What's new

The Little Thread Which Grew - the Apollo '73 to Everything But

Not open for further replies.


Patron with Honors
well, how about a whole weekend hanging out with old friends and fellow travelers?

Ed and many other old friends from the past will be hanging out at Deer Lake Washington (which I understand is just a hop/skip away from Idaho :)
over the weekend of Sept 10-12 (Friday eve, through Sunday eve)....

Some other "old names" you might remember will be there - Ken Urquhart, Trey Lotz, Mary Freeman aka Mary Maren, Frankie Freeman, Pat and Ray Krenik,The Magic Thetan, John Imbrugia, Rey Robles, Anita Warren, Les Warren, etc etc. I know I'm missing many many other people...

pm me for more info - or check the freezone section of this board


Nope. I've been in Idaho since the early 80's. I sometimes fantasize about an evening hanging out with friends and fellow travelers from the past. Maybe one day soon huh?



Patron with Honors
Mindfulness (from USA Weekend)

Mind your 'mindfulness' to
reduce stress

Laura Hoxworth • August 15, 2010

Susan L. Smalley and Diana Winston, authors of
Fully Present: The Science, Art, and Practice of
Mindfulness, advocate meditating daily by “paying
attention with openness and curiosity to the present
moment.” Mindfulness is based on heightened
sensory awareness, and studies suggest it can help
reduce stress, increase attention span, boost
creativity and strengthen the immune system, among
other benefits.

Anyone can practice mindfulness, when walking,
driving or exercising, for example. Here are tips for
separating yourself from your thoughts to become
more mindful:

Clear your head. Focus on the moment with an open
and curious mind. If you find yourself stressed or
overwhelmed, concentrate on your breathing.

Connect with your body. Notice each physical
sensation without interpreting or labeling it. If
you're outside, feel the breeze on your face and
notice the colors in the trees and the sounds
around you.

Practice. “The more you do it, the greater the
benefit,” the authors say.

If you're outside, notice the colors and sounds around you.


It's great to see some of the old folks of my era - we sure had a blast back then. Scientology was fun.


You may have had fun; I may have had fun; but Scientology was not fun.

"Dispose of quietly and without sorrow." 1951

"Ruin utterly." 1955

According to Alan Walter, culling folders started in 1959: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showpost.php?p=180600&postcount=237

Security Checks began in 1960: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Scientology_Security_Checks

Includes those old favorites, and big case gain producers, "Are you a pervert?" and "Have you ever had unkind thoughts about LRH?"


The Fair Game Law of March 1965 was fun (but not for SPs of course :)):


The discussion starts on post #8, and addresses the issue of Scientology having been fun in the "good old days":


This brief injection of historical realism has been provided as a public service.

I love you Veda! :hug: Love the moment of "historical realism!" :hifive: Thank you!

Now, having said that, I know that the wins, helping and camaraderie were fun for some of the folks, some of the time...and I'm not going to invalidate those warm fuzzies for them. :)

But judging by the big picture of a world-wide scale, COS is no fun at all... :no:

The Magic Thetan

Patron with Honors
I'm way behind on this tread . . . . it's moving fast, folks!

this is my response to Raffo's post #4725 on this thread.

Dear Raffo, and all you other good folks reading this thread :D

Much came to my mind as I read this “response to FoTi” . . . :D and so, in the vein of exposition, I’ll relate what came to my mind. Please don’t take anything of what I am about to write here as an evaluation of what should be or should have been for you.

In reality, it is a little technical exposition and one based on what came to mind for me as I was reading Raffo’s post. On that basis, the thoughts will be set against the parts that sparked for me.

The first thing to say is that, for me, and based on what I am seeing in Raffo’s posts and certainly based on the video of him at the 4th July FZ party, and also in the nature of many of the positive responders to Raffo, I’d say there has been a rather vast and enhanced upgrading of mood and operating basis.

Having Raffo back on lines (we’ve exchanged PMs and a phone call) and reading what he has had to say has done two key things for me:
a) it has empowered me and raised my spiritual tone level, thus making me more aware, able and accurate (spiritually) and,
b) his dialogue has rekindled in me the truth that one can and should have the positive . . . that is, and what I am really wanting to state here, is that one should only expect, manifest, experience, create and have the positive. I say this in contrast to the “usual” one has (I have) often slipped into of expecting, or continuing to have, experiencing and unwittingly creating the negative and the actually unwanted. :duh:

The mechanism is simple, and based on a little bit of negligence and bad habit by us. There’s a sequence to it that we often get trapped with. It oft happens that we were happily doing and having our positive and wanted thing, and some sort of negative or unwanted occurs that we don’t want to experience; and we goof by coming off of the continued expectation of the positive and the continued creation and having of the positive to instead resist or solve the introduced negative. The trap with this is that the continued expectation can then be one of the negative to resist: instead of the prior continued expectation of the wanted and the positive. :duh:

I say this because, Raffo with his writings reminded me of this phenomena, and I thus began to restore my ability and capacity of operation wherein, at a physical bodily level, I have begun to operate on the basis of having and expecting and thus putting back in place the prior positive undamaged, unaltered physical bodily conditions of yore.

It has been an interesting experience this past week or two. I’ve had unwanted bodily conditions (hey, I’m well into in my 75th year, what can I say?) evaporating and ceasing to be as I instead found myself being aware of, expecting and having the prior, original (to a degree) body conditions . . . the conditions that existed prior to some old injuries or affects of “age.”

It has been absolutely fascinating to be able to spiritually operate without the automatic resistings of “bad” conditions I’d “suffered” over the years, and to instead of automatically mocking up or having the old resisted injury or effects of aging (or stuck physical universe impression of same) affecting my body, to be able to have the prior unaffected condition.

The big lesson it seems, is that persistent “resistance” at a spiritual level is a wrong answer. :duh: Yes, danger and unwanteds in the present are to be handled, with a correct handling; but solutions that include a continued resistance of unwanteds is dumb!

