Shredder
Patron with Honors
I'm new to the board, but have been a frequent visitor to this site which I have been reading for the last 3 weeks.
Who said you can't go free in 3 weeks?
I have probably only read a fraction of what is on your site - and there are so many postings that have helped me (apologies to all those I haven't mentioned in my rave below) and I have read some other really helpful stories, but I want to comment on a few from 4 or 5 of your members that I do know, below.
My hubby gave me this avitar; he's been my closest and most trusted companion over these last 10 years, and I've just had the most wonderful 3 weeks since he came 'out'. Since he started posting on the board he has shown his true colours, he's showing a very light and creative side lately, and I know it's because he has been unburdened somewhat!
And Emma you are a legend! I can't thank you enough!!!
I feel more connected to every person whose post I've read so far with their stories - and I want to thank Carmel, Scooter, Ferral, Mrs Pattycake, Panda (they are guys I know personally) - I had not been privvy to - and actually had no idea, before 3 weeks ago of what they had been expected to 'wear' and what was dished out through such a disgusting display of lies and betrayal from the CofS.
I looked at the existing scene and asked myself, how can this be?
(I have been out of the Sydney scene over the last 10 years or so, and had only infrequent contact with them as I was kept very busy....more below on this regarding the SO)
Carmel, Scooter, Ferral, Mrs Pattycake, Panda contributed more to the CofS in ANZO than I could ever have hoped to in a lifetime - during their time within the CofS; with their create, their efforts, and expertise from each of their specialised fields, as well as their generosity with hard earned money and support to the CofS.
I, like others in the SO, knew them as opinion leaders in their own right, I know they were considered 'the elite' on their own merit, creme de la creme of Scientology in Australia, members of the CofS - and yet (as I read each of their stories and threads on ESMB) somehow subjected to the grossest injustices administered by the CofS over and over again.
And there were more...
I recently read Jeff Hawkins' Counterfeit dreams, Michael Pattinson's personal story ...and many others.....aaaaahhhhhh!
I started with "The Death of L. Ron Hubbard" I kept reading
I have read other's stories and threads also - and hope to meet you sometime in the near future...
What you have written has been very real to me - and has helped me so much - whatever status you were in as part of the CofS.
I'll just start on a bit about what happened with me.
This is a little bit harder than I realised.
I'm not in doubt about my 'status' anymore, I'm EX SO but not in the way that I thought I was about 3 weeks ago where EX-SO actually meant to me (as I had been constantly reminded by SO guys still in, when they were regging me for something) that "once an SO member always an SO member" (I guessed that's what the billion year contract meant) - which was one of a string of things that 'got me' every time before.
There's nothing amiss with my 'code of honor', I pledged allegiance once to the CodS, I thought was ethical, honest and cared about others happiness and survival - I thought I could be all that, and it would be just perfect to be part of all that, and what an adventure I would have!
However, it has not been much of that at all.
I have discovered over the last 20 years of seeing and experiencing for myself and my close friends being treated so badly, that this group, the CofS is far from all that -
only it wasn't until I contacted a dear friend of mine out of the blue, who I kept in contact with far too infrequently - (being kept busy trying to contribute to this group in every possible way - without being in the SO and yet somehow being as 'dedicated' as I was when I was in the SO) that I realised how she was handled with dishonesty, disrespect and disdain.
It was disgusting. I was part of that group that condoned this. I had shelved my friends 'buying' the latest scoop.
I was on high alert.
That was on a Friday. I got on the ESMB and some other links and looked for myself.
I looked at the existing scene - and I looked at the 'ideal scene' there were worlds in between. They were not even on the same planet. I was not even on that planet.Hmmm.
OK, so I was in this existing scene, and I looked at it. I looked at the CofS, I scanned through what I knew and what I'd observed it was quite something to confront - the last 20 years. I had somehow shelved the bad stuff over the these years, and realised I had been PTS to the CofS - of long duration.
It was far from the hopes and adventures I mapped out for myself.
Although I finally had that taste of freedom, the next few weeks were an emotional rollercoaster.
I needed to start mapping out an 'ideal scene' for me.
It seemed a little unreal, everything would change...
I decided to just leave the past in the past...for now.
I realised I would not be taking this group (the CofS) with me. My family, close friendships, distant friendships; in the SO - out of the SO, I wanted to contact all of them.
Ferral's stories and Carmel's stories were really helpful here - they had been through it. Many others too. They just started to contact their friends, and they started with their stories on ESMB.
But I just started with one step and told my hubby that I was now out and why. I hadn't even considered how this would sound - he was born into Scn - but I just had to tell him where I was at.
I asked him what he thought and he told me he was relieved. I felt the 'safest', and the most 'calm' I ever remember feeling. I also felt that this was something new - I could feel the 'threat' of danger on the fringe of all this, as I was still very connected, but somehow I felt there was support out there - outside of the CofS.
So here I am out and about.
I really just wanted to say hello. and thank you, I'm sort of not used to this.
Who said you can't go free in 3 weeks?
