The Bitterness

[Alanzo]

I have found that the biggest obstacle to healing from the abuse of Scientology, and getting on with your life, is the bitterness that you feel from having been scammed and abused by the cult.

The most insidious part of this is the feeling that if you finally let yourself let go of your own bitterness, then Scientology will have "won".

I am writing this not from some lofty perch, looking down on all you bitter and militant exes, but as someone who was more bitter than any one of you here.

Last summer, I began to let go of my bitterness and began to run a big "HAVE" on Scientologists. I decided that they deserve any religion they choose, and that their right to it is as valuable as any of my own rights.

I decided that every person is following their own path, and trying to make their own lives better from their own viewpoint. And if that is true, then who the fuck am I to continually fault them for their choices?

Just as some Scientologists have to admit that Ritilan or Prozac has helped some people live better lives, then Exes have to admit that Scientology is truly good for some people.

And so then it becomes a question of "Who the fuck are you to tell people how to live their own lives?"

That's what bitterness, run rampant, will turn you into - the same type of militant, pinheaded fanatic that you see in the Church.

It's only after you lay down the bitterness that you can start to be who you always wanted to be.

And the way to lay down your bitterness is to have the courage necessary to "let Scientology win", too.

I say "too" because criticism of Scientology still remains absolutely vital, and should never be abandoned. So critics and their criticisms should still be allowed to "win".

But so should Scientologists.

The only way to live is to let others live.

This was taught to us in Scientology, when we first got involved, as "granting beingness". It was taken away soon after through "ethics" and PTS tech, upstat and downstats, etc etc. But it was a timeless truth held out to us as something shiney to attract our attention, and to keep us grabbing.

It was worth grabbing for then, and it still is now.

Have the courage to let Scientolgists win, too, and you will be a much happier, and much wiser, Ex-Scientologist.

And a big chunk of the freedom and healing as an Ex will be yours.

 

[uniquemand]

When people peel back one layer of delusion from their minds, they often feel that they have arrived at ultimate truth.

"The Church lied to and manipulated me! Therefore, all Scientologists and people who are interested in Scientology are manipulative liars!"

I think that people only start being really wise and free when they acknowledge that what they think is the absolute truth NOW is very likely a delusion.

 

[sp declared]

Alanzo your post is full of wisdom.

Not everything I learned in the church was bad. I came in as a failure and even though I got manipulated, scammed and abused (and I have BPC on it), I have to admit I also learned a lot of things that later in life were useful.

Once you get away from KSW and from the "addiction to the tech" you start to think with your head I feel everything starts to fall back in line.

Scientology was just an experience in our life. Even now when I look at the orgs and at my fellow staff members I wish them all the best.

Sp Declared

 

[Alan]

I decided that every person is following their own path, and trying to make their own lives better from their own viewpoint. And if that is true, then who the fuck am I to continually fault them for their choices?

True!

Surely a methodology can be designed so that every person is following their own path, and trying to make their own lives better from their own viewpoint. (Of course that is what Knowledgism is.)

 

[Thrak]

Yes that is true. It's a dilemma for me as to what I should say to people I know who are still in. I know some that are quite happy with scn and have their wholes lives wrapped up in it - their jobs, their families etc. Who am I? I just wish the "church's" "ethics could be gotten in". If the lies and abuses were to go, much of scn would be just as valid a thing as any to practice. Somehow they need to "cognite" that they don't have the answer to save the universe, that hubbard and dm weren't sent from above, that the church has actually hurt many people, and that much of the world views them as a menace to society. If they were to realize these things and correct their mistakes then who would give a shit? Nobody. But people will dog them until they do.

 

[Bea Kiddo]

I agree. I think people should be able to believe whatever they want, if it doesnt harm others. But I dont think its right for them to be tricked, trapped or forced into believing. It is a flaw in the system.

People can be blindly dedicated. That is their thing.

 

[Free to shine]

I have never felt bitterness from my scientology experiences. My emotions have been more of the sort that are inwardly projected, ie my own failure of awareness and lack of courage. I originally left it totally at a young age, and by coming back also realised that it was my choice, though also dictated by family circumstances.

However I have no intention of "letting scientology win". There is a difference between that concept and allowing people to make their own choices. My disagreement with scio is that the lies and crimes are hidden, and as I know they exist, my integrity demands that I do what I can to make them known so that people then have an informed choice about their involvement.

You don't have to "run" a big anything Alanzo. Just observation, both of your own emotions and reactions and those of others gives you most of the answers you will ever need.

 

[lionheart]

I'm sorry you suffered such bitterness Alanzo and am delighted you have come through it!

After I was declared in the purge of '82 I was confused and raging, veering between believing the mind-trap of Hubbard's that I was in fact a suppressive unknowingly fighting unknown enemies from the past and veering back to asserting that I wasn't.

It was truly terrible and indescribable. It lasted for a couple of years and was followed by a decade of coming to terms with the depth of Ron's betrayal of my dreams.

During this period there was little bitterness, more a self-critical embarrasment that I fell for it.

