My story
- Thread starter Bea Kiddo
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Bea Kiddo
Crusader
Part IV
1988 - 1991
One of the first things I learned in the Sea Org, because I was a receptionist, was how to handle process servers. I got drilled on it. (I guess there was alot of court stuff going on in those days). DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING THEY TRY TO GIVE YOU. Even if they shove it at you, hold your hands back and do not accept anything. Let it drop to the floor and do not touch it for any reason. They taught us different ways that they could try to trick you. I never met any of them. Too bad for me. Oh well. They made them seem like ogres.
I got tested in school while in the Sea Org to see where I was at educationally. They found out that I was fourth grade level. So they set to work on catching me up. Since I couldnt get out of it, I went with it. So I caught up in a year (I was never dumb, I just didnt like school). So that may be why I have decent literacy now (plus having done the BC - alot of words there too).
Anyways, I was on reception post for about 1 1/2 years, sending out promo and writing letters. THen I got to stealing again and they put me in the Big kids RPF. I was like 16 1/2 I guess? When I got busted, I figured I would be routed out, never even thought that I was going to the RPF. That suprized me alot. They made me sign a document that I was going voluntarily (which I didnt really understand all the big words in that. I was schooled but not a scholar or lawyer).
So I started running around, doing renos and learning how to audit. They gave me a twin who only wanted to get declared. She was intent on it! (She got her wish about 12 years later). Anyways, we tried to get each other through the program and audited each other. Dont remember too much about the auditing. So in 1991 there was the amnesty and everyone was off the RPF and we all went to Manor Hotel.
I remember poor Tim Harder (now declared) coming in to see the missionares there and they were telling him he had to make 200,000 dollars regging for Manor Hotel for the place to fund what was needed. I was trying to understand how in the heck anyone could get that much money together for Hotel Services for a hotel so small? He got busted because he got a hold of a bunch of credit cards and started charging them just trying to keep his stats in a decent range. It became an obsession to do a good job. As soon as it was discovered, he got declared and his wife divorced him.
Ok, its late. More later I guess. (This is only the first 5 years! My gosh. So much more to it!)
1988 - 1991
One of the first things I learned in the Sea Org, because I was a receptionist, was how to handle process servers. I got drilled on it. (I guess there was alot of court stuff going on in those days). DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING THEY TRY TO GIVE YOU. Even if they shove it at you, hold your hands back and do not accept anything. Let it drop to the floor and do not touch it for any reason. They taught us different ways that they could try to trick you. I never met any of them. Too bad for me. Oh well. They made them seem like ogres.
I got tested in school while in the Sea Org to see where I was at educationally. They found out that I was fourth grade level. So they set to work on catching me up. Since I couldnt get out of it, I went with it. So I caught up in a year (I was never dumb, I just didnt like school). So that may be why I have decent literacy now (plus having done the BC - alot of words there too).
Anyways, I was on reception post for about 1 1/2 years, sending out promo and writing letters. THen I got to stealing again and they put me in the Big kids RPF. I was like 16 1/2 I guess? When I got busted, I figured I would be routed out, never even thought that I was going to the RPF. That suprized me alot. They made me sign a document that I was going voluntarily (which I didnt really understand all the big words in that. I was schooled but not a scholar or lawyer).
So I started running around, doing renos and learning how to audit. They gave me a twin who only wanted to get declared. She was intent on it! (She got her wish about 12 years later). Anyways, we tried to get each other through the program and audited each other. Dont remember too much about the auditing. So in 1991 there was the amnesty and everyone was off the RPF and we all went to Manor Hotel.
I remember poor Tim Harder (now declared) coming in to see the missionares there and they were telling him he had to make 200,000 dollars regging for Manor Hotel for the place to fund what was needed. I was trying to understand how in the heck anyone could get that much money together for Hotel Services for a hotel so small? He got busted because he got a hold of a bunch of credit cards and started charging them just trying to keep his stats in a decent range. It became an obsession to do a good job. As soon as it was discovered, he got declared and his wife divorced him.
Ok, its late. More later I guess. (This is only the first 5 years! My gosh. So much more to it!)
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Bea Kiddo
Crusader
Part IV - A
May 1989 - Sept 1991
Well, I skipped out on a bit and just decided, what the heck, lets add it. It's the grand ol' RPF.
So that day that I got sent to the RPF, I signed some paper saying that I was voluntarily going. I was not. I thought I was going to be routed out. Oh well. I wish I were routed out.
Anyways, I learned how to audit, learned how to do renovations and build stuff. That part was cool.
But, as you already know from earlier parts of my story, I am really good at getting myself in trouble. And so, I ended up on the RPF's RPF. I think maybe twice or three times? I can't remember. Those were the good ol' days.
I got to clean rats alley every day. That is a place under the galley in the PAC building (the big blue one on Sunset/Fountain, etc in Hollywood). It is about 5 feet high, so you have to bend over to walk through it. It is huge. At that time, it was flooded with who knows what nastiness and so me and a couple others were down there cleaning/killing roaches. The walls were just covered in roaches. I finally figured out I could spray them with a hose with bleach pouring onto the spray and I would not have to get too close to them.
We also had to pound the solid concrete floor inside where the current CLO is (behind AOLA) for hours. That was where the old hospital used to do testing on animals and they put them on these concrete blocks in cages so they could turn on a shower to clean them all. That was so tiring.
And we had to dig out all the dirt for the parking lot across from the HGB to build the transformer building. I almost permanently damaged my back doing that. I was shovelling dirt all day long and the next day I could barely breath. My in charge checked out my back and told me it was all purple and swollen on one side. So I went to a Scn doctor and they told me that I ripped all the muscles in my back and dislocated two ribs! (I was 16 I think). I wonder if I had gone to a WOG doctor, what would they have thought of all that?
EDITED/ADDED: I just remembered while I was on the RPF's RPF, so was Sue Bolstadt. She was sent there for falsifying worksheets while on the RPF. I had to watch her all the time. She is a nice person when she is being herself and not acting all "ethics presence"-like. We had to go into the miles and miles of ducts above the galley and scrape off all of the grease. The ducts are so huge in many places you can walk standing up. Took us a long time to clean them out! So sad with Sue, she was really upset about what she had done (falsiying the worksheets) and she would take all these long laps on her study time. Because she was under watch, I would take them with her. It was fun, but I did not see her getting any therapy out of it. At that time, we were allowed to run around the base itself (PAC) and so we would spend like 2 1/2 hours running around the whole block. Good exercise. And later, after she was done, but I was still on RPF's RPF, and now I was under watch for some reason, can't remember why, I decided to take some laps too (but now we had to do them in the tunnel in the basement only). And so I ran and I ran and I ran. The person watching me could not keep up. so they tried to just catch me when I went by. But I was so sweaty they couldn't get a grip on me. Was funny at the time!
Oh - by then I was done with HIgh School. Right before I ended up on the RPF I did a test and passed and while I was on the RPF, I got my diploma. My grandparents sent me money in congratulations and all I could use it for was shampoo and stuff, cause I didnt have any money really for anything.
And so, we were doing lots and lots of building - mainly CCI. I helped on all the floors except the 7th and basement. Nice place. I even got really good at renovations.
I remember one time I had to walk from the HGB to PAC (About 3 miles, for those unfamiliar with LA area) in my black boiler suit and heavy boots. I must have looked so weird! I was only like 16 and I went with a couple others too. We must have scared people. But I was good at lip reading and I saw this guy say "watch this" to his friend. He came up to me and asked me if I was a Scientologist. I told him "yes" and his friend looked at him incrediously and said "how did you know?" And he told his friend, "Oh, ALL Scientologists wear black!". I remember laughing this off.
And so it went, got through all the auditing with my twin (got her to answer some auditing commands between "I wanna be declared" from her). And our folders were onlines for graduation. They came back saying that I had a long history of out ethics and it was not addressed and handled.
Right about then, I think Sept 91 (?), that article came out, in Time magazine I guess? And COB gave an amnesty to everyone. I later found out the church almost folded at that time. They almost lost everything and they had to do this to get out of it.
We were given the option to stay and complete the program or get the heck out and back in the Sea Org ranks. Anything to get out of that nasty boiler suit. So I did not get my ethics in and my twin did not get declared, her only wish.
May 1989 - Sept 1991
Well, I skipped out on a bit and just decided, what the heck, lets add it. It's the grand ol' RPF.
So that day that I got sent to the RPF, I signed some paper saying that I was voluntarily going. I was not. I thought I was going to be routed out. Oh well. I wish I were routed out.
Anyways, I learned how to audit, learned how to do renovations and build stuff. That part was cool.
But, as you already know from earlier parts of my story, I am really good at getting myself in trouble. And so, I ended up on the RPF's RPF. I think maybe twice or three times? I can't remember. Those were the good ol' days.
I got to clean rats alley every day. That is a place under the galley in the PAC building (the big blue one on Sunset/Fountain, etc in Hollywood). It is about 5 feet high, so you have to bend over to walk through it. It is huge. At that time, it was flooded with who knows what nastiness and so me and a couple others were down there cleaning/killing roaches. The walls were just covered in roaches. I finally figured out I could spray them with a hose with bleach pouring onto the spray and I would not have to get too close to them.
We also had to pound the solid concrete floor inside where the current CLO is (behind AOLA) for hours. That was where the old hospital used to do testing on animals and they put them on these concrete blocks in cages so they could turn on a shower to clean them all. That was so tiring.