Of course, it is true, the physical body is a lot slower in its change than I am, so, now that the “image” of an aging process or injury is removed, I have the joy of watching the body going through its reparation cycle as things restore to their un-injured or “youthful” condition. It is also true that I have a fair amount of this to deal with . . . hey, I’ve lived an active life, what can I say?

But, to say the least, the changing scenario is quite an experience! :D

Of course, this little technical truth also operates in the spiritual/mental realm as well.

Hmmmmm, Raffo, you really got me thinking here on this one.

First, I have to say your statement : “The ability to respond in a FEEL GOOD manner to anything that does or does not happen in your life,” is a rather neat statement.

For me, though, I am looking at its application.

For me, there are various levels of operating in the game of relationships.

For example, one of the things I observe since you have come “back on lines” is a tremendous uplifting of the abilities and faculties we spiritual Beings operate with when at our highest level . . . you know, things like spiritual “telepathic” communication and such. You know, the “OT” abilities that some are wont to shout do not exist.

And it appears from what I am reading on the threads, that there has been a resurgence of these faculties and abilities with you on the lines.

There are two comments I would make in this context. One is based on the issue of DUPLICATION, and the other is the PHENOMENA ASSOCIATED WITH ASCENDING TO HIGHER LEVELS OF AWARENESS, ABILITY AND POWERS.

On the issue of duplication, you will remember LRH in his Axioms of SOP 8-C said: “FUNDAMENTAL: The basic action of existence is Duplication.” He then wrote a whole list of Axioms on the subject of duplication . . . not all of which I find to be wholly correct or truthful, by the way. But the above “fundamental” is close enough to work with.

From my personal experience of posting on ESMB, I have found the following. One posts with an expectation (in mind). The outcome of the posting can be either the expectation is met or it is not met.

So the issues now become several:
Who did not duplicate what?
What was not duplicated?
Where was it not duplicated at?

Who duplicated what?
What was duplicated?
Where was it duplicated at?

There are a number of permutations on those possibilities, of course . . . and one could probably also locate further possibilities on the basic theme.

But, basically, I have found I do not have to experience “everything” . . . . while it may be an ideal to be able to “experience anything” . . . the author of that little ditty sure as hell didn’t and wouldn’t! And it may be that to be able to do so would mean that one would not ever again suffer anything :melodramatic: I personally find it unnecessary to experience that which I do not choose to.

My formula for handling this is based on the permutations of the above possibilities for duplication :p

Personally, I have found that I do not have to duplicate at here, and have and suffer at here what another is either having at or creating from there. It’s his. Leave it there.

If another misduplicates my communication, it is because of one or more of three possibilities: a) I did not communicate precisely enough, b) the other did not receive precisely enough or, c) the other is deliberately refusing to receive the communication and is distorting and misrepresenting the actuality of it.

Spotting which it is, is simple and so are the remedies. And I personally have found it to be a “mug’s game” to accept and duplicate at here the deliberate distorting and misrepresentation (misduplication) that is created at there by those who are in the unfortunate condition of doing this on automatic or who wish to be destructive in this manner. It’s their creation: leave it there (at where they are).

One of course needs to be wise enough to have sensible expectations based on a correct perception of those to whom one is communicating. In a group scenario such as we have on ESMB :D destructive retaliation is par for the course for some of them :duh: Why duplicate it?? :no:

Well, the refutation of one’s expectations when communicating can come as a hit if one did not expect such a refutation. But all that is handled by having a correct expectation based on correct perception of the terminal(s) being communicated to.

The other side of the coin is to do with one’s “OT” powers and powers of reach, spiritual and telepathic perception and duplication. Realize we do spiritually connect with these characters we communicate with, and to that degree, we do tend to duplicate the condition and the creations they have at their position on the comm-line. The trick, I find, is to not wear their shit here! It’s theirs and, in fact, precise duplication of the scenario is that it is theirs and that it is located there where they are . . . not here where we are. :D

One of the liabilities of ascending up into the realm of “OT” abilities is that one trips into one’s old failed activities and old misused abilities such as we are discussing here. And one can appear to have “losses” due to it . . . in reality, if one is wise, life is telling one that here is an opportunity to handle an old screwed up ability and restore it to optimum.

This is part of the tech on the ascension crash and burn phenomena Alan discovered.

We can goof by not recognizing we have come up into the next higher level of case and screwed up ability/inability to handle, and instead in error bemoan the strife we experience and begin again in indulging old wrong answer/solutions.

Yes, well . . . . . :D

LRH said something I read many, many moons ago that I felt was rather clever, even exact; and I’ve retained it as a bit of my operating truth.

He wrote that (and I paraphrase from memory): “The basic overt act on the track is probably the making of another guilty for their actions or cause.”

Committing this overt on others causes them to reduce their powers and cause and position in the game. It caves them in.

And, as I wrote in an earlier post on this thread, it’s the good guys who are most prone to succumb to this action against them to cave them in, make them less and to reduce their cause and power levels and position in the game.

I have snipped the rest of Raffo’s post . . . .

So, folks, be the true, beautiful YOU.


Thank you oh wise and beautiful being. May all be as you wish it to be, and if it is not, may you think it is. Love Johnny


Interesting about our ancestors.....

Blacks officially had the vote since just after the civil war. Various southern states implemented various measures to stop blacks from voting that held until the 1950's or so, which was after the movie came out.

As far as slaves and their happiness with their lives, I'm not concerned. I didn't enslave any (that was done by their black brothers in Africa, along with mostly black Muslim slave traders, who then sold them to the slave ships). My ancestors were not involved with the slave trade. And their happiness and well being was probably a lot better than if they had stayed in Africa. Ask any current resident of Rwanda if he would be happier in Rwanda or in coming to the US under any conditions. I have no interest in having money taken out of my pocket for the purpose of supposedly righting the wrongs of others.

I have no idea what Scn had to say about black civil rights. I never heard LRH say anything to promote rights for blacks.

