an apologia to free to shine

[Free Being Me]

ahhhh...

so good to see you here FBM...

the threads of disconnection are woven deep within the wrongful death of my firstborn son...

i am not in jail therefore i do not have a jailer. to say [HIGHLIGHT]i defend a jailer is a LIE[/HIGHLIGHT]

i do not stuff anything down anyone's throat ever since that fierce and fiesty dahrrter of clan o'hara ceased to make her lips accessible my long fat love hammer. neither you nor arnie nor HH nor degraded being nor freeminds nor any other poster stuffs anything down my throat. you all post and i read. and i also post. i post words. no one, you nor anyone else is tied to a chair with jaws held open while any substance material or immaterial is forced into your cake hole. to say i want to do so is a LIE.

when my lifelong best friend died of cancer i used the tools and skills i gained doing an honest study of auditing to substantially alleviate his physical pain and get him to such spiritual heights he was exterior from his body with perception of physical surroundings and then spent a day less than two weeks prior to hi death in spirits as high as any i'd seen in him in the thirty-six years i knew him. to call this sort of testimony "pro-cultist drivel" is a LIE

back in the eighties a black republican was elected to congress and when he got to washington the 22 black democrats who formed the black caucus were somewhat dismayed when he showed up to join them

but he had a unique right to be there

they were black. he was black.

many people here got screwed bad by CoS. i got screwed bad by CoS. someone who a white congressman doesn't have the right to caucus but someone who is black with a different politcal point of view does have that unique right. someone who has not been screwed real bad by CoS does not have the unique right to speak to people who have been screwed real bad of many things about the subject

or to put it in the ebonic vernacular FBM...

[offensive language redacted]

and as to your kindly offer to get me "the mental help" i so desperately and obviously need

tell me FBM...

what sort of mental is going to improve my disposition?

do you think i need some ECT to fry my brain such as was used to fry my fathers brain at massachusetts general hospital in 1966 and again in 1979 at the carrier clinic in new jersey. really be wonderful i got some of that wouldn't it? i certainly wouldn't be posting on esmb again for quite some time

or would just be satisfied to have me tranquilized with thorazine or haldol or stellarzine or prolixin so i could do "the thorazine shuffle" with convulsively twitching muscles and spittle drooling down my chin as i did in fact shuffle and drool at the VETERANS ADMINISTRATION hospital in bedford mass for several weeks in 1975

your tax dollars at work

yes FBM i'm sure you would happy to know commander birdsong was no longer posting on esmb because your tax dollars had him shuffling and drooling somewhere out of your sight and everyone else's as well

thank you so much for the generous and truly heartfelt offer you use to close your earnest post

but...

nein danke, non merci, no thank you...

Bird, this is the second time you've accused me of being a liar and now you're calling me [pejorative name]. Somehow I'm sure you will get away with it too as you continue derailing/hijacking threads and the board at will. I wonder why you're allowed to dilute and manipulate ESMB, a vital Ex resource, to the detriment of the rest of the community.

 

[eldritch cuckoo]

We don't all feel the same. This is what the sociopathic and narcissistic mind is unable to process, to reproduce. And when the awareness of particular reactions and feelings of others is there, then in a diminished and incomplete form. This even shows up on EEG. The suffering or the joy of others will mostly appear abstract and distant, like fireworks on the horizon, it is widely perceived as "data" that might be used in a machiavellian sense, but it doesn't trigger much of an instinctive response. In a situation that demands sensibility and respect above all else, what is there of understanding and empathy will not provide a strong enough motive to, for example, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

[120 Degrees]

....ever since that fierce and fiesty dahrrter of clan o'hara ceased to make her lips accessible my long fat love hammer."

Did I really just read "my long fat love hammer"?
I'm torn between at your very juvenile, and most likely wishful, claim and a general about the state of your dick.

 

[AnonyMary]

"Apologia" is the Latin word from which the English "apology" comes, but the English word has diverged in meaning a bit over the centuries. What the two words have in common is the sense of someone who has offended other people saying something to try to win back their acceptance. The two words now refer to quite different ways of going about that, however. An apologia is not an admission that one was wrong, requesting forgiveness. It is an argument saying that one was not wrong at all: a self-justification. Once upon a time, every educated speaker of English used to know Latin; and so the Latin word 'apologia' is still also sometimes used in English, with its Latin meaning (which in turn comes directly from Greek).

This also means that the English adjective 'apologetic' has two meanings. Ordinarily it means that one is humbly admitting fault and appealing for forgiveness, but it also has a technical meaning in philosophy and theology, based on the Latin apologia, and referring to an assertive argument trying to justify a point of view. Apologetic theology is not apologizing, in the colloquial sense. It's basically proselytizing, in the sense of trying to support a certain religious view with argument. It contrasts with dogmatic theology, which sounds more aggressive but isn't, because dogmatic theology is concerned with simply explaining very clearly exactly what one believes, without any attempt to defend it.

Thank you. I guess I had an "MU", lol Frankly, I thought he was just playing with the word apology. He often plays with words as part of his game here, it's called Satiric misspelling

 

[eldritch cuckoo]

....ever since that fierce and fiesty dahrrter of clan o'hara ceased to make her lips accessible my long fat love hammer."