And we had to dig out all the dirt for the parking lot across from the HGB to build the transformer building. I almost permanently damaged my back doing that. I was shovelling dirt all day long and the next day I could barely breath. My in charge checked out my back and told me it was all purple and swollen on one side. So I went to a Scn doctor and they told me that I ripped all the muscles in my back and dislocated two ribs! (I was 16 I think). I wonder if I had gone to a WOG doctor, what would they have thought of all that?
EDITED/ADDED: I just remembered while I was on the RPF's RPF, so was Sue Bolstadt. She was sent there for falsifying worksheets while on the RPF. I had to watch her all the time. She is a nice person when she is being herself and not acting all "ethics presence"-like. We had to go into the miles and miles of ducts above the galley and scrape off all of the grease. The ducts are so huge in many places you can walk standing up. Took us a long time to clean them out! So sad with Sue, she was really upset about what she had done (falsiying the worksheets) and she would take all these long laps on her study time. Because she was under watch, I would take them with her. It was fun, but I did not see her getting any therapy out of it. At that time, we were allowed to run around the base itself (PAC) and so we would spend like 2 1/2 hours running around the whole block. Good exercise. And later, after she was done, but I was still on RPF's RPF, and now I was under watch for some reason, can't remember why, I decided to take some laps too (but now we had to do them in the tunnel in the basement only). And so I ran and I ran and I ran. The person watching me could not keep up. so they tried to just catch me when I went by. But I was so sweaty they couldn't get a grip on me. Was funny at the time!
Oh - by then I was done with HIgh School. Right before I ended up on the RPF I did a test and passed and while I was on the RPF, I got my diploma. My grandparents sent me money in congratulations and all I could use it for was shampoo and stuff, cause I didnt have any money really for anything.
And so, we were doing lots and lots of building - mainly CCI. I helped on all the floors except the 7th and basement. Nice place. I even got really good at renovations.
I remember one time I had to walk from the HGB to PAC (About 3 miles, for those unfamiliar with LA area) in my black boiler suit and heavy boots. I must have looked so weird! I was only like 16 and I went with a couple others too. We must have scared people. But I was good at lip reading and I saw this guy say "watch this" to his friend. He came up to me and asked me if I was a Scientologist. I told him "yes" and his friend looked at him incrediously and said "how did you know?" And he told his friend, "Oh, ALL Scientologists wear black!". I remember laughing this off.
And so it went, got through all the auditing with my twin (got her to answer some auditing commands between "I wanna be declared" from her). And our folders were onlines for graduation. They came back saying that I had a long history of out ethics and it was not addressed and handled.
Right about then, I think Sept 91 (?), that article came out, in Time magazine I guess? And COB gave an amnesty to everyone. I later found out the church almost folded at that time. They almost lost everything and they had to do this to get out of it.
We were given the option to stay and complete the program or get the heck out and back in the Sea Org ranks. Anything to get out of that nasty boiler suit. So I did not get my ethics in and my twin did not get declared, her only wish.
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Bea Kiddo
Crusader
Part V
1991 - 1996
So then I got posted shortly after that. I had to get trained rapidly to become a supervisor, so I did MCSC (Mini Course Sup Course) in a couple of days and then started to supervise the staff. That went on for many years. Except that I was also responsible for all other Qual functions for staff too. So it was hard to be a sup all day and still care for the staff, getting them in session and so forth. At first I tried really hard to do it all, then decided screw it. There was just no way.
I was supposed to be at a meeting every week and I never made it and my senior told me that if I did not show up, I would get declared. So what was I supposed to do? Not sup and get declared or sup and get declared for not being at the meeting? I ended up walking out of the courseroom and going to the stupid meeting. No sup for 45 mins or so while I went to this dumb meeting.
And my senior told me that I was killing the staff (literally) by neglect. One staff member died of cancer, which really affected me. I tried hard to do it all but it was really not feasible.
Also we had a mission in the org at one time and everyone had to get through some study stuff. Everyone had different schedules, so I had to have my courseroom open 24 hours a day for about a week. I was getting yelled at constantly, even while I was suping, which was distracting to the students. Every time a student did not show up, I was expected to get them, even though I was suping 50 plus other students. I hated that.
Right around this time I squeezed in my auditor and C/S training and became a Grad V C/S. I was still suping pretty much all the time, with my senior constantly on my ass about what a piece of useless junk I was and how I was killing the staff.
Somewhere in that same time period, two of the staff members went Type III (Insane) and had to be cared for constantly. They put together a seperate team to care for them. But I had to help on that to some degree too. I felt so bad for them. One of them was a BIG problem because he was violent, couldnt sleep and refused to eat. We tried in many ways to give him sedatives but he refused them. We finally put it in gel form and put in peanut butter sandwich and he ate it and then he figured out what we did and he went nuts all over again. Poor guy.
And sometime at one point I got a sup to help me. But he was kinda out there and didnt last long. After he sent a love letter to the Dir I & R (another male) saying he wanted to put LSD on paper to make him unqualled for the Sea Org so they could go out and be together, they kicked my sup out of the org. So then again I was stuck suping the courseroom.
Meanwhile, I met another guy in the org and we were going out. Then he wanted to break up cause he didnt want to stay in the Sea Org, but wanted to leave. Somehow we decided to get married anyways (just for sex, because no sex without marriage in there), and we were going to get divorced when he was leaving.
Soon after we got married, I ended up pregnant, because I did not know much about birth control. So we were trying to figure out if we should keep it or not. At that time, we would have been shipped to a Class V Org, not routed out. So we figured we could go. But then somehow decided not to do this. We did not have money for abortion, so I called my grandmother, who was not a Scientologist and lied to her and asked her for money, which she sent me. (Later she found out what it was used for, and was not happy about it at all). And so we went ahead with the abortion. While in the Sea Org, you are really made to think that these things are what you want. Was it? NO WAY IN HELL!!! I could have a 13 year old by now, but I have none. :mad:
This I think was the point that really affected me the most as far as the Sea Org was concerned. Abortion is no light matter. It is murder. When I did it, it did not feel that way to me. But within a couple of days, I regretted it so much. I don't know how my husband felt about it, we did not talk too much about it.
Anyways, we decided to stay together. For a while. But it was a constant back and forth battle with him: he wanted to stay married, no, get a divorce, no I was right for him so he was staying. A constant problem for me. And I put up with it for many years.
Soon after all this, I was doing more and more C/Sing and was not suping much anymore. I guess they found someone else to do that. I don't recall.
Then someone went into an org in Portland and shot 5 staff (one of them being a Sea Org member from Flag) and tried to burn down the building. So they needed people to get up there and get things under control. THey sent like 25 different people up there. Some were missions, some were to work on assists and things. So I got shipped up there and we were doing 24 hour care on those injured.
(Funny thing is that all the people who were shot and injured were staff - no public. I think that the org was void of public at that time - shows you that the orgs really are empty).
Sad thing was one of the people shot was 5 months pregnant and the bullet severed her spine and paralyzed her from the hips down. She was able to keep the baby and gave birth later. Unfortunately when she was shot, the babys brain stopped growing and when she was born she only had a brain stem. She lived about a year before passing away. The doctors said she would only live a few hours. So sad. She was a really nice person.
Meanwhile, the guy who did this was caught at the time and given a court case. He was considered mentally insane and was put in an institution I think (or deported - I can't remember to where - Africa or something I think). The problem with this person was known about for months too. He had threatened the org and San Francisco org on a number of occasions and weapons were found in his house and confiscated at least once. But someone lost track of him until he showed up in the org. :yikes:
More later.
1991 - 1996
So then I got posted shortly after that. I had to get trained rapidly to become a supervisor, so I did MCSC (Mini Course Sup Course) in a couple of days and then started to supervise the staff. That went on for many years. Except that I was also responsible for all other Qual functions for staff too. So it was hard to be a sup all day and still care for the staff, getting them in session and so forth. At first I tried really hard to do it all, then decided screw it. There was just no way.
I was supposed to be at a meeting every week and I never made it and my senior told me that if I did not show up, I would get declared. So what was I supposed to do? Not sup and get declared or sup and get declared for not being at the meeting? I ended up walking out of the courseroom and going to the stupid meeting. No sup for 45 mins or so while I went to this dumb meeting.
And my senior told me that I was killing the staff (literally) by neglect. One staff member died of cancer, which really affected me. I tried hard to do it all but it was really not feasible.
Also we had a mission in the org at one time and everyone had to get through some study stuff. Everyone had different schedules, so I had to have my courseroom open 24 hours a day for about a week. I was getting yelled at constantly, even while I was suping, which was distracting to the students. Every time a student did not show up, I was expected to get them, even though I was suping 50 plus other students. I hated that.
Right around this time I squeezed in my auditor and C/S training and became a Grad V C/S. I was still suping pretty much all the time, with my senior constantly on my ass about what a piece of useless junk I was and how I was killing the staff.
Somewhere in that same time period, two of the staff members went Type III (Insane) and had to be cared for constantly. They put together a seperate team to care for them. But I had to help on that to some degree too. I felt so bad for them. One of them was a BIG problem because he was violent, couldnt sleep and refused to eat. We tried in many ways to give him sedatives but he refused them. We finally put it in gel form and put in peanut butter sandwich and he ate it and then he figured out what we did and he went nuts all over again. Poor guy.
