It was a paradoxical situation to be in; here we supposedly had the tech of life, any one who has heard the OT Doctorate lectures gets a pretty big and clear idea of what scientology promises and yet we were struggling to help our child in any meaningful way and under that strain the rest of life was not the great adventure that I had expected either, in fact it was a slog. The tech was not able to remedy the main problem. We were told to "just tell her to exteriorize and fix the body"..and that "LRH said the spasticity was just the stop button being out". Someone also told me we just had to run out the engram. Yeah, right and the brain damage will just heal up ! I was even seen as weird for 'believing' in the brain, a lot of scientologists don't believe in 'the brain', they think it is some kind of psych trick. A class 8 auditor told me that doctors and science had it all wrong according to Ron. He felt that he controlled his body directly, bypassing the neurology. Implying but not saying; "why work on the brain injury ?"
I think at that time the congresses or something was coming out and there were stories of the blind seeing and the crippled walking from the '50s being told at flag graduations by the Captain Debbie Cook, along with other miracles. These stories were about all I could take, it just did not wash with us. How come then, after 50 years of tech development in scientology we could not find a solution in the tech for our kid if the results were so great back then ?
The expectation from some began to be, "well if you can't fix her get on with the game of clearing the planet", (the true crusade, compared to which the needs of a child don't compare). Another person on solo nots said to me,"what about your dynamics?". I even received a KR that I was using her as an excuse to not go into the local org.
I had in the past been an active Field Staff Member, or FSM for scientology, and had helped many people get onto OTVII, but I would have been a hopeless reg. I could only get people onto the bridge if I was convinced they would win, that was based on whether I felt I had been winning, a very subjective test, and terribly flawed reasoning. See; if I was struggling and unhappy, losing too many of the battles of life I blamed myself; my ethics, technical competence, wisdom, intelligence, etc. But if I was winning and feeling good, well that was the marvelous tech that Ron had given us, so in that circumstance I would promote OTVII, and other scientology services. Scientologists call it being "revitalised".
Over the years we got many friends and family members on to the bridge, as well as helping scientologists to take their next step. So, right at this point we were not winning, oddly enough we got many clues that flag did not want to pay FSMs, ...that's right it was a paying gig, 10% of the publics donation was given as commission. But now flag had cut the payment of commission on six month C/Sing, next they took some wacky interpretation of Hubbards forbodance of married couples "cross selecting" each other. It was interpreted as no commissions paid on spouses. Then they stopped paying commissions on the sec checks, which were the majority of the service, so a person on OT VII could not fund their own solo nots working full time as an FSM. I worked out roughly that the amount of "selections" of people onto solo nots to fund ones own solo nots went from 25 to 100. I had helped several people on the level that were still on it.... from before when I was able to rationalise that it was a worthwhile thing to do. Now my income dried up from it, seemingly on someones whim. But the demands from flag to put people on the level did not, I could not understand, if flag wanted people to go onto OT VII, as they said they did, why kick their FSMs livelihood out from under them? About every month the public on solo nots would be ordered to get a new person onto the level after that. Why pay commissions when you can just order someone to do it...and imply it was a point of vital participation to ensure that you yourself could continue on your route to total freedom?. You know..."do it or else your eternity may be in question".
Several times during my scientology career I was introduced to the hard sell data. Hard selling, according to Hubbard, is caring enough about the person in front of you that you insist that they buy. It is also applied to the IAS, super power and other "money for nothing" regging that is done, although it might take a bit of a stretch of the imagination. Now the doctrine of hard selling brings out an intensity and fervent dedication in staff members that borders on the manic at times. It engages the best and most earnest efforts of the staff.....to make money for the church. So the staffs most sincere intentions to see that a person is salvaged are profitably engaged by Hubbard to add to the coffers of scientology. It also permeates the culture, to the exclusion of all other activities. It is backed by KSW no. 1, though in an indirect way. When one is meant to be hammering out of existence incorrect technology and the future of every man woman and child depends on what we do, it goes without saying that you should not be at the football, or building a new house.
By this stage we were not participating in the expansion of scientology, as was expected of us. We were helping the parents of brain injured kids find non mainstream solutions, things that they could do to help their kids. Some families took it in their stride when they had a kid that was hurt, I admired that greatly, but could not emulate it. Some were wrecks, and often on psych medication. I found a lot of these guys tough to help as they had been overwhelmed by the problem. So they took the drugs which numbed them to the situation, they just sort of accepted it, in a "oh well" kind of way. On one occasion when we got a family going on a therapy the mum stopped taking the drugs on her own. But many families broke up over the trauma. One or the other parent could not go the distance. For me it was often too close to home, helping them with their kids, but it needed to be done, I could not endure seeing families go through what we did, without doing anything. At that stage, I felt it was far more helpful than working in the field for the church, even if it never paid a cent, which is exactly what it paid.
No wonder you turned feral. I'm feeling a bit snarly myself. Please continue...........
people had to step around us but I was practically oblivious and almost totally indifferent to any ones opinion 
LOL
