Hello,
My name is Carolyn Schofield and I am no longer a Scientologist.
Thankyou to Kevin Mackey (aka Feral) who spoke with my husband some 5 or so weeks ago. I was admittedly speechless when I first heard from my husband that Kevin was out of the church. My husband had spoken already about leaving the church and I had told him he had better sort it out otherwise he wouldn't be able to see his children. But then I intercepted a phone call from Kev to my husband...
Kevin was factual and knowledgable. I had a few doubts, asked some
questions and he answered with more succint facts that left me in no doubt that I was no longer a Scientologist.
I spent days freer than I have ever felt before.
Free of the guilt that has surrounded me regarding the deaths of my two beautiful girls, Lauren Elizabeth Schofield, who died while in the care of staff members during Church Service in 2000, and Kirsty Ann Schofield, who died from eating Potassium Chloride (a salt supplement - or so we believed - used during the purification rundown) like they were smarties, in 2004.
Leaving the church has made me forget the possible reasons for their deaths that were imposed upon us by OSA and the technology of L. Ron Hubbard. I am now able to grieve these losses without those burdens.
I do not hold the church accountable for the deaths of my children. I do however disagree with the lack of any responsibility being taken.
To not act in a normal manner and apologise at the very, very least is tantamount to the condition that the church is in today. There is nothong more human than saying I was wrong. Instead, upon my husband's request for a Board of Investigation into Lauren's death, we met with Michael Gordon, OSA, who told us that, "In the Phoenix Lectures, L. Ron Hubbard says that whatever happens to you happens because you decided it to." What an absolute idiot.
When my husband finally pushed the B of I to a done it was found that my husband was a Potential Trouble Source because accidents occur around one who is a Potential Trouble Source. Guess who was on the Board, yep, Michael Gordon. I repeat, what an idiot. However this here is where it lays: Michael Gordon was fed these lines. Of that I have no doubts. I remember when he was only new...
After nicely introverting my husband, I then took over. I questioned it. I wrote to a few terminals and was then told to speak with the L.R.H. Comm as he was ultimately pointed out to be my terminal. What a fabulous solution, the guy got scared seeing his own reflection. How was he going to get anywhere? I wrote to ED International, Guillame Leserve (sp). He told me to read Responsibility. What a fuckwit!!!!!!!! If I wanted to be an emotionless dead robot there's some technology that would do it.
Nonetheless I went into apathy. Surprised? I'm sure you're not. Remember there is always overt/motivator tech to throw you off as well as the PTS tech and so much more. How can you, without undying conviction, follow this route of justice when it was taught to you that it was probably your own fault.
An aside: The church is a great source of introverting tech. In this, they are no better than the industries they attack. Tone scale, KSW 1, Dianetics, the list goes on. It's just labelling and boxing. Any "technology" that does this is destructive.
Not accepting liability for their own mistakes is where the church will come undone. Hiding criminal activities, as has been shown to be the case on Mate's thread, from the police is not only harboring a criminal, but doesn't make the church a safe place to be and it will come to it's own demise. Silly, silly people.
Please do not hold OSA accountable for the deaths of my children they are not. Posters at protests that say this make the protesters look like idiots as it is not the truth. By all means attack the lack of compassion, attack the lack of justice, attack the lies but don't make up lies for sensational reasons. It hurts me and incites unnecessary emotions that do not create causative action.
I worry for the staff that were looking after Lauren that day. The church never told me what "ethics" they applied to themselves. I hope for their own sakes that they are able to find truth as well.
Life is not a joy at the moment. I am confronting emotions that I have not experienced before in regards to Lauren's death, I have yet to confront Kirsty's. These are tragic, tragic losses - unfathomable. I have a hole in my heart that nothing fills. How can that be explained with the tech? It can't. It is painfully normal.
And painfully normal, although hard, is so much better than what I have experienced - I can feel again.
Love to you all,
Carolyn Schofield