And sometime at one point I got a sup to help me. But he was kinda out there and didnt last long. After he sent a love letter to the Dir I & R (another male) saying he wanted to put LSD on paper to make him unqualled for the Sea Org so they could go out and be together, they kicked my sup out of the org. So then again I was stuck suping the courseroom.
Meanwhile, I met another guy in the org and we were going out. Then he wanted to break up cause he didnt want to stay in the Sea Org, but wanted to leave. Somehow we decided to get married anyways (just for sex, because no sex without marriage in there), and we were going to get divorced when he was leaving.
Soon after we got married, I ended up pregnant, because I did not know much about birth control. So we were trying to figure out if we should keep it or not. At that time, we would have been shipped to a Class V Org, not routed out. So we figured we could go. But then somehow decided not to do this. We did not have money for abortion, so I called my grandmother, who was not a Scientologist and lied to her and asked her for money, which she sent me. (Later she found out what it was used for, and was not happy about it at all). And so we went ahead with the abortion. While in the Sea Org, you are really made to think that these things are what you want. Was it? NO WAY IN HELL!!! I could have a 13 year old by now, but I have none. :mad:
This I think was the point that really affected me the most as far as the Sea Org was concerned. Abortion is no light matter. It is murder. When I did it, it did not feel that way to me. But within a couple of days, I regretted it so much. I don't know how my husband felt about it, we did not talk too much about it.
Anyways, we decided to stay together. For a while. But it was a constant back and forth battle with him: he wanted to stay married, no, get a divorce, no I was right for him so he was staying. A constant problem for me. And I put up with it for many years.
Soon after all this, I was doing more and more C/Sing and was not suping much anymore. I guess they found someone else to do that. I don't recall.
Then someone went into an org in Portland and shot 5 staff (one of them being a Sea Org member from Flag) and tried to burn down the building. So they needed people to get up there and get things under control. THey sent like 25 different people up there. Some were missions, some were to work on assists and things. So I got shipped up there and we were doing 24 hour care on those injured.
(Funny thing is that all the people who were shot and injured were staff - no public. I think that the org was void of public at that time - shows you that the orgs really are empty).
Sad thing was one of the people shot was 5 months pregnant and the bullet severed her spine and paralyzed her from the hips down. She was able to keep the baby and gave birth later. Unfortunately when she was shot, the babys brain stopped growing and when she was born she only had a brain stem. She lived about a year before passing away. The doctors said she would only live a few hours. So sad. She was a really nice person.
Meanwhile, the guy who did this was caught at the time and given a court case. He was considered mentally insane and was put in an institution I think (or deported - I can't remember to where - Africa or something I think). The problem with this person was known about for months too. He had threatened the org and San Francisco org on a number of occasions and weapons were found in his house and confiscated at least once. But someone lost track of him until he showed up in the org. :yikes:
More later.
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Bea Kiddo
Crusader
Part VI
Late 1996 (The Green Bay Packers won this year!)
(Sorry my post is so long - it's really a long story! We are only up to 1996 at this point.)
I remember the Sea Org member who had gotten shot was behind the reception area when he heard the shots and he came out of his office to see what was going on, and the shooter shot him, just missing his heart. He fell backwards and the shooter went in the other direction, up to the second floor to find more people. The Sea Org member knew he had to get out of the building, because he knew the shooter was still inside. So he got up and went outside. Then he laid on the ground in front of the org. The police came to try to talk the shooter out (who was in the fire stairwell that led to the outside front, with a hostage, the Treas Sec. He had already shot the ED, the D/ED, one Sea Org member and the PES - which was the pregnant one). The Senior C/S had heard the shots and went out a back door, breaking her ankle on the stairs. So the police told the Sea Org member that he was not in a safe place and he needed to move further down the street. He got up, walked further down, wiped off the sidewalk (so he would not get his uniform dirty) and laid back down until an ambulance came to get him.
The whole thing only lasted 10 minutes before the police got him out and got him to surrender. The shooter was arrested on the spot.
And we were all there to clean up the mess that ensued. The PES (pregnant one) was unconcious in the hospital. When we got there, her husband was there, with his brother too (an OT VII I think). And the husband decided that there was nothing he could do sitting around in the hospital, so he went out to sell Dianetics books. And we were set to do round the clock assists on her to get her back to conciousness. We used to come out to the waiting room to give updates to our boss so she could send all the info up the lines. But within 10 minutes of me giving information, it would show up on the local news. That was strange, but fun anyways. They promoted assist tech on the news. The PES was made to look like the victim and hero in the news, especially because she was pregnant. She finally woke up after about 24 hours I guess and the first thing after she found out that she was paralyzed and would never walk again was "can my desk be put on the first floor then?". All she thought about was going back to post (and the first floor is only a little lobby in the org, only space for reception and a lobby area).
Meanwhile, the Sea Org member was from Flag and we tried to contact the person over staff care there, and she was told what had occured and she said she would get back to me in a few days with C/S instructions. She got in a lot of trouble for that! Yeah, the boss called CO CMO CW and told her what was going on and we got C/S instructions in 10 minutes and the folder being sent out to us to get him going on a program. He was lucky he was not killed. The bullet just barely missed his heart. He took it as a wake up call to get moving up the Bridge.
The ED also was in the hospital but I did not deal with him much except to give a few assists to him as he was OT.
The D/ED did not even know that he had been shot until he was doing his police report in a local coffee shop and went to pay for whatever he ordered and found a hole all the way through his wallet. They found the bullet lodged in his hip (we all said it was his butt, but he insisted it was his hip. We were all joking about it).
Meanwhile and million Sea Org members from different parts came over for all kinds of things. Rallys to get people into the org, rallys to get people to Flag to get up the Bridge, CCI came for promotion to people with bugged cases, etc, etc, etc. Everybody jumped in, showed up, sent flowers and left.
Then the Senior C/S was ordered to Flag for correction and maybe auditing too. Not sure. So I had to stay and help out in the org for a while and everyone else was gone.
Meanwhile, when I had left to go there, my husband and I had decided to get a divorce. The same morning I got shipped off to handle this flap in Portland. So I asked my husband if we could hold off on any divorce papers until I got back. So he agreed. No rush. So then about a month after I was gone, he called and said he loved me and sent me flowers and decided that we should stay married and he wanted to tell me his realizations. And so we stayed together for a while.
Late 1996 (The Green Bay Packers won this year!)
(Sorry my post is so long - it's really a long story! We are only up to 1996 at this point.)
I remember the Sea Org member who had gotten shot was behind the reception area when he heard the shots and he came out of his office to see what was going on, and the shooter shot him, just missing his heart. He fell backwards and the shooter went in the other direction, up to the second floor to find more people. The Sea Org member knew he had to get out of the building, because he knew the shooter was still inside. So he got up and went outside. Then he laid on the ground in front of the org. The police came to try to talk the shooter out (who was in the fire stairwell that led to the outside front, with a hostage, the Treas Sec. He had already shot the ED, the D/ED, one Sea Org member and the PES - which was the pregnant one). The Senior C/S had heard the shots and went out a back door, breaking her ankle on the stairs. So the police told the Sea Org member that he was not in a safe place and he needed to move further down the street. He got up, walked further down, wiped off the sidewalk (so he would not get his uniform dirty) and laid back down until an ambulance came to get him.
The whole thing only lasted 10 minutes before the police got him out and got him to surrender. The shooter was arrested on the spot.
And we were all there to clean up the mess that ensued. The PES (pregnant one) was unconcious in the hospital. When we got there, her husband was there, with his brother too (an OT VII I think). And the husband decided that there was nothing he could do sitting around in the hospital, so he went out to sell Dianetics books. And we were set to do round the clock assists on her to get her back to conciousness. We used to come out to the waiting room to give updates to our boss so she could send all the info up the lines. But within 10 minutes of me giving information, it would show up on the local news. That was strange, but fun anyways. They promoted assist tech on the news. The PES was made to look like the victim and hero in the news, especially because she was pregnant. She finally woke up after about 24 hours I guess and the first thing after she found out that she was paralyzed and would never walk again was "can my desk be put on the first floor then?". All she thought about was going back to post (and the first floor is only a little lobby in the org, only space for reception and a lobby area).
Meanwhile, the Sea Org member was from Flag and we tried to contact the person over staff care there, and she was told what had occured and she said she would get back to me in a few days with C/S instructions. She got in a lot of trouble for that! Yeah, the boss called CO CMO CW and told her what was going on and we got C/S instructions in 10 minutes and the folder being sent out to us to get him going on a program. He was lucky he was not killed. The bullet just barely missed his heart. He took it as a wake up call to get moving up the Bridge.
The ED also was in the hospital but I did not deal with him much except to give a few assists to him as he was OT.
The D/ED did not even know that he had been shot until he was doing his police report in a local coffee shop and went to pay for whatever he ordered and found a hole all the way through his wallet. They found the bullet lodged in his hip (we all said it was his butt, but he insisted it was his hip. We were all joking about it).
Meanwhile and million Sea Org members from different parts came over for all kinds of things. Rallys to get people into the org, rallys to get people to Flag to get up the Bridge, CCI came for promotion to people with bugged cases, etc, etc, etc. Everybody jumped in, showed up, sent flowers and left.
