TED NO. 3 BY THE EMPRESS It is with great self-astonishment that I find myself communicating to you what I am about to communicate. I am partly astonished by the fact that what I am about to say is something that I never thought I would be saying, but mainly I am astonished that it took me so long to realize something that in retrospect is so patently obvious. My message to you tonight is twofold. First the astonishing news and second what will be done because of it. I'm just going to let you have it point blank: I AM GOD. It's really quite a marvelous feeling and in all honesty I can say that earlier wins of a spiritual nature don't compare. I was in the middle of writing the longest science fiction paragraph ever written and doing quite well with it when this sort of a voice broke in and asked me repeatedly "who are you?" After some time playing with this question it suddenly dawned on me. So that is the cold-blooded truth of the matter. And for those of you who truly are my friends, aren't you lucky! And for those of you who are not, be aware that I will be setting up an RPF the likes of which Earth has never seen, being as I am well outside the laws of the United States. Now for Part Two. Now that I am God I no longer have any use for the beingness and doingness of LRH and the havingness is hopelessly entangled in a web of legalities, foreign bank accounts, etc. and at my level I no longer have any use for such complexity, so I am going to turn over the beingness of LRH. Yes that's right. There is going to be a contest, and the winner of that contest will become LRH! So those of you out there who can't bear the thought of living another day just being a nobody or an almost somebody and who secretly always wished you were me anyway, now is your chance to make good on that dream. I am going to now lay out the ground rules. By the way, there's no need to announce the names of the contestants since most of them have been vying since my death, and some even had the cheek to start before I died. So for those of you who relish the thought of playing a bigger game, here are the criteria by which you will be judged: 1) Must produce a believable LRH-written HCOB, HCOPL and LRH ED and RON'S JOURNAL being careful not to use commas where average people would consider it absolutely necessary and to have absolutely NO misspellings of any kind (one of you had the bad taste to issue a RON'S JOURNAL with the word "let's" misspelled repeatedly. Being God I know who you are). 2) Must devise not necessarily unassisted but taking all the credit for it, OT levels above OT7 going up numerically and monetarily into the stratosphere. Anyone who shrinks from the thought of mass-marketing such services as "OT Ten Million" or "OT Ten-to-the-Thousandth Power" had better forget about being LRH. 3) Must NOT be a member in good standing of the Church of Scientology. That is my only IQ requirement. 4) Must not already be claiming to be a past religious figure. That would create mixed sentiments or even a pang or two of conscience. 5) Must be an avowed and bitter enemy of Xemu and be able to perceive his handiwork in all its many guises throughout the universe. 6) And lastly, must be a white male preferably of Anglo-Saxon extraction, of noble profile and bearing and must not be a sissy or wear dresses or anything like that. So the race is on! For those who are contestants, good luck, you will need it. And to all the rest of you breathlessly standing on the sidelines, let me assure you that until such time as a suitable replacement can be found, you have my Word that I will continue to be LRH. Believe me, I realize that a world without LRH would truly be a world not worth living in.