

Mystic

Crusader
Hi rewired. Welcome to ESMB. I've heard and read a lot of stories about how this cult has mess up lives and your story is one of the better (worse) ones. Yes, ugly, and congratulations on living through it.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Welcome rewired,

your story reached my heart. I hope you will write more, when you are ready. :drama: I am sure it will help others. :yes:

You asked for informations and resources. ESMB is full of it. It is a very great community.


a very big
:bighug:

Sauerländerin
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
I would just like to state, now, at the outset, that what you do here, now, on ESMB, is more important than your last sixty trillion years on this planet. Welcome.
 

rewired

Patron
Thanks for the warm welcome,
The whole reason I ended up here was due to a nasty blow up with my mom....I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. It was actually a pretty minor thing, but it triggered a complete regurgitation of my history and gave me yet another opportunity to look at it again. I have periodically been in counseling and have used codependency recovery programs which I find very helpful, but when it come to the Scientologist in my life I still seem to have some buried resentments. It is said you can tell what a families dysfunction is by the things they can't talk about, the proverbial elephant in the livingroom, in my family it is our childhood. We have been told our neglect was good for us, that we were creating the problems ourselves, we went without medical treatment much of the time, often were without food, electricity, housing and never supervision. There were so many good people who took us in and tried to help but we usually left on bad terms because of the divide and conquer disposition of my mother, the overwhelming need of our family of five and besides my mother was completely mind controlled. I went to 25 public schools in 4 different states and still managed to graduate finally at the age of 24. What follows me the most from the "training" is an overwhelming, overactive neuortic guilt. If a kid in China stole a wallet I swear I would feel responsible.
I want the world to be a better place too, but the way Scientology goes about doesn't make sense to me. I believe it is extremely unethical to exploit common human conditions for the purpose of financial gain. Personally I perfer the gnostic tradition of making information that benefits mankind widely available for free. Predators in this world are often disquised as the good guys among us, that's how they get so close. As long as we continue to look for the answers outside of ourselves there will be some a*&h$le willing to sell us something to help us out. We are all Creators and when we quit being sheep and start creating the beauty and the change we wish to see in the world, we will stop growing shadow organizations who are soul sucking, child abusing, fair gaming, double-speaking, authoritarian, egotistical, (oh there's more, but I hate typing) and hypocritical. Now, I do believe the people are good, but just like most evil-doing churches they are filled with, and perpetuated by, good people....followers. Until we wake up and quit giving our money, time and talents to evil, it will continue to grow. We need to quit following. Scientology robbed me of my childhood. Children are our most precious resource and historically the most creepiest of characters go for the kids. Don't let them out of your site, read 'em books, cook 'em dinner, check their head for lice once in awhile and for heaven's sake don't believe anything Scientology has to say about child rearing, oh and when they need comforting whatever you do, don't tell them "they pulled it in" it's a mind f*%k they don't need.
Well, that's all I got for now...thanks for letting me spew!
 

Sindy

Crusader
Hi,
She left in approximately in 75ish...She was SO...I know she audited too. She tried to reconnect a few years later...they said she may have been one of the ones who were "over-audited" or some crap like that. When I was newly married I took my husband to one of the centers to do the communication course. They took us out of class for long periods to try to find out where the money was in our family...we couldn't finish the course they interfered so much....it was very obvious then that profit not people is the main concern.

Thanks for you help

Wow. Thanks for this as this shows me that what should have been obvious to me in the beginning, simply was not and I admire your honesty. So glad you are here. I'm new here too but I have found such amazing people and resources here. You are smart to come here. :wave:
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
:welcome: rewired - glad you're hear and telling us your story. :thumbsup:

I'm more than happy to listen - it's what we do best around here. :yes:
 

wiseman_of_the_watchtower

Patron with Honors
There are enough problems faced by families such as yours, and we don't need scientology to come in and make it worse.

I am sorry your brothers got on the wrong end of the law... that is a shame.

Good luck,

-WMWT
 

Lurker5

Gold Meritorious Patron
Hello !

Hello - and welcome, rewired (love that :D) :welcome: :wave:

:drama: Please keep posting. Share - it will help heal - when you are ready, of course. :happydance:
 

rewired

Patron
Hi Again, My story isn't all bad...just some unneeded and unnecessary tragedy. It's like us kids were thrown in blender, dumped out and blamed for being mixed up. I feel guilty for even saying this stuff, but it's my truth. Honestly I had buried my Scientology experience because I was so young, I thought our issues stemmed from my father's alcoholism (that was drilled into us too.), but the stories on ex-kids are soooo similar...the words, the deeds, the outcomes....I know this is the part of our story that has been swept under the rug. I know my mom feels intensely guilty about everything...and even though I blame her because she was the adult in charge of us, I don't blame her because of the seductive nature of this cult. I think until we are able to express our grief openly it will continue to be a problem for my family. Does anyone know anything about the process of deprogramming?
 