Then the Senior C/S was ordered to Flag for correction and maybe auditing too. Not sure. So I had to stay and help out in the org for a while and everyone else was gone.
Meanwhile, when I had left to go there, my husband and I had decided to get a divorce. The same morning I got shipped off to handle this flap in Portland. So I asked my husband if we could hold off on any divorce papers until I got back. So he agreed. No rush. So then about a month after I was gone, he called and said he loved me and sent me flowers and decided that we should stay married and he wanted to tell me his realizations. And so we stayed together for a while.
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Bea Kiddo
Crusader
I added some more info on Part III about the battle of Portland of 85. I tried to find a way to add an entry in the right place but it didnt work. And so it is the shorter version. Sorry about that.
Anybody still reading/interested? Any questions so far?
Sometime I may post part II, which was skipped. Its a tough one and has heavy ramifications which I am not ready to talk about yet. Oh well.
Anybody still reading/interested? Any questions so far?
Sometime I may post part II, which was skipped. Its a tough one and has heavy ramifications which I am not ready to talk about yet. Oh well.
Sky
Patron with Honors
Hi Whatever,
Please keep writing! I have been following your story... just haven't been posting any replies. It's very interesting to me to see the similarities in your experience and mine--although there are definitely many differences, too. Mainly I can relate to how there were so many conflicts, and damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don'ts.
I am so-o-o-o glad I never joined the Sea Org. I remember times when I thought about it, and considered that it would be so much easier to have room and board covered. Since we Class V org staff didn't have this provided to us, there were several times when I was basically homeless, and would spend a couple of days here and there with various staff until I could find a new place. And figuring out food was a bitch too sometimes.
But the more I read accounts of ex-SO, the more I am glad that I never completely traded my freedom.
Don't stop relating your story!
Sky
Please keep writing! I have been following your story... just haven't been posting any replies. It's very interesting to me to see the similarities in your experience and mine--although there are definitely many differences, too. Mainly I can relate to how there were so many conflicts, and damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don'ts.
I am so-o-o-o glad I never joined the Sea Org. I remember times when I thought about it, and considered that it would be so much easier to have room and board covered. Since we Class V org staff didn't have this provided to us, there were several times when I was basically homeless, and would spend a couple of days here and there with various staff until I could find a new place. And figuring out food was a bitch too sometimes.
But the more I read accounts of ex-SO, the more I am glad that I never completely traded my freedom.
Don't stop relating your story!
Sky
Bea Kiddo
Crusader
Part VII
1996 - 1997 (ish)
So there I was, all by myself in Portland (well, all the staff were there of course too, but all the Sea Org members left). Helen, the one who had been shot, was still healing. She was at home. When she was shot, the bullet lodged in her spine and paralyzed her. It also stopped the baby's (she was pregnant) brain from growing). So sad.
So I was living in a motel with hardly anything to do except C/S a few folders a day, and visit with Helen and give her auditing and assists. She and her husband were so sweet.
Since my motel room had cable and I had nothing to do, I used to just stay there for a few hours and watch movies (then I started to notice they were all re-runs!), then go do assists and then wander into the org. I was lazy and lax out there. I was waiting for the C/S to return from correction.
So finally she returned and I went home, after three months or more being stuck there.
And my husband (of the time) welcomed me home, no longer wanting a divorce. And I went back onto post.
I remember one thing was that because I was working with Celebrities alot, I got to be involved in interesting things sometimes and meet people... you know what I mean... See, I dont mind talking about Scn here, but I feel that I cannot say things about the Celebs that came through (Some stayed on, some not), as that is there own personal life and I have nothing against them.
Funny thing, my world was so closed off in the Sea Org, they would tell me _____ is in the org, and you need to C/S, do exam, whatever, and I would be thinking "who the heck is that?". Then I would go to the store for something on time off and leaf through a People magazine and see a bunch of faces in there that I had just been involved with at work. That was weird. Some stayed on, some not. The ones that stayed on are pretty much open about being part of the religion. The others, I have to respect their privacy. They tried it, and it was not for them. Peace out.
I remember one time there was a BIG flap at CCI. A public who was 8 1/2 months pregnant was there trying to get help because her boyfriend would not marry her and she was about to deliver. He was Hawaiian and she was Asian (I think from Tiawan). Anyways, in that cultre, you CANNOT raise a child without a father. They had very different views about it. Anyways, the C/S (me) let him go, not knowing the whole situation and he left. So shewent up to the fifth or sixth floor of CCI and decided to jump. Luckily someone saw she was upset and followed her and barely stopped her. She got pulled back in and then all hell broke loose. The folders needed bottoms up FES, etc, etc. And I guess it was Marty Rathbun all over the C/Ses butts about what we were gonna do about it. This was my first direct experience with RTC. The other C/S was in total brainlock and the Senior C/S (Kathy Schobel) was out of it too. I dont know why or what happened to either of them, but they were mentally gone. I felt like I was in a slow motion movie.
Well, first thing was that the HGC C/S office was in a place where all of the pcs could see her. I suggested that she move down the hall so she would have a proper ivory tower. So she did, into my office. So then all the noise of this girls situation came down to my office. And Marty came in constantly to find out what was being done about it. And Angie(HGC C/S) had no answer. So I couldnt stand it anymore and I took it. I said I was going to bottoms up FES all of it. And so it went, all night, all day, all night until it was done. And he came back and I told him we FESed it all. and he said "what is being DONE about it?", and I said, uh, er, uh. Ok. He said figure it out and he would be back.
And so I programmed the folders and somehow the girl got labeled Type III and criminal (however she paid for auditing - the money was not clean - something about trading in Taiwan). And he came back and I told him the folders were programmed. (That is the C/Ses job, right?).
And he again said "What is being DONE about it?". Ok he left again. Think, think, think.
Ok, I got it. I brought the MAA (Ethics dude) up there and told him to do a non-enturbulation order on the guy. And so he did. And Marty came back and asked me what was done (The other C/S was sitting in the office all this time, not doing anything on this problem. Meanwhile, I am fixing it, not getting any sleep, and she is ripping off my husband behind my back) and I showed Marty the non-enturbulation order and he said "that is just a piece of paper, what is being DONE about it?" Ok, ok, ok. He said I have 30 mins to figure it out and he would be back.
And so I figured it out. Programmed the guy for sec checking, ordered him back. Got the MAA to get him on the next flight out, or he would be declared. Set up videoing the sessions (which is easy, cause all the auditing rooms are bugged) and assigned the best auditor, who had to get all other pc's off her board. All done in 20 mins. And Marty came back and I told him what was going on and he said "great! Over to you". And that made me proud. Until I realized I got the lower conditions for this, even though it was not my post. I stayed up 3 days straight, though it was not my problem. What a load of hoakie. I got the short end of the stick in that!:mad:
(I forgot to mention CCI had gone St Hill Size in 92 or so and because of that, I got my OT Levels up to OT IV there, before all of this above. I had attested to Clear on the RPF in 90's or so).
1996 - 1997 (ish)
So there I was, all by myself in Portland (well, all the staff were there of course too, but all the Sea Org members left). Helen, the one who had been shot, was still healing. She was at home. When she was shot, the bullet lodged in her spine and paralyzed her. It also stopped the baby's (she was pregnant) brain from growing). So sad.
So I was living in a motel with hardly anything to do except C/S a few folders a day, and visit with Helen and give her auditing and assists. She and her husband were so sweet.
Since my motel room had cable and I had nothing to do, I used to just stay there for a few hours and watch movies (then I started to notice they were all re-runs!), then go do assists and then wander into the org. I was lazy and lax out there. I was waiting for the C/S to return from correction.
So finally she returned and I went home, after three months or more being stuck there.
And my husband (of the time) welcomed me home, no longer wanting a divorce. And I went back onto post.
I remember one thing was that because I was working with Celebrities alot, I got to be involved in interesting things sometimes and meet people... you know what I mean... See, I dont mind talking about Scn here, but I feel that I cannot say things about the Celebs that came through (Some stayed on, some not), as that is there own personal life and I have nothing against them.
Funny thing, my world was so closed off in the Sea Org, they would tell me _____ is in the org, and you need to C/S, do exam, whatever, and I would be thinking "who the heck is that?". Then I would go to the store for something on time off and leaf through a People magazine and see a bunch of faces in there that I had just been involved with at work. That was weird. Some stayed on, some not. The ones that stayed on are pretty much open about being part of the religion. The others, I have to respect their privacy. They tried it, and it was not for them. Peace out.
I remember one time there was a BIG flap at CCI. A public who was 8 1/2 months pregnant was there trying to get help because her boyfriend would not marry her and she was about to deliver. He was Hawaiian and she was Asian (I think from Tiawan). Anyways, in that cultre, you CANNOT raise a child without a father. They had very different views about it. Anyways, the C/S (me) let him go, not knowing the whole situation and he left. So shewent up to the fifth or sixth floor of CCI and decided to jump. Luckily someone saw she was upset and followed her and barely stopped her. She got pulled back in and then all hell broke loose. The folders needed bottoms up FES, etc, etc. And I guess it was Marty Rathbun all over the C/Ses butts about what we were gonna do about it. This was my first direct experience with RTC. The other C/S was in total brainlock and the Senior C/S (Kathy Schobel) was out of it too. I dont know why or what happened to either of them, but they were mentally gone. I felt like I was in a slow motion movie.
