HelluvaHoax!
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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4
- Thread starter HelluvaHoax!
- Start date
HelluvaHoax!
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!
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A recurring new feature on the stupid thread would be so cool, if you want to post some of your favorites! It might be good to just pick & showcase one (1) "Preternatural Promo Piece" at a time, so anyone can comment, cringe or collapse (with laughter) without going mad from a lethal stupid overdose! LOL.
If we pick the right pace (guessing maybe like 1-3 a week?) it might be a very digestible & delicious dessert! But, post as many as you like, everyone will love it!
Fun!!
.
A recurring new feature on the stupid thread would be so cool, if you want to post some of your favorites! It might be good to just pick & showcase one (1) "Preternatural Promo Piece" at a time, so anyone can comment, cringe or collapse (with laughter) without going mad from a lethal stupid overdose! LOL.
If we pick the right pace (guessing maybe like 1-3 a week?) it might be a very digestible & delicious dessert! But, post as many as you like, everyone will love it!
Fun!!
Operating DB
Truman Show Dropout
I mentioned earlier that scio sells delusions. The emphasis for awhile has been selling statuses with a bonus of a bouquet of flowers and a real bona fide certificate.
It all seems to come down to selling F/Ns. The bigger the F/N the more you pay.
cleared cannibal
Silver Meritorious Patron
Re: !
Sounds good to me kind of like Mikes's Thursday funnies. I have sent him a couple over the last couple years and they did show up in that. Not sure it it was because I sent them or not. It would be best if I could do it the same day weekly but not I am that organized. If I could look back through and show it is the same old s--- would be good too but that make take til I have some time. In the mean time hot off the press today.
Sounds good to me kind of like Mikes's Thursday funnies. I have sent him a couple over the last couple years and they did show up in that. Not sure it it was because I sent them or not. It would be best if I could do it the same day weekly but not I am that organized. If I could look back through and show it is the same old s--- would be good too but that make take til I have some time. In the mean time hot off the press today.
RogerB
Crusader
Can you believe this? Is it real???
Johnnie Boy, surely you ain't so poor as to need to sell your soul again in cheap advertising gigs!
This spotted this morning on Yahoo!.com
[FONT=&]Business[/FONT]
MIRACLE TESTOSTERONE PILL NETS BIGGEST DEAL IN SHARK TANK HISTORY.
"This pill is amazing," says Hollywood star John Travolta. "I secretly used it to satisfy both my wife and mistress nonstop for months! And my wife would never have found out about my affair if my supplies hadn't run out."
[FONT=&]Written by Karen Brightwell. Published on Saturday, August 19, 2017[/FONT]
[FONT=&]
[/FONT]
Snipped . . . .
I collided with this below while downloading this week's portfolio holdings values . . . .
Johnnie Boy, surely you ain't so poor as to need to sell your soul again in cheap advertising gigs!
This spotted this morning on Yahoo!.com
[FONT=&]Business[/FONT]
MIRACLE TESTOSTERONE PILL NETS BIGGEST DEAL IN SHARK TANK HISTORY.
"This pill is amazing," says Hollywood star John Travolta. "I secretly used it to satisfy both my wife and mistress nonstop for months! And my wife would never have found out about my affair if my supplies hadn't run out."
[FONT=&]Written by Karen Brightwell. Published on Saturday, August 19, 2017[/FONT]
[FONT=&]
Snipped . . . .
I collided with this below while downloading this week's portfolio holdings values . . . .
JustSheila
Crusader
No, RogerB, no way it's real. John Travolta has intimate male friends, not mistresses. 
HelluvaHoax!
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Big Beings, Big Deal!
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Whoa, Scientology is really expanding their "zones"! LOL
I had to remind myself that this was not some kind of joke/parody, because:
It wouldn't be Scientology if it didn't have gratuitous, glory-grabbing, gravitas-growing, gargantuan geography!
Quod Erat Demonstratum: Big beings take big responsibility for big spaces because they have big havingness and play big games with big stats, thereby gaining big status by making big donations! Ergo, Scientology is a big deal!