Enthetan, I never enslaved anyone either and I'm hot talking just this life. My relatives are all 100% Jewish as far as I know and my Dad's side comes from the Ukraine and my Mom's side came 1/2 from Poland and 1/2 from Lithuania. The Lithuanians almost all, including my Mom. had blue eyes and either blond or red hair (my Mom's hair was brown). This indicates a lot of intermarriage from the Lithuanian branch of the family.

ALL OF THESE RELATIVES INCLUDING MY PARENTS EXHIBITED BITS OF RACISM! As in most Jewish circles, Black people were referred to as "Schwartzes". In the late 40's early 50's period, my Dad made jokes that they lived in shacks but drove Cadillacs. My Dad always, when referring to Blacks or telling jokes about them, used a rediculing type of Ebonics speech.

Even my Mom who was a very kind hearted person, would exhibit racism in her actions. Take the cleaning lady who came once or twice a week. My Mom, brother and myself might eat a meal but the cleaning lady kept on working. When we were done, my Mom would put out a plate of food for her in a courteous manner but she would eat alone. We kids were told not to talk to her. At the end of her work shift the Black maid had to walk about 3 blocks to a bus stop to go home. If it was raining, my Mom would drive her to the bus stop which was a nice gesture but they never talked about anything personal.

Something major happened in my life in 1951. In 1951, my neighborhood in L.A. which was all white and about 50% Christian and 50% Jewish was cracked by the Black community. A white woman purchased a home without the husband being visible. It turned out he was Black. When the neighbors found out, about 3/4 of the house immeidately sprung "For Sale" signs. All the Jews except us moved out, mostly to the San Fernando Valley. Our family stayed on for 6 years intil I finished high school in 1957. Then we finally moved to Fullerton in Orange County. When the Blacks started moving in in late 1951 and 1952, all my neighborhood friends left en masse which was very painful for me to deal with. I started playing with this Black boy. For about 2 weeks my Mom watched us play in the back yard. We shot basketball and had a game where we threw a ball up on my roof and then we both jostled with one another trying to be the one who caught the ball. My Mom's face was twisted in a masklike contortion watching me at age 11 play with a Black kid every day. He was becoming my best friend and I tried to bring him in the house to have a drink and a snack but by Mom would not allow him in. She brought drinks and a plate of snack food out to us. Finally after a little more than two weeks, I was told that I was no longer allowed to play with him. I put up a whale of a fight but she would not relent. I broke down crying. I asked my Mom what should I tell him. She had no answer for me. I decided to use the regular Lakey approach and tell him the truth. He came over after school all happy and ready to play with me again. I held back tears and told him that I could not play with him any longer. He asked why, and I said that my parents did not want me to play with Negro kids. He said something to the effect that his parents recommended to him that he not play with me either, telling him that if he kept playing with me, he would probably get hurt. He convinced them that I was a good friend and that my family was kind.

When I heard that, my body started convulsing and I just broke down sobbing. He then started crying and yelling at me that he thought I was different but that I was no better than any other white boy. I sobbed back, its not me, its my parents, they just won't let me play with you. Its not me, I love you, you are my best friend. I told him, please don't hate me, its not my fault. He said it was my fault, I should just refuse to obey my parent's orders. I started crying more and said, I'm only 11, I still have to obey my parents. He still cussed at me a bit and went away crying. My equaniimity was shattered. I never saw him again but after a couple of weeks I forget all about him. Life went on, I made some new white friends.

Because my parents were raised to be racist and were taught by my Grandparents, to be racist and my two set of grandparents came to the United States in the 1890's, I always felt that I owed a debt to Black people because of how my parents treated them and how they forced me to treat this one good friend of mine.

I wonder if it would have been possible to communicate my feelings to my parents and refuse to obey their command. My Mom, maybe I could have phrased something where she might have relented. My Dad, I doubt that anything I said would have made him change his mind. I never tried it so I'll never know. I'll never be able to make things right with my Black friend. The deed was done in 1951. I felt I was not at all responsible but that I was a victim. What a hell of a thing my parents ordered me to do. The amount of distruction in that one wanton act ordered by them was enormous and yet based on some misguided morals which they subscribed to, they felt that they were doing the good thing, the right thing to do.


Well, the refutation of one’s expectations when communicating can come as a hit if one did not expect such a refutation. But all that is handled by having a correct expectation based on correct perception of the terminal(s) being communicated to.

The other side of the coin is to do with one’s “OT” powers and powers of reach, spiritual and telepathic perception and duplication. Realize we do spiritually connect with these characters we communicate with, and to that degree, we do tend to duplicate the condition and the creations they have at their position on the comm-line. The trick, I find, is to not wear their shit here! It’s theirs and, in fact, precise duplication of the scenario is that it is theirs and that it is located there where they are . . . not here where we are.

Hey, Roger I was just now getting help from Johnny Raff on this exact thing a couple of hours ago by e-mail!!! :lol:


Ode to Joy - Berlin - 1942. Is Walt Disney There?

And on that note...

For anyone who needs their spirits lifted: :happydance:

Or, depending on your mood:

Here is another version of Ode to Joy which I bet very few of you knew existed, conducted by Wilhelm Furtwangler on April 20, 1942 on Hitler's Birthday, I give you the Berlin Philharmonic's rendition of the finale to Beethoven's Ode to Joy.


If you look in the dignitarie's box, you will see Joeseph Goebbles perhaps also Heinrich Himmler and then is it Tom Cruise, the young officer wearing the eye patch. What about Walt Disney, does anyone see him anywhere in the audience?
Thanks for a classic version!

They better not! :grouch:

I think my all-time favorite on video is this one! The multinational sing-along satellite hook up version for the opening of the Olympics!:


Bet none of you knew that I can play the piccolo solo! :D :happydance: Yes, once upon a time (this lifetime) I was a classically trained musician and almost married a Conductor/Composer...how different my life might have been! :yes:
Last edited:

Terril park

Here is another version of Ode to Joy which I bet very few of you knew existed, conducted by Wilhelm Furtwangler on April 20, 1942 on Hitler's Birthday, I give you the Berlin Philharmonic's rendition of the finale to Beethoven's Ode to Joy.


