lkwdblds
Crusader
Re: CCLA and me
Exciting story. the closing scene is so exciting that it could be featured in a movie. You were lucky you got out relatively early. The lucky part was that you heard about the construction and then found a wall open to the street. Also, you were alert and skilled in perceiving that something very bad must have happened to your son and then deciding to check out the construction area to see if it would afford you a way to leave. If you would have stayed, you would have for all practical purposes lost your son for good. Reading from other ex Sea Org members on this and other websites, and reading from books such as Jena Miscavige's book, had you remained on as an S.O. auditor, you would have ended up seeing your son maybe once or twice a year for a short visit each time.
I like to try and reconstruct what might have happened in situations which I know very little about. I have a little technique where I place myself in a frame of mind where I ask what happened and just allow concepts to flow into my mind. Dealing with your son, I assume that you, by far the main adult in life, were always extremely kind and tender with him. If he needed something or was unhappy you soothed him. Also, and this would be important here, any other adults which entered his space would also be attentive to his needs as well as be kind and helpful.
Now imagine he goes to nursery with a lot of kids and a nursery which is understaffed, maybe just one or two nanny's there to handle 30 or 40 kids. Either he see something he wants and tries to get a nanny up to get it for him or he has a need to eat or to pee, etc and he goes to one of the nannies and attempts to get serviced. Remember now that his reality is that all adults are nice but instead of being attentive to him, the nanny yells at him, "Can't you see I'm busy?" he cries and maybe she then slaps him on the wrist. The other possible scenario would be if a bigger kid took something from him and he started crying. The Nanny comes over and not knowing what has happened, she tell's to stop crying but he cries louder and so she slaps his behind. The bottom line was that stable datum in his universe was yanked out from under him.
My analysis and $1.95 would get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks; in other words, my analysis is worthless, but it is fun to try and figure sych things out. The bottom line is that he was lucky enough to have you as a Mom and you protected him!! It's quite amazing that we both left COS directly from CCLA and for the same reason, they were abusing one of our kids!!
Lakey
I went to the CCLA as yet another attempt to get rid of the SP declare. I am not exactly sure what they said would be required. It was vague. Pretty soon I realized that what would be required was a billion year contract. I was there for maybe three months at the most. I brought my two year old with me. Most of the trip he was with me the whole time, but at some point near the end he had to go to the nursery because I was going to be in session or a handling of some sort. CCLA had been interested. It as great to listen to a live rendition of "On the Wings of Love". At that time the singer whose name I forget was engaged or married to an CCLA staffmember or SO. But he was a celebrity. I remember seeing them go off for lunch and dinner, an hour each time, and thought to myself, really? Is this going to last? But his voice was beautiful. And it was fun going to eat lunch at the little coffee shop every day and every day seeing Lisa Marie there, eating lunch or having snacks too. I never tried to talk to her. I left her alone but after a week or more of this we did begin to nod hello.
My son only attended the nursery for about 3 days. On the third day I noticed he looked TERRIBLE. Not sick but sort of like he had been through a wringer. He had a glazed over look. I don't know why. I asked about what he had eaten, if he was sick, but never got a good answer. Right then and there I decided that I had had it. It was over. I was NOT going to let him go to the nursery ever again. He looked like death warmed over. He was pale and weak looking in a way I had NEVER seen him look. I didn't tell anyone this thought. But once I had it I realized I would never be joining the SO because if I were to join my son would have to live in the nursery. And if he were to live there, it would NOT be healthy for him.
Since it was dinner time I went and ate with my son in tow. Then we went up to our room. We had been given a high floor. The window had to be kept shut thought because it had NO BAR and no screen. A child standing in that window would fall and die. There was nothing there to prevent it. So each day, for the months I was there, I had to carefully monitor that window. Make sure it was locked. Make sure my son could not fall over or open it. From the window I could see some nice roses growing even though everything was quite dry. They wanted me to work at CCLA I assume to audit or c/s. Now I was standing in that room looking at my two suitcases and wondering how to leave right now, this very second. My son's appearance was that alarming. I had seen him sick, as all children get. He had NEVER EVER looked THIS way.