Well, first thing was that the HGC C/S office was in a place where all of the pcs could see her. I suggested that she move down the hall so she would have a proper ivory tower. So she did, into my office. So then all the noise of this girls situation came down to my office. And Marty came in constantly to find out what was being done about it. And Angie(HGC C/S) had no answer. So I couldnt stand it anymore and I took it. I said I was going to bottoms up FES all of it. And so it went, all night, all day, all night until it was done. And he came back and I told him we FESed it all. and he said "what is being DONE about it?", and I said, uh, er, uh. Ok. He said figure it out and he would be back.
And so I programmed the folders and somehow the girl got labeled Type III and criminal (however she paid for auditing - the money was not clean - something about trading in Taiwan). And he came back and I told him the folders were programmed. (That is the C/Ses job, right?).
And he again said "What is being DONE about it?". Ok he left again. Think, think, think. Ok, I got it. I brought the MAA (Ethics dude) up there and told him to do a non-enturbulation order on the guy. And so he did. And Marty came back and asked me what was done (The other C/S was sitting in the office all this time, not doing anything on this problem. Meanwhile, I am fixing it, not getting any sleep, and she is ripping off my husband behind my back) and I showed Marty the non-enturbulation order and he said "that is just a piece of paper, what is being DONE about it?" Ok, ok, ok. He said I have 30 mins to figure it out and he would be back.
And so I figured it out. Programmed the guy for sec checking, ordered him back. Got the MAA to get him on the next flight out, or he would be declared. Set up videoing the sessions (which is easy, cause all the auditing rooms are bugged) and assigned the best auditor, who had to get all other pc's off her board. All done in 20 mins. And Marty came back and I told him what was going on and he said "great! Over to you". And that made me proud. Until I realized I got the lower conditions for this, even though it was not my post. I stayed up 3 days straight, though it was not my problem. What a load of hoakie. I got the short end of the stick in that!:mad:
(I forgot to mention CCI had gone St Hill Size in 92 or so and because of that, I got my OT Levels up to OT IV there, before all of this above. I had attested to Clear on the RPF in 90's or so).
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Bea Kiddo
Crusader
1994 - (during the time of all the big earthquakes in LA)
My story goes backwards here:
For some reason, no matter what I would try to do, the Chief Officer there was convinced that I was trying to kill the staff and if it weren't for her intervening, they would all be dead by now. If that were the case, why in the heck did she even keep me on the post?
I was stuck supervising the courseroom (you are talking about a Saint Hill Size org that actually managed to maintain its size, AND expand, plus another org: the Manor Hotel, all of which I was supposed to service. That is like 300 people with only one of me, most of the time!).
Anyways, the medical of the staff was also my job. I only got enough funding to buy the vitamins and maybe one doctors appointment for someone, or dental which was the absolute lowest priority of the org). And I was suping the courseroom three periods a day. I used to close it down from 330 - 600 and take a nice long nap in the courseroom or in my auditing room. Almost got caught a few times.
Then one of the supervisors, Natalie Ellis (bless her heart), got very ill and we brought her to the hospital and they said she had colon cancer, stage IV (how in the heck did it get that advanced without he saying anything, I wonder in retrospect). I didnt know a thing about cancer at the time and they had told her that they could try chemo and she refused. I had no idea what to do. Anyways, she ended up in intensive care and I went to see her daily (I think I used to go mid afternoon cause I was still having to sup!).
Anyways, some flap happened and I missed going to see her and the Chief Officer ripped me a new one for that. Looking back, she was right on that. I dont want Natalie passing away by herself in a cold hospital bed. And so things were re-arranged and I was seeing her most of the time.
Then we found out she was really not going to make it. It was time to make her comfortable (please forgive me if I sound cold hearted, this is how I was raised to be in the Sea Org, I could NOT cry, and still dont, even though Natalie was a close friend to me and my brother and was our nanny when we were kids. So sad for me!!!). Anyways, the Senior C/S and Chief Off came to visit Natalie, and as part of their conversation, they told her it was ok to go. Her, remembering that these were her seniors, she said she was going to get well, she was going to make it go right!!! (Her entire intesine system was gone by this point, because of the cancer).
So they left, and I stayed. I talked to one of her doctors and they said they were going to do a surgery on her that would take 8 hours and they were not sure that she would survive it. They went into all this detail. I finally went over to Natalie, and, very nicely, explained it to her what they were about to do. Once she understood, she knew that it was not going to happen, and that it really was ok for her to go. Now she wanted to find where she would go next. And we talked about it and arranged it with a pregnant mother (I dont know if I beleive in all of this part, though what happened was kinda cool here....). Anyways, later that evening I was in the lobby of the building where we all lived talking to my best friend about Natalie and we both felt something at the same time. I found out later it was the same time she passed away. I just felt like she was at peace.
In the Sea Org for over 20 years, she only made it to Clear, but she was dedicated to the cause. So sad. May she always rest in peace.
But then about 2 years later, I saw the child of the person we had arranged for her to go to. She was crawling up a set of stairs I was coming down. I had never seen her. She looked up at me and said "hi, ____ (my name)". I said hi back of course, as if that was totally normal.
And then there was another story of a security guard who was at home ill for days with a headache. He could barely move. I thought this was odd that he would be so weak from a headache, so I sent him to the doctor. And I got a call from Dr Sheilds within minutes of him arriving there. She said I need to rush him to the hospital, he had lost so much blood he was going to die within an hour if he did not get a blood transfusion.
I couldnt drive or anything, so I had to race around to find a way to get him to the hospital. There was one down the street from the doctors office, but we always went out to the county hospital, because it didnt cost very much. Man, that sucks, the thinking!!!
Anyways, he made it ok. He had been bleeding for days and did not tell me. They fixed him up.
And then another staff member, a child, was our Director of Communications. Her thyroid did not work properly and she had to be on medicine for that. I did not know a thing about it, and sometimes I did not have the money to buy her medicine, because the org did not give much for staff care (like maybe 200 - 400 per week, for that size crew, is about a buck each). And so next check up for her, the doctor is calling me again, telling me about her condition. She HAS to have the medicine, her thyroid doesnt work at all, and she will be dead within a year without the medicine. And I made sure she always got it.
And another time (actually, this person is the sister of the Dir of Communications, her mother was the CO OSA Germany or something I think). I remember the whole org went to staff meeting and I was for some reason excused and I decided to stop by the market before going home, across the street from CCI. There was an ambulance there and I happened to look in and saw a staff member in there! She was a kid but still she was on staff. I tried to get information and they would not give me any information. I told them that I would be able to get a hold of her parents and please let me know where she was going to be taken.
Long story short, she had drunk a bottle of rubbing alcohol and then she called 911 and as part of it, she told them that she did not want to talk to anyone from the church and asked them to help and protect her and then they came and got her. They pumped her stomach and got her checked over. They would not talk to anyone at all until her father arrived and they would talk to him (mother was in Germany). They kept her there for a while and made sure she was ok, and her father of course refused any psych evaluation and they got her out of there. And if I remember right, there was a whole inspection from Child Protective Services or something. I am sure that we had to fix a bunch of things. I think after that, no kids worked in CCI. And, I ended up doing her auditing on her.
She cause me problems in my own life too. She stole money in the org from letters coming in, some of which were from my family and that caused a lot of trouble and upset with my family because I didnt get the letters and they just thought I was ungrateful. So sad. Made me mad. Oh well, I got over it, my family has not. I cant tell them that.
I had so much trouble on that post. I really hated it. And everyone hated me too, because there was no way I could get it all done.
Oh yeah, the fricken' earthquake! I forgot about that! Ok, next time I will do that.
My story goes backwards here:
For some reason, no matter what I would try to do, the Chief Officer there was convinced that I was trying to kill the staff and if it weren't for her intervening, they would all be dead by now. If that were the case, why in the heck did she even keep me on the post?
I was stuck supervising the courseroom (you are talking about a Saint Hill Size org that actually managed to maintain its size, AND expand, plus another org: the Manor Hotel, all of which I was supposed to service. That is like 300 people with only one of me, most of the time!).
Anyways, the medical of the staff was also my job. I only got enough funding to buy the vitamins and maybe one doctors appointment for someone, or dental which was the absolute lowest priority of the org). And I was suping the courseroom three periods a day. I used to close it down from 330 - 600 and take a nice long nap in the courseroom or in my auditing room. Almost got caught a few times.
Then one of the supervisors, Natalie Ellis (bless her heart), got very ill and we brought her to the hospital and they said she had colon cancer, stage IV (how in the heck did it get that advanced without he saying anything, I wonder in retrospect). I didnt know a thing about cancer at the time and they had told her that they could try chemo and she refused. I had no idea what to do. Anyways, she ended up in intensive care and I went to see her daily (I think I used to go mid afternoon cause I was still having to sup!).
Anyways, some flap happened and I missed going to see her and the Chief Officer ripped me a new one for that. Looking back, she was right on that. I dont want Natalie passing away by herself in a cold hospital bed. And so things were re-arranged and I was seeing her most of the time.
Then we found out she was really not going to make it. It was time to make her comfortable (please forgive me if I sound cold hearted, this is how I was raised to be in the Sea Org, I could NOT cry, and still dont, even though Natalie was a close friend to me and my brother and was our nanny when we were kids. So sad for me!!!). Anyways, the Senior C/S and Chief Off came to visit Natalie, and as part of their conversation, they told her it was ok to go. Her, remembering that these were her seniors, she said she was going to get well, she was going to make it go right!!! (Her entire intesine system was gone by this point, because of the cancer).