Did I really just read "my long fat love hammer"?
I'm torn between at your very juvenile, and most likely wishful, claim and a general about the state of your dick.

​

 

[Helena Handbasket]

So far, this thread has used up lots and lots of words to say basically nothing.

Helena

 

[Free to shine]

So far, this thread has used up lots and lots of words to say basically nothing.

Helena

That's what happens on Birdsong threads.
However I did say something, though as you probably have me on ignore you can't see it. Or it meant nothing.

 

[strativarius]

....ever since that fierce and fiesty dahrrter of clan o'hara ceased to make her lips accessible my long fat love hammer.

about the state of your dick.

Well, no one but you apparently.

 

[Gizmo]

CB, in all due respect, perhaps - in my opinion - you might do yourself in a kinder gentler way by looking at the future ahead of you rather than the past you seem so intent on looking at over & over & over.

Ask yourself that ageless question " So, how's that working for ya " ?

There really is joy - great joy - to life.

 

[Balthasar]

Bird, this is the second time you've accused me of being a liar and now you're calling me nigger. Somehow I'm sure you will get away with it too as you continue derailing/hijacking threads and the board at will. I wonder why you're allowed to dilute and manipulate ESMB, a vital Ex resource, to the detriment of the rest of the community.

Bird didn't call you a nigger or liar. At least not in the post you quoted him above. You are twisting the meaning of Birds post to fit your overly sensible imagination.

Or is this your strategy to shut people up?

 

[Elronius of Marcabia]

if the author of the OP of a thread objects to a poster on a thread the usual considerations of civility oblige the offending poster to withdraw as a matter of course

i do not intend offense in speaking as i speak on esmb and i would submit that the appelation "troll" is only due those who intend offense

i am very certainly aware of the damage disconnection does to friendships and family both by reason of the empathy i have for those harmed (which FBM accuses of me lacking) and even more because of the quite substantial damage done to my own family. i met kathleen wilhere when we were both staff at fcdc in the autumn of 1972. we were wed august 4 1973 in front of the church with he elder statesman of esmb, "mystic" presiding at the ceremony. we produced three sons which i have not seen since our cataclysmic divorce in 1980

my first born son died in january of 1990

i was not even informed of his death until january of 1995

while he was suffering from leukemia in 1988-9 i was making a desperate attempt to get in contact with my sons

that effort was defeated by kathie's brother greg, then one CSI's top half dozen executives

i am as seriously injured by disconnection policy as anyone on this board or outside the but board and in our thoughts and prayers and actions

i am nonetheless an auditor

it is my contention that by reason of my personal bereavement i have a unique right to speak in favor of the virtues of the subject in the presence of those who have suffered loss by reason of CoS policy and actions

thank you for your kind attention

An auditor is someone who professes and uses Hubbards Dianetic techniques, its a scam and there are no engrams,no reactive mind, no state of clear and no OT's
except in the minds of well indoctrinated victims of the con.

yes I just invalidated the entire subject or perhaps I just exposed the lies of a cheating no good bastard of a Con Artist named L Ron Hubbard
who had no personal virtues and an insatiable greed for power and money and not any single concern for who it might hurt as a result in
the short or long term.

An opportunistic pig of a man who was in the right time in the right place and had a best selling book of Scientific fiction that he cloaked into a bussiness
which he then cloaked into a religion that now cloaks itself as bussiness.

 

[Commander Birdsong]

....ever since that fierce and fiesty dahrrter of clan o'hara ceased to make her lips accessible my long fat love hammer."

Did I really just read "my long fat love hammer"?
I'm torn between at your very juvenile, and most likely wishful, claim and a general about the state of your dick.

yup...

you read "my long fat love hammer" because i forgot to say "my long fat stiff love hammer"

also, when a guy boasts about his dick he's being adolescent rather than juvenile

but it's not wishful thinking. i'd always hoped a woman would love me for my fine mind and warm brave heart knowing she might find a bonus to the package...

i like to keep my writing earthy and casual with the occaisional brief foray into the ribald and this heightens the beauty of the rare times the words sprout wings and soar

 

[Commander Birdsong]

So far, this thread has used up lots and lots of words to say basically nothing.

Helena

take another look at what i said of my father having his brain fried with ECT. as is done to HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of others

along with my comments about "the thorazine shuffle"

some pretty rank things do occur inside scientology but most of the worst are in the sea org and near the core; formerly the apollo and now hemet but NOTHING has ever happened in Co$ to come close o the horrors of psychiatric institutions

of course there is a huge irony in my case. the two major psychiatric episodes i suffered might have been precipitated by my having been "fair-gamed" by CoS and the result of the application of "black dianetics"

this is a maybe. i don't make an allegation of it much less a charge. i have no clear evidence of it. moreover, if i did have "black dianetics" used on me i have no way to tell who was doing it. strange, strange things happened back in 1975. i believe i was put into an hypnotic trance state. yes. someone appears to be using hypnosis. but i don't know whom. in 1980 it was clearly evident that the mother of my sons was both drugged and hypnotized and was being puppeted by someone

shit happens

shit happens inside CoS that shouldn't happen but shit happens everywhere and there's mucho shit happening outside scientology far worse than inside

 

[Commander Birdsong]

An auditor is someone who professes and uses Hubbards Dianetic techniques, its a scam and there are no engrams,no reactive mind, no state of clear and no OT's
except in the minds of well indoctrinated victims of the con.

yes I just invalidated the entire subject or perhaps I just exposed the lies of a cheating no good bastard of a Con Artist named L Ron Hubbard
who had no personal virtues and an insatiable greed for power and money and not any single concern for who it might hurt as a result in
the short or long term.

