Originally Posted by Jeff Hawkins
David Miscavige! Hi, it’s your old friend Jeff again. Well, I just watched most of the “2009 LRH Birthday Event” before it got taken off the internet for “copyright infringement.” Really, Dave, you are too modest! You should keep it up there for all to see!
A few comments. I know you appreciate my feedback. After all, as we both know, you are surrounded by yes-men who will only tell you, “Sir, that was great, you’ve really outdone yourself” and so on. You know you can depend on me for some constructive comments.
First, that opening montage. Brilliant. With all of the talk about Scientology being a ”sci-fi religion,” any lesser being would have shied away from that wall-to-wall science fiction imagery. But not you! No, siree! You didn’t flinch from presenting Scientology like a cheesy sci-fi video game! You must have had the Gold Special Effects guys (didn’t know there were any left!!) up day and night. Oh, right, they work day and night anyway.
And I see you’re still using Jeff Pomerantz, the over-the-top voice of Scientology. I have a suggestion: Have your Survey Network (if you still have one) ask Scientologists what they REALLY think about Pomerantz’s voice (clue: they hate it and make fun of it).
And that set. Amazing. It looks…well…exactly like every other set Henning Bendorff has ever designed for you. I guess there’s a virtue in monotony.
About the speeches, uh, one little point. Danny Sherman keeps larding these things with clichés. You know, those phrases we’ve heard over and over that make all your speeches sound the same?
“And, yes…”
“which in turn…”
“which is to say…”
“And it all begins like this…”
“All of which in turn…”
“Which sums up like this…”
“Notwithstanding…”
“Moreover…”
“And that has everything to do with…”
“So, then, yes…”
“More to the point…”
“And that brings us to…”
And so forth. Maybe you should ease off on these things just a bit and try to make the speeches sound different from, um, every other speech that you or Danny has ever given.
Question: are you still claiming credit for personally writing the speeches that Danny writes for you? Does he know you do that? And is he really as gay as he sounds?
And the “rolling thunder” technique you told us fledgling speechwriters about so many times. Yes, I remember, that’s what you called it. Brilliantly executed here. How could I forget “rolling thunder” – your way of presenting information that just builds and builds and builds – all on one long run-on sentence preferably - leading up to a massive applause point. It goes sort of like this: “Take hundreds of orgs and missions spanning the planet and add to it thousands of missions, groups, dog grooming franchises and ice cream vendors, add in all the people who have ever Googled “Scientology,” add all of the people we’ve ever even thought about disseminating to, and you have a worldwide juggernaut spreading the truths of Scientology to billions of people worldwide, reaching into every school, police department, drug cartel, Subway sandwich franchise and government on the planet, with LRH’s message now reaching 76 quadrillion beings planetwide, and THAT’s what I call Clearing the Planet on a gargantuan scale!!!” (thundering applause).
Brilliant technique. And the good news is, you don’t have to have any actual statistics or information that demonstrate any real expansion, you can just roll off the generalities and exaggerations and outright fibs like a freight train, leaving the faithful Scientologists aghast at all the “expansion.” And voila! They are convinced! They know THEIR local org is empty and failing and can’t pay the rent, but they assume that ALL OTHER orgs must be booming! And they know THEIR local “ideal org” building is a big empty white elephant, but assume all others are racing forward on their renovations schedule!!
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