.
Whoa, Scientology is really expanding their "zones"! LOL
I had to remind myself that this was not some kind of joke/parody, because:
It wouldn't be Scientology if it didn't have gratuitous, glory-grabbing, gravitas-growing, gargantuan geography!
On this PLANET!
In this SECTOR!
Across their ZONE!
In this SECTOR!
Across their ZONE!
Quod Erat Demonstratum: Big beings take big responsibility for big spaces because they have big havingness and play big games with big stats, thereby gaining big status by making big donations! Ergo, Scientology is a big deal!
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HelluvaHoax!
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What you are saying makes perfect logical sense.
But, since this is crazy-cult Scientology, I reserve the right to ponder the possibility of a preternaturally preposterous paradox:
To wit, that John Travolta is purposely pretending & promoting that he is out ethics with mistresses in order to handle the pr-predicament and perception that he is out-ethics with gay lovers.
Scientology Slogan: "Just keep donating! We'll let you know when your needle floats and your ethics is in!"
No, RogerB, no way it's real. John Travolta has intimate male friends, not mistresses.
What you are saying makes perfect logical sense.
But, since this is crazy-cult Scientology, I reserve the right to ponder the possibility of a preternaturally preposterous paradox:
To wit, that John Travolta is purposely pretending & promoting that he is out ethics with mistresses in order to handle the pr-predicament and perception that he is out-ethics with gay lovers.
Scientology Slogan: "Just keep donating! We'll let you know when your needle floats and your ethics is in!"
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
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Interesting post from the thread "WHAT I HATED ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY" about the never-ending demand on Scientologists to write Success Stories.
HellYeah, having "success" and writing a "success story" was not optional--it was demanded! There were penalties for non-compliance, usually financial (having to retread a course, buy review auditing, et al).
Scieno-Scenario: A Scientologist has just done the last clay demo on the HUBBARD CODE OF HONOR COURSE and they are sent to the examiner to attest to completion of the course.
INSIDE THE ORG'S ETHICS OFFICE - ONE HOUR LATER
STUDENT
...so my last item on the checksheet was to do a big clay demo
of how I would keep my Code of Honor in by applying he LRH datum
"Do not give or receive communication unless you yourself desire it".
I passed that clay demo and now I feel really good
about how I am applying this tech!
ETHICS OFFICER
Okay, I'm not asking you to write a success story,
I am ordering you to write a success story!
STUDENT
But I don't with to give this communication...
I don't desire it! Per Ron's tech, point #8 of
my Code of Honor is totally in!
ETHICS OFFICER
I am assigning you a condition of Doubt, since
you can't make up your mind if you want to
write your success story or not.
STUDENT
Wait, I can't be in doubt, because I did make up
my mind. I decided I don't want to write a success story.
ETHICS OFFICER
Then you have dropped down into Enemy!
STUDENT
How am I in "Enemy" if I had wins and
got an FN at the Examiner?
ETHICS OFFICER
Because not writing a Success Story is counter
intention against the aims and goals of L. Ron Hubbard.
Only an Enemy would sabotage Ron's dream
of a Clear planet, on this planet.
STUDENT
What's the difference if I write it down or if
the success is in my head?
ETHICS OFFICER
I warned you about this. Now you are downgraded
to Treason. Betrayal after trust! We trusted that
if we allowed you to do the Code of Honor Course
you would have honor--and thus write a success story!
STUDENT
But the Code of Honor doesn't say anything about that.
It says I don't have to give communication unless I desire it!
ETHICS OFFICER
But you do desire it.
STUDENT
No, I don't desire it.
ETHICS
Now you have been downgraded to
Confusion. Find out where you are!
STUDENT
I'm in the ethics office. And I still don't
want to write a success story.
ETHICS OFFICER
Sorry, we have to apply the next gradient
of ethics. I am issuing a Non-Enturbulation
Order on you right this second. One more
instance of enturbulating any Scientologist
and you will be declared SP!
STUDENT
Whatttttt? Who did I enturbulate?