Mest Lover

Not Sea Org Qualified
Does anyone know anything about the process of deprogramming?


Welcome.


That is interesting. When I was "IN" -- OSA contacted me weekly to find out about any potential deprogramming cycles and if anyone was contacted by the cult awareness network.

Is there still any deprogrammers working because I personally think ESMB would be best for that purpose.
 

rewired

Patron
Wow, I've just observed something, every time I try to express myself surrounding Scientology and it's effects on me I freeze up. Even writing this now there is an apprehension of not doing it right or possibly being attacked or humiliated. At least I am able to consciously observe this and persevere. My exposure was at such a young age but it was pretty intense for me and I feel now I have at least found the origins of the thread that has been strangling me for all these years. Funny, if I were to walk into a "Center" they would highly recommend a Scientology solution for the "engrams" I have from being abused by Scientology as a little kid. One observation I have made is how ex-members are still using the jargon and how now that I'm seeing it again, it's "in" me too. I think it's what contributes to the isolation from the outside world. The sophisticated "thought concepts" are alluring and somewhat addictive, chasing the dragon of the ultimate truth. The problem is once you start on the path, you're never quite there, it's all your fault, and all you need is a little more money. The end result is you end up in a mind prison like no other and the concepts of this prison self perpetuate because the way to verbalize the concepts are with words that have created the mind prison to begin with. It's a total mind f&%k!
I don't know how one would go about deprogramming unless they took apart each agreement/concept and inserted logic, discernment, exposed the flaws and "allowed" the person to express their feelings about it without fear of judgment or reprisal.
I find it interesting that twelve step programs suggest we relinquish control of others, Scientology requires it, but in a really round about, shell game personal accountability with someone else as the judge, kind of way. Yep....it's a mind f%*K!
What is really a bummer is that some of this crap has spilled onto my kids and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. I recognize now that I may have unconsciously parented them in similar ways, but not near as extreme, but perhaps still harmful...I'm having difficulty describing again...but it makes me feel sad and angry.



hmmmm
 

olska

Silver Meritorious Patron
Wow, I've just observed something, every time I try to express myself surrounding Scientology and it's effects on me I freeze up. Even writing this now there is an apprehension of not doing it right or possibly being attacked or humiliated. At least I am able to consciously observe this and persevere. My exposure was at such a young age but it was pretty intense for me and I feel now I have at least found the origins of the thread that has been strangling me for all these years. Funny, if I were to walk into a "Center" they would highly recommend a Scientology solution for the "engrams" I have from being abused by Scientology as a little kid. One observation I have made is how ex-members are still using the jargon and how now that I'm seeing it again, it's "in" me too. I think it's what contributes to the isolation from the outside world. The sophisticated "thought concepts" are alluring and somewhat addictive, chasing the dragon of the ultimate truth. The problem is once you start on the path, you're never quite there, it's all your fault, and all you need is a little more money. The end result is you end up in a mind prison like no other and the concepts of this prison self perpetuate because the way to verbalize the concepts are with words that have created the mind prison to begin with. It's a total mind f&%k!
I don't know how one would go about deprogramming unless they took apart each agreement/concept and inserted logic, discernment, exposed the flaws and "allowed" the person to express their feelings about it without fear of judgment or reprisal.
I find it interesting that twelve step programs suggest we relinquish control of others, Scientology requires it, but in a really round about, shell game personal accountability with someone else as the judge, kind of way. Yep....it's a mind f%*K!
What is really a bummer is that some of this crap has spilled onto my kids and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. I recognize now that I may have unconsciously parented them in similar ways, but not near as extreme, but perhaps still harmful...I'm having difficulty describing again...but it makes me feel sad and angry.

Thanks for posting all that you have -- keep reading, keep posting.

Some years after scientology, I too was involved in a 12-step program and I found it to be extremely helpful -- with its focus on humility and "power greater than yourself" (whatever you call it), it was almost the opposite of scientology and helped me find a new way of life, helped me untangle what was REALLY my responsibility and within my control, and what was not.

To my great relief, I discovered that MOST of life is not within my control (especially other people's opinions, thoughts, behaviors, etc.). As I'm only one ordinary person amongst more than 6 BILLION on this planet, how much control is actually realistic for ONE person to have?? not all that much.

So then I could concentrate on what IS within my control: is my child dressed, fed, and ready for school? Is he/she properly protected on the way to and from school? Can I get myself into the shower and dressed and get to work on time? Can I do my work without reacting with anger or grief to the asshole who insists on throwing his/her weight around and trying to make little of me? Can I bring myself to smile and say something pleasant to the bank teller even though I've been waiting in line for more than an hour? Can I sort out my financial priorities so that what is really important gets paid for first?