I have probably only read a fraction of what is on your site - and there are so many postings that have helped me (apologies to all those I haven't mentioned in my rave below) and I have read some other really helpful stories, but I want to comment on a few from 4 or 5 of your members that I do know, below.
My hubby gave me this avitar; he's been my closest and most trusted companion over these last 10 years, and I've just had the most wonderful 3 weeks since he came 'out'. Since he started posting on the board he has shown his true colours, he's showing a very light and creative side lately, and I know it's because he has been unburdened somewhat!
And Emma you are a legend! I can't thank you enough!!!
I feel more connected to every person whose post I've read so far with their stories - and I want to thank Carmel, Scooter, Ferral, Mrs Pattycake, Panda (they are guys I know personally) - I had not been privvy to - and actually had no idea, before 3 weeks ago of what they had been expected to 'wear' and what was dished out through such a disgusting display of lies and betrayal from the CofS.
I looked at the existing scene and asked myself, how can this be?
(I have been out of the Sydney scene over the last 10 years or so, and had only infrequent contact with them as I was kept very busy....more below on this regarding the SO)
Carmel, Scooter, Ferral, Mrs Pattycake, Panda contributed more to the CofS in ANZO than I could ever have hoped to in a lifetime - during their time within the CofS; with their create, their efforts, and expertise from each of their specialised fields, as well as their generosity with hard earned money and support to the CofS.
I, like others in the SO, knew them as opinion leaders in their own right, I know they were considered 'the elite' on their own merit, creme de la creme of Scientology in Australia, members of the CofS - and yet (as I read each of their stories and threads on ESMB) somehow subjected to the grossest injustices administered by the CofS over and over again.
And there were more...
I recently read Jeff Hawkins' Counterfeit dreams, Michael Pattinson's personal story ...and many others.....aaaaahhhhhh!
I started with "The Death of L. Ron Hubbard" I kept reading
I have read other's stories and threads also - and hope to meet you sometime in the near future...
What you have written has been very real to me - and has helped me so much - whatever status you were in as part of the CofS.
I'll just start on a bit about what happened with me.
This is a little bit harder than I realised.
I'm not in doubt about my 'status' anymore, I'm EX SO but not in the way that I thought I was about 3 weeks ago where EX-SO actually meant to me (as I had been constantly reminded by SO guys still in, when they were regging me for something) that "once an SO member always an SO member" (I guessed that's what the billion year contract meant) - which was one of a string of things that 'got me' every time before.
There's nothing amiss with my 'code of honor', I pledged allegiance once to the CodS, I thought was ethical, honest and cared about others happiness and survival - I thought I could be all that, and it would be just perfect to be part of all that, and what an adventure I would have!
However, it has not been much of that at all.
I have discovered over the last 20 years of seeing and experiencing for myself and my close friends being treated so badly, that this group, the CofS is far from all that -
only it wasn't until I contacted a dear friend of mine out of the blue, who I kept in contact with far too infrequently - (being kept busy trying to contribute to this group in every possible way - without being in the SO and yet somehow being as 'dedicated' as I was when I was in the SO) that I realised how she was handled with dishonesty, disrespect and disdain.
It was disgusting. I was part of that group that condoned this. I had shelved my friends 'buying' the latest scoop.
I was on high alert.
That was on a Friday. I got on the ESMB and some other links and looked for myself.
I looked at the existing scene - and I looked at the 'ideal scene' there were worlds in between. They were not even on the same planet. I was not even on that planet.Hmmm.
OK, so I was in this existing scene, and I looked at it. I looked at the CofS, I scanned through what I knew and what I'd observed it was quite something to confront - the last 20 years. I had somehow shelved the bad stuff over the these years, and realised I had been PTS to the CofS - of long duration.
It was far from the hopes and adventures I mapped out for myself.
Although I finally had that taste of freedom, the next few weeks were an emotional rollercoaster.
I needed to start mapping out an 'ideal scene' for me.
It seemed a little unreal, everything would change...
I decided to just leave the past in the past...for now.
I realised I would not be taking this group (the CofS) with me. My family, close friendships, distant friendships; in the SO - out of the SO, I wanted to contact all of them.
Ferral's stories and Carmel's stories were really helpful here - they had been through it. Many others too. They just started to contact their friends, and they started with their stories on ESMB.
But I just started with one step and told my hubby that I was now out and why. I hadn't even considered how this would sound - he was born into Scn - but I just had to tell him where I was at.
I asked him what he thought and he told me he was relieved. I felt the 'safest', and the most 'calm' I ever remember feeling. I also felt that this was something new - I could feel the 'threat' of danger on the fringe of all this, as I was still very connected, but somehow I felt there was support out there - outside of the CofS.
So here I am out and about.
I really just wanted to say hello. and thank you, I'm sort of not used to this.
to the ESMB board, shredder! 
Your husband is a lucky man! 
You're the one who took the step, we're just the cheerleaders with cake.
We know you love her, we do too! 
Pwnd