ETHICS OFFICER
You enturbulated the Examiner. And now
you are enturbulating me, your Ethics Officer.
And I am additionally assigning you a massive
amends project and also buying and donating
a full set of "The Basics" to the local library.
STUDENT
..but I still don't desire to give this communication.
ETHICS OFFICER
Fuck you! Make that 2 sets of basics.
STUDENT
Okay, okay, okay. I do desire to give the
communication already--just give me a blank success story form.
ETHICS OFFICER
Very Well Done! I knew you would come to your senses
because Ron says that Ethics is something the being
does by themselves, on their own determinism! So you
should be very proud of doing this all yourself. Do
you want to write a 2nd success story about that win?!
STUDENT
(apathetic affect--robotically dull monotone voice)
Yes.I.would.be.more.than.happy.
to.write.a.2nd.success.story.
Interesting post from the thread "WHAT I HATED ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY" about the never-ending demand on Scientologists to write Success Stories.
-----
HellYeah, having "success" and writing a "success story" was not optional--it was demanded! There were penalties for non-compliance, usually financial (having to retread a course, buy review auditing, et al).
Scieno-Scenario: A Scientologist has just done the last clay demo on the HUBBARD CODE OF HONOR COURSE and they are sent to the examiner to attest to completion of the course.
EXAMINER
So, do you have any doubts or reservations about attesting
to the completion of your Hubbard Code of Honor Course?
STUDENT
No.
EXAMINER
Your needle is floating!
STUDENT
Cool.
EXAMINER
Would you want others to have similar gains
to your own?
STUDENT
Sure, why not.
EXAMINER
Your needle is floating! Would
you like to write a success story?
STUDENT
No, I'm good. Thanks for asking.
EXAMINER
What are your considerations about writing a
success story?
STUDENT
Nothing really. Just don't feel like it today. I know my wins
and I am satisfied, so, hey, I'm good to go!
EXAMINER
(facial expression turns dark)
Let's take another look at that. . .
STUDENT
...okay, I took another look at it.
No. No, I don't want to write one.
EXAMINER
No, this is NOT okay! What the hell
is wrong with you? Everyone writes
success stories. Why do you have to
be different than everyone else?
STUDENT
It's not that. It's just that YOU ASKED me if
I wanted to write a success story and my answer
was "no". So that's what I learned from my Hubbard
Code of Honor Course! Ron states in #8 of the Code of
Honor: "Do not give or receive communication unless
you yourself desire it."
The glaring examiner angrily slams an Ethics Routing Form on the desk. CUT TO: So, do you have any doubts or reservations about attesting
to the completion of your Hubbard Code of Honor Course?
STUDENT
No.
EXAMINER
Your needle is floating!
STUDENT
Cool.
EXAMINER
Would you want others to have similar gains
to your own?
STUDENT
Sure, why not.
EXAMINER
Your needle is floating! Would
you like to write a success story?
STUDENT
No, I'm good. Thanks for asking.
EXAMINER
What are your considerations about writing a
success story?
STUDENT
Nothing really. Just don't feel like it today. I know my wins
and I am satisfied, so, hey, I'm good to go!
EXAMINER
(facial expression turns dark)
Let's take another look at that. . .
STUDENT
...okay, I took another look at it.
No. No, I don't want to write one.
EXAMINER
No, this is NOT okay! What the hell
is wrong with you? Everyone writes
success stories. Why do you have to
be different than everyone else?
STUDENT
It's not that. It's just that YOU ASKED me if
I wanted to write a success story and my answer
was "no". So that's what I learned from my Hubbard
Code of Honor Course! Ron states in #8 of the Code of
Honor: "Do not give or receive communication unless
you yourself desire it."
INSIDE THE ORG'S ETHICS OFFICE - ONE HOUR LATER
STUDENT
...so my last item on the checksheet was to do a big clay demo
of how I would keep my Code of Honor in by applying he LRH datum
"Do not give or receive communication unless you yourself desire it".
I passed that clay demo and now I feel really good
about how I am applying this tech!