Little stuff, ordinary stuff, moment by moment, is within my control. World peace and the vagaries of the stock market/world economy really is not -- although I can always add my 2 cents to the effort ...:eyeroll:

GUILT is part of the mind-fuck, and scientology does it better than any other by making you feel like you're responsible for everything that ever happened to anyone anywhere anytime for the last gazillion years of time. Making people guilty and indoctrinating them with the need to confess every little tiny real or imagined transgression against anyone anywhere anytime (write up your overts!) is a way of controlling people.

Try and get over that -- do the best you can as a mother, employee, whatever else you are in life and let the rest go. No one's perfect -- as if anyone of us even had the right to say what's "perfect"!

INVENTORY of your character flaws and transgressions is a big deal in 12-step programs -- but don't neglect to also do the positive side of INVENTORY: all those positive character traits, talents, qualities, and good works you can claim -- you'll find the balance.

Here's a site that has some good stuff on the whole subject of scientology including some valuable pointers on deprogramming:

www.lermanet.com

Good luck to you!
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
Wow, I've just observed something, every time I try to express myself surrounding Scientology and it's effects on me I freeze up. Even writing this now there is an apprehension of not doing it right or possibly being attacked or humiliated.
That's Scientology's carefully prepared exit programming. You're feeling like you should according to Hubbard's policies.. It is, however, not the 'tech' working. It's intimidation and threaths. The Mafia can make that work too!

At least I am able to consciously observe this and persevere.
Yeh.. You'll be ok.. I felt that way exactly, for 10 years. No Internet then and no other ex'es to talk to at all.. But my guess is that you can laugh at all this a lot faster, thank's to this message board. (Hot day'um! - I just really realized the value of ESMB.. And all the other boards too.. Awesome!)

<snip> One observation I have made is how ex-members are still using the jargon and how now that I'm seeing it again, it's "in" me too. I think it's what contributes to the isolation from the outside world.
Yes.. The jargon.. I'm using it too.. I try to keep it to a minimum, for non scn lurkers.. It's an 'effect' of talking scn.. I don't use the jargon outside these message boards.

Hmm.. When I started to read a lot, and post, I felt unpleasantly 'restimulated' by scn jargon though.

The sophisticated "thought concepts" are alluring and somewhat addictive, chasing the dragon of the ultimate truth. The problem is once you start on the path, you're never quite there, it's all your fault, and all you need is a little more money. The end result is you end up in a mind prison like no other and the concepts of this prison self perpetuate because the way to verbalize the concepts are with words that have created the mind prison to begin with. It's a total mind f&%k!
Hubbard deviced a very complex and devious set of mind traps. It's really brillant in a thoroughly evil way.

I don't know how one would go about deprogramming unless they took apart each agreement/concept and inserted logic, discernment, exposed the flaws and "allowed" the person to express their feelings about it without fear of judgment or reprisal.
The most important way to 'deprogram' oneself is to understand Hubbard.. Awrghh! - I know that was like being slapped with a wet fish in the face.. But bear with me.. When considering that Hubbard was a conman.. Then understand what this conman would do and why. A impressively devious and intelligent conman! - Using every mental trick there is. Hypnosis, conditioning, scare mongering and his favorite: Rearranging the significance of concepts and words.

I think it started with the 'Engram theory', Dianetics.. The Reactive Mind.. This, if believed in, will as a logical consequence render your mind untrustworthy, treasonous and useless.. You can't trust your own mind, when trusting Dianetics. The two are mutually exclusive... Thus, believeing in Dianetics will make you easily suggestible.. 'Suggestible' as a hypnotic term, and synonymous with gullible in this context.

When I was in we joked that: 'Being a Scientologist is to believe seven impossible things before breakfast!' (Yeah, we were J&D'ers back then.. I understand they have gotten all the J&D'ers declared these days.)

Hmm.. Figuring out Hubbard's mind tricks has become my favorite hobby..

Just the other day Mockingbird6 posted this brillant thread: An Essay on Sec-checking

And this monster thread at OCMB : Hubbard's use of hypnosis - Dianetic's true SOURCE revealed

<snip> What is really a bummer is that some of this crap has spilled onto my kids and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. I recognize now that I may have unconsciously parented them in similar ways, but not near as extreme, but perhaps still harmful...I'm having difficulty describing again...but it makes me feel sad and angry.

hmmmm
Well, it is a bummer! - And it's important to do something about.. Nah.. I actually think you got that under control. You can and do observe it. Which means that you can decide to do something else. That's not 'unconscious' at all.

:hattip:
 
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