After that the bad feelings drifted away, lightly letting me go.

There followed more than a decade of hardly thinking about Scn and re-exploring my spiritual interests and discovering how ridiculously easy it was to release stuff - boy Ron had made it complicated!

Every now and then we would see a Panorama progam (praise be to the BBC for being one of the few media voices in the world who spoke out against the cult) or something would be in the news about the cult and we would think a vague "something should be done about the way Scn cons people" sort of thought. But there was little we could do against the massive PR and lie machine of the cult.

Two years ago ESMB started and there was a vehicle to express and inform about what had happened, and to maybe help some more recently out people. Then a year ago the miracle of Tom Cruise's and the CofS's stupidity happened and the protest movement was given a voice.

At last there were the vehicles to inform the public and help the abused!

Let Scientologists believe Scientology? Sure - no problem. Let them use Ron's tricks to con others into becoming slaves like them - er no! Let them enforce their beliefs on second and third generations who have no choice about becoming slaves - er no!

It has nothing to do with bitterness, it is a compassion for others and a compassion for the poor slaves still in Hubbard's enthrall. It is possible to both allow Scientolgy and also say "no, tell people the truth before you draw them in to your beliefs" and it is possible to do this with love and without bitterness.

 

[Alanzo]

I have never felt bitterness from my scientology experiences. My emotions have been more of the sort that are inwardly projected, ie my own failure of awareness and lack of courage. I originally left it totally at a young age, and by coming back also realised that it was my choice, though also dictated by family circumstances.

However I have no intention of "letting scientology win". There is a difference between that concept and allowing people to make their own choices. My disagreement with scio is that the lies and crimes are hidden, and as I know they exist, my integrity demands that I do what I can to make them known so that people then have an informed choice about their involvement.

You don't have to "run" a big anything Alanzo. Just observation, both of your own emotions and reactions and those of others gives you most of the answers you will ever need.

Remember - it's "let Scientology win, too"

 

[Free to shine]

Remember - it's "let Scientology win, too"

Yes I was aware of that.

Perhaps it's the word "win" that doesn't sit right.

 

[FinallyMe]

Alanzo, you are spot on with this post and I want to point out that your advice has broader application than just to Scientology. I know bitterness - I know it WELL, but not associated with Scn. I have wasted many years of my life keeping the bitterness going, rehearsing it, bolstering it. You are so right that the answer to the bitterness is to let go of it, which is how I understand your advice to let them win, too. We each must let "them" proceed on their own path, succeeding and failing in accordance with their own journey.

Not to say that the abuses should be shrugged off, but the reason for attacking the abuses does not have to be bitterness. The non-ex Anons are able to attack the abuses without emotion, so it can be done.

I am in the stage now of trying to let go of bitterness and let whatever higher Being there is deal with the *&#!@. I needed your post, reminding me that the only way out of the bitterness was to let them go along their way - it's too easy to forget that, too easy to slip back into wanting vengeance. Thanks!

 

[Carmel]

I have found that the biggest obstacle to healing from the abuse of Scientology, and getting on with your life, is the bitterness that you feel from having been scammed and abused by the cult.

The most insidious part of this is the feeling that if you finally let yourself let go of your own bitterness, then Scientology will have "won".

I am writing this not from some lofty perch, looking down on all you bitter and militant exes, but as someone who was more bitter than any one of you here.

Last summer, I began to let go of my bitterness and began to run a big "HAVE" on Scientologists. I decided that they deserve any religion they choose, and that their right to it is as valuable as any of my own rights.

I decided that every person is following their own path, and trying to make their own lives better from their own viewpoint. And if that is true, then who the fuck am I to continually fault them for their choices?

Just as some Scientologists have to admit that Ritilan or Prozac has helped some people live better lives, then Exes have to admit that Scientology is truly good for some people.

And so then it becomes a question of "Who the fuck are you to tell people how to live their own lives?"

That's what bitterness, run rampant, will turn you into - the same type of militant, pinheaded fanatic that you see in the Church.

It's only after you lay down the bitterness that you can start to be who you always wanted to be.

And the way to lay down your bitterness is to have the courage necessary to "let Scientology win", too.

I say "too" because criticism of Scientology still remains absolutely vital, and should never be abandoned. So critics and their criticisms should still be allowed to "win".

But so should Scientologists.

The only way to live is to let others live.

This was taught to us in Scientology, when we first got involved, as "granting beingness". It was taken away soon after through "ethics" and PTS tech, upstat and downstats, etc etc. But it was a timeless truth held out to us as something shiney to attract our attention, and to keep us grabbing.

It was worth grabbing for then, and it still is now.

Have the courage to let Scientolgists win, too, and you will be a much happier, and much wiser, Ex-Scientologist.

And a big chunk of the freedom and healing as an Ex will be yours.

To me, ultimately, it's looking at and accepting all truths (good and bad), that'll free one up for that "big chunk of freedom and healing".