So they left, and I stayed. I talked to one of her doctors and they said they were going to do a surgery on her that would take 8 hours and they were not sure that she would survive it. They went into all this detail. I finally went over to Natalie, and, very nicely, explained it to her what they were about to do. Once she understood, she knew that it was not going to happen, and that it really was ok for her to go. Now she wanted to find where she would go next. And we talked about it and arranged it with a pregnant mother (I dont know if I beleive in all of this part, though what happened was kinda cool here....). Anyways, later that evening I was in the lobby of the building where we all lived talking to my best friend about Natalie and we both felt something at the same time. I found out later it was the same time she passed away. I just felt like she was at peace.
In the Sea Org for over 20 years, she only made it to Clear, but she was dedicated to the cause. So sad. May she always rest in peace.
But then about 2 years later, I saw the child of the person we had arranged for her to go to. She was crawling up a set of stairs I was coming down. I had never seen her. She looked up at me and said "hi, ____ (my name)". I said hi back of course, as if that was totally normal.
And then there was another story of a security guard who was at home ill for days with a headache. He could barely move. I thought this was odd that he would be so weak from a headache, so I sent him to the doctor. And I got a call from Dr Sheilds within minutes of him arriving there. She said I need to rush him to the hospital, he had lost so much blood he was going to die within an hour if he did not get a blood transfusion.
I couldnt drive or anything, so I had to race around to find a way to get him to the hospital. There was one down the street from the doctors office, but we always went out to the county hospital, because it didnt cost very much. Man, that sucks, the thinking!!!
Anyways, he made it ok. He had been bleeding for days and did not tell me. They fixed him up.
And then another staff member, a child, was our Director of Communications. Her thyroid did not work properly and she had to be on medicine for that. I did not know a thing about it, and sometimes I did not have the money to buy her medicine, because the org did not give much for staff care (like maybe 200 - 400 per week, for that size crew, is about a buck each). And so next check up for her, the doctor is calling me again, telling me about her condition. She HAS to have the medicine, her thyroid doesnt work at all, and she will be dead within a year without the medicine. And I made sure she always got it.
And another time (actually, this person is the sister of the Dir of Communications, her mother was the CO OSA Germany or something I think). I remember the whole org went to staff meeting and I was for some reason excused and I decided to stop by the market before going home, across the street from CCI. There was an ambulance there and I happened to look in and saw a staff member in there! She was a kid but still she was on staff. I tried to get information and they would not give me any information. I told them that I would be able to get a hold of her parents and please let me know where she was going to be taken.
Long story short, she had drunk a bottle of rubbing alcohol and then she called 911 and as part of it, she told them that she did not want to talk to anyone from the church and asked them to help and protect her and then they came and got her. They pumped her stomach and got her checked over. They would not talk to anyone at all until her father arrived and they would talk to him (mother was in Germany). They kept her there for a while and made sure she was ok, and her father of course refused any psych evaluation and they got her out of there. And if I remember right, there was a whole inspection from Child Protective Services or something. I am sure that we had to fix a bunch of things. I think after that, no kids worked in CCI. And, I ended up doing her auditing on her.
She cause me problems in my own life too. She stole money in the org from letters coming in, some of which were from my family and that caused a lot of trouble and upset with my family because I didnt get the letters and they just thought I was ungrateful. So sad. Made me mad. Oh well, I got over it, my family has not. I cant tell them that.
I had so much trouble on that post. I really hated it. And everyone hated me too, because there was no way I could get it all done.
Oh yeah, the fricken' earthquake! I forgot about that! Ok, next time I will do that.
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freet43
Patron with Honors
Dear Whatever,
Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching story.
I'm new to the board, and just getting to read it.
It's appalling what you were forced to live through and the depth of betrayal from those who should have cared for you.
I can see from your writing that you are a warm, caring and perceptive being and you deserved so much better.
And, it's becoming clear to me, after reading such stories, why my reality of what Scn. is is so very different from those (especially in the SO) who lived in it during the last 30 years.
An example of the difference of my experience, is that when I think of Delphi, I think of good times. I was on staff at a mission when it was being created. It was during the time of the great oil crunch, and our Mission holder led the purchase and establishment of Delphi as an "alternative energy research center". Because the children of the staff needed a school, the Delphian Foundation was born.
I recall my first visit there - our missions were in the midst of booming times, and as a reward, all staff from all missions were brought there for a fabulous party. Planes were chartered, and there were hundreds of us there. No expense was spared to give the staff a hearty thank you - as we danced and drank the night away.
It's a wonder that anyone in the SO could even notice that there was some workable technology, while living the horror of everyday life?
I look forward to reading more of your story, and truly hope that you receive some relief for sharing it.
M.
Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching story.
I'm new to the board, and just getting to read it.
It's appalling what you were forced to live through and the depth of betrayal from those who should have cared for you.
I can see from your writing that you are a warm, caring and perceptive being and you deserved so much better.
And, it's becoming clear to me, after reading such stories, why my reality of what Scn. is is so very different from those (especially in the SO) who lived in it during the last 30 years.
An example of the difference of my experience, is that when I think of Delphi, I think of good times. I was on staff at a mission when it was being created. It was during the time of the great oil crunch, and our Mission holder led the purchase and establishment of Delphi as an "alternative energy research center". Because the children of the staff needed a school, the Delphian Foundation was born.
I recall my first visit there - our missions were in the midst of booming times, and as a reward, all staff from all missions were brought there for a fabulous party. Planes were chartered, and there were hundreds of us there. No expense was spared to give the staff a hearty thank you - as we danced and drank the night away.
It's a wonder that anyone in the SO could even notice that there was some workable technology, while living the horror of everyday life?
I look forward to reading more of your story, and truly hope that you receive some relief for sharing it.
M.
Bea Kiddo
Crusader
the Earthquakes in LA
1989 and 1994 earthquakes (tons of aftershocks in 94, too!)
Ok, sorry to bounce around, but there you go. My memory "ain't" perfect... ee hee. So why not, the earthquakes in LA.
First of all, prior to the 1989 earthquake, I was in the Cadet Org and I was in the yard praticing front flips. There was a mat on the ground where we were doing the flips. There were two of us.
Then Ronnie Miscavige came to see his son, who was in the Cadet Org. Ronnie was dressed in full dress whites. He saw what we were doing and came over and did a cool front flip and then immediately he walked into the building and did not see what I did. I decided I wanted to try that! And so I did. I did the flip ok, but I landed on my tippy toes and forgot to catch myself. So my rear hit my ankle and I heard it break. Didnt hurt too much, but freaked me out.
Because I was a minor, my mom had to take me to the hospital. I dont know if she was mad or joking, but she told me I interrupted her dinner. Anyways, I got a cast on.
And I broke it like 3 more times while in the cast - I heard it and so did others. I would slip on the crutches and catch myself on my foot and it would break again. That was frustrating!
Anyways, after 3 weeks, I got sick of the cast and decided to take it off myself. And I did, though it was not easy! (they say dont put it in water - ok I did, didnt help one bit).
Walking after that was so fricken' painful!!!
THe way our berthing was set up, it was mothers with their kids. My mom had a lower bunk, while mine was third level. So I used her bed for a while until I got the cast off. Then went back to my bed, third level.
But I wasnt fully healed on my foot. And the earthquake of 89 came - that was a BIG one. Shook everything!! I did not know what to do. I jumped off my third bunk, man did that hurt! And we ran outside (we later found out that is very dangerous to do). I thought I broke it again, but we did not get it checked out. I remember being outside with my mom and the aftershocks kept coming. I couldnt put my foot down because it was so painful and the ground shaking did not help. So I was standing on one foot for a while.
Anyways, after that, the building inspectors came and said that the building we were staying in sunk 4 feet and was too dangerous to live in. So then they sent out some mission to find new berthing, which is where they found the Anthony Building (Normany and Fountain Ave). The building was made out of twigs and was a piece of crap (they still own it). I heard that the person who purchased it (researched it) got majorly busted and RPFed for it. Sad.
-------
Jan 94 earthquake:
I was in CCI in charge of staff welfare (good luck with that!). The erathquake hit at about 3AM, while everyone was asleep. It was scarier than the first one, cause this one was during the dark. THe other was nearly daylight when it hit. Anyways, some of the walls fell in the building we lived in (on Wilcox Ave). We all got under doorways, etc, then evacuated the building. It was pitch black outside. We couldnt see a thing! All the lights in the city were out too. Only light was from some large explosion miles away.
And so I was supposed to be in charge of getting everyone calmed down. OK. Whatever. I got people to give each other locationals (must have looked crazy to the locals! There was a post office across the street from our berthing and we were all in their parking lot, including "WOGS").
Then it looked like we had two broken ankles and one girl needed a tetanus shot. So I went to the hospital with these guys. Only sprains and one shot and all done.
And so I went to CC. By this time, the sun was just coming up. I looked up at the roof and you could see a HUGE slab of concrete (was one of the chimenies -sp? ) ready to fall through the building. It was just about to tip over. They got a crane out there to get it off the roof (8 floors up) and put it in the alley. That cost $25,000.00 to do.