If you look in the dignitarie's box, you will see Joeseph Goebbles perhaps also Heinrich Himmler and then is it Tom Cruise, the young officer wearing the eye patch. What about Walt Disney, does anyone see him anywhere in the audience?

This complete performance was recorded privately off air and released
in 2004 on the Archipel label ARPCD 0270. Recorded on 19/04,1942.

There is another recording from march 1942 with different soloists,
on Music and Arts CD 653, this taken from tapes of the german radio


Gold Meritorious Patron
The Dalai Lama Says...

Dalai Lama: "One of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety is to try to shift the focus of attention away from self and toward others. When we succeed in this, we find that the scale of our own problems diminishes. This is not to say we should ignore our own needs altogether, but rather that we should try to remember others' needs alongside our own, no matter how pressing ours may be."

He's right, you know.

Personally beef up your own or permit another to beef up on you the self-interest, the self-investment, the self-importance and the potential for upset looms large. YOUR bridge, YOUR case, YOUR next level, YOUR post, YOUR stats, YOUR conditions... MY bridge, MY case, etc.

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
The C/S found this...

For parents, dog owners/lovers/haters... an excellent illustration. :coolwink:

We have harbored Corgis since 1978, and are now on #s four and five - they keep our attention extroverted very nicely, btw! :p

(note for TMT, Lakey, Face, Carmello, S&L, etc - there is an item shown in one of the last panels that used to be a part of our lives and experience - I had to look two or three times to even recognize it :ohmy: see if you can find it.)



The Magic Thetan

Patron with Honors
Trapped on the Road to Total Freedom

Trapped on the Road to Total Freedom
3rd Submission 3rd Chapter of
The Johnny Raff Chronicles - The Scientology Years​

:melodramatic: NOTE: This is my original writing of this Chronicle. It is amazing how much has changed for me being on ESMB. I am not sure that I would say many of these things if I were writing for the ESMB public I have come to know. Anyway here it is. I included the entire thing, but divided into three parts if you want to read it at different times.

Organized religion has three basic lines of promotion:

1) There is something wrong with you.

2) You had better get it handled or else, and

3) We are the only ones that have the answer.

The “Or Else” is the promotion that there will be some really dire consequences if you don’t handle what is wrong with you. For Catholics born with original sin, you are going to suffer unimaginable torture as you burn forever in fires of Hell. This sentence of ongoing misery is supposedly being imposed by a loving God who can’t stand the idea that you didn’t handle what was wrong with you.

For Mormons, you don’t get to be with your loved ones after you die. For those of us who have experienced the magic of true love, this imposed sentence makes the external fires of Hell seem like a walk in the park.

Scientologists who do not handle the things wrong with them get to have the joyful experience of becoming a spiritually burnt out cinder for eternity, especially when they fall into the agreement that it works that way.

The truth is:

1) There is nothing wrong with us other than the idea and the consideration that there is something wrong.

2) There is no “Or Else” other than the one we postulate into existence, and

3) The answers are everywhere available.

Having been blessed with actually becoming a Scientologist (one who knows how to know anything), I now have instant access to any anything I want to know.

I am seeking to delineate in this ongoing account called the Johnny Raff Chronicles, how I made it to this wondrous state of consciousness, and how you can make it also. However, please don’t fall into the trap of thinking these chronicles are the only real place to get the real answers, because they are not. For the answers are within everyone and everything. You just have to know how to access this ultimate MultiVerse spiritual internet.

The truth is that I never really left Scientology, and I never really got Trapped on the Road to Total Freedom although at times it seemed like I did. I did get unjustly declared to be a suppressive person and as a result of that, hundreds of close and loving friends chose to no longer have anything to do with me. But despite the pain and suffering that I created for myself because of that, I never really separated out from any of them. It did take a while for me to cease creating a few negative judgments of these people for “unjustly” choosing to separate out from me when they really knew that I was anything but an SP, but after a while I managed to cease creating these maligning judgments. I realized that these old friends of mine were simply doing what they felt would get them the life they desired, and as long as I allowed myself to retain that realization, I could again feel the love that I eternally have for all of them. I still at times fall into the trap of missing them, of not getting to talk to them and bask in the joy of their physical presence. And when it feels like I am separate from them because my physical senses seek to confirm that I really am separate, then I do suffer the excruciating spiritual pain with which the Mormons threaten their flocks. I do feel the misery and the loss of not getting to be with my loved ones because of my?? choice to strictly adhere to the churches enforced doctrine. However, even then, I realize that my basic love of these friends is eternal, and I know that fundamentally it is the same for the love they retain for me.

Actually I’ve never left anything. Anything and everything are a part of who and what I am, and it will continue to be that way for as long as I postulate into existence this very odd thing that we have chosen to symbolize with the word time.

I coined the phrase Trapped on the Road to Total Freedom some time after I had gone off to explore The MultiVerse to see what other beings of wisdom might have to offer. Some of my explorations were nothing short of phenomenal. :alien2: For one thing, I discovered that unlike most of the Hollywood movie portrayals, and Ron’s periodic invitations to see the universe as a place populated with bad guys, it was in fact a place populated by the most wondrous OT beings imaginable. :aliengreeting: I discovered that, in fact, only an almost infinitesimally small portion of the universe’s population was dedicated to exploring games of domination, control, suppression and Limitation Mastery Exploration. If you were to embrace one astronomer’s observation that there were more stars in the Heavens than there were grains of sand on all the beaches on Earth, then the percentage of star systems that are into personal and global war games would be represented by about 78 grains of sand.

:keelover:How I developed the ability to accurately explore and communicate to extra terrestrial beings I will reveal as these chronicles continue. However, at this point, I am getting way ahead of my story.

