2 cents
LOL! Good Twin, wonderful to have you join us in posting here, honey!
I'm going to throw my 2 cents worth in, simply because I've had some experience working with people very with similar issues. and behaviors. Roger hit on one key thing which any wog counselor worth their salt would address with the first person, the clutter bug and spendoholic. It's essentially a lack of havingness and a lack of real reach that creates this in people, in my experience. This is the key...It is functional behavior for them, even though it seems crazy and problematic to others. By asking non-threatening questions that will cause her to gain some insight, what good purpose does doing this serve in your life? What does this gain or accomplish for you? How is this serving you in some way? Often it is something pretty practical like, I can't have company come over...(so I don't have to entertain my horrid inlaws...) etc.
Sometimes it is a rebellion or a means to get back at a spouse or family, for creating an "unlivable" situation or circumstance in some other way. Infidelity, disrespect, addiction, abandonment, abdication of responsability, etc.
Whether it is a physical brain disfunction, (physical brain trauma affecting impulse control, OCD or an anxiety disorder based on minimal brain damage or disfunction, that shows up on a PET scan) or just a bad habit that has developed over time, the behavior is fueled by anxiety and it is an ongoing attempt to create a safe nest, or universe, and create control where one feels out of control in some aspect of life.
For people raised with lack of material things, or with a deep fear of poverty, often buying way more stuff than they need is a means of compensating and pushing those feelings down or away. Getting real about one's financial situation and creating more havingness can sometimes help handle this.
Sometimes it's simply an empowerment thing. That's why we jokingly call it "retail therapy"! Shopping and buying, feels like a win, you're right about that Carmelo. And I would look further, if you think it's about being respected or treated well as a customer, ask where in this person's life are they not being respected or treated well, or do they perceive that to be true. Perception and reality are not always the same thing, when we're talking brain disfunction.
Shopping or hoarding stuff can become obsessive or addictive like any other self-soothing or self-comforting behavior. Best to replace harmful actions with more beneficial ones, on a gradient. Plan a self-comforting activity that is not shopping for every day of the week, and carry it out. Go out to dinner with a loved one, see a movie with a friend, go talk with a counselor (auditor), work in the garden, get a spa treatment or massage, take a fun class, etc., go dancing with partner, whatever works. Put the money that would be spent on shopping towards a concrete goal, like savings, a trip or a new car. There is another possibility, that this person was raised without much value for money, somebody's spoiled little darling. In that case, it's a whole re-education and character re-building project.
Often people like this are replaying some incident of lack in their lives that feels so strong as to threaten survival. Address that. Sometimes is a desire to provide for others, so create better channels for giving...Sometimes it is a "silent protest" in a passive aggressive way, "we used to entertain a lot and I got sick and tired of catching my husband making passes at the women", etc.
There is always a good functional reason behind such seemingly self-destructive and disfunctional behavior, unless it is just flat-out brain damage and beyond their control (pretty rare). Helping the person find out what those reasons are and to take a good look at if their behavior is really satisfying those needs, or is just numbing them, is overall helping or hindering the quality of their life, will be a win. People in the grip of repeating a negative pattern of behavior ususally need insight as to what is really going on within themselves. It's not about the externals, not about the stuff.
I would want to know what the meds were for.
My battery is going so I will be back later...
And by recovered, I mean their Life-Force fully re-empowered and restored under their full knowing control and being applied with full volition toward their own chosen and envisioned positive wants, dreams, aspirations.