At that time, I had a supervisor under me (the crazy one who wrote that letter to the Dir I & R). He came up to me and told me that all of the pc folders had tipped over, public, staff, all, in archives and the whole place was just a huge pile of papers! He was laughing about it, which really pissed me off. All the OT folders too.
And so I spent about a week down there putting everything back together, along with the person who was to become my future husband. (who, I may add, is a sweet guy and I have no ill will towards him).
One more story here, sorry to rewind in time, but these are fun to tell (hope they are interesting read too...)
Back in the RPF days (approx 1990), we were working on building a concrete shed for the transformer to go in for the HGB building (the one one Hollywood Blvd). I was 16 at the time and concrete pours were new to me.
I remember that we had put up all of the forms and tied all of the rebar and then trucks started coming, pouring the concrete. It took a while to fill the thing up. And just as the last drops were poured, our bus pulled up and we all had to go. Everyone else had already left onto the bus and I was by myself, with a couple of contractors. I told them I was done and leaving and they told me that the concrete had to be leveled. I argued that I had to leave. I had to be on that bus, or I would have to walk 3 miles back in a black boiler suit with concrete all over it (that would have looked pretty strange!). He told me I had to do it. We argued for a few more minutes and then out of nowhere, the ground started shaking!! ALot. Enough to level the concrete.
And so I checked it and sure as sh*t it was level! He laughed and told me to get out of there! I jumped out of my boots and made it onto the bus.
So if the ground inside the transformer is not level guys, Comm Ev the San Andreas Fault. Peace out.
1989 and 1994 earthquakes (tons of aftershocks in 94, too!)
Ok, sorry to bounce around, but there you go. My memory "ain't" perfect... ee hee. So why not, the earthquakes in LA.
First of all, prior to the 1989 earthquake, I was in the Cadet Org and I was in the yard praticing front flips. There was a mat on the ground where we were doing the flips. There were two of us.
Then Ronnie Miscavige came to see his son, who was in the Cadet Org. Ronnie was dressed in full dress whites. He saw what we were doing and came over and did a cool front flip and then immediately he walked into the building and did not see what I did. I decided I wanted to try that! And so I did. I did the flip ok, but I landed on my tippy toes and forgot to catch myself. So my rear hit my ankle and I heard it break. Didnt hurt too much, but freaked me out.
Because I was a minor, my mom had to take me to the hospital. I dont know if she was mad or joking, but she told me I interrupted her dinner. Anyways, I got a cast on.
And I broke it like 3 more times while in the cast - I heard it and so did others. I would slip on the crutches and catch myself on my foot and it would break again. That was frustrating!
Anyways, after 3 weeks, I got sick of the cast and decided to take it off myself. And I did, though it was not easy! (they say dont put it in water - ok I did, didnt help one bit).
Walking after that was so fricken' painful!!!
THe way our berthing was set up, it was mothers with their kids. My mom had a lower bunk, while mine was third level. So I used her bed for a while until I got the cast off. Then went back to my bed, third level.
But I wasnt fully healed on my foot. And the earthquake of 89 came - that was a BIG one. Shook everything!! I did not know what to do. I jumped off my third bunk, man did that hurt! And we ran outside (we later found out that is very dangerous to do). I thought I broke it again, but we did not get it checked out. I remember being outside with my mom and the aftershocks kept coming. I couldnt put my foot down because it was so painful and the ground shaking did not help. So I was standing on one foot for a while.
Anyways, after that, the building inspectors came and said that the building we were staying in sunk 4 feet and was too dangerous to live in. So then they sent out some mission to find new berthing, which is where they found the Anthony Building (Normany and Fountain Ave). The building was made out of twigs and was a piece of crap (they still own it). I heard that the person who purchased it (researched it) got majorly busted and RPFed for it. Sad.
-------
Jan 94 earthquake:
I was in CCI in charge of staff welfare (good luck with that!). The erathquake hit at about 3AM, while everyone was asleep. It was scarier than the first one, cause this one was during the dark. THe other was nearly daylight when it hit. Anyways, some of the walls fell in the building we lived in (on Wilcox Ave). We all got under doorways, etc, then evacuated the building. It was pitch black outside. We couldnt see a thing! All the lights in the city were out too. Only light was from some large explosion miles away.
And so I was supposed to be in charge of getting everyone calmed down. OK. Whatever. I got people to give each other locationals (must have looked crazy to the locals! There was a post office across the street from our berthing and we were all in their parking lot, including "WOGS").
Then it looked like we had two broken ankles and one girl needed a tetanus shot. So I went to the hospital with these guys. Only sprains and one shot and all done.
And so I went to CC. By this time, the sun was just coming up. I looked up at the roof and you could see a HUGE slab of concrete (was one of the chimenies -sp? ) ready to fall through the building. It was just about to tip over. They got a crane out there to get it off the roof (8 floors up) and put it in the alley. That cost $25,000.00 to do.
At that time, I had a supervisor under me (the crazy one who wrote that letter to the Dir I & R). He came up to me and told me that all of the pc folders had tipped over, public, staff, all, in archives and the whole place was just a huge pile of papers! He was laughing about it, which really pissed me off. All the OT folders too.
And so I spent about a week down there putting everything back together, along with the person who was to become my future husband. (who, I may add, is a sweet guy and I have no ill will towards him).
One more story here, sorry to rewind in time, but these are fun to tell (hope they are interesting read too...)
Back in the RPF days (approx 1990), we were working on building a concrete shed for the transformer to go in for the HGB building (the one one Hollywood Blvd). I was 16 at the time and concrete pours were new to me.
I remember that we had put up all of the forms and tied all of the rebar and then trucks started coming, pouring the concrete. It took a while to fill the thing up. And just as the last drops were poured, our bus pulled up and we all had to go. Everyone else had already left onto the bus and I was by myself, with a couple of contractors. I told them I was done and leaving and they told me that the concrete had to be leveled. I argued that I had to leave. I had to be on that bus, or I would have to walk 3 miles back in a black boiler suit with concrete all over it (that would have looked pretty strange!). He told me I had to do it. We argued for a few more minutes and then out of nowhere, the ground started shaking!! ALot. Enough to level the concrete.
And so I checked it and sure as sh*t it was level! He laughed and told me to get out of there! I jumped out of my boots and made it onto the bus.
So if the ground inside the transformer is not level guys, Comm Ev the San Andreas Fault. Peace out.
Last edited:
Bea Kiddo
Crusader
I just wanna say guys that I am posting my story as it occurs to me, not giving any opinion of what occured. I have decided to let the readers decide. I have my own emotions about some things, and I make little notes of them in the story, to keep it interesting. But my purpose in telling my story is to relieve it in my own way, and also inform what it was like for one. (You get the positive and negative stories, here and on other websites, including pro-Scn sights).
I still have alot to go - slowly but surely. We are only up to 98. Still 6 years to go, I guess.
I still have alot to go - slowly but surely. We are only up to 98. Still 6 years to go, I guess.
Bea Kiddo
Crusader
Part VIII
1997 - 1999
Ok jumping back to returning from Portland. I was a C/S. My offical post was Staff C/S, but I also C/sed Purif (in SH size org, we always had a full Purif), Div 6 (Which actually had posted auditors in it) and Student C/S (which had co-auditing AND pro auditors going tup the Bridge.
C/Sing job was pretty easy and smooth for me. I did have to do the Golden Age of Tech line up. I got my TR's pass pretty quickly, but Metering, oh my god. What a mess!!!! 8 months trying to get a stupid video pass. That SUCKED. Always flunking and flunking. I felt like an idiot. I could not figure out why it was so hard to call reads properly and get a pass. Hansuli Stahli (he was the RTC REp) used to come by and listen to me and he told me several times he loved my TR's. But I could never pass the dang thing!
Oh - there was another brief Portland visit in here again: A staff member from Delphi (the female with last name Nosko) got into a fight with her husband and went drinking and drove her car on a bridge and flipped her car and it slid right over her, killing her instantly. I had to go up there and audit the husband and calm things down. I think she had just been at CCI for auditing, not sure. Maybe he had just been at CC. Can't remember for sure. But I was only there for a couple of days. We had to audit the dad and two kids.
I remember her daughter was there too - at that time, she was in CMO CW. She did not seem very upset about her mother dying so dramatically. It was weird, like tose spaced out eyes, you know.
Back in LA here:
Anyways, one day I was told there would be a meeting the next morning at 10AM in the conference room and I had to be there. We had found out on a grapevine that they needed to man up the Universe Corps/New World Corps so I assumed that I was going to need to do some case data sheets.
And as sure as a clock ticks consistently, that morning my husband at the time went into doubt about being married. Ok, I was sick of it. I told him we could get a divorce. THat was fine. I hated feeling like I just couldnt live up to what he wanted.
Anyways, down to this meeting. I brought a bunch of case data sheets, thinking that some people would be being transferred or something. Anyways, we went down there and the CO CMO PAC was there (I forget her name) and she told us in a nutshell that I was going to be leaving for a special project and so was Matthew Veenker. Both of us were OT. At that time, I was OT IV and he was mid OT V. He was the Deputy LC or the LC. I can't remember. THis shocked all of us. We were totally not expecting that!
Since I did not know what the future held, my husband of the time came to visit me to find out about the meeting. I told him I would be going. I asked if we could just stay married just to keep our belongings together long enough until I figured out what was happening and where I was going. He agreed (shows you how serious marriages are in the Sea Org...)
And so we were shipped over to the HGB to start training. They put me back onto metering and were planning to send me to Flag for training. So I goofed off for a while, trying to get through that stupisd video again. No luck with that. Meanwhile, we were writing RTC daily about our transfer being off policy, etc. It went nowhere and we were basically informed that this was ok with our own org and that would be what would be done, period. Congratulations, etc.
Anyways, so then we got approved for Flag and arrived there. Ok cool. Senior C/S Int did my TIP and told me I did not need to redo my TR4 video. So I passed Upper indoc the next day. THen passed metering 2 days later (they wanted to have me do a few drills first before they would let me video).
I then went onto the Certainty COurse for Class IV. Senior C/S Int came through the check out the courseroom. They had just called break and I got up to leave. Senior C/S Int stopped me and asked me what I was doing in the Academy. (He had just TIPed me - my individual study program two days before or so) I told him that I was doing my certainty course. He had a funny look on his face. I told him that I passed my metering and TRs already and this was my next course. He looked at me like he could not believe it.
(You gotta understand: My Flag training was extremely smooth until the very end. I NEVER had trouble getting through courses there. )
So that course took me 3 weeks. THen I went onto my internship. So then I got my checkouts and they put me in the chair. I remember that they wanted me to video. So they told me to go knock on this door and get a video going on the session. So I did that. THen after the session, I picked it up and brought it down to the sup.
THey always wanted the auditors to watch their videos. I did not like to do that. They wanted me to sign that the TRs and Metering were all good. Sure they were fine. So I signed and left it to be watched by the sup.
And I wanted to go back in session and video again. So I knocked on that door to get another one going, and she asked me if I had already done correction on my last one, and I said I didnt know if it was ok or not. She said I needed to find out before going back in session or revideoing. And so I ran down to the INternship again and found out that my video went to RTC! My first session video went up like that!! That was unheard of.
Well, it came down a flunk because of one read being called the wrong size. But everything else perfect. So I drilled a bit and did another video and that one passed. I finished my Class IV Internship in 3 weeks. I was done. It was a 4 week checksheet. That was unheard of.
Then I did Cl V Certainty, which only took a couple of days. Then I went to my intership. I remember videoing and I knew it would pass. The Qual guys and the execs got the idea that I could pass quickly and when I said I had a good one, it really was a good one. So I said that and somehow that video got lost. They searched everywhere for it for hours. I didnt think it was any big deal. Big whoop. I could just make another one. Their collective jaws dropped on that. I did another one and it passed. I did not have any trouble passing session videos there.
And right about that time, the big bosses decided I should do Class VI, instead of the Class V Grad line up. And so I went over onto Class VI.
Meanwhile my husband of the time decided that maybe I was worth keeping and wanted to stay married. And I foolishly agreed. (I loved him but we had too many ups and downs).
More later...
1997 - 1999
Ok jumping back to returning from Portland. I was a C/S. My offical post was Staff C/S, but I also C/sed Purif (in SH size org, we always had a full Purif), Div 6 (Which actually had posted auditors in it) and Student C/S (which had co-auditing AND pro auditors going tup the Bridge.
C/Sing job was pretty easy and smooth for me. I did have to do the Golden Age of Tech line up. I got my TR's pass pretty quickly, but Metering, oh my god. What a mess!!!! 8 months trying to get a stupid video pass. That SUCKED. Always flunking and flunking. I felt like an idiot. I could not figure out why it was so hard to call reads properly and get a pass. Hansuli Stahli (he was the RTC REp) used to come by and listen to me and he told me several times he loved my TR's. But I could never pass the dang thing!
Oh - there was another brief Portland visit in here again: A staff member from Delphi (the female with last name Nosko) got into a fight with her husband and went drinking and drove her car on a bridge and flipped her car and it slid right over her, killing her instantly. I had to go up there and audit the husband and calm things down. I think she had just been at CCI for auditing, not sure. Maybe he had just been at CC. Can't remember for sure. But I was only there for a couple of days. We had to audit the dad and two kids.
I remember her daughter was there too - at that time, she was in CMO CW. She did not seem very upset about her mother dying so dramatically. It was weird, like tose spaced out eyes, you know.
Back in LA here:
Anyways, one day I was told there would be a meeting the next morning at 10AM in the conference room and I had to be there. We had found out on a grapevine that they needed to man up the Universe Corps/New World Corps so I assumed that I was going to need to do some case data sheets.
And as sure as a clock ticks consistently, that morning my husband at the time went into doubt about being married. Ok, I was sick of it. I told him we could get a divorce. THat was fine. I hated feeling like I just couldnt live up to what he wanted.
Anyways, down to this meeting. I brought a bunch of case data sheets, thinking that some people would be being transferred or something. Anyways, we went down there and the CO CMO PAC was there (I forget her name) and she told us in a nutshell that I was going to be leaving for a special project and so was Matthew Veenker. Both of us were OT. At that time, I was OT IV and he was mid OT V. He was the Deputy LC or the LC. I can't remember. THis shocked all of us. We were totally not expecting that!
Since I did not know what the future held, my husband of the time came to visit me to find out about the meeting. I told him I would be going. I asked if we could just stay married just to keep our belongings together long enough until I figured out what was happening and where I was going. He agreed (shows you how serious marriages are in the Sea Org...)
And so we were shipped over to the HGB to start training. They put me back onto metering and were planning to send me to Flag for training. So I goofed off for a while, trying to get through that stupisd video again. No luck with that. Meanwhile, we were writing RTC daily about our transfer being off policy, etc. It went nowhere and we were basically informed that this was ok with our own org and that would be what would be done, period. Congratulations, etc.
Anyways, so then we got approved for Flag and arrived there. Ok cool. Senior C/S Int did my TIP and told me I did not need to redo my TR4 video. So I passed Upper indoc the next day. THen passed metering 2 days later (they wanted to have me do a few drills first before they would let me video).
I then went onto the Certainty COurse for Class IV. Senior C/S Int came through the check out the courseroom. They had just called break and I got up to leave. Senior C/S Int stopped me and asked me what I was doing in the Academy. (He had just TIPed me - my individual study program two days before or so) I told him that I was doing my certainty course. He had a funny look on his face. I told him that I passed my metering and TRs already and this was my next course. He looked at me like he could not believe it.
(You gotta understand: My Flag training was extremely smooth until the very end. I NEVER had trouble getting through courses there. )
So that course took me 3 weeks. THen I went onto my internship. So then I got my checkouts and they put me in the chair. I remember that they wanted me to video. So they told me to go knock on this door and get a video going on the session. So I did that. THen after the session, I picked it up and brought it down to the sup.
THey always wanted the auditors to watch their videos. I did not like to do that. They wanted me to sign that the TRs and Metering were all good. Sure they were fine. So I signed and left it to be watched by the sup.
And I wanted to go back in session and video again. So I knocked on that door to get another one going, and she asked me if I had already done correction on my last one, and I said I didnt know if it was ok or not. She said I needed to find out before going back in session or revideoing. And so I ran down to the INternship again and found out that my video went to RTC! My first session video went up like that!! That was unheard of.
Well, it came down a flunk because of one read being called the wrong size. But everything else perfect. So I drilled a bit and did another video and that one passed. I finished my Class IV Internship in 3 weeks. I was done. It was a 4 week checksheet. That was unheard of.
Then I did Cl V Certainty, which only took a couple of days. Then I went to my intership. I remember videoing and I knew it would pass. The Qual guys and the execs got the idea that I could pass quickly and when I said I had a good one, it really was a good one. So I said that and somehow that video got lost. They searched everywhere for it for hours. I didnt think it was any big deal. Big whoop. I could just make another one. Their collective jaws dropped on that. I did another one and it passed. I did not have any trouble passing session videos there.
And right about that time, the big bosses decided I should do Class VI, instead of the Class V Grad line up. And so I went over onto Class VI.
Meanwhile my husband of the time decided that maybe I was worth keeping and wanted to stay married. And I foolishly agreed. (I loved him but we had too many ups and downs).
More later...
Last edited:
programmer_guy
True Ex-Scientologist
You are getting a lot of people reading your story. It's very interesting.
Don't be concerned whether it sounds pro or con Scientology - just tell it like you see it.
I think that a 2nd generation Scientologist (born into it OR in at a very early age) brings a whole different perspective on this than those of us who joined it as young adults in the 1970s and 1980s.
Please continue...
Don't be concerned whether it sounds pro or con Scientology - just tell it like you see it.
I think that a 2nd generation Scientologist (born into it OR in at a very early age) brings a whole different perspective on this than those of us who joined it as young adults in the 1970s and 1980s.
Please continue...
You are getting a lot of people reading your story. It's very interesting.
Don't be concerned whether it sounds pro or con Scientology - just tell it like you see it.
I think that a 2nd generation Scientologist (born into it OR in at a very early age) brings a whole different perspective on this than those of us who joined it as young adults in the 1970s and 1980s.
Please continue...
Agreed, it's fascinating and, I think, increasingly relevant, since I doubt there are many 'young people' in the 'movement' who are *not* 2nd Gen nowdays.
'How it sounds' is far less important than how true it is to your own experience and feelings at the time.
In fact, it's not imporant at *all*
Zinj