The Anabaptist Jacques
Crusader
I want to be as sincere as I can in this post.
I never really got anything from the auditing.
I'm sure my needle floated so some can say I had case gain.
But I don't think I got any gains from the auditing per se.
Scientology did change me.
I became a different person at certain times--that is I acted like a different person.
But I knew that the real me was not as mean as I had been in those circumstances.
All of this was from my time on staff.
That is when being mean at times was part of the job.
Where I feel I did progress is in the area of personal integrity.
Not so much progress, but held on to it.
Before Scientology I did certaiin things regarding the Vietnam War that could have landed me in federal prison.
I helped deserters from the military get away.
But I felt that if I was going to be true to my beliefs and have the courage of my convictions I had to do what I did.
In fact, it was the words "A world without war, crime, and insanity" that got me into Scientology.
I joined staff right away, before I even knew what auditing was.
But there I was.
What I had invested in Scientology was all my hopes for a better world.
So I stayed around and contributed as best I could.
But while on staff one is constantly challenged to cut corners and quickie things, or lie to the public and even to one's
seniors.
I put up with all this because I wanted a world with war.
What I got out of Scientology is this: First hand experience that the end does not justify the means---ever.
The funny thing is, that when I got caved in while in Scientology it was because I felt I had compromised my integrity and
wasn't Keeping Scientology Working.
But that is good because at the time I believed that Scientology was what was right.
Several times I turned down executive posts.
My reason each time is that I could easily see myself becoming like Stalin in order to get the stats up.
So I thought it would be the greatest good if I didn't become an executive.
I saw good, kind people turn into monsters.
It wasn't from their auditing, although that may have had some effect.
It was from the belief that everything good for the future of the world depended on what they did.
Recently some Scientology friends of mine (they don't know that I'm completely out) asked me defensively if I believed Miscavige
beat people.
I told them "Of course, I hope so."
I got such looks of terror from their faces.
I told them that I proably would be hitting people too. And that if he believes that the whole agonizing future of mankind rests
on what he can accomplish, and he has jurniors that are messing up, of course he would hit them.
What I have learn in spite of Scientology, but also thanks to Scientology, is that each and every one of us could be a Stalin or a Mother Theresa.
And what is important in life are the individual actions we do in the direction of manifesting those two sides of ourselves.
That is why I now despise the concept of OT becasue I see it as a step towards domination of others. It is practically in the
definition.
And so too with the rest of Scientology--in or out of the Church.
Scientology is simply about dominating others and knowing who to kow-tow too.
All you need is love---you don't need Scientology.
In fact, it gets in the way of love.
That's what I learned from Scientology.
The Anabaptist Jacques
I never really got anything from the auditing.
I'm sure my needle floated so some can say I had case gain.
But I don't think I got any gains from the auditing per se.
Scientology did change me.
I became a different person at certain times--that is I acted like a different person.
But I knew that the real me was not as mean as I had been in those circumstances.
All of this was from my time on staff.
That is when being mean at times was part of the job.
Where I feel I did progress is in the area of personal integrity.
Not so much progress, but held on to it.
Before Scientology I did certaiin things regarding the Vietnam War that could have landed me in federal prison.
I helped deserters from the military get away.
But I felt that if I was going to be true to my beliefs and have the courage of my convictions I had to do what I did.
In fact, it was the words "A world without war, crime, and insanity" that got me into Scientology.
I joined staff right away, before I even knew what auditing was.
But there I was.
What I had invested in Scientology was all my hopes for a better world.
So I stayed around and contributed as best I could.
But while on staff one is constantly challenged to cut corners and quickie things, or lie to the public and even to one's
seniors.
I put up with all this because I wanted a world with war.
What I got out of Scientology is this: First hand experience that the end does not justify the means---ever.
The funny thing is, that when I got caved in while in Scientology it was because I felt I had compromised my integrity and
wasn't Keeping Scientology Working.
But that is good because at the time I believed that Scientology was what was right.
Several times I turned down executive posts.
My reason each time is that I could easily see myself becoming like Stalin in order to get the stats up.
So I thought it would be the greatest good if I didn't become an executive.
I saw good, kind people turn into monsters.
It wasn't from their auditing, although that may have had some effect.
It was from the belief that everything good for the future of the world depended on what they did.
Recently some Scientology friends of mine (they don't know that I'm completely out) asked me defensively if I believed Miscavige
beat people.
I told them "Of course, I hope so."
I got such looks of terror from their faces.
I told them that I proably would be hitting people too. And that if he believes that the whole agonizing future of mankind rests
on what he can accomplish, and he has jurniors that are messing up, of course he would hit them.
What I have learn in spite of Scientology, but also thanks to Scientology, is that each and every one of us could be a Stalin or a Mother Theresa.
And what is important in life are the individual actions we do in the direction of manifesting those two sides of ourselves.
That is why I now despise the concept of OT becasue I see it as a step towards domination of others. It is practically in the
definition.
And so too with the rest of Scientology--in or out of the Church.
Scientology is simply about dominating others and knowing who to kow-tow too.
All you need is love---you don't need Scientology.
In fact, it gets in the way of love.
That's what I learned from Scientology.
The Anabaptist Jacques
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