Welcome, Dave.
I, too, was a scientologist.
What I was looking for in scientology was release from my "held down sevens" and the ability to help others with the same. I got a lot more than that, both positive and negative.
The reason I look backwards is twofold: one, to help myself "get over it", with whatever remaining charge I have on the subject, its founder, the organizations operating as churches, and people I knew, things I did, etc., and two because it can be fun to remember the good times (which I had many of, although it sounds like others here didn't).
It would be incorrect to say that I couldn't look forward or create new life for myself, because I certainly have. Part of integrity, however, involves being true to your past: pretending it didn't happen, repressing the whole thing, can only be bad for you. Coming to terms with it can be good for you, and this can be a long process. Similar to divorce, "they" say that it sometimes takes an equivalent time being divorced, or being out from the Church, as it took you to get truely in and staying in, in order to become fully operational again as yourself. For me, this is a truism, although I did the "decompression" in spurts over a long period of time. I feel it's behind me, now, but I enjoy talking to others who've had similar experiences, and I enjoy getting views people have concerning value and lack of value of those experiences.
I choose not to research Ted at this time for you.