ETHICS OFFICER
Okay, I'm not asking you to write a success story,
I am ordering you to write a success story!
STUDENT
But I don't with to give this communication...
I don't desire it! Per Ron's tech, point #8 of
my Code of Honor is totally in!
ETHICS OFFICER
I am assigning you a condition of Doubt, since
you can't make up your mind if you want to
write your success story or not.
STUDENT
Wait, I can't be in doubt, because I did make up
my mind. I decided I don't want to write a success story.
ETHICS OFFICER
Then you have dropped down into Enemy!
STUDENT
How am I in "Enemy" if I had wins and
got an FN at the Examiner?
ETHICS OFFICER
Because not writing a Success Story is counter
intention against the aims and goals of L. Ron Hubbard.
Only an Enemy would sabotage Ron's dream
of a Clear planet, on this planet.
STUDENT
What's the difference if I write it down or if
the success is in my head?
ETHICS OFFICER
I warned you about this. Now you are downgraded
to Treason. Betrayal after trust! We trusted that
if we allowed you to do the Code of Honor Course
you would have honor--and thus write a success story!
STUDENT
But the Code of Honor doesn't say anything about that.
It says I don't have to give communication unless I desire it!
ETHICS OFFICER
But you do desire it.
STUDENT
No, I don't desire it.
ETHICS
Now you have been downgraded to
Confusion. Find out where you are!
STUDENT
I'm in the ethics office. And I still don't
want to write a success story.
ETHICS OFFICER
Sorry, we have to apply the next gradient
of ethics. I am issuing a Non-Enturbulation
Order on you right this second. One more
instance of enturbulating any Scientologist
and you will be declared SP!
STUDENT
Whatttttt? Who did I enturbulate?
ETHICS OFFICER
You enturbulated the Examiner. And now
you are enturbulating me, your Ethics Officer.
And I am additionally assigning you a massive
amends project and also buying and donating
a full set of "The Basics" to the local library.
STUDENT
..but I still don't desire to give this communication.
ETHICS OFFICER
Fuck you! Make that 2 sets of basics.
STUDENT
Okay, okay, okay. I do desire to give the
communication already--just give me a blank success story form.
ETHICS OFFICER
Very Well Done! I knew you would come to your senses
because Ron says that Ethics is something the being
does by themselves, on their own determinism! So you
should be very proud of doing this all yourself. Do
you want to write a 2nd success story about that win?!
STUDENT
(apathetic affect--robotically dull monotone voice)
Yes.I.would.be.more.than.happy.
to.write.a.2nd.success.story.
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HelluvaHoax!
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ETHICS OFFICER
Kate, I have great news for you. Your petition uplines has finally been
approved and you are now going to be allowed to do your next OT level.
KATE
I'm no longer an illegal pc?!!! WOW WOW WOW!!
ETHICS OFFICER
Congratulations!!! See, I told you 5 years ago if you did lots
of "contributions" to the 4th dynamic that eventually you might
get clearance to do OT VII! By the way, that last major COMMENDATION
REPORT really helped where you made it go right to mock up 22 new
beingnessess with new names in order to block the IRS from reviewing our
religious tax status! That was so awesomely OT and such a super ethics win!
KATE
Thanks! I am so honored to help my church and Ron
and COB and you and all the Scientologists on this planet!
(Someone walks in and hands the
Ethics Officer a report. He reads it)
ETHICS OFFICER
Kate, or whatever your name is. I am afraid I have some very bad
news. Your ethics clearance has been revoked! Because of all these
crazy out ethics rogue acts you have been doing with signing a petition
dozens of times! What were you thinking???!!! You are assigned
Treason for betraying everyone on this planet!
KATE
Whatttttt? You just said 30 seconds ago that I was a super upstat
for signing the petition 22 times. What the hell happened??!!!
ETHICS OFFICER
You got caught, you fucking DB piece of suppressive shit!
ETHICS OFFICER
Kate, I have great news for you. Your petition uplines has finally been
approved and you are now going to be allowed to do your next OT level.