I just want to say that my coining of my “Trapped on the Road to Total Freedom” phrase came out of a personal realization that I had allowed myself to periodically fall into the trap of thinking that Ron’s set of understandings and processes were the only way to get back to the intrinsic magnificence of my unlimited native state. Funny enough, it was Ron who eventually disavowed me of that belief. It was most certainly true that Ron “seemed” to be the only being around who had set out a workable path out of the Limitation Mastery Games we had plugged ourselves into. However, as I was to discover, there was much more to the picture than even his cleverness encompassed.

In my last issue of The Johnny Raff Chronicles, I ended off at the point where I had the phenomenal OT (spiritual) experience of being able to hear people think as if they were speaking to me out loud. This occurred on Sunday the 2nd of May 1965 as we traditionally experience the linear time stream that we have imagined into existence.

Liza did eventually show up. She was the beautiful and wonderful old time Scientologist who had invited me to Louie’s weekend Love, Sex and Marriage seminar that had opened the door to our being able to again experience our unlimited spiritual powers.

I had to wait to the end of my Continental Airlines bag manipulating shift, but at the end of the evening she once again appeared and off we went to her apartment.

Into the wee hours of the morning, as we then knew time to be, I told her all about the magic of my OT experiences - of being in my mother’s womb with full perception, and being able to hear people think. .

Later I discovered that when the stories got back to Lou, Judy, and Liza’s “boyfriend” Jerry, they caused quite a stir. Apparently it was the first time that someone had taken the processes that Louie had created for the seminar and manipulated them to their own purposes. For if you remember, I had used the earlier and earlier technique from the seminar to self audit myself into my mother’s womb while sitting in the coffee shop at the Continental Airlines terminal building. From that time forward I was met with a bit of a “Who the hell is this crazy brash kid” attitude by Lou, Judy, Liza and “Liza’s boyfriend”. (Just to remind you, I am choosing to put the phrase “Liza’s boyfriend” in quotes and italics because at the time, I was still clinging to the idea that her “boyfriend” had been dropped into the lap of my consciousness - just as I was about to end my virginity by engaging in the wonders of carnal knowledge with Liza. At least that’s what my fertile imagination had projected me into just prior to the trauma of having Liza’s “boyfriend” dropped into my reality. With the onslaught of that emotionally painfully happening, my beautiful imaginings went up in smoke.)

After the seminar I began spending a lot of time with these Old-Timers who had studied with Ron in the early days of Scientology. They were certainly an interesting breed especially by Scientology organizational standards.

:flasher:They were like the rugged individualists of the early American frontier. They were their own person and they had the audacity to grant to themselves the right to do anything they damn well pleased, regardless of the dictates and dogma the newly created organization sought continuously to impose upon them. In fact they fundamentally didn’t want to have anything to do with the organized structure of the Church of Scientology that was getting more and more organized every day. They fully agreed with the old time version of Ron that stated that organizations had a tendency to suppress the individual but they were a necessary evil if we ever hoped to clear the planet. They currently agreed with the idea that the orgs had a tendency to suppress the individual, for they had already accumulated a number of painful secondary engrams that confirmed that reality. However, they were not so sure that these domineering structures were necessary to clearing the planet. They had their own ideas about how to pull off that lofty objective, and some of their ideas were nothing short of phenomenal. Their self created visions of how to clear the planet had sprung out of truths, understandings, philosophies and wisdom's that Ron had permeated into his early Scientology courses. They were things that granted absolute and unconditional freedom to spiritual beings who were currently using a physical body for one reason or another. They were the basics that Ron had brilliantly delineated in his early books and in things like The Advanced Clinical Courses and the Philadelphia Doctorate Course. They were magical things that these Old-Timers knew inside and out. They were things that most organizational Scientologists didn’t even know existed. And they were the things that I had apprenticed in the wild and crazy “old times”. They were things that enabled us to be OT long before there ever existed a structured set of organizational OT courses.

As I continually basked in the magical presence of these reincarnated wizards of old, I gradually became one of them. Hell, I was one of them from the beginning. At least I was in my own mind, for I brashly announced one day that I would catch up with this Ron Hubbard guy in a matter of months.

The Old-Timers chuckled at the naiveté of this young kid who had no idea of what he had gotten himself into, and at the same time, they were quietly taken aback by the apparent fact that I periodically was exhibiting some OT abilities that even they didn’t have.

After a few months of apprenticing under the tutelage of Lou Jordan, Old Doc Thibodeaux, the relatively new time Scientologist Judy Jordan, her wonderful mother and “Liza’s Boyfriend“, I was encouraged to go into “The Org” so that I could get the basics under my belt.

“I thought you guys hated the orgs”, I responded. “We don’t hate the orgs,” they replied. “We are just a bit cherry of their ongoing tendency to tell us what we can and cannot do with our lives”.

Those may not have been the exact words of The Old Timers, for as Mark Twain said, one should never let the truth get in the way of a good story, but these words were in essence the way these Old Timers felt. And despite Mark Twain’s recommendation, I am doing my very best to insure that these chronicles stick to the absolute truth of what really happened to me as I progressed along the road to personal freedom that I later discovered was my road and my road alone.

So it was that I began my first Scientology course and so it was that a whole other realm of magic permeated into my life.

I remember vividly the very first L. Ron Hubbard red on white technical bulletin that I read on my very first official Scientology course. It was a study tech (How to study) bulletin and it stated that in order to learn anything two things are at once necessary:

1. There must be something to study.

“Oh my God“, my egotistical beingness responded with a wave of sarcasm that I projected psychically into Ron’s space and the space of anyone else dumb enough to receive it.

“There must be something to study!”, and I’m paying money for this course. I’m paying money for this “brilliant” pronouncement that in order to study something, there must be something to study.

“Oh brother”, my flaring ego exclaimed.

“OK, OK, OK!!!” I said to my flaming ego. ”Give the guy a chance. Read on and see if there is something of value in this How to Study bulletin.”

Actually, I wasn’t quite as egotistical as I am making myself out to be. I just decided to pay a little homage to that Mark Twain quote and add a bit to the drama of the story. However, what occurred next really was dramatic - very dramatic.

So tolerantly, I re-read what I had just read, and then I read a bit further.

“In order to study anything, two things are at once necessary:

1. There must be something to study.

“Ok, Ok, Ok, I said to myself. Read on”.


2. You must have the idea that you don’t know it all already.”

“What!!!”, I said to myself, for that last statement had literally hit me like a ton of bricks. As I began to fully digest this idea that I could not learn if I had the attitude that I knew it all already, a flood of excitement cursed through me that was akin to the magic of being able to hear people think.

As the personal consequences of that statement continued to impact my consciousness, the history of why it was having such an effect on me went flashing by like a motion picture projector that had suddenly been accelerated into light speed.

I subsequently jumped up from my seat and went over to the lovely lady who was acting as the course supervisor. In a wild state of utter excitement, I asked her if she had read this. “Have you got any idea how profound this is!”. “Have you the slightest idea of what this means!!”, I exclaimed. “My God“, I went on. “this is incredible!!!”

I think the poor girl must have thought I had blown a gasket, which I probably had. In fact I had probably blown a whole truck load of gaskets.

Part - 2 The Pacific Rocket Society​

To understand why this was having such a phenomenal effect on me, you have to understand a bit of my history, and then after you have that under your belt, you will be able to fully appreciate the next magical OT, reality transforming experience I encountered.

At the same time that I was attending this first course in Scientology, I was also attending college at the Northrop Institute of Technology where I was working to obtain a Bachelor of Science degree in Avionics (space electronics). I was in my senior year and I was in a panic, for there was something that I had to accomplish before I would be allowed to graduate, and the time of graduation was rapidly approaching.

During my freshman and sophomore years, the curriculum focused primarily on mathematics. The idea was that you needed to first learn this language of symbol manipulations so that you could use this tool to design and create the electronic circuits that would, in their turn, manipulate and convince moon rockets and such things to do what you wanted them to do.

Much to my delight, I was elected, in my sophomore year, as the President of The Pacific Rocket Society, the only organization in the United States licensed to test flight rockets built in the private sector. This one and only college branch of the prestigious professional society, that boasted members like Verner Von Brawn and Robert Oppenheimer, came into existence because it harmonized with the college’s reputation of producing graduates that could actually function out in “the real world.” The college originally came into existence when the Northrop Aircraft Corporation decided to train up a class of engineers that could perform well in the aerospace industry. It seems that the Corporate Executives had decided to find a way to handle the problem of college graduates that didn’t seem to know their ass from the hole in the ground when it came to actually producing the things they needed to have produced. So in addition to college courses that focused on the nature of the physical world, the Corporate Executives at Northrop made sure that the students were also taught how to get their hands dirty. They learned how to manipulate a welding torch, fix an aircraft engine and actually fabricate into existence the physical components that the theoretical and mathematical stuff was supposed to be all about.

So in our Pacific Rocket Society we designed, fabricated and tested the rocket engines and rocket bodies. Then we went out to our Mohave Desert launch site and sent them off into the wild blue yonder.

Although we had many exciting engine tests and launchings, one in particular stands out in my mind. We were contacted by a group of Caltech students who had just finished constructing a twelve foot, Lox Thiokol, two stage rocket that they wanted to launch into the heavens. And since we were the only people in the United States licensed to do that, they had to come to us. Well I was delighted. Here was the world famous, Nobel Prize producing, super prestigious California Institute of Technology having to come to the almost unknown, rather small and insignificant campus of The Northrop Institute of Technology in order to get their magnificent creation off the ground. (Thiokol by the way, is the trademark for a poly-sulfide polymer available in various formulations. In most cases it is used in coatings, sealants, hoses for gasoline and oil, and in other industrial applications. It’s basically a rubber like substance. The Caltech students were using it as the primary fuel for their two stage rocket. Lox is a rocket scientists abbreviate for liquid oxygen. They burn like a son-of-bitch catalyst that gives the fuel its chutzpah.)

I was in seventh Heaven, many even the ninth, as I planned the launch with these students that I admired more than I was willing to let on. Although I did not at first tell the Caltech students, I planned to do the countdown in Russian. I figured that would give it a little panache.

When the launch day finally arrived I had lifted myself up into the lofty realm of the 10th Heaven, for it was I that would be directing the launch alone with these students that I sheepishly thought left me for dead when it came to intellectual prowess.

The atmosphere was alive with excitement, at least it was for me and my Pacific Rocket Society crew. The Caltech students that gathered in the block house with me, and the ones that peppered the landscape with complex cameras, recording devices, telemetry receivers and observation equipment, were excited also, but their excitement was tempered with the proper degree of conservatism and decorum that is often the hallmark of a Caltech student.

As the countdown continued, the excitement and anticipation rose. The first stage of the rocket hissed as she vented some of her liquid oxygen vapors. The second solid fuel stage held a dignified and calm posture atop of the fuming bomb that sizzled below it. You had really had to really admire a rocket that had the presence of mind to remain so calm when all hell was about to break loose.

In the upper portion of that second stage, the Caltech students had packaged a full array of sophisticated devices that were ready and willing to tell them all sorts of things they wanted to know. You could feel the anticipation in the air as those students anxiously awaited the telemetry report that would confirm that all of their ingenious designs and hard work had paid off.

Then all of a sudden, as if the by some miracle, the three hour pre-countdown and the one hour final countdown were nearly at an end.

“Dyes-yat!”, I said boldly, clearly and dramatically inside the confines of the block house. Simultaneously outside loud speakers informed anybody within a ten mile radius that this Russian word for the number 10 signified that we were about to launch.

“Dyev-yat (9) - Vo-seym (8) - syem (7) - shest (6) - pyat (5) - chye-tir-ye (4) - tree (3) - dva (2) ----- A-DEEN !!! (1)…

I pushed the launch button and….

There was a dead silence - a frightening dead silence - a void of nothingness that met our disbelieving senses.

There she was, still on the launch pad, this magnificent rocket that was doing nothing, when it was supposed to be doing something.

There was a pregnant pause that signified to everyone the scary truth that a birth that was supposed to be happening wasn’t happening.

And then it happened!!!

:bug:Suddenly, and without warning, the first stage of Caltech’s wondrous creation EXPLODED and ERUPTED into a massive FIRE BALL.

The concussion from the explosion hit the window of the block house with an ear splitting sound that nearly knocked us off our feet.

Struggling to regain our footing, we stared out the window just in time to see the second stage of the rocket plummet into the fire ball that was all that was left of stage one.

Then just as suddenly, the second state ignited and took off.

It rose majestically out of the fire ball that was still enticing the surrounding area to burst into a sea into flames.

Excitedly everyone recovered and returned to their posts.

Inside the block house we could nearly feel the electronic stream of telemetry reports that were bringing the video monitors, oscilloscopes and dozens of other instruments back to life.

Outside, dozens of Caltech students recovered from their initial shock as they intently focused themselves back to their individual tasks. Trackers tracked, cameramen brought their instruments into focus, data gathers gathered data and observers observed.

As it turned out, it was one of the most successful flights in the history of both Caltech and the Northrop Institutes of Technology’s Pacific Rocket Society.

All of the telemetry worked. All of the experiments succeeded, and all of the desired data was produced.

The rocket never reached the height it was intended to reach, but everything else worked.

We were once again in 7th, 8th and 9th Heaven.

The celebration party went on until the sun came up, and the flight of the Caltech rocket became the subject of legends.

Part 3 Working the Professor's Problems​

Well it looks like once again I wondered off my focus and allowed myself to deviate from the primary intent of this chapter. I can’t tell you how many times I have allowed myself to get sucked into a good story to the point where I forgot what I was attempting to do.

It appears that once again, despite my many wondrous spiritually transcendent experiences I have had, I am still a bit aberrated. If you remember, the word aberrate basically means “To Wander”, to wander off target, and to wander off the subject or object that you are supposed to stay focused on.

So let me once again apologize for my aberration and get back to the intent of this story.

The idea was to address the subject of why I was so incredibly blown away by Hubbard’s statement that in order to learn anything one must have the idea that one doesn’t know it all already.

Well, as I related earlier before my aberration kicked in, the first two years of my space electronics college curriculum focused on mathematics. Our journey through the wonders of this scientific language took us through integral calculus, differential equations, probability theory, statics, dynamics, and plethora of obscure and not so obscure things like Boolean algebra, Linear Algebra, statistics and Topology. Eventually we arrived at a place that was simply called Advanced Math.

Although I would not understand exactly why (until I later explored in great depth a few thousand past lives and the true nature of myself as a spiritual being), I was a math whiz. The stuff came effortlessly to me and I spit it back just as effortlessly.

Most of my professors were wonderful people who took pride in bringing their students to higher understandings and a greater ability to navigate the sometimes tumultuous waters of the mathematical sea.

However, occasionally I would run into a nasty one - a math teacher so introverted into his own self importance that he would assign a problem or two that no one had ever successfully worked. This was designed to show you that no matter how proficient you might seem to be, you didn’t know it all.

Well when this relatively rare “put the student’s in their place” assignment occurred, the professor, in the next day’s class, would ask, after we had addressed all of the regular stuff, “Did anyone work number twelve?”

Never was this question asked in a nice way. Never was it asked to see if anyone had actually managed to work the problem. Always it was asked with a self righteous tone that was intended to make you sink down in your chair and cower back into your obvious inadequacies.

With a smile I waited, as the professor scanned the room to see how successfully he had enticed the members of his class into an introverted state of self invalidation.

When he had fully satisfied himself that he had successfully put all of his students back in their place, he would begin a gesture of turning his back on the class as a further demonstration of his obvious superiority. However on this particular day, just as he began to present is back to us, I raised my hand and said in a loud voice, “professor?”

“Yes Mr. Rafanello“, he replied fixing me with a penetrating stare.

“I did sir”.

“You did what?”

“I worked number twelve”.

“You worked number twelve?”, he replied in a derogatory tone. Snickering, he looked around the class with an expression that was designed to invite them to bask in the joy of putting this fool of a student back into his rightful place.

Then fixing me with a challenging and penetrating stare, he said, “Would you like to come up to the board and show us the solution to problem number twelve?”

“Yes sir, I would”, I calmly replied as I left my seat, came up to the front of the room, took the piece of chalk from the profession’s hand and proceeded to demonstrated that I had in fact successfully worked problem number twelve.

I am not sure if it was due to the delight the other math professors got when they heard that I had put the son-of-a-bitch in his place, or if it was that they really felt that I could help them out, but pretty soon a number of the professors were coming to me to work their problems.

At one point I even promoted a class in relativity that I extracted from a popular book by Lincoln Rutledge called “Relatively for the Laymen”. On the first day of the course, I was utterly surprised to discover that every seat in this non-elective class was filled with students and professors. A couple of the professors were even sitting on the floor.

:surprise1:The class was half science, and half vaudeville.

“Along with the concept of absolute space“, I began once the class was assembled, “Doctor Einstein rejected the concept of absolute time, which he defined as a steady, unvarying, inexorable, universal time flow that streams from infinite past to infinite future. Much of the obscurity that has surrounded the theory of relativity has stemmed from man’s reluctance to recognize that a sense of time, like a sense of color, is simply a matter of perception. Just as there can be no sense of color without an eye to discern it, so there can be no such thing as time without an event to mark it.”

It was straight out of the Lincoln’s pocket book, but they loved it.

Up to this point, I had effortlessly gotten straight A’s, but then in my Junior year, and especially in my senior year, some strange things began to happen.

In my junior year, my primary courses had to do with the subject of electronics and electronic circuit designs, and although it was not that significant at first, my straight A’s gave way to a B plus here and there. Then in my senior year, I descended into the abyss of the “hide your head in shame“, What the hell is going on?“, “You used to have the professors coming to you for answers.” Grade - C realm.

Then I encountered a professor who had the unbelievable temerity to tell me that I was flunking a class that I needed to graduate.

The impact of that was horrendous, for my parents were planning to fly out to California from my home town of Bristol, Connecticut to see their son graduate into the lofty status of a space electronics engineer.

The only problem was that I was not going to graduate if I did not pass the final vital course.

The title of that course would not mean much to someone who had not tucked the basics of Scientology into their consciousness, but to a Scientologist who was familiar with the nature of the bank, or reactive mind, it would be significant indeed.

The course was entitled, Communication circuits.

As every Scientologist knows, communication is a key and vital subject. You could poetically say with accuracy that L Ron Hubbard had probed into that subject until he was within an inch of its ass. But as poetic as that expression may or may not considered to be, Ron had probed a lot deeper than that. He had taken the subject apart and put it back together to the point of understanding it so well that a person could perform communication magic if they really got all of the basics under their belt. Years later, I would prove that over and over in my Magic of Communication seminars that enabled the attendees to do things they would have never believed they were capable of.

Circuits on the other hand were things in the reactive mind, (or the unconscious mind, as it was more popularly referred to). These mental circuits were responsible for old songs that played in your head over and over ad-nauseam. They were also responsible for a lot of other things that were far less pleasant than a song that you could not get rid of.

Actually the Communication Circuits course that I was failing really had to do with the design of electronic circuits used in the telecommunications industries. Never-the-less, in my later Scientology years, I would chuckle to myself any time I recalled that my first major application of Ron’s study materials had to do with my failure to master a Communication Circuits course.

If you remember, I started you on this little history journey into my college years because I felt it was necessary to a full understanding of why I had reacted so strongly, and so dramatically to Ron’s study tech bulletin that informed me that in order to learn anything, one must have the idea that you didn’t know it all already.

Well that’s what had happened. In my freshman and sophomore years, my mathematical prowess had resulted in professors who were coming to me to work their problems. As a result of that, I somewhat knowingly, and somewhat unconsciously, began to get the idea that there wasn’t anything else that these professors could teach me. After all, they were coming to me to bail them out of their mathematical confusions, and I was bailing them out each and every time.

As I began to give more and more attention, and thus more and more energy, to this idea that there was nothing else I could learn from these guys, a series of mental circuits were being formed in my mind that I now knew all there was to know and therefore I had nothing else to learn. In response, my brain was busy building a physical dendrite structure that was a physical and more permanent reflection of the ideas, considerations and computations to which I was feeding energy.

One could, and often Hubbard did, consider that the unconscious mind was simply one of those creations of yours that you didn’t pay a lot of attention to. They were things that you did not view in the light of day, or in the light of a state of consciousness that fully illuminated what you thought, what your considerations and computations were getting you into. For instance, I was not fully conscious of the fact that my unconscious, automatic, reactive and very powerful mind was subscribing to the idea that I knew it ALL already, and therefore there was NOTHING left to learn. My mind, and myself for that matter, were not CLEARLY differentiating between the idea that I had nothing more to learn from the mathematics professors that were coming to me for help. It was saying that I had NOTHING FURTHER TO LEARN -- PERIOD.

This is a rather dumb mind, a robotic, reactive circuit that is not taking a CLEAR LOOK AT THINGS, because it is a mechanism that does not have the ability to clearly look at things. We are the ones that have the capacity to clearly look, and when we don’t clearly look, we can get ourselves into a lot of trouble. I was living proof of that.

So the first few lines of the very first technical bulletin written by Ron that I read, in the very first organizational Scientology course I attended, hit me like many, many tons of bricks.

Suddenly it was all CLEAR. Suddenly I realized what had happened. Suddenly I knew with absolute certainty the reason why I was flunking my college communications circuits course. Suddenly I, the great and all powerful I, was back.

After a few hours of utter excitement, and after I had successfully scared my lovely course supervisor out of her ever loving mind with my dramatic assertions that she could not possibly know how magnificent, and how profound Hubbard’s little “You had better not think you know it all statement” actually was, then I went into a utter state of peace, a high toned state called “A Serenity of Being”.

Ironically all of this occurred two days before my Communication Circuits final exam. That exam was the only chance I had of passing the course and graduating, and it was two days away. But to a person sitting in a state of Serenity, two days was nothing. Time was nothing. Space was everything, for it reflected the magnitude of the I AM! state of beingness that is native to who and what we really are.

So I went to the exam.

It was an all day exam, 8 AM to 5 PM.

You could stay as long as you needed to.

You could take as many breaks as you wanted to.

You could bring any books or materials that you wanted to.

You could bring any cheat sheets you wanted to.

There was no restriction on what you could or could not take into the exam, for it didn’t matter. You either had the ability to work the problems or you didn’t.

This final course in Communication Circuits was the culmination of every course that had come before it and was built on those courses, and I serenely realized that it was built on a number of courses that I had not really learned because I had been reactively the effect of my hidden “You know it all already” ideas and computations.

So I put every book under my desk and I began to draw from all of the courses that preceded the one I needed if I was to graduate. I literally sat there and derived all of the material from the courses on which this exam was based, all the courses that I had not really learned.

It took nearly six hours for me to derive, absorb and learn them all.

So great was the “I AM” serenity of beingness state that I was in, that I could actually pull off what was impossible to my normal, chronic, day-to-day, humanoid state of beingness.

When I had finished deriving all of the previous courses, I went ahead and did the exam.

I got the highest mark in the class and I graduated.
Last edited:

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
A link for the literate only...

in case you missed it, EP pointed this out to me


anyone want to host a ex scio message board?

And pursuant to my posts on that thread, I will simply leave this link for your perusal and consideration:


Two years ago, when offering such items to the ESMB board, very few responses were noted - and I feared that too few were capable (or interested) of/in "duplicating" and fully "getting" the authors' message(s).

That is no longer the case, and the spirits here assembled are beyond awesome.

As Willy Nelson (reputedly) told his band at the heyday of their success and popularity:

Stick with me, kids, and you'll wear horse turds as big as diamonds.":coolwink:

Not open for further replies.