Top 100 Scientology analogies

[lifeinblue]

Over the years I have come across many great analogies for describing scientology. These have proved infinitely helpful in explaining the cult experience to those who ask without getting into the long, complicated permutations.

Inspired by HH's top 100 moments I wondered if we could create a thread for scientology analogies?

When asked what scientology is like I always ask them if they remember the Sarlacc from Return of the Jedi (the desert creature that Jabba the Hut throws Skywalker into). I use this to describe the journey that occurs once you get into scientology. No matter what you do, giving time and/or money it is never enough and ultimately you always have to do more and more. Backing off or leaving is never an option in the cult world. And just like the Sarlacc, the longer you're in, the deeper you slide and the harder it is to climb out.

Ring true?

What are your favorite analogies?

 

[GreyLensman]

Over the years I have come across many great analogies for describing scientology. These have proved infinitely helpful in explaining the cult experience to those who ask without getting into the long, complicated permutations.

Inspired by HH's top 100 moments I wondered if we could create a thread for scientology analogies?

When asked what scientology is like I always ask them if they remember the Sarlacc from Return of the Jedi (the desert creature that Jabba the Hut throws Skywalker into). I use this to describe the journey that occurs once you get into scientology. No matter what you do, giving time and/or money it is never enough and ultimately you always have to do more and more. Backing off or leaving is never an option in the cult world. And just like the Sarlacc, the longer you're in, the deeper you slide and the harder it is to climb out.

Ring true?

What are your favorite analogies?

Scientology is like getting yelled at by a drill Sargent while getting a root canal and an enema. And along the way you've lost your house, your car, your savings, your wallet has been lifted , and you've picked up a tapeworm and a case of scurvy from the Sea Arrrrgggghhhh contract you got drunk and signed.

And along the way you met some great people, who for some reason stopped talking to you when you asked questions about all of this.

I'm not really bitter. I loved the accomplishment of being on staff. I just hate that it was never for the purpose I was told, agreed to or intended to contribute to.

 

[Ogsonofgroo]

... is like a potentially beneficial edible fungus, but as it grows on you it becomes more and more toxic as time goes on, eventually consuming the host, and poisoning all around.


(sry, sperm of de moment)

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

..

Yayyyyy! I like this thread!

I wonder if we can merge it with another old thread called "ARC-FREE ANALOGIES"? LOL.

Here is one from that thread...

Scientology is like being a giraffe stuck in quicksand.

You more you 'stick your neck out' the longer you can survive it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY&feature=player_embedded

 

[lifeinblue]

One I read recently;

Shit sandwich. From the outside the bread is probably of little harm, possibly even nutritious... But take a bite and, well...

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

..

Scientology is like a horse race.

Except it is spelled whore's race.

And the LRH Birthday Game consists of giving Ron the present he most desires.

Highest ever number of profitably fucked customers.​

 

[Mystic]

Scientology well parallels the chickenshit goddamn motherfucking asshole piece of psychic-shit that was L. Ron Hubbard : lier, criminal, bigamist, cruel, twisty twist-twist slicky-dicky trip down a slide lubricated with bat guano.

 

[Lamb]

scientology is like a dream that confusingly turns into a maze and then a nightmare without end.

 

[Infinite]

One I read recently;

Shit sandwich. From the outside the bread is probably of little harm, possibly even nutritious... But take a bite and, well...

Or - Scientology is a shit sandwhich, the more bread you got, the less shit you're gonna eat.

 

[TheRealNoUser]

Scientology is like skipping through a beautiful Alpine meadow filled with spring flowers and daisies while holding the hand of a beautiful loved one, until you reach the midway point and you look down to see that you are in fact ankle-deep in the middle of a muddy minefield and you're holding hands with a psychopathic serial killer.

... wait a minute, that's not extreme enough.

Scientology is like ... well - Scientology !

Yes, that's better.

 

[guanoloco]

Scientology is like moving into a real slick and cool penthouse decked out with the latest and greatest cool stuff and having a smorgasbord/buffet with lobster and all kinds of great shit and the whole time you're stuffin' your face you hear this scurrying in the walls and you're thinking, "wonder what that is?" and finally your curiosity gets the best of you and you wind up in the dank dark cellar and you pull out L. Ron and finally see him for the glutton rat he is and when you look back at that wonderful smorgasbord you crammed yourself on you finally see all that ratshit sprinkled all over it.

And let me tell you, brother, once you pull the rat out of the cellar there ain't no puttin' that little ugly pox infested sucker back.

Talk about an ugly stuck mental picture!



Know what I mean?

 

[Infinite]

..

I like Veda's analogy:

" . . . Using the old glue analogy, IMO, Scientology, as designed by its founder, consists of two main aspects: the solvent (truths, abreaction/catharsis/"key-out" etc.), and the lacquer (the sea of words, half truths, falsehoods, smoke and mirrors, gimmicks, tricks, manipulation, etc.) In the proper ratio, these combine to make a mind-glue that sticks a person to Scientology . . . "

 

[Captain Koolaid]

Scientology is like doing courses to fix some personal issues, only to wind up in a rat race to fix the planet.

Is there a more gargantuan bait and switch?

 

[Captain Koolaid]

Scientology in 4 seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8XQ20X_4s4

P.S: Thank God the Auditor's Toad escaped.

 

[guanoloco]

Scientology is like Winston reading

THE THEORY AND PRACTICE OF
OLIGARCHICAL COLLECTIVISM
by
Emmanuel Goldstein​

and thinking there's a real Emmanuel Goldstein only to find out that the whole thing is a Big Brother and Ministry of Truth trap after all.

And you're in deeper and worse shit than you were before.

 

[GoNuclear]

I described it before as being a bug caught in a spider's web and getting sucked dry and having your empty shell tossed. That is, at least, the financial aspect of it for most folk. I did have an instinct about not every wanting to join staff.


Pete

 

[The Anabaptist Jacques]

Scientology is like this story:

A young sailor was taken aboard his first ship.

The captain told him they would be out at sea for 12 months.

The young sailor asked the captain "Sir, what do we do for...you know...sex?"

The captain took the lad to a barrel on the top deck.

"Here, just put you mast in here." the captain said.

The lad obliged and was amazed at the sexual please he received.

"Captain, that was wonderful!" he exclaimed.

The captain replied, "You can do that any time you want except Wednesdays.

The young sailor, being a little bit curious asked, "Why not on Wednesdays?"

To which the captain replied, "Because Wednesday is you day in the barrel."

The Anabaptist Jacques

 

[KissMyStats]

The best analogy in three words is: Battered Wife Syndrome

The best descriptive analogy for me would be .... being loved-bombed while being pick-pocketed simultaneously every day of your life while knowing the whole time that if you complain about it the pick-pocketer will go to the ends of the earth to destroy your life while still picking your pocket and love bombing you. (unless you are on staff.......and then delete the being love bombed part and add in being pressured to love bomb the planet and sacrifice your own happiness for the planet's sake)

 

[MrCognition]

Like walking through hell with gasoline underwear . . .

 

[Commander Birdsong]

somewhere, perhaps in coryden's book, i read of a woman who told ron he reminded her of a cow who delivers a good pail of milk and then kicks the bucket over