KATE
I'm no longer an illegal pc?!!! WOW WOW WOW!!
ETHICS OFFICER
Congratulations!!! See, I told you 5 years ago if you did lots
of "contributions" to the 4th dynamic that eventually you might
get clearance to do OT VII! By the way, that last major COMMENDATION
REPORT really helped where you made it go right to mock up 22 new
beingnessess with new names in order to block the IRS from reviewing our
religious tax status! That was so awesomely OT and such a super ethics win!
KATE
Thanks! I am so honored to help my church and Ron
and COB and you and all the Scientologists on this planet!
(Someone walks in and hands the
Ethics Officer a report. He reads it)
ETHICS OFFICER
Kate, or whatever your name is. I am afraid I have some very bad
news. Your ethics clearance has been revoked! Because of all these
crazy out ethics rogue acts you have been doing with signing a petition
dozens of times! What were you thinking???!!! You are assigned
Treason for betraying everyone on this planet!
KATE
Whatttttt? You just said 30 seconds ago that I was a super upstat
for signing the petition 22 times. What the hell happened??!!!
ETHICS OFFICER
You got caught, you fucking DB piece of suppressive shit!
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JustSheila
Crusader
That was hilarious, HH!Or how about:
ETHICS OFFICER: I have the responses from the IJC regarding your petitions to remove your illegal pc status so you can receive auditing.
KATE: Oh, that's wonderful!
ETHICS OFFICER: I'm sorry, I was speaking to Katherine. Can you put her on, please?
KATHERINE: Oh, that's wonderful!
ETHICS OFFICER: Great. Katherine/Catherine, you have 500 amends hours on one petition answer, an SP Declare on another, an A-J on another petition, 200 hours of sec checks on another, a re-do of the Purification Program, SRD, Objectives and Grades on another, and a reinstatement of your illegal pc status until next lifetime on three others.
KATHERINE: Which should I do?
ETHICS OFFICER: Why all of them, of course. They are all legal orders. After you complete all your amends, sec checks, etc., then you have to wait three lifetimes for auditing. But you were so OT using all those names to sign petitions, that I'm sure you'll get this done in no time. Now I need to speak to Kate/Cate, please.
CATE/KATE: What did the IJC say to me?
ETHICS OFFICER: He declared you PTS Type 2, PTS Type 1, a Degraded Being, a Tiger and Open-Minded. He said you can re-petition for auditing after 100 hours of sec checks to verify you haven't received Pain Drug Hypnosis under psychiatrists.
CATE/KATE: At least I'm not an SP.
ETHICS OFFICER: But Katherine is an SP, but it's okay, you'll need the next two lifetimes to finish your amends by signing our petitions on the Internet. Just an eyeblink out of a billion years, and then you're free! For so many names, those lifetimes will go so fast, you won't even miss them. Well done on producing so many IDs! It really helps us save the planet! You are very OT for an OPEN-MINDED PTS DB TIGER SP!
cleared cannibal
Silver Meritorious Patron
I seem to be having a blank maybe some of you can help her out.
Dear Advance! Mag Readers,
It's that time again, where I am on the hunt to find the best OT Phenomena out there. These stories will be going into the next Advance!Mag and are always a favorite for Scientologists everywhere.
Therefore, I want you to send me any OT Phenomena you've experienced recently or that haven't been published in a prior Advance! It's sometimes easy to forget that not everyone else experiences what you do as an OT or Scientologist. So please write up any great OT Phenomena that you've experienced recently or your favorite that you have experienced and send it back to me in this email.
And remember you don’t have to be OT to experience OT Phenomena, so please do send any and all OT Phenomena stories that you have experienced—they are all welcome! OT Phenomena is all around us.
ARC,
Kelly Gilleard
Advance! Mag Editor AOLA
Dear Advance! Mag Readers,
It's that time again, where I am on the hunt to find the best OT Phenomena out there. These stories will be going into the next Advance!Mag and are always a favorite for Scientologists everywhere.
Therefore, I want you to send me any OT Phenomena you've experienced recently or that haven't been published in a prior Advance! It's sometimes easy to forget that not everyone else experiences what you do as an OT or Scientologist. So please write up any great OT Phenomena that you've experienced recently or your favorite that you have experienced and send it back to me in this email.
And remember you don’t have to be OT to experience OT Phenomena, so please do send any and all OT Phenomena stories that you have experienced—they are all welcome! OT Phenomena is all around us.
ARC,
Kelly Gilleard
Advance! Mag Editor AOLA
strativarius
Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
HelluvaHoax!
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Top 100 Stupid OT Moments in Scientology
..
And now, something quite sensational---an inadvertently revealing, re-published letter from Scientology management to Scientologists.
A thousand thanks to cleared cannibal for posting PROOF POSITIVE that ex-scientology SPs have been 100% right all along!
That is exactly the point that SPs have been making since 1950!
Scientology forgot to mention another closely related OT law:
You don't have to be OT to experience the OT Phenomena of receiving an OT completion certificate.
..
And now, something quite sensational---an inadvertently revealing, re-published letter from Scientology management to Scientologists.
A thousand thanks to cleared cannibal for posting PROOF POSITIVE that ex-scientology SPs have been 100% right all along!
That is exactly the point that SPs have been making since 1950!
Scientology forgot to mention another closely related OT law:
You don't have to be OT to experience the OT Phenomena of receiving an OT completion certificate.
JackStraw
Silver Meritorious Patron
I've always thought one of the more colossal stupids in scn was the old adage: You have to BE ot to GO ot.
Oh, rlly??!?
If that's the case I think I'll just BE ot and skip the cert, the endless thousands of $, the endless sec checks, bogus ethics actions etc and just BE ot.
So long and thanks for all the fish!
Jack
Oh, rlly??!?
If that's the case I think I'll just BE ot and skip the cert, the endless thousands of $, the endless sec checks, bogus ethics actions etc and just BE ot.
So long and thanks for all the fish!
Jack
Mimsey Borogrove
Crusader
I suppose I could write an OT win on getting you, Anonycat and HH wound up.... MimseyThere ya go Mimsey, what are you waiting for mate?
pineapple
Silver Meritorious Patron
I knew an OT (briefly the ED of our mission) who used to say "Be OT now!" -- kind of mixing up scn and Baba Ram Dass.
strativarius
Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
Oh, you don't have to be OT to wind me up mate, people who write 'died in the wool' when they mean 'dyed in the wool' or 'I could care less' when they mean 'I couldn't care less' or pronounce nuclear 'nucular' do that. It's just too easy.
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HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
.
LOL
Yeah, but every time someone tries to wind me up with Tall Tech Tales, I think it backfires--because that inspires me to do even more debunking/J&D and commit even more high crimes designed to derail people from routing onto Ron's scientific bridge to freedom, on this planet[SUP]*[/SUP].
[SUP]*[/SUP] As an OT, I believe it is vitally important designate which planet I am operating on for any given project/cycle, so as not to send others off on random wild goose chases around the universe. Substantial amounts of DevT can thusly be eliminated and the lost production time can then be re-directed to Clearing the planet, on this planet.
LOL
Yeah, but every time someone tries to wind me up with Tall Tech Tales, I think it backfires--because that inspires me to do even more debunking/J&D and commit even more high crimes designed to derail people from routing onto Ron's scientific bridge to freedom, on this planet[SUP]*[/SUP].
[SUP]*[/SUP] As an OT, I believe it is vitally important designate which planet I am operating on for any given project/cycle, so as not to send others off on random wild goose chases around the universe. Substantial amounts of DevT can thusly be eliminated and the lost production time can then be re-directed to Clearing the planet, on this planet.
cleared cannibal
Silver Meritorious Patron
Re: Top 100 Stupid OT Moments in Scientology
I have a lot more , but as they say moderation.
Another little taste, who wouldn't want this? How much to get this?
I have a lot more , but as they say moderation.
Another little taste, who wouldn't want this? How much to get this?