Sam Crabtree - Grew Up In The Cult

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Monkeyschimps, Jul 18, 2013.

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  1. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hello and welcome, Sam!
    Thanks for your story so far. It's valuable to write it.

    From your very first post of telling people they had to see the reg...your description tells of the very early manipulation and of the pseudo-power instilled in very young staff. It starts right
    away and never ends. For those that stay in, it becomes a monster. So glad you are out.

    I want to compliment you on your literacy and ability to write, spell and punctuate. You are very articulate. It might not seem a big deal to you, but I don't see that as common in your
    age group and, in particular, with kids raised in the cult.

    Keep writing!
  2. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

    Thanks, Mike. I e-mailed them that you said hi. I think my dad will probably just delete the email when he sees that his son sent it, but my mom may remember you. As for giving parents a break for thinking they're doing the right thing, I agree with you. I firmly believe that everyone does the best they can with the information they've got. I'm a parent myself and I've made my fair share of mistakes. I know I'm a better father than my dad was. Would I be a good dad if my dad hadn't shown me how not to do it? I don't know. I know that when I had kids (5 and 6, Wyatt and Molly) I realized that my parents couldn't have cared as much about me as I do about my kids. Or my parents weren't as capable of showing their affection. Is that Scientology's fault? Doesn't matter. Everyone reaps what they sow.
  3. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

  4. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

    Thanks, Shiny. Scientology is fucked up, but I turned my frown upside down and I look at the positive things. I don't think I can ever be brainwashed again, for one thing. I'm so much more savvy to scams and lies. Every difficult thing that's happened to me has only made me stronger. I'm not sure if I would have a much different personality if I'd never even heard of Scientology, but the fact remains that I can't change the past, so I need to do my best in the present. And, at present, I'm doing great!
  5. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

    Thanks, Booj. I'm sorry to hear that you've still got healing wounds. I'm sure things will turn out great.
  6. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

    I have read couple of your posts. You're not so bad with the old Underwood yourself.
  7. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

    Part 4, probably rife with inaccuracies and maybe even lies, I don't know! Maybe not, though.

    So I'm back at New World Corps as the Project Prepare I/C. We were posted quite close to the galley entrance off L Ron Hubbard Blvd, right off the breezeway, across from the Introductory movie theater. It was an interesting time because it was the first time I was treated like someone of status when I walked around in my NWC uniform. At the HGB, they knew us as a young upstart org, but the people at PAC gave us lots of respect. We had our own table in the mess hall and everything. CMO got the Officer's room, but we got to sit with some of the higher ups of the PAC base. I shouldn't say "got to", I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. I was nervous all the time that someone was going to yell at me for some random nothing, so being around all the officers was nerve racking. I've always had a problem with other people thinking they deserve better than someone else. It doesn't make any sense to me.

    Tangent: Everyone deserves basic human rights and everyone is equal until they prove otherwise. I treat and think of everyone as my equal until they treat me as a lesser person. Then I think of them as inferior and not worth my time. We're all on this planet together, we have this whole universe to explore. Dick measuring contests aren't going to create world peace and they will distract us from focusing on space travel. Scientology has a hierarchy that turns my stomach. DM literally thinks he's better than every Scientologist. Probably everyone at the Int Base thinks they're entitled to more than everyone below them. It's gross. Some people need direction, they're called children. Every one else should be allowed to live their own lives without having to deal with some dictatorial bullshit where they work or worship. It's called 'humility'.

    I remember I was dusting the light and the NWC sign outside one Saturday night (Clean Ship Project) and I lit up a smoke while I was working. One of my fellow co-workers came by and said, "That is extremely out-PR." I put the cigarette out. Fuck me for for wanting a cigarette, right? I had to call people up and try to get them to the next step of their Project Prepare. It was such bullshit. Most people shined me on and I wasn't real hard-sell about it anyway. I remember we had one big kahuna, a Class fucking VI auditor. CS trained. Do you have any idea what he would have done for our stats when he arrived? I was a little nervous to call him, but Billy (old German or Swiss guy with a beard, well known), my senior, told me to give him a call to introduce myself. I called him and introduced myself and then asked him a question that I had about his project prepare. It had something to do with talking to his mother about some shit. It wasn't real clear in the file what he was supposed to do, so I was trying to clarify. The Class VI got mad at me and asked me to put Billy on the phone. Another instance of the tech not working that gave me pause. You would think a Class VI would be a real cool dude, but nope, total dick.