I agree that "That's what bitterness, run rampant, will turn you into - the same type of militant, pinheaded fanatic that you see in the Church.", but in saying that, I acknowledge that it's easier said than done for many. For those of us who had a relatively easy journey in scn, there's not much "bitterness" to deal with, however I know that for many (who have been brought up in the SO, been in the SO, lost connection with family members and/or been seriously fair gamed), it's quite a different matter. Hats off to all of you who are dealing with it or have dealt with it .

 

[Royal Prince Xenu]

Alanzo is right: I'm very f.g bitter.

In the 22 years since I left, I'm not so bitter against Co$ (although my involvement on ESMB has revitalized a goal to help expose it), I'm generally better at a great many bureaucracies that don't listen to the odd one out.

"Standard" Scientology as a "process" did not fit me very well.
"Standard" Medicine as a "practice" does not fit me very well.

When I finally found Dr Jean Macfarlane in 2000, I was at last shown a jacket that fitted perfectly and three months later it was ripped away by the medical bureaucracy who don't like wasting money on the "too hard" basket.

Where would Stephen Hawking be if no one had developed a decent voice synthesiser?

Where would Albert Einstein have ended up if he had not overcome his dyslexia?

It's having Jean's Jacket stolen from me that leaves me really bitter. Where would I be now if I was on the same level of clarity and "OTness" that I experienced then? Would I be running my own cult for $$$? Would I be "de-programming" (again for $$$)?

This request goes out to all Strines. As an individual, my luck in locating Dr Jean Fergus Macfarlane, who (I am guessing) would have been born around 1930+ish. He last known whereabouts was 2000 in Beenleigh Queensland, and I have searched electoral rolls, directories and anything I could in order to locate her, and she seems to have "disappeared". Given her age, and the invalidation of her life's work, she may not even be alive, else she may be practising in a different State.

I did locate one "Dr Jean Macfarlane" of similar age on the mid-coast of NSW, but it was the wrong person. Anyone who can provide information toward finding her or bringing closure, please PM whatever details you find (phone numbers are good--the phone bill doesn't matter).

If any of her records can be recovered (particularly the vitamin and mineral side) a great many people could benefit from the publication of this information.

I know this is a way off-topic post, but it does fit the subject matter of bitterness!

 

[degraded being]

Celebrate ypour bitterness.

Roll around in it
fill a swimming pool with it and dive into it

mix it with cream and smear it all over yourself and a sex partner, or two
and lick it all of, noisily

cut it into strips and decorate your hat with it

clutch it to your bosom and feel its warmth

give a liitle piece away as a chrissy present

but keep the biggest fattest juiciest parts for yourself

stuff a pillow case with it and lay your weary head upon it

tie a bit of rope around it and drag it along to the park for a little walk

put a teaspoon of it into a salad just to give it a bit of zing

clean your teeth with it

mix it with a little bicarb. of soda and clean the stove with it

it's wonderful

not being bitter is so passe. its just out of style.

Get bitter and enjoy!!!

 

[lionheart]

Well said!

And I reckon that is a great releasing process!

 

[Alanzo]

I'd like to take my bitterness, make it into a little squeaking tricycle, and ride it around the block!

 

[Pixie]

Celebrate ypour bitterness.

Roll around in it
fill a swimming pool with it and dive into it

mix it with cream and smear it all over yourself and a sex partner, or two
and lick it all of, noisily

cut it into strips and decorate your hat with it

clutch it to your bosom and feel its warmth

give a liitle piece away as a chrissy present

but keep the biggest fattest juiciest parts for yourself

stuff a pillow case with it and lay your weary head upon it

tie a bit of rope around it and drag it along to the park for a little walk

put a teaspoon of it into a salad just to give it a bit of zing

clean your teeth with it

mix it with a little bicarb. of soda and clean the stove with it

it's wonderful

not being bitter is so passe. its just out of style.

Get bitter and enjoy!!!

Great post DB!! This in my view and from my recent experiences is really all one can do with such emotions, 'anything' but resist, so your examples here are a good place to start!!

 

[Voltaire's Child]

Bitterness is fine as long as the person experiencing it doesn't take it out on other people who had nothing to do with his or her travails.

 

[Pixie]

Bitterness is fine as long as the person experiencing it doesn't take it out on other people who had nothing to do with his or her travails.

Very true Fluff, however, I realize that we are all human, and sometimes we can have such a bad and overly emotional day for whatever reason, that's it's sometimes easy to forget and things just slip out in a moment of madness.

Personally, coming from such an intolerant cult, it's something else that we may all need to relearn, that said, we all have our frailties and idiosyncracies, and these can sometimes also be viewed by others as some sort of 'bitterness' when it's not meant like that at all.

These are words on a screen, there is little emotion apart from the smileys which can also sometimes be used to 'mask' how a person is 'really' feeling, there are no tones of voice or facial expressions, so in my view, 'bitterness' can also be misinterperated. Anyway, we're all learning and moving and evolving and we can only put some effort into positive things. Meanwhile, I am making my bitterness into a huge giant spliff...

 

[Voltaire's Child]

For sure! I do think the cult damages people in some cases.