IN DOUBT
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[quote="RogerB, post: 455764"]John,
The response to your first post on this and other threads reminded me of an important piece of tech written by Alan that I will post here now.
It speaks for itself, though I must say, in the inimitable Alan Walter way :D Be prepared for some complex sentences :p
Hi Rog....
:wink2: Thank you for all of the beautiful Allen Walter Tech, We were close friends at one time, and the material was of real value for it harmonizes with many things I learned in the decades that followed my declare.
I wrote and posted this reply to you, but as I cannot find it on the site, it may not have been submitted. So I am doing it again.
:confused2: I am in doubt as to whether to post anything else on the ESMB site.
My prime purpose in posting was to entertain people into a better life. I even imagined the possibility of sharing things that people could use to have a wonderful life.
My secondary purpose was just to have the fun of telling my story.

Well it appears that I have instigated a hell of a mess.

It further appears that I have really enturbulated a number of people, and I am really pissed off with myself for my stupidity and naivete.

At first I thought that my ability to be of value would be enhanced if I related some of the wonderful OT experiences I was blessed with. Well I was dead wrong about that.

I also felt that if I let people know that Ron had me do some OT research, that would make it easier to be of value, Dead wrong again.

Finally, I thought that if I let people know that Ron had me go in and audit some people out of the messes they had been orchestrated into in the orgs, that this would motivate people to take a look at the things that had worked for me. Three strikes, and I’m out.
After twenty five years of being out of communication with Scientologists, I was delighted to again connect with people who I thought would want to regain their ability to vanish the things they did not want and materialize the things they did want.

I had so loved being able to help people achieve their dreams at a ten dollar “Sunday Night Live” event.
I remembered the people who said they had gotten more out of the ten dollar event, than they did out of several very expensive intensives of NOT’s.

That was a thrill for me, and that was the effect I wanted to create on ESMB for free. (No ten dollar fee)

Well I fucked up.

I seem to have instigated a “War of Viewpoints” and “An Ego War“, and I do not want to submit my story if it is going to cause people to war with each other.
I have never done well when I do something that someone uses to upset themselves or others. I still have case in that area, I am not comfortable creating any kind of negative effect,

When I reconnected with some Scientologists a couple of months ago, I got real excited, and pretty emotional, about the idea that I was back in communication with people I had loved so much. In fact, if you read the posts, some took shots of me for being emotional in the 4th of July video that was a part of several postings. Although I was told to get a think skin, my think skin cream has not worked worth a damn.
It took me decades to get over the fact that hundreds of people who I had loved and helped completely cut communication with me when I was declared. I thought I had come to terms with that and was at peace about it. However, it seems that I am still reactive to the idea of being forcefully separated from the people I love. I have always been a very emotionally sensitive, “Chick Film Loving” slob,
Next month will be the one year anniversary of my beloved wife’s death. For three and a half years, I practically destroyed myself because I could not permanently do things that cause her intense pain, suffering and cancer to go away. After her death, I orchestrated myself into a depression so deep I did not know I was depressed. Then, after about four months, I began writing a book entitled,
“The Joys of Deep Depression” and gradually I wrote myself out of my self created mess by discovering all of the ways in which I used my unlimited OT powers to destroy myself.
I then emerged into a state grander than ever before.
For over ten years I had been a Tensor channel who could communicate with any OT ET in the universe. After Carolyn’s death, I could not even contact her, which was unheard of for me. However, when I got myself out of the mess, I was better than ever.
It was then that I began to write
“The Johnny Raff Chronicles” and focus once again on the magical life I have been blessed with. (The whole story is written up in Chronicle Number - 7, that I had planned to post on ESMB, after number 6.)
Then
BLUE SPIRIT invited me to put the Chronicles on ESMB. At first I didn’t want to do it. It didn’t feel right. (I should have listened to that feeling.)
Then I fell into the self created trap of thinking that the Chronicles would bring joy, happiness, good feelings and love, to the people who read them on ESMB. Unfortunately, I have never been able to resist the delicious anticipation of people basking in the glory of the life they want.

So on to ESMB I went, and the shit hit every fan in the universe.
Some smiled, but many launched themselves into viewpoint and ego wars,.
For a while it seemed that I was able to entice some of them out of the wars. Then, when the
“You did OT Research and trouble shooting for Ron? PROVE IT!!! stuff came out, the fans got completely clogged with the negative, failed purpose, evil Church, impossible to be OT shit.
:confused2: So I am in doubt as to what to do.
So for now I will just say thanks for the data Roger. I am going to sit on the side lines for a while, and try to figure out what to do next.
I have made this an open post to see how people choose to respond to this one.
Regardless of whether I ever post another word, it has been a pure pleasure to feel the presence and love of you and your wife again. And it has been a pure pleasure to bask in the wisdom, love and intelligence of those I acknowledged as we went along.
Wishing you what you wish for yourself.
Love
Johnny
The Not So Magic Thetan