I then walked downstairs and looked around. There were guards at every entrance and I guess after a certain hour of the night no one is supposed to go outside! (I asked if I could take a walk and I was told after such and such an hour, no.)
I then came back up with my son and noticed that every single hallway on every single floor, plus the elevator areas all had security cameras! Every single move I made was watched. The building was closed for the night. How was I to get out. As I went back to the elevator I noticed that there were construction noises. This was around 1987 or so. I read somewhere there was construction. Not sure if it was this construction but there was a lot of construction happening on the basement floor. I went down on the elevator and peeked. An entire outside wall was MISSING!!!
The workers were not watching that opening! I went back to the room with my son, packed a minimal number of items that could fit in my over the shoulder bag. If stopped it would only seem I was taking a walk. Since I was not a paid pc there was little chance I would have any withhold pulled on a meter. I did not fill that bag. I put only what I needed to get to the airport and then home. I abandoned almost all of my belongings. It was the only way to be able to leave the building and claim I was going for a walk.
I got on the elevator with my son. We went to the basement floor and walked out through the area where the outside wall was missing. It was a nice clear night. The construction crew paid no attention to me. We walked to a small convenience store down the street, forget the name. I told the man that I just "left Scn" and asked him if I could use the phone, hide in the back. He was extremely helpful, knew exactly what was going on, and gave us some free food from his store, free use of the phone to make a long-distance call, and then he hid us in the back area in case anyone should come looking for us. He called me a cab to the airport.
The cab came and took me to the airport where we waited to leave. I was very nervous the entire time. Finally when the plane took off I was able to relax. That was the last time I had anything to do with the Church.
When I saw the way my son had been 'cared' for I knew that this was a terrible place for him and for me. I never returned and I never underwent a "handling" again.
Exciting story. the closing scene is so exciting that it could be featured in a movie. You were lucky you got out relatively early. The lucky part was that you heard about the construction and then found a wall open to the street. Also, you were alert and skilled in perceiving that something very bad must have happened to your son and then deciding to check out the construction area to see if it would afford you a way to leave. If you would have stayed, you would have for all practical purposes lost your son for good. Reading from other ex Sea Org members on this and other websites, and reading from books such as Jena Miscavige's book, had you remained on as an S.O. auditor, you would have ended up seeing your son maybe once or twice a year for a short visit each time.
I like to try and reconstruct what might have happened in situations which I know very little about. I have a little technique where I place myself in a frame of mind where I ask what happened and just allow concepts to flow into my mind. Dealing with your son, I assume that you, by far the main adult in life, were always extremely kind and tender with him. If he needed something or was unhappy you soothed him. Also, and this would be important here, any other adults which entered his space would also be attentive to his needs as well as be kind and helpful.
Now imagine he goes to nursery with a lot of kids and a nursery which is understaffed, maybe just one or two nanny's there to handle 30 or 40 kids. Either he see something he wants and tries to get a nanny up to get it for him or he has a need to eat or to pee, etc and he goes to one of the nannies and attempts to get serviced. Remember now that his reality is that all adults are nice but instead of being attentive to him, the nanny yells at him, "Can't you see I'm busy?" he cries and maybe she then slaps him on the wrist. The other possible scenario would be if a bigger kid took something from him and he started crying. The Nanny comes over and not knowing what has happened, she tell's to stop crying but he cries louder and so she slaps his behind. The bottom line was that stable datum in his universe was yanked out from under him.
My analysis and $1.95 would get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks; in other words, my analysis is worthless, but it is fun to try and figure sych things out. The bottom line is that he was lucky enough to have you as a Mom and you protected him!! It's quite amazing that we both left COS directly from CCLA and for the same reason, they were abusing one of our kids!!
Lakey
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