An opportunistic pig of a man who was in the right time in the right place and had a best selling book of Scientific fiction that he cloaked into a bussiness
which he then cloaked into a religion that now cloaks itself as bussiness.

in the spring of 1986, by the grace of god it was a great honor for me to have an opportunity to spend some quality time with a man who spent three and one half years as a prisoner of war in the "hanoi hilton" as it is known. he was a healthy 225 lbs when i was with him but he weighed 106 lbs when his stretcher was carted off the plane at andrews afb...

i did my seat of the pants dianetics with him for a few hours and he was very pleased to have met me

you are welcome to say anything you choose to say here on this thread i've opened elronius

it's a free country...

 

[Commander Birdsong]

Thank you. I guess I had an "MU", lol Frankly, I thought he was just playing with the word apology. He often plays with words as part of his game here, it's called Satiric misspelling

the charge that commander birdsong is "playing a game here" is noted

games theory can be applied to dialogue, particularly when conflicting viewpoints are contested but i have no interest in scoring some sort of victory no intention to defeat anyone and i submit that jacketing the commander as a player of games is nothing whatsoever other than yet another tactic for carving the heart from his writing

calumney...

be not deceived fair sister-in-christ...

"satan" is the hebrew word for "the accuser". please be slow to give your assent to accusations

 

[Commander Birdsong]

Bird, this is the second time you've accused me of being a liar and now you're calling me nigger. Somehow I'm sure you will get away with it too as you continue derailing/hijacking threads and the board at will. I wonder why you're allowed to dilute and manipulate ESMB, a vital Ex resource, to the detriment of the rest of the community.

i said the statements were lies

which they are

i did not say you are a liar.

you might be pleased to have me disappear. there are others who would miss me

 

[Elronius of Marcabia]

in the spring of 1986, by the grace of god it was a great honor for me to have an opportunity to spend some quality time with a man who spent three an one half years as a prisoner of war in the "hanoi hilton" as it is known. he was a healthy 225 lbs when i was with him but he weighed 106 lbs when his stretcher was carted off the plane at andrews afb

i did my seat of the pants dianetics with him for a few hours and he was very pleased to have met me

you are welcome to say anything you choose to say here on this thread i've opened elronius

it's a free country...

at least you did'nt say you cured his lameness and blindness.
and I assure you I speak my mind without anyone or any groups consent to do so
it's free men that speak freely with or without borders or contracts.

It's to the forefathers great credit that wrote it down and also new it could only
be by individual choice to do so, as natural law.

If your implying some kind of thread ownership that give you power to do so is delusional
there is only one power on a message board and it belongs to the owner who can at any moment
ban your or me William.

 

[Commander Birdsong]

at least you did'nt say you cured his lameness and blindness.
and I assure you I speak my mind without anyone or any groups consent to do so
it's free men that speak freely with or without borders or contracts.

It's to the forefathers great credit that wrote it down and also new it could only
be by individual choice to do so, as natural law.

If your implying some kind of thread ownership that give you power to do so is delusional
there is only one power on a message board and it belongs to the owner who can at any moment
ban your or me William.

i own a 1997 honda odyssey if you'd like me to give you a lift somewhere...

 

[Elronius of Marcabia]

i own a 1997 honda odyssey if you'd like me to give you a lift somewhere...

no thanks William sharing a conversation with you is scary enough

 

[Commander Birdsong]

NAMASTE.

Face

face!!!

you deigned to post on the thread!!!

willkomen, bienvenue, welcome...

and may your inner ear hear the melody from cabaret to go with the words!!!


look...

whether you believe it or not my long fat dick doesn't get stiff over ruffling feathers. especially the feathers of the war bonnet of a brave such as you...

your contribution to the historic record is of exceptional value

but...

part of the reason it's so valuable is because no matter how bad a person l. ron hubbard may have been the work produced by him and his colleagues contains lasting substance and it ain't gonna go away

when i get around to making some substantive response to free to shine's posts on this thread i'm going to be referencing your posts on her thread. this, of course, will probably generally annoy and aggravate you. i'm not "baiting" you to get you posting here but i'm going to tell you right now. if you post on this thread i'm really going to enjoy reading what you say

and...

if you don't post on this thread i will feel a bit deprived at the absence of your writing

i'm heading back east so won't be alluding to your writings for at least a week

that's plenty of time to steel your resolve to "don't feed the troll"