Soulmates

[Balthasar]

All my fondest hopes and dreams have either died or are comatose. It's like I've already died, I just haven't fallen over yet.

The one thing I want most is totally, hopelessly, unattainable. While I now have better ability in this area, the OPPORTUNITY is gone.

Yes, I WOULD like to have a good life in THIS lifetime. But I don't see how that ever can happen now. Anyway, enough of my derailing my own thread.

Helena

Helena, puzzle below

You find yourself standing on a plateau and you look around reflecting about your journey and ask yourself "how did I get there, why and who brought me here?"

Although you feel the answer, can you see and therefore resolve?

 

[Glenda]

Helena, puzzle below

You find yourself standing on a plateau and you look around reflecting about your journey and ask yourself "how did I get there, why and who brought me here?"

Although you feel the answer, can you see and therefore resolve?

Do you mean "know thyself, love thyself" in the truest sense?

That has been my first order of business the past few years. Fascinating - and scary - stuff. How did I get to this place, to these feelings, to this set of circumstances in my life? Sorted that and now...

Live life. Fully. Wild, wonderful and hilarious at times.

Wishing you all a lovely day. Gotta go now, life to live.

 

[I told you I was trouble]

All my fondest hopes and dreams have either died or are comatose. It's like I've already died, I just haven't fallen over yet.

The one thing I want most is totally, hopelessly, unattainable. While I now have better ability in this area, the OPPORTUNITY is gone.

Yes, I WOULD like to have a good life in THIS lifetime. But I don't see how that ever can happen now. Anyway, enough of my derailing my own thread.

Helena

Helena,

Yes, the opportunity is long gone ... he is gone (and is happily married if I recall correctly).

Try genuinely focusing on others (without being weird about it) and don't expect a thing in return and I promise you ... you'll never feel disappointed again and may even find yourself loved and in love.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Helena, puzzle below

You find yourself standing on a plateau and you look around reflecting about your journey and ask yourself "how did I get there, why and who brought me here?"

Although you feel the answer, can you see and therefore resolve?

I have talent, I had ambition, and I've had four crippling syndromes that meant I never had a chance for a normal life.

I was neurotic, I was autistic, and I've had years of therapy, both on and off the cans.

I've recovered a portion of my humanity, and that is good, but I'm growing old. I'm starting to set my sights on next lifetime; I don't have much time left to make this one good.

I've had a good career, but little in the way of respect and friendships. If I were to die tomorrow then in 6 months only a few would remember that I ever existed.

I want to help others, but discovered the price of being allowed to help is just too high. I was involved in fighting for the rights of others like me; looking at news articles in the internet today, I see one success story after another. I am proud to have been part of that movement, but "my work is done".

The last 100 years have really been a bitch. My major task in this lifetime has been to heal. I have accomplished a lot in this area.

Helena, letting it all hang out

 

[JustSheila]

The fact is, Helena, heaps of people know you and think of you in a fond and affectionate way. You're memorable. You have opinions of your own. You do stuff, you write stuff and often do so with a lot of energy, which is refreshing.

You broke the mold, girl. You are unforgettable and I mean that in the best way. There are plenty of things you do and say that are endearing and memorable to others.

 

[Enthetan]

No, I do not happen to believe in " one " soulmate.

The best advice I ever heard was to write down absolutely everything you want in a mate. Read the list. become that person you want & your mate will appear. That I believe.

There is much excellent advice of what makes a relationship work & what ruins it by people who have been there, done that.

Simple things like treat your mate in a way today that will make them want to be with you tomorrow.

I believe there is not just " one " for a person. I do believe how a person is will absolutely determine who comes around.

As easy as a relationship one looks to" bring to" rather than " take from ".

My observation is one really needs to have one own act pretty together before they get involved in a relationship if they expect it to work out nicely.

But I certainly DO believe in love !

If the other person is a good person, you are a good person (or at least try hard to be a good person), and each makes an effort to keep the other person happy, then the relationship will work.

In the past, most people had a VERY limited set of potential mates. You found your mate in the village, or a neighboring village. Often, your parents or a matchmaker found a mate for you. You made the best of it and had your life.

The most damaging idea in modern times is that, somewhere out there, your "soul mate" is waiting, and you just have to wade through thousands of prospects to find that person.

 

[Gizmo]

I have talent, I had ambition, and I've had four crippling syndromes that meant I never had a chance for a normal life.

I was neurotic, I was autistic, and I've had years of therapy, both on and off the cans.

I've recovered a portion of my humanity, and that is good, but I'm growing old. I'm starting to set my sights on next lifetime; I don't have much time left to make this one good.

I've had a good career, but little in the way of respect and friendships. If I were to die tomorrow then in 6 months only a few would remember that I ever existed.

I want to help others, but discovered the price of being allowed to help is just too high. I was involved in fighting for the rights of others like me; looking at news articles in the internet today, I see one success story after another. I am proud to have been part of that movement, but "my work is done".

The last 100 years have really been a bitch. My major task in this lifetime has been to heal. I have accomplished a lot in this area.

Helena, letting it all hang out

I can only speak for myself & what has become real for me. I don't really give a flip how few people know I existed or even existed. Most likely most of the people I've known this LT have already forgotten me. And, so what - that is not - to me - what matters. I'm working on that, I'm a work in progress. I call it the real me & nobody else needs to notice, or approve or do anything - when they are ready to be in my life, they will be.

What does matter is learning to not be so damn mad, sad, angry, hating of myself. I made mistakes. Hell, I am making mistakes, again, so what. I never claimed to claimed " perfection as a being " as something I could ever attain & I won't.

I have flaws. I have imperfections. I have those so called warts. All that, just like everybody else. Some are good at that while I'm good at something different.

I'm working on loving me. I'm working on loving me. I do deeply honestly believe when I love me that I'll be able to honestly love others - anf then some other person will MATCH UP with the real loving me.

Meanwhile, I work on a better me for me - the rest of all people come AFTER that.

I'm working on me - and that IS good enough for me.

PS : I've read many of your posts. Honestly, I've admired your wisdom & ability to express your thoughts. You are one of the very few people I've read online & gone " I so wish I could know that person IRL & become friends with ".

 

[Helena Handbasket]

I've decided that there are 3 qualities that are desireable in a partner:

One is a PLAYMATE. Someone to share intimate moments with.

Two is a COMPANION. Someone to do things with that aren't necessarily romantic in nature.

Three is a BEST FRIEND. Someone you want to share EVERYTHING about you with.

So what is a soulmate?

The first definition is someone who is ALL THREE of the above.

The second definition is someone who is ALL THREE of the above and BETTER at being all three than ANYONE ELSE.

Under definition one, you can have many soulmates. Under definition two, you can only have one.

This is not to say you will actually be so lucky to meet your soulmate in any particular lifetime. If you do, I hope you make the best of it.

Helena

 

[TrevAnon]

One is a PLAYMATE. Someone to share intimate moments with.

I can think of a few of these...

 

[catarina]

If I had carried around some notion of looking for my soulmate, I seriously doubt I would have gotten around to entering into a relationship with my current husband. There are things about him that would not have been on my "wish list". Now, after 16 intensely happy years, those things don't matter very much. Sometimes you have to give people a chance and give yourself a chance to change, and don't assume you already know it all.

But hey, we are all different. I guess some people want to have some sort of target to aim for. I like improvising.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

If I had carried around some notion of looking for my soulmate, I seriously doubt I would have gotten around to entering into a relationship with my current husband. There are things about him that would not have been on my "wish list". Now, after 16 intensely happy years, those things don't matter very much. Sometimes you have to give people a chance and give yourself a chance to change, and don't assume you already know it all.

But hey, we are all different. I guess some people want to have some sort of target to aim for. I like improvising.

It's good that you've had those "16 intensely happy years". I'm curious, catarina -- which of the three soulmate criteria does your husband meet?

Helena

 

[catarina]

It's good that you've had those "16 intensely happy years". I'm curious, catarina -- which of the three soulmate criteria does your husband meet?

I'd say all three. There is also a good balance between closeness and space. He never tells me what to do. Even when we spend a lot of time together, he doesn't annoy me (and we laugh together so much). But these qualities were not revealed to me like a lightning bolt from above when we first met, it developed over time.

Considering how many men there are in this world, and considering that only a small fraction of them have ever crossed my path, it is obviously impossible for me to know if there are other potential soulmates out there.

For argument's sake, if my husband was to die before me, I really doubt that I would want to date again. It sort of seems unfair to other men to ask them to live up to the (emotional) standards I'm used to. Even if there were a number of potential soulmates waiting out there, I might not be motivated. And that is ok, I have already been richly blessed.

 

[degraded being]

I've decided that there are 3 qualities that are desireable in a partner:

One is a PLAYMATE. Someone to share intimate moments with.

Two is a COMPANION. Someone to do things with that aren't necessarily romantic in nature.

Three is a BEST FRIEND. Someone you want to share EVERYTHING about you with.

So what is a soulmate?

The first definition is someone who is ALL THREE of the above.

The second definition is someone who is ALL THREE of the above and BETTER at being all three than ANYONE ELSE.

Under definition one, you can have many soulmates. Under definition two, you can only have one.

This is not to say you will actually be so lucky to meet your soulmate in any particular lifetime. If you do, I hope you make the best of it.

Helena

Someone

Try polygamy and learn how to delegate.

 

[Enthetan]

I've decided that there are 3 qualities that are desireable in a partner:

One is a PLAYMATE. Someone to share intimate moments with.

Two is a COMPANION. Someone to do things with that aren't necessarily romantic in nature.

Three is a BEST FRIEND. Someone you want to share EVERYTHING about you with.

So what is a soulmate?

The first definition is someone who is ALL THREE of the above.

The second definition is someone who is ALL THREE of the above and BETTER at being all three than ANYONE ELSE.

Under definition one, you can have many soulmates. Under definition two, you can only have one.

This is not to say you will actually be so lucky to meet your soulmate in any particular lifetime. If you do, I hope you make the best of it.

Helena

Under your definition two, you would have to examine an evaluate every person on earth, which is not feasible.

Definition one is feasible.

 

[Glenda]

I'd say all three. There is also a good balance between closeness and space. He never tells me what to do. Even when we spend a lot of time together, he doesn't annoy me (and we laugh together so much). But these qualities were not revealed to me like a lightning bolt from above when we first met, it developed over time.

Considering how many men there are in this world, and considering that only a small fraction of them have ever crossed my path, it is obviously impossible for me to know if there are other potential soulmates out there.

For argument's sake, if my husband was to die before me, I really doubt that I would want to date again. It sort of seems unfair to other men to ask them to live up to the (emotional) standards I'm used to. Even if there were a number of potential soulmates waiting out there, I might not be motivated. And that is ok, I have already been richly blessed.

There is wisdom in this ^^

It is now my opinion, that the best things in life take time to develop. Head-banging, instant revelations, often tend towards either being a lot of hard work, or disappointment. I really don't know but it is starting to seem that way to me.

A beautiful post catarina.

 

[Anonycat]

There is wisdom in this ^^

It is now my opinion, that the best things in life take time to develop. Head-banging, instant revelations, often tend towards either being a lot of hard work, or disappointment. I really don't know but it is starting to seem that way to me.

A beautiful post catarina.

I agree. And I don't think soulmates are born as much as created. Everyone has probably discovered at some point in their life, that they were in a bad relationship. So you end it, and feel disheartened for a while. If I met that person when they were feeling down (or for any reason not in good spirits) would I see that they are my mate? As love, trust, and appreciation for that unique person grow, that's when you may find that mate is (has become) a perfect match. Some things don't change so easily in people, so there is a foundation to match with.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

I'd say all three. There is also a good balance between closeness and space. He never tells me what to do. Even when we spend a lot of time together, he doesn't annoy me (and we laugh together so much). But these qualities were not revealed to me like a lightning bolt from above when we first met, it developed over time.

Considering how many men there are in this world, and considering that only a small fraction of them have ever crossed my path, it is obviously impossible for me to know if there are other potential soulmates out there.

For argument's sake, if my husband was to die before me, I really doubt that I would want to date again. It sort of seems unfair to other men to ask them to live up to the (emotional) standards I'm used to. Even if there were a number of potential soulmates waiting out there, I might not be motivated. And that is ok, I have already been richly blessed.

I had not considered that -- that someone could become your soulmate over time.

I like to think that if your soulmate is out there, you will be drawn to hir over distance; so you don't have to evaluate everyone -- the universe will attempt to bring you together.

Just my $.02.

Helena

 

[lotus]

I don't think ''soulmates'' exist in ''raw'' form

It doesn't knock at the door one day!

Soulmates are generous beings who can give love and understanding. They made effort to know the being they love, accept the wholeness of this being ,share and give more than they demand and expect. Following a similar path, they became soulmates.

It's about unconditionnal love sharing and total respect. Sharing compassionate love, wich is to accept the flaws as being part of the wholeness.

Being soulmate is truly loving the wholeness of this being..not only part of this being...not what this being gives to us..it's like wanting this being to live in joy and avoid him\her any unecessary suffering...

If human being would make the effort to really know and understand eachother, they would all become soulmate..because they are made of the same essence, they all want joy, love and avoid suffering...their true nature is the exact same.

To me it's more a question of 2 beings working\living in harmony to be such soulmates.

 

[catarina]

I had not considered that -- that someone could become your soulmate over time.

I like to think that if your soulmate is out there, you will be drawn to hir over distance; so you don't have to evaluate everyone -- the universe will attempt to bring you together.

Just my $.02.

Helena

Well, the universe is doing a pretty lousy job then, considering all the difficult relationships you see. I have several single friends, and some are working very hard at net dating - oh, the horror stories they tell me. (Or maybe the universe is just doing it for my benefit, to make me appreciate my marriage even more. ) For every happy end, there is a tragedy.

Even if the universe would somehow drop a soulmate in your lap, it would be of little use unless you were ready to love, respect, care for and have fun with this person. In theory, I could very well have run into my husband ten years before I did, but at that time I think it would have been wasted.

 

[catarina]

I don't thinks ''soulmates'' exist in ''raw'' form

It doesn't knock at the door one day!

Soulmates are generous beings who can give love and understanding. They made effort to know the being they love, they accept the wholeness of this being , they share and give more than they demand and expect.

It's about unconditionnal love sharing eachother and total respect. Sharing compassionate love, wich is to accept the flaws as being part of the wholeness.

Being soulmate is loving the wholeness of this being..not part of this being...not what this being gives to us..it's like wanting this being to live in joy and avoid him\her any unecessary suffering...

If human being would make the effort to really know eachother, they would all be soulmate..because they are made for the same essence, they all want joy, love and avoid suffering...they have the exact same true nature.

To me it's more a question of 2 beings working\living in harmony to be such soulmates.

This makes a lot of sense to me.