    I remember one interesting recruiting story. Trevor Sales told me this. He said that he was recruiting this guy who had done Super Power back in the day. This recruit said that David Miscavage had pushed him through a wall back when he was in the Sea Org many years ago. Evidence that DM is violent and has been for a long time. Though,the recruit also said that he'd floated during Super Power processing and he also told Trevor that he had shit his pants on the flight over because he was so nervous to be going back to the Sea Org.

    I used to have to walk with people to the HGB from PAC every once in a while when they missed a shuttle or something. I remember a girl named Denise Pick who would always ask me for my $11 weekly wage for nothing in return. I never gave it to her. I'm not trying to paint her in a bad light, we were all hurting for cash. I needed that money for soap and tobacco, dangit. One time, we were walking towards the HGB and these guys in a car screamed "Nice tie!" at me because the NWC tie is golden. I also worked with Frank Feeney and a lady named Melanie, her young daughter was also in, don't remember her last name. I worked with Christoph Pereira, Ilya and Yuri Launitz, Zenobia Khan, and Nicole Mee who is now Nicole something else and out of the Sea Org. There was a Mr. Garrett. Frank Garrett? He was the FLO EPF I/C years prior to that, I heard. Chewed me out once for not 'sir'ing him. Also asked me how his boy was doing when I came back from the PAC Ranch. He seemed to miss him.

    Yeah, so I did all that shit for several months and then was traded again to FLO. So I had to start on the FLO EPF. Ben Monohan. I did not have fun time on the FLO EPF. Ben Monohan has two settings: asleep and angry. He always woke up after us EPFers because he always stayed up late when he got off post, hanging out with other people who also stayed up late and no one said anything. He complained about the food at the HGB all the time. He would say, "This is why I'm on vitamin drips and I have no energy!" We never had the nerve to tell him to just go to bed earlier. We had to ask permission for everything if he was in the vicinity. Including going to the bathroom. And sometimes he would deny us the privilege and make us wait a few more minutes. When we were eating during our 30 minute meal, we were still beholden to him. A friend of mine, Chris Shields, made the joke that I sounded like Oliver Twist asking for more when I asked to go smoke a cigarette. "May I please have a cigarette, sir?" I was on the FLO EPF with Alison Pace and a bunch of other cool people, one guy's name was Robin, I don't remember his last name.

    We mostly did cleaning at the HGB and some renovations at the HI as well as the AB. One time Ben Monohan was taking down his pull up bar from the door frame and clocked me in the head with it really hard. He told me I should have gotten out of the way instead of apologizing. On several occasions, we would catch him playing computer games during post or otherwise working on his computer during production when he was supposed to be running us. We actually didn't care beyond the hypocrisy of it. He was a real dick, let him play video games so he gets off our fucking backs. One time he was rough housing with another FLO guy and they bashed a hole into the wall outside the policy room with all the filing cabinets down in the basement. Me and Chris Shields had to patch it up and make it look good. One time I was giving Chris a locational and Ben came and interrupted us because it was muster. I told him to stop because we were in the middle of a locational, but he grabbed us, screamed at us and dragged us inside. Chris was really upset. I wrote Ben up for that but he never got in trouble. Ben screamed in my face one morning to do better on study and he hadn't brushed his teeth. Gobs of his smelly spit splattered my face and one fleck got in my eye. Fuck Ben Monohan.

    It took me five months to route out. And then I went back to NWC where I got my sec check and everything. While there, Daniel Gardener came back from mission in Europe. He had blown, eating McDonalds on several occasions and lying about where he had been. The Super Cargo of NWC, I forget his name, came in to the decks berthing where I was at the time and fucking tore Daniel a new asshole. Daniel since went on to be the Super Cargo at ASHO. I don't know what he's up to these days. That pretty much sums up my whole SO experience. I wish I remembered more names.

    So, when I was 19, I moved back to OC, had a severance of $500 that I was told I should donate to the IAS and was sent packing. I wasn't allowed to ride the Sea Org shuttles, I had to walk from the HGB to the AB in the dark with $500 in my pocket. I got on the payphone and called my sister and my best friend at the time, Danan Coleman. They came and picked me up and I was a good little Scientologist for a couple more years.

    I was hit by a truck in a crosswalk, was hospitalized for two weeks and got $70,000 from the insurance company. I blew $30,000 on random stuff plus paying my freeloader debt and put $40,000 into auditing and courses. Got up to Scientology Drug Rundown. Met and married my ex-wife, Whitney, had two kids. Worked at several Scientology companies during this time. Mueller Energy Group, Action Duct Cleaning chief among them. In April of 2009, I was "laid off". My boss told me to apply for unemployment and he would pay me under the table until the economy turned around. I didn't feel comfortable with this arrangement, plus I had been meaning to move to Flag, and I had just received my tax return, so I packed everything up, left a lot of stuff behind, sent the kids and Whitney ahead of me by plane and drove across the country with my mom and sister. It was pretty fun.

    I started working for a WISE company which is on or near the corner of Drew and Keane in possibly Clearwater, FL. I did several course which I enjoyed over the next couple months. There was one problem though. Flag was supposed to be on-policy in the extreme. Like, it's the technical Mecca. I had been fed up with OC Org's technical problems and couldn't wait to get to Flag to really experience pure LRH like I had always dreamed of. Flag was worse than OC. They engaged in stat pushing to the extreme. Like, they would say to just come study for half an hour so we can have another BIS (Body in the Shop) point. I was also used to seeing my kids a lot and they wanted me and Whitney on course at least 12.5 hours a week. I couldn't fathom being away from my kids for that long. I studied two periods once a week.

    Oh, just a few months prior to moving to Flag, me and my buddy XXX <name redacted at Poster's request) had started doing work for OSA, unbeknownst to them. XXX and I always had a problem with people telling us not to do stuff that everyone else in the world is allowed to do. Our favorite television and radio personalities would bad-mouth our religion and we were fed up with it. We were going to fight back. We wanted to know the stories that everyone else we privy to so we could formulate good rebuttals and dead agent them. We were better at it than most church officials. They had lame comebacks for some of these attacks. So we were secret warriors, trying to preserve Scientology's PR. I left to Florida and stopped doing the research. XXX did not. He called me up one night and asked me if I had heard of the Marty Rathbun thing. I said I had, the guy sounds like a total scumbag, what an SP! XXX told me I should watch it.
    I obliged him.

    For the first hour or so, I was tryingto think of all the different ways I could dead agent what this SP was saying. But I slowly began to realize that he was not an SP. No SP would say the things he was saying in the way that he was saying them. Then I had to question whether he was telling the truth and it was clear that probably most of it was true. I watched all the Rathbun videos and called Leo back. "Holy shit, Leo. David Miscavage is an SP!" Leo at this point was actually fully against L Ron Hubbard as well, but he knew he needed to peel back the layers as well. He agreed and told me to watch some more stuff. Amy Scobee, etc. I read the Time magazine article that forever made DM call it "Slime" magazine. Etc.

    During this time, I got Whitney on board as well, though she has since fallen off. Leo and I would talk about all the crazy Tommy Davis shit that was going on and then he told me to look into some anti-LRH stuff. I did. I was blown away. I've read it all. The OT levels, Piece of Blue Sky, Combatting Cult Mind Control, L Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman, Blown For Good, etc.

    That was 3 or so years ago. I've been pretending to be a Scientologist ever since so I don't lose my job, but I'm tired of living a lie and I just want to be myself now. What does it take to get declared around here? I've literally heard nothing from anybody about these posts or the fact that I asked for a refund or told my sister that I want Scientology to go down in flames so I don't have L Ron Hubbards fat fucking head looming over my family all the time.

    Thanks for reading!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2013
  8. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Sam, as you have started a new thread, you can ask a moderator to close this one so you don't have 2 threads at once that are basically the same.
    There is a small black triangle under the post on the left, click on that in one of your posts to make a report. :)
  9. petal

    petal Banned

    Hi, Sam:
    Are you still a believer in the tech?
    And by that I mean the spiritual stuff, not the eithics, and admin.
  10. Monkeyschimps

    Monkeyschimps Patron

    Thanks, Petal. I no longer believe in the spiritual stuff. I don't even believe in free will anymore.

    As for the tech, L Ron Hubbard compiled/plagiarized that info from psychology and philosophy, two subjects which have come a long way since the 60's. I've read a few books and listened to a few Yale lectures in the subject of psychology and it's much more interesting and plausible than anything in Dianetics or Scientology in my opinion.
  11. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

  12. hpm1999

    hpm1999 Patron with Honors

    Ignoring your kids in CO$= Having bigger fish to fry
  13. petal

    petal Banned

    Dear, Sam:
    One more thing. Do you have a emeter that you will give away?
  14. Tuppence

    Tuppence Patron

    Thanks for sharing, I too grew up in Scientology, your story is very different than mine, but still good to hear the stories of others.
  15. class4OT5

    class4OT5 Patron

    Hey Sam. I knew your dad Paul. In fact I did all his lower level auditing at